All Roads Lead to You
by GoingVintage
Summary: Puck and Rachel re-establish a friendship on the first day of college that will grow strong over the years until love and loss tears them apart. Will their roads cross again or is what they had too far gone? Puckleberry future fic. NOW COMPLETE.
1. Hello Again

**A/N: This story is going to take a lot of twists and turns and spans five years. Be prepared because those big flashy orange lights you see up ahead? That's angst! I'm so excited about the plot of this story that I'm practically stupid over it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. I DO own lots and lots of pictures of Mark Salling, which only help to fuel my counseling-worthy obsession with Puckleberry.**

* * *

If someone had told Rachel Berry that her first day as a college freshman would begin a chain of events that would alter the course of her life forever, she would have smiled primly before laughing in that person's face. The first day on the University of Cincinnati campus had been, in Rachel's estimation, completely exhausting. After insisting to her fathers that she was supremely capable of driving herself to school without their assistance, she had kissed them both and had pulled away from the curb in front of her childhood home in Lima, heading off to start her new life. The drive to Cincinnati had been long and uneventful with only her vast collection of CDs to keep her company. Thanks to her trusty GPS system, Rachel was anything but worried on how to ensure she made it to campus soundly. What she hadn't anticipated was the massive traffic jam just north of downtown Cincinnati that resulted in her sitting in her car, engine off, for three hours. By the time she made it to campus, it was already dusk. Thankfully, she knew her dorm assignment and even had the room key.

Driving toward her dorm, Rachel became first frustrated and then horrified to discover that there was no parking lot anywhere even close to her building. She drove in wide circles, hoping to locate a spot that wouldn't require her to drag her belongings for blocks. After a fifteen-minute search, she cursed the gods of parking and took the next parking space she could find, which was a full seven blocks from the building she would call home for the next year.

Once she was parked, she popped her trunk and stared woefully at the contents. There was no way she was going to be able to maneuver all these things to her room_._ She would have to make at least four trips and it was already getting dark. Running her hands through her shiny brown locks, she sighed and tried to decide what to take first. Her head was deep inside the trunk, small curses at her current predicament leaving her glossy lips, when she heard _the_ voice.

"No way...no _fucking_ way..."

_The_ voice, deep, throaty, and obviously male, startled Rachel out of her trance. Swiveling her head first to the left and then to her right, her eyes settled on a tall, devilishly handsome, muscular young man with dark hair and _very_ familiar hazel eyes. Rachel's jaw went slack, her mouth gaping. _This cannot be happening._

"Noah?" Her voice was pure disbelief. Noah "Puck" Puckerman, former adversary turned very brief boyfriend turned ex-boyfriend turned high school acquaintance and former Glee club co-member, stared at her like he was seeing a ghost.

His shocked expression transformed slowly into a grin, his body relaxed from his spot on the sidewalk before he stepped forward gingerly. "Rachel Berry. What the _hell_ are you doing here? I thought you were going to college in New York City!"

Rachel sputtered. "Me? Last anyone of us heard, you were going to the college in Lima." She met his eyes, noticing that he looked slightly older since she had seen him last, which was over a year ago. "Not that I would know first-hand since you cut all of us out of your life once you graduated and left us at McKinley." She hadn't meant to sound bitter, really. But the original remaining Glee club members, the ones that had yet to graduate, had spent a lot of time senior year discussing how Puck had practically fallen off the face of the earth once he'd graduated. No one _ever_ saw him and he didn't return any phone calls even though everyone knew he was still in town.

Puck shrugged. "I was in a bad place after graduation. I needed...to breathe." He looked at her, still shocked that she was standing in front of him. "I did my freshman year at OSU-Lima but decided to transfer here because of their Exercise Science program." He crossed his arms, his muscular biceps bulging against the sleeves of his grey t-shirt, and leaned against Rachel's car. "So why are you here and not in New York?"

Rachel's eyes fell to the cracked pavement and settled on a small pile of cigarette butts that had been carelessly discarded. "Daddy was diagnosed with cancer last year," she began, sadness filling her throat and weighing down her tongue, "and he's still in treatment. I didn't want to be...that far away in case he...took a bad turn." Rachel pushed her approaching tears away, sucking in a breath and plastering on a smile. "Plus, U of C has a well-respected music program so it was the most appropriate choice, given the situation I was faced with."

Puck stared at her. He wasn't expecting that response. "Uh...I'm..uh sorry about your dad. And sorry about New York."

"It's okay. The Berry family is very resilient."

"I know that, for sure," Puck smiled. Looking into her trunk, he said, "Do you need help getting to your dorm? You _do_ have a lot of shit."

Grimacing at his words, Rachel nodded. "It would be wonderful if you could assist me, Noah." Rachel watched at he reached into the trunk and began yanking her belongings out. When he had three suitcases out, he grabbed a rather ugly pink lamp and shoved it in Rachel's hands.

"Grab that small suitcase and we'll get moving. Which dorm is yours?"

Rachel looked down at the small paper in her hand and rattled off the name. Puck smiled. "That's the dorm across the street from mine. _Sweet._"

Hitting the lock on her key fob, Rachel shoved her keys in her purse and reached for the smaller suitcase. She and Puck began walking toward the dorms in silence, both still slightly stunned at running into the other one on campus. Rachel smiled her first real smile of the day as she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. It really _was_ nice to see him.

After they had made it about a block and a half, Puck looked at her and said, "So how's Chang?"

Without looking at him, she said, "We broke up."

"Oh...whoops. I didn't know that."

Rachel's voice was sure with no hint of remorse. "Oh, it's quite okay. Mike's going to college in California and we are both pragmatic enough to realize that long distance romance wasn't feasible...So we parted amicably but we're still friends."

"That's good to hear," Puck offered. "Mike always was a good dude."

"Yes, he is. He was a wonderful boyfriend..." Rachel's thoughts traveled to Mike, who was probably sunning himself on a sandy beach in San Diego by now. They had begun dating her junior year after her brief relationship with Finn Hudson had ended in a flaming pile of hurt and disappointment. Mike, a fellow Glee clubber and friend to Puck, was surprisingly good for Rachel because his laid-back ways helped balance out her high-strung personality. They had dated for nearly a year and a half before they split up during the middle of the summer. Still, Rachel wasn't going to be full of heartbreak over it. She had shared a lot of firsts with Mike Chang and she wasn't going to _ever_ regret the time they spent together.

"How…how is Quinn doing?" Puck asked as they stepped into a crosswalk. His voice was soft as he was obviously uncomfortable about the topic that he had chosen.

"Quinn is doing well. She's heading to college in New Hampshire, actually. There is a photography school out there…." Rachel's voice trailed off, her hesitancy to discuss _her_ rather obvious.

Puck thought about beautiful Quinn Fabray, the history between them, and the very tangible link they shared that was eating and breathing somewhere in the world; a link that had his eyes and cheekbones and her nose and mouth.

"I wonder about her a lot…Not like I love her or miss her or anything, of course," he added quickly for clarification. "Just because…well, you know."

Rachel looked at the ground, formulating her words. "Of course I know, Noah. You and Quinn will share a bond for the rest of your lives thanks to that little girl."

Puck rarely talked about his daughter because it was still painful, even two years later, to think about the fact that his junior year of high school, he had slept with his best friend's girlfriend and had gotten her pregnant. His relationship with Finn was damaged, due to his betrayal, in a way that would never be healed. Quinn and he muddled through until the baby was born but when the baby finally made her entrance into the world, she was put up for adoption. Still, Puck sometimes felt haunted when he thought about that little girl, who was now walking, talking, and getting into trouble. He hoped that she was well taken care of and deeply loved, wherever she was. And although he would never admit it out loud, he hoped that somehow, that little girl could feel his love for her, too.

As they finally approached the dorm, Rachel sighed with relief. The suitcase was getting annoyingly heavy. She didn't know how Puck was managing so effortlessly.

"When did you get on campus?" she asked, trying to lighten the mood after the very serious subjects of Quinn and the adoption.

"I came down about four days ago. I wanted to get situated, figure out where the hell everything was, and start getting familiar with Cincinnati before classes started."

Rachel sighed loudly. "I wish I could have done that. I just…couldn't seem to get packed. Do you know how hard it is to decide which of your belongings are worthy of moving with you and which should stay back at home?"

Puck laughed. "I'm a dude. I don't care about all that shit. I got my guitar, my clothes, my laptop, and a few other things and I was ready to go. It took me, like, twenty minutes to pack – and that included loading up my truck!"

Puck and Rachel turned to walk up the steps to her dorm. "My dorm is the one right behind you."

Rachel turned and looked at the building Puck called home, which was nearly identical in size and shape to hers. The roads and sidewalks were congested with students. Apparently, more new arrivals chose Rachel's approach to getting there at the last minute rather than Puck's "get there early" approach.

As they walked inside her building, Puck asked, "What's your room number?"

Glancing at the paper, Rachel read, "118."

"Cool, you're on the ground floor. Good, because I'm about to fucking die. I don't know what you have in this suitcase but I'm beginning to think it involves a body."

Rachel laughed. His personality was still a bit on the brash side but the good person she always knew he could be, once he stopped throwing Slushies in her face and tossing Kurt Hummel in the Dumpster, was still very much intact, despite the fact that they had been out of touch for an extended period of time.

The dorm halls were crowded with students lugging similar suitcases (minus the sparkles and rhinestones that graced the front of Rachel's). Puck and Rachel wedged their way in between a girl who was wrapped in the arms of a sobbing woman and a boy being told by his father to "bang a lot of chicks, man. Make me proud."

They stopped in front of her door and Rachel tried the knob. Surprisingly, it was unlocked. She pushed it opened and the two of them stepped inside. A young woman, obviously her roommate, turned from where she was loading clothes into a small dresser and met Rachel's eyes.

"Rachel!" she yelled excitedly as she ran towards Rachel. "It's _so so so so so _nice to finally meet you!" The girl, who was a few inches taller than Rachel and who had sandy blond hair and green eyes, and to Rachel's horror (because she knew who was standing behind her), was very large-breasted, bounced excitedly.

"Hello, Abby. Nice to finally meet you," Rachel said as Abby dragged her into a hug. Rachel and Abby had spoken on the phone after they had received their room assignments. They knew very little about one another, other than the few pleasantries that had been exchanged during that single conversation.

From behind them, Puck cleared his throat. Rachel disengaged from Abby's very happy arms and turned toward Puck. "Abby, this is Noah Puckerman."

He stepped forward, smirking appreciatively, and shot his hand out. "You can call me Puck."

"Rachel!" Abby screeched. "You didn't tell me that you had a boyfriend!"

Rachel's smile was one of extremely discomfort. "Noah...err…Puck is from my hometown. We just happened to run into each other on campus. We're _not_ dating," Rachel clarified.

Puck's gaze met Abby's and he winked, making her blush. "_Hell no_, we're not dating. I'm a free man."

Abby shot him a seductive smile and Rachel nearly gagged. Batting her lashes, Abby's voice became like liquid silk. "Well maybe we can hang out sometime, _Puck_." She rolled the "p" sound in her mouth before spitting it, making it sound exceptionally more sexual than it was. Rachel was waiting for her huge breasts to spring free like in some bad porno before Abby dragged Puck over to her bed and christened their new room right in front of her.

"Sure thing, babe," he responded, his eyes skimming her vast expanse of breasts. Rachel looked around the room for a trash can in case she needed to wretch.

Tearing his eyes away from the wonderful sight of huge jugs, Puck walked over to the empty bed and loaded Rachel's suitcases on it. Turning to Rachel, he said, "I guess I'll get going now so you two can get acquainted. But we gotta keep in touch, Berry. Here…gimme your phone."

Rachel rooted through her purse and pulled it out. Handing it to her, he added himself into her contacts and then handed her his phone so that she could the same.

Puck walked over to the door and said, "Great to see you, Berry. And _very_ nice to meet you, Abby."

Winking at the two girls, he let himself out.

As soon as the door closed, Abby grabbed Rachel's arm. "Holy hell, Rachel. They _absolutely do not_ make boys like that in my town. Good grief. I think I may die." Abby fanned herself for added effect.

"He is handsome, isn't he?" Rachel admitted. "But Abby, in high school, he had a Mohawk."

Abby sputtered and then cocked her head to think. Smiling, she said, "I bet that was hot, too."

Sighing, Rachel said, "It actually was. Albeit, it was a slightly insane haircut to have in this day and age but he somehow made it work."

Abby sank to the bed and said dreamily, "He could wear a lampshade on his head and it would look amazing."

Unable to help it, Rachel laughed. She supposed she was just _used_ to the alarmingly handsome example of sheer maleness that was Noah Puckerman. But, she conceded, not everyone had known him since they were 12-years-old like she had. Since she had known him for that long, she was proud to say that she was immune to his strong jaw, sculptured muscles, intense gaze. _Almost._

Rachel spent the remaining evening unpacking her suitcases and listening to Abby prattle on about six thousand different topics. Rachel just wished she would shut up for a few minutes. And her reaction to Abby's rambling was surprising to even _her, _considering she'd been accused of talking a lot in the past.

Around 11pm, Abby _blessedly_ decided it was time to go to bed and finally took a breath. She slid into her bed and told Rachel goodnight. Rachel got into her own small bed, flipped off the lights, and stared into the darkness. She _could not_ believe that Noah was here on campus. But surprisingly, it was such a comfort to realize that a piece of home was here with her in Cincinnati. She was sure that his close proximity would make adjusting to college life easier. And maybe they could finally have a real friendship.

Across the street, Puck reclined in his bed. His fucking annoying roommate was sitting at the desk, earbuds in his ears, playing a stupid computer name. Puck flopped over on his stomach. _Just my fucking luck to room with a big damn computer nerd. _Jeff, his roomie, was nice enough but they had nothing in common. He was bummed when he met the guy but now, knowing that Rachel was nearby, made the sad, virginal roommate of his easier to deal with. He never imagined he'd actually be _happy_ about running into Rachel Berry. But for some inexplicable reason, seeing her made him feel better. She seemed less keyed-up than she always had been in high school. He could tell she had matured a lot since he had last spoken to her. Maybe college would be more fun this year with Rachel around. He was finally away from Lima and didn't have a "rep" to protect. Here, he was unknown and could be anyone he wanted to be. And frankly, he liked to think that he was going to be less of a douchebag now.

No, as Rachel and Puck both drifted off to sleep that first night in their dorms on the University of Cincinnati campus, neither one of them would have ever believed that this one small, inconsequential day would eventually alter the trajectory of both of their carefully planned lives_._

**

* * *

A/N: The title "All Roads Lead to You" is actually a song by Chicago. Look up the lyrics because they mean something!**


	2. You've Got a Friend

_**RACHEL'S FRESHMAN YEAR**_

* * *

After two weeks of school, one thing was very clear to Rachel: college was _very_ different from high school. Not only were the classes more intense and the study much more self-directed but the fact that Rachel was getting _so much _attention from the male population was mind-boggling. In high school, she had been labeled "bitch" or "freak" or "loser." At the University of Cincinnati, her small, tight, dancer's body, beautiful eyes, and amazing smiles turned heads everywhere she went. And she liked it. _A lot!_ Even though she left a lot of her super-short skirts at home in Lima, she occasionally would pull one out and wear it on campus just to elicit a few whistles. Yes, that was contrary to her entire argument that women were more than just sexual objects but the secret, very girly side of Rachel Berry _loved_ finally getting attention. But even so, she turned down nearly every date request she received. She knew that right now, she needed to focus on her studies. So instead she flirted a lot but would commit to nothing because Rachel prided herself on her ability to have self-control.

Puck was enjoying much of the same amount of attention. He'd never been slipped so many phone numbers and email addresses in all of his 19 years, and that included when he was running his pool-cleaning business back in Lima. Chicks _wanted _him here and they were anything but shy about it. As much as Puck wanted to spend nearly every waking moment chasing tail, he made himself buckle down and study. He was here, at _this_ school, because he wanted to be a physical therapist. And he wouldn't get the grades and grasp the concepts if he was busy bangin' every girl who batted her eyes his way. So he focused on his studies, took as many cold showers as he could stand, and got healthily reacquainted with "self love." Gradually, he began spending more and more time with Rachel until they were together often.

Surprisingly, Rachel and Puck enjoyed hanging out together. Rachel still used so many big words that it made his head hurt and rambled for hours about shit that bored him to tears but she'd also relaxed considerably. No, she was still tightly wound and incessantly anal but for _Rachel_, he had noticed that she was more relaxed than she had been back in Lima. He liked going to her room to hang because his roommate was a fucking annoying idiot. _And_ Rachel's room had Abby, who flirted with him mercilessly and seemed to wear les and less clothing every time he came over. Rachel pretended to ignore the heated glances between the two of them but they were undeniable. Abby would prance around in tiny shorts and skin-hugging shirts and bend down a lot so Puck could stare at her ass or see down her shirt. Rachel would snap her fingers in front of his face to get his attention back on her. His attention span about as long as a shotgun wedding ceremony, his eyes would roam back towards Abby and settle on her nipples or her pouty mouth in no time. Rachel would finally sigh and make him leave, lecturing him that if his studies weren't important, why did he even bother to come to college.

Rachel knew that Puck's restraint from having sex with every girl who smiled at him would only last so long. He was basically a 5'11" walking penis, anyway. He _oozed_ sexuality. So it was really no surprise to her, nearly five weeks after the start of classes, that Abby didn't come home one night after her 6pm class and Puck never showed up to hang out. Without having to ask, she knew they were together.

Rachel sat in her room, staring out the window, actually enjoying the quiet. Since she had been at school, she was constantly listening to professors lecture or Puck complain about how skipping math classes all those years at McKinley had really fucked him or about Abby's blathering on about her obsession with auditioning to be a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader someday. And when she wasn't listening to people talk, she was hearing them sing since she was a music major. In short, her life was severely lacking some much-needed silence.

After doing absolutely nothing for a very long time, she powered up her Mac and typed out an email to her good friend from high school, Tina Cohen-Chang. Then she fired off an email to Mike to see how he was doing in San Diego. Finally, she decided to drop Artie Abrams and Kurt Hummel emails as well. All former Glee club members, they would be shocked to hear that Rachel was not only going to college with Puck but was hanging out with him as well. She could practically hear Kurt squeal before he wrote a message back quickly, asking if Puck was still "brutishly delicious."

Rachel soon realized that quiet actually equaled boredom. She was used to having Puck around already. They normally went to the student center and ate dinner every night. She never finished her food so he'd eat what she hadn't, claiming he "burned a lot of calories keeping the guns looking studly." Rachel would roll her eyes but laugh because he was still very much in love with himself.

At 10pm, Rachel decided to turn in. For once, Abby's yapping wouldn't keep her awake. She slipped into her nightgown and settled down into the darkness. It was fleeting, of course. Twenty minutes after she went to bed, when she was finally _almost_ slipping into dreamland, the door opened and Abby breezed in. Flipping the light on, she said, "I know you're in bed but we need to talk."

Rachel sat up, her eyes hurting from the bright lights, and glared at Abby.

"What?" she snapped, more perturbed than she probably should have been. "I was trying to sleep."

Abby sat down on the edge of Rachel's bed and grabbed her hand. Looking into her eyes, she said, "But Rachel, this is positively _epic. _This can't wait."

Acquiescing because she knew she wasn't going to win anyway, she finally relented and said, "What? What is so important?"

Abby climbed up into Rachel's bed and leaned her head against the wall. Closing her eyes, she breathed wispily, "I had sex with Puck tonight."

Rachel was anything but shocked. "I assumed as much when neither one of you showed up this evening. You've been dancing around one another for weeks."

"Oh Rachel," she gushed. "He is am_aaaa_zing. I mean…I just…_God._" Her body trembled as she shivered. "Did he take classes back on Lima because he does shit with his body that _no other _boy I have ever had sex with can do?" Abby closed her eyes as she thought about her evening in the very muscular arms of Noah Puckerman.

Rachel wanted to puke. She didn't need these details about Puck because then her head would be filled with mental images and she might have to kill herself just to get them out. "He used to have sex with a lot of cougars. I guess they taught him a few things," Rachel offered, eyeing the pillow like she wanted to hold it over Abby's face until those big breasts ceased their heaving.

"Oh Rachel, thank you for introducing me to him. I am just… _God._ I'm going to go take a shower." She climbed off the bed and then stopped short. "Wait, _no_! If I shower now, I'll wash his smell off my skin. Ohhh, I don't want to do that yet. I want to fall asleep with the smell of him on my skin." Her voice was breathy. "I'll shower in the morning."

She flitted over to her bed and threw her hair into a ponytail. "G'night, Rach!" She hummed softly to herself before she climbed into her own bed. Rachel flipped the lights off and stared up at the ceiling. She knew Puck would end up sleeping with Abby but _geesh,_ that was even much more uncomfortable than she had imagined it to be.

* * *

The next morning, Puck was waiting for Rachel when she stepped outside her building to head to class.

"I hate you," she said as she approached.

Puck looked wounded. "What'd I do?"

"My roommate. And now she won't shut up about how amazing you are and how you…" Rachel stopped, glaring up at him. "Wait…I'm not going to go into the details because I can barely stand to look you in the eye now. But just so you know, we're hanging out in _your_ room tonight, unless you plan on banging my skeevy roommate again, because I will not sit there and watch the two of you have eyesex while I'm trying to study."

Puck sputtered with laughter. "Is your monologue done?"

Rachel nodded.

"Good, because I have a test tomorrow that I have to study for. I don't want to fucking fail so there will be no "trip down Abby Road" tonight."

Rachel rolled her eyes so big that she was sure she felt a vein pop. "I hate you," she said again. Puck just chuckled in response before bidding her goodbye and heading off towards his class.

That evening, Rachel rushed around the room, trying to gather her things before Abby got home and started bugging her about Puck. Successfully slipping out, she bolted across the street and knocked on Puck's third-floor room door.

The door opened and she was staring eye-to-eye with a short, fat guy with red hair and big glasses. "Um…is Noah…Puck here?"

The boy's smile brightened. "You must be Rachel. Puck said you were coming. He ran down to the vending machine to get some junk food. Please come in, _gorgeous._"

Rachel felt a shiver down her spine. This guy was too much like Jacob Ben-Israel back in Lima, who spent his high school years lustily gazing at and sexually harassing Rachel.

Rachel sat down on Puck's bed and situated her books. Jeff lounged in his computer chair, staring at Rachel but not saying anything. The awkwardness was horrible and Rachel was just about to start wishing she had brought her can of Mace with her when luckily, Puck was soon pushing open the door, his arms laden with Suzy Q's and other snacks.

Seeing Rachel, he grinned. "Oh good, you're here." He dropped the stuff on his desk and grinned at Rachel. "I needed brain food." Looking for his books, he said, "Let's get started. I need to fucking _ace_ this test!"

Rachel and Puck sat at his desk, working on their homework quietly, until Rachel felt eyes on her. She looked up at Puck but he was studiously looking down at his book, his lips moving silently as he read and reread a rather perplexing concept. Her eyes shifted and landed on Jeff, who was gazing at her like she was naked and coated in pancake syrup. Rachel fought back a gag, scooted closer to Puck, and focused on her book again.

Just then, Puck's phone vibrated in his pocket. He read the message, snickered, and then typed something in response.

"Who was that?" Rachel murmured, not looking up from her book.

"Abby. Wanting to know if I'm free later."

Rachel glanced at him. "Are you?"

Smirking, he said, "Probably. Her tits are amazing."

Rachel's face twisted in disgust. "Noah, just because we are friends does not mean you need to share _everything _with me. Seriously. When it comes to your sex life, I don't need to hear it."

"Fine, fine…I'll keep it on the DL…"

"That's all I ask. Thank you," she said.

At 10pm, Rachel stood up and started gathering her books. She was well prepared for tomorrow and Puck had assured her that he was "fucking ready" for his test. Just as she was excusing herself, Abby arrived.

"Hey, Rach. I'll probably be in late," she said happily, before launching herself on Puck and locking his lips to hers. Jeff sat in his chair, a leering smile on his face. Without a word, Rachel left and closed the door behind her.

"Horny miscreant," she muttered as she crossed the street.

"Oversexed pig," she said as she let herself into her darkened room.

As Rachel went to bed that night, she had finally decided: this Puck and Abby thing was _not _working out.

* * *

Lucky for Rachel, she didn't have to worry too much longer. Three days after their second hook-up, Rachel arrived home to discover Abby in tears on her bed.

"What's wrong, Abby?" Rachel asked, only mildly concerned.

"Your stupid friend, Puck. I saw him kissing some skanky_ bitch_ out on the quad today. And he's ignoring my text messages."

Rachel shrugged her shoulders. "When you mess with Noah Puckerman, you have to expect it. He is a player of the highest order. He has been since he was about 14. He probably still will be when he's in a nursing home on an oxygen tank."

Abby cried out with fresh tears. "But I…I think I love him!"

Rachel balked and then sat down by Abby. Taking her hand, she said, "Abs…listen to me. Do not waste tears on Noah Puckerman. He is not a commitment-type of guy. You got from him as much as you're going to get. Falling in love with him will only lead to disaster. Trust me…I know him."

Abby nodded sadly, her eyes in full-on puppy-dog mode. "Thanks, Rachel. I just…" She started crying again and fell, face-first, into a pillow.

Furious to have to deal with this idiocy, Rachel grabbed her phone and sent Puck a text.

_Thx for letting me clean up your mess._

A few seconds later, her phone buzzed.

_Sorry. Will make it up 2 u._

Sighing, Rachel sat on her own bed. She knew being _real_ friends with Puck could prove to be difficult and it looked like this was one of those times.

The next morning, Puck sidled up to Rachel and said, "I'm heading home to Lima this weekend. Do you want to go? You can ride with me and I'll just pick you up on Sunday so we can head back together."

Rachel looked shocked at his offer but smiled warmly. "Is this to make up for the fact that you screwed my roommate and then tossed her aside and made me deal with her crying, sniffling, annoying, pathetic behind for an entire night?"

Puck didn't want to lie. "Kinda," he said.

"Fine, then. Riding home with you would be lovely, Noah. I've been meaning to get home and this is a perfect arrangement. Dad and Daddy have been very nervous about the prospect of my driving back and forth alone. This will put them at ease."

"Cool…Gotta go, babe. See ya later!" She watched him walk away, heading for his next class. Shaking her head after him, she headed off on her own.

* * *

The first trip home together to Lima started a tradition that carried on through their entire school year. Every six weeks, they would load into one vehicle or the other on Friday after their last class and head off to Lima. After spending the weekend with their respective families, they met up again on Sunday afternoons for the 2.5 hour drive back to Cincinnati. It was during those trips that Rachel and Puck's friendship really started to blossom because they both discovered that it was quite easy to bond over the long road between Lima and Cincinnati.

On one such drive in late October, Rachel was tearing into Puck. "When we started school, Noah, you told me that you were going to focus more on work and less on girls. And from what you're telling me now, you have gone through more Trojans than Planned Parenthood."

Puck snorted. "I tried, Rachel, I did! But dammit…there are _so _many fine ladies on campus. And I'm a damn good-looking guy. It's just _natural_ that I'd have to plunder a few here and there. I _do_ have needs, you know."

Rachel's eyes shot toward her head. _He needs neutering_.

"Well, what about you? Have you even had a date?" Puck turned the tables on her.

"I have been asked out a lot, yes. However, I need to focus on school so that I can graduate with honors. That leaves me very little time for men." She glanced over at him. "In fact, it leaves me with just enough time for _you_ to be the only man in my life…as sad as that is."

"Shit, Berry. That _is_ sad." Puck signaled to go around a slow-moving sedan. Once he had safely moved back into his original lane, he asked, "But…don't you have an itch that you need to…uh…scratch every once in a while?"

Color rushed into Rachel's cheeks. "Um…"

"I mean, you're not a virgin anymore, are you? You and Chang dated for, like, forever…"

Rachel stiffened her shoulders indignantly and shot Puck a withering glance. "_Not_ that it's any of your business, but yes, Mike and I did have a healthy sexual relationship."

"And since you two broke up?" Puck prodded.

Rachel looked out the window, embarrassed about having this conversation with _him_. "And since we broke up, I've simply gone without."

"Fuck, that sucks." Puck couldn't imagine that. Sex was like breathing. If he didn't do it, he _would die._

"You're always so eloquent, Noah," Rachel muttered dryly. "Anyway…" She said in a singsong voice, attempting to steer the subject away from her lack of a sex life.

Puck was not ready to let this particular topic go. "So you've gone _completely_ without? Like…_nothing_?"

Rachel's face was flaming red as she thought about her "coping mechanism", as she called it, that was securely hidden in the back of her sock drawer.

Puck quickly glanced away from the road and over at Rachel. Seeing her cheeks aflame, he smirked. "You're totally doin' yourself, aren't you?"

"Noah!" Rachel was horrified.

"Oh, God, Rachel…If you tell me you have a dildo, I'm going to fucking run this truck off the road from shock." Just the thought of Rachel owning her very own sex toy caused a full shudder to course through his body.

Rachel crossed her arms, an embarrassed smile playing across her lips.

"_Fuuuck me_," Puck muttered, his mind full of images that it _shouldn't_ be full of. "Shit, Rachel. I know we're just friends but you gotta know…_that_ is fucking _hot_, and even more so because it's _you_. Wow…Rachel Berry with a…" Puck shuddered again. "Okay, I need to get those thoughts out of my fucking head…"

"Would you kindly shut up, Noah Puckerman? And you are to _never_ mention this conversation ever again." Rachel was horrified that they had even gone there and now she desperately wanted to talk about something safe.

"Fine, fine." Puck was quiet for a moment, a smile still on his lips. "Can I ask just _one_ more question?"

Rachel huffed and turned to him, glaring. "What?"

"What color is it?"

Fine. If he wanted the details, she was going to provide them. "It's flesh-colored…and before you can ask, it's 8 inches long."

Puck shuddered for a third time._ Fuck…_

* * *

By January of Rachel's freshman year of college, she and Puck were in a very familiar, comfortable place. They were usually together when free time allowed (and when Puck wasn't getting laid.) They made their trips to Lima every six weeks and spent their weekends hanging out on campus or going to museums and concerts in and around Cincinnati. In the quiet of the night, Rachel would think about how Puck, shockingly, was the closest friend she had these days. She and Tina still emailed but it was hard to keep up a friendship that way. And honestly, she _loved_ spending time with Puck. He was funny, charming, and most importantly, he made Rachel loosen up and try to have a little fun. _You are away at college, Berry. You need to live a little,_ he would remind her nearly _all_ the time. She couldn't help but think, though, that everyone from McKinley would die if they could see the two of them now.

* * *

On a Thursday night in early March, Rachel got the phone call she had been dreading. Daddy's cancer treatment wasn't working and they were going to have to try something more aggressive if they wanted to win. The cancer hadn't spread from his lungs, _yet_, but the doctors were beginning to sound less and less optimistic all the time. When Rachel disconnected the phone call, she was nearly in a panic. At 9:30 that night, she found herself standing in front of Puck's dorm room, tears on her cheeks.

She knocked softly and he jerked the door open, shirtless and startled. His face showed concern as he looked at Rachel and ushered her inside. Thankfully, Jeff was not there.

"Rach, what's wrong?" he asked, putting an arm around her shoulders and guiding her to sit on his bed.

She sniffled and then fresh tears began to appear on her cheeks. "It's…Daddy. They…" she sucked in a breath. "They…have to try a more aggressive treatment because….what they're doing isn't working." She sobbed quietly, sitting next to him. He wasn't quite sure sure what to do because knowing how to handle a crying girl didn't come in high on his list of skill sets. So he put an arm around her, pulled her against his bare chest, and reclined in the bed with her. Instead of protesting, like he assumed she would, she settled in and laid her head on his chest above his heart. They stayed like that for a very long time before she finally spoke.

"I…I don't want Daddy to die, Noah," she muttered, her voice barely above a whisper.

His hand moved to her head and began slowly stroking her hair, starting from the crown of her head, moving down to the ends, and back up again.

"I know, Rachel. You just have to believe that he's going to get better."

She nodded against her chest, relaxing into his embrace. They laid quietly for a few more minutes until Puck broke the silence. "I know it's not the weekend we normally go home but if you would like to go this weekend so you can be with your dads, I'll drive you."

Rachel lifted her head, brown eyes locking with hazel ones. "I would appreciate that, Noah. Thank you very much." She pushed herself up and kissed him on the cheek before settling against him again.

They didn't speak for a long time. Instead, Rachel just listened to the heartbeat thump in his chest as she tried to regulate her breathing and stop the silent tears that had continued to fall against his chest. Once she finally got control of herself, she felt herself starting to drift off and realized she needed to get back to her own room. She went to push herself up and Puck stopped her with a hand on her back.

"You can stay." His voice was soft, low, and full of concern for her.

He must have known she didn't really _want_ to leave because instead, he got up, helped her remove her shoes, and handed her a pair of his shorts and an old sleeveless "McKinley Football" t-shirt. Turning his back so that she could change clothes, he grabbed an extra blanket from under the bed.

"I'm changed," she said softly, watching his shoulder muscles tense and flex as he spread the blanket out on top the bed.

Puck turned back around, chuckling at how small she looked in his shorts and t-shirt. "You're a shrimp, Berry," he said gruffly. She just smiled.

Puck flipped off the light and climbed back into bed. Rachel crawled in with him and laid her head on his chest again. He resumed stroking her hair and continued to do so until he heard her breath coming even and deep, signaling that she was asleep. Only then did he let himself close his eyes.

When Rachel woke up the next morning, she looked at his sleeping face and realized that _everything_ had just changed between the two of them. Now, he wasn't just her study buddy and hang-out pal. They were true, _honest_ friends who could share the most vulnerable aspects of themselves with each other. That knowledge caused a warm burn in hear heart, which helped fuel her through the rest of the day. She never thought she would say it but it was true: she didn't know what she would do without Noah Puckerman.

* * *

By the time the end of May rolled around, Rachel was ready for summer break. She wanted to go home to Lima because her father wasn't getting any better. His treatments had continued but no real progress had been made. Even though she had a hard time admitting it to herself, she was sure her father's mortality clock was ticking.

"What do you mean you're staying here, Noah?" Rachel asked, her voice a little angry, on a Thursday afternoon just days before the end of the semester.

Puck shrugged. "I've got to get some of these classes caught up so I can graduate on time. I took shit classes at OSU-Lima and need to keep on track. If I take classes both summer sessions, I'll be nearly there."

Rachel sighed. "I..I understand. I guess it's hard for me to see you so academically inclined after…"

"After pissing my way through high school? Yeah, I get it, Berry. What's the big deal anyway?"

Shrugging her shoulders, she looked up at him. "Honestly, I'll miss you. I thought you'd be in Lima with me this summer."

His face transformed into a grin and he pulled her to him for a hug. "Awww…Berry's going to miss me!"

She smacked at his chest but then wrapped her arms around his neck. "Yes, I will."

Pulling back, he said, "Don't worry, babe. We got email. And I'll be home some this summer, just not all of it."

On the last day of classes, Rachel felt a bit sad. Her dorm room was packed up (she had secretly requested a private dorm room next year but didn't intend to tell Abby.) As she made sure all her belongings were packed, Puck met her at her room so he could help her get her copious amounts of junk to the car.

They made the trip in silence, both saddened that their nearly-perfect little year was coming to an end.

Puck loaded her bags into her trunk and turned to her. "Be safe going home, okay?"

She nodded and then stepped up to timidly hug him. "Don't do anything crazy, Noah. I won't be here to be your voice of reason."

He kissed the top of her head. "Don't worry babe. I'm _so_ going to do fine."

Rachel smiled sadly and then slid into her car. As she drove away, she watched him wave from the rear-view mirror. He felt a pang of sadness as she left but realized that staying this summer had been his choice so he needed to deal with it. Still, he was going to miss her, he had to admit. Rachel Berry was his _good_ friend.

* * *

Rachel was relieved to be home because her father didn't look well at all. His face was gaunt and virtually colorless. He didn't eat much and slept most of the time. The cancer was ravaging his body and Rachel could tell, from the moment she laid eyes on him, that he wasn't going to win his battle for survival. The thought tore through her gut and settled in her stomach, where it churned and ate away at her until she felt like her very own life was going to slip away in the process. Her summer was spent mainly taking care of him. She tried to feed him healthy food and keep him entertained but most of the time, she just sat by his bed and watched him sleep. Her dad kept the house running and was happy to have his little girl home to help with her other father.

Near the end of the summer, Puck came home for two weeks, basically just to unwind and re-pack for the start of his junior year of college. When he got home, he hurried to Rachel's house because, yes, he really did miss her. He was a bit taken aback, though, when she opened the door. Her eyes were tired, accentuated by heavy, dark circles under them. When she met his eyes, she breathed, "Noah," and went to wrap her arms around him.

He hugged her tight and told her to go change clothes because he was taking her out for pizza. Ready for a break, she did as she was told. He spent the next four hours telling her all about his summer session escapades (only slept with three girls) and about his schedule for junior year. She was happy to have the distraction. As usual, being around him relaxed her.

The night before she and Puck left to head back to school, Rachel's fathers called for her to join them in the bedroom. Sitting on the foot of the bed, they were brutally honest with her.

"Honey…I have decided to stop the treatments."

Rachel's eyes burned and stung as tears began to form quickly. She knew what that meant.

"But…Daddy…"

"I know, pumpkin, I know," he said, sadness in every word.

Rachel looked at her Daddy and then at her Dad. Speaking defiantly, she said, "Then I'm not going back to school."

Daddy reached and took her hand in his thin, pale one. "Baby, we want you to go back to school. You have to continue to live and make me proud." Tears were on his cheeks when he pulled his beautiful daughter, the very reason he had fought the cancer so hard in the first place, to him. The three Berrys cried together and then held each other for what felt like hours. She didn't want to leave and go back to college. But she knew she had to. And her only consolation was that at least Noah was going to be there to keep her company. Rachel knew that with what was ahead of her, she would need him around.

**

* * *

**

**Next up: Rachel's sophomore/Puck's junior year.**


	3. That's What Friends Are For

**A/N: Yup…totally addicted to writing this story….. Thanks for all the reviews! I have company coming and have a bunch of work-related work that I brought home so writing Chapter 4 will be **_**very**_** delayed. Urgh…I hate things that distract from writing!**

* * *

**_RACHEL'S SOPHOMORE YEAR_**

* * *

The drive back to the University of Cincinnati campus for the start of the new school was painful for Rachel. On several occasions, she nearly turned around and went back. _Daddy is dying._ Those three words kept repeating in her head like a flashing sign. She wished Noah had been able to ride with her because they could have talked about something, _anything_, to keep her mind off her heartbreak. But as it was, they had to drive separately because they would both need their vehicles on campus. The ride was long and miserable, to say the least. Every CD Rachel had seemed to be full of songs about love and loss, which only served to jab her in the heart like a dagger. Her body went lax with relief when she finally pulled onto campus and found a spot in the same lot as she had the previous year. Because Puck drove like a maniac and thought traffic laws were for suckers and old people, he had arrived at campus a full twenty minutes before her and was waiting, rather impatiently, for her to arrive. He only had a small duffel bag because his room assignment hadn't changed so he was able to leave everything on campus. In a repeat from the previous year, Puck helped Rachel drag her luggage (minus the ugly pink lamp) seven blocks to her dorm. Because she was in a single room this year, her dorm building was now next to Puck's instead of across the street.

"So, do you get to room with the incomparable Jeff this year?" Rachel asked as they walked.

Puck laughed. "Hell, no. Dude dropped out and went back to Bumfuck, Idaho, or wherever the hell he was from. I don't care as long as his dorky ass is gone. I actually don't know who my roommate is yet. They didn't bother to tell me this year. I really don't care as long as he stays out of my fucking way."

"I'm glad Jeff is gone. Jeff was really creepy, Noah. He…he always looked at me like I was covered in icing that he wanted to personally lick off."

Puck scowled at her. "You should have told me, Berry. I woulda thumped his ass for you."

"I know that, Noah." She smiled up at him. "That's _precisely_ why I didn't tell you. You know I abhor violence of any kind."

Puck just muttered "whatever" because he didn't want to get another Berry lecture on how words are more powerful than weapons (because he knew that shit wasn't true anyway and she was just being a chick.)

They walked into her new building and lugged her suitcases up to the second floor. She let herself into room 202, which was right by the stairs, and Puck dropped her suitcases. "Berry, next year, you're not moving rooms because I'm not carrying your stupid luggage for again."

"I know, Noah. Since I have no roommate for you to have sex with, I shouldn't _have_ to have a new roommate this year."

Puck's jaw dropped. "You're blaming me for Psycho Abby?"

"Partly, yes. After you slept with her and then dumped her like yesterday's garbage, she spent the entire rest of the year shooting me glares, like _I _caused you to be…_you_!_"_

Puck nodded his head. "Yeah, so I probably shouldn't have slept with her. I admit that wasn't cool. This year, any of your friends are off limits, I swear."

Rachel laughed. "Well considering my closest friend is, unfortunately, you, that means the rest of the UofC population is still fair game."

Puck cocked his finger and pointed it at her. "Fuck yeah they are!"

"Noah, you're a junior now. You've really got to focus this year so that you stay on track."

Puck shot her a glare. "Yeah, coming from the one who _didn't_ take summer classes. Don't lecture me, Berry. _I got this._"

"Fine, fine. I know you're much more studious than you used to be."

Looking around Rachel's room, Puck cleared his throat. "I guess I'm gonna go and see what freak show I'm rooming with this year…Student center at 6pm for dinner?"

Rachel nodded. "See you then!"

After Puck had let himself out, Rachel began the dreaded task of unpacking. Her new room was small but she had a large workspace and most importantly, it was roommate-free. Yes, her tuition went up but that was a small price to pay to be devoid of the drama she experienced the entire year with Abby. By 5:50, her room was nearly put-together. Stomach growling, she headed off to the Student Center for her first of many dinners that year with Puck.

* * *

"Oh my _god,_ Rachel. I thought Jeff was bad…." Puck growled as he ate dinner one evening a month after classes had resumed. "But this guy, Greg? Seriously…he's got to be a registered pedophile or some shit."

"What's wrong with him, Noah? I met him…he didn't seem too bad. He isn't nearly as creepy as Jeff was."

"He…he watches me a lot…Like, I'll wake up and he'll be staring at me. Like…well," Noah thought for a moment. "Like the way Kurt used to look at Finn…"

Rachel smiled, placing her hand on Puck's arm. "Did you ever think that maybe he has a crush on you?"

Puck groaned. "Do _not_ say that…"

"I'm just telling you…it's a good possibility. You _are_ handsome…it only makes sense that you would be as equally attractive to gay men as you are to straight women. "

"Rachel…stop talking. I will have to permanently move into _your_ room if my own roommate is_...__oh shit that's disgusting_…jackin' off to me while I sleep." Puck shuddered.

Having been raised by two gay dads, Rachel launched into a sermon about how gay men were able to control themselves and their urges for heterosexual males and that he needn't worry. Puck zoned her out. _His roommate wanted to fuck him. Yuck._

Two days later, Puck showed up at Rachel's door before bedtime.

"He _totally_ wants me," Puck muttered, shoving past her and stepping inside.

"How do you know?" Rachel giggled.

"He told me I have 'an impeccable physique' and then he winked at me." Swiveling around, he met Rachel's eyes. "Do you hear me? He _fucking winked_ at me!"

Rachel laughed a deep, throaty laugh and turned toward her bed. Motioning toward it, she said, "I take it you're staying here tonight?"

"Of course! I mean…I gotta stay there some but…shit…I hope he gets a boyfriend and leaves me alone."

As Rachel climbed into the bed next to him, she grunted at him to scoot over. Flipping off the light, she muttered, "So do I!"

* * *

Two and a half months after school started, Rachel's father, Walter Berry, succumbed to the cancer that had been ravaging his body for more than two years. Rachel was in class when her cell phone buzzed. Looking down, she saw her other father's cell phone number and her gut instantly twisted. He _never_ called her during the day. Collecting her things, she rushed from the room and called him right back.

When he answered, she could hear the grief in his voice and her knees buckled before he even spoke.

"He's gone, Rachel," he sobbed into the phone.

Rachel's head started to spin. "When, Dad?"

"About twenty minutes ago. The nurse was here because we could tell that he wasn't going to be able to hold on much longer." He stopped speaking, sobs echoing into the phone that tore through Rachel's heart.

"I'll be home in three hours," Rachel managed to grit out before her own tears won out.

Hanging up, she left the building at full speed and ran back to her room. Throwing a few things in her bag, she left the dorm and sprinted across the grass and into Puck's building. He didn't have classes at this time on Tuesdays (and his roommate was always out then) so she knew he'd be in. She pounded on the door and he yanked it open.

He saw the tears on her cheeks and the trembling of her hands and wordlessly, pulled her to him. His arms tightly around her, she cried into his chest for what felt like ages.

"I…I have to go, Noah," she whispered against his chest. She started to pull away but he stopped her.

"Wait, Rachel…I'm coming with you."

Her mouth dropped open and she began to protest. "But Noah, you have class."

He cocked his head as if to say "really?" and offered, "Rachel, you're in no condition to drive to Lima like this. Besides, I wouldn't be able to concentrate knowing you're dealing with this back at home. So I'm coming with you. You can't stop me." He stepped away from her, grabbed his keys, wallet, and cell phone, and turned toward her.

"Let's go."

She nodded, closing her eyes against the new tears that were beginning to fall.

As they rushed toward his truck, he took her hand in his and held it comfortingly. His warm palm in hers, for whatever reason, felt like a balm over hear heart and ratcheted the pain coursing through her veins from "excruciating" to "unbearable."

The drive to Lima was the longest of Rachel's life. She watched every mile marker tick by and even at Puck's break-neck speed, still felt like they would never arrive. Rachel rarely spoke, instead just stared out the window. If he hadn't known she was in so much grief, her lack of jaw-flapping would have completely unnerved Puck. As it as, he just kept his mouth shut, wanting to support her when she needed but also wanting to avoid the tears again at all costs. Crying chicks made his skin itch.

When they arrived in Lima, Rachel turned to Puck and said, "Thank you, Noah. Thank you for doing this."

He slid across the seat of his truck and pulled her into a hug. "Call me with the details, Rach. I'll be there."

She nodded into his shoulder. Pulling back, she kissed his cheek and let herself out of the truck. He watched her disappear inside her house before backing out of his driveway and heading to his own home.

Inside the house, Rachel ran into the arms of her surviving father, Fred. They sobbed together, unspeakable grief between them, until Rachel's head throbbed from the pain. Her father led her to the couch and took her hands between his.

"Your daddy," he began, before shutting his eyes and squeezing them tightly, "told me to tell you…before he…before…" Starting again, he said, "Your daddy wanted me to tell you that he was proud of you and…" He swallowed his sob, forcing the words out, "…and for you to never settle in life. Always go after what you want and _never_ back down because Berrys…Berrys don't back down."

Rachel nodded, memorizing the words and tucking her father's last message into the tender part of her heart, where she would access it and use it whenever she missed him, which would be all the time.

Rachel and her father didn't speak for a very long time. He held her tightly, her head against his shoulder as they both sat on the couch, thinking about the massive void in both of their hearts that would never again be filled.

Finally, Rachel felt like speaking. "Did…did you guys already make plans?"

Fred nodded. "We knew this was coming. Arrangements are already made, as far as everything but picking the date and time of the…funeral. But I'm thinking it will be Thursday with visitation tomorrow night."

Rachel nodded glumly. She wanted to go upstairs, crawl into her bed, and sleep. Sleeping meant the pain would dissolve temporarily.

Kissing her father on the cheek, she climbed the stairs to her room. Walking inside, she sat down on the bed and let the tears overtake her again. Reaching for her phone, she typed out a message and hit "send".

_Visitation tomorrow. Funeral Thursday. Will call you tomorrow. Thank you._

Lying across the couch in his house, Puck read the message. He wanted to hop in his truck and go back over there just to make sure she was okay. But he knew that if she needed him, she would ask. So he typed back:

_Okay. Will be there. Call me tomorrow._

A few minutes later, his phone buzzed again. As he read the message, he pushed himself off the couch. _Now she needs me._

Rachel's dad let Puck in the house and motioned toward the stairs. He stopped, sheepishly offered his condolences, and then climbed up to Rachel's room. Opening the door, he found her under the blankets with a stuffed rabbit in her arms, staring at him.

"This is Mr. Hoppy. Don't make fun of him…Daddy gave him to me," she said defensively as soon as walked in.

"Berry, I'm not going to make fun of you _or_ your stuffed rabbit." Puck kicked off his shoes, crawled up onto Rachel's bed, and snuggled up behind her. Dropping his arm around her, he pulled him to her his chest against her back.

"I'm sorry to ask you to come back over but…." She whispered over her shoulder.

Puck leaned over her, turning her face to his, and dropped a chaste kiss against her lips. "You needed a friend. That's why I'm here, Rachel. You know that."

Rachel nodded into her pillow. With his warmth against her back and his arm around her, she finally drifted into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Rachel woke up the next morning very early. She stretched and flipped over to look at him. Shaking him, she whispered, "Noah." He grumbled and opened one eye briefly to look at her before closing it again.

She tried again. "Noah, wake up."

Puck groaned, grabbing Mr. Hoppy from his spot on the bed and tucking him into his arms. "Leave me alone. Can't you see that Mr. Hoppy and I are trying to cuddle?"

For the first time since she got the horrible news, Rachel actually smiled. In fact, as she watched Puck cuddle with Mr. Hoppy like he was a cute puppy, Rachel emitted a small giggle. Convinced his work was done, Puck threw Mr. Hoppy aside and pushed himself into a sitting position. Running his hands through his mussed hair, he said, "I'm gonna head back to my house. Let me know when the viewing is and I'll be by your side."

Rachel turned to hug him. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Noah."

He kissed the top of her head. "Lucky for you, you don't have to find out." Standing up, he slipped on his shoes. With a "Later, babe. Call me if you need me," he slipped out her door and down the stairs.

Rachel forced herself into the shower and then got dressed. Downstairs, she found her father at the table, silently sipping coffee and staring into space. With their shared grief, neither one had to speak. They sat quietly, both thinking about the one who was now forever gone. Over an hour later, they were still there. Finally, Fred stood up, muttered something about having to go finalize arrangements, and left Rachel alone with her thoughts.

Feeling lost, Rachel wandered around her own home like she hadn't ever been there. Scattered throughout the house were belonging's of her father's. Daddy's reading glasses sat on the small reading table by his recliner. His black sweater, which he wore constantly in the fall, hung on a peg by the back door. Inside the kitchen cabinet was the mug Rachel got him for father's day that read "World's OTHER Greatest Dad." Dropping her head into her palms, Rachel sobbed as she stared at the mug, her pain echoing through the kitchen. _Will this ever get easier?_ At that moment, she didn't see how.

Hours of sadness and depression later, Rachel was in a conservative black dress and black heels and was riding with her father to the funeral home. Because they already had arrangements done, and because there was no need for an autopsy given the circumstances, the viewing and burial were happening soon after the death. But Walter had made it clear that he had wanted "to be planted quickly so that the living could resume being alive."

When Rachel arrived at the funeral home, she was shocked to see Puck, dressed in a suit, standing by the door already. Walking up to him, he put an arm around her shoulder.

"How are you?"

She sighed, her throat and eyes sore from crying. "As well as can be expected, I guess. But I'm dreading this part…when people I don't know want to hug me and give me their condolences."

"I know it's hard, babe. But you'll get through it. Remember, Berry's are very resilient."

She smiled up at him as he used her own words to reassure her. Stepping up on her tiptoes, she kissed his cheek. He wrapped her in a bear hug and held her tightly, knowing she seemed to find strength and comfort in his embrace. And dammit, words usually failed him anyway. But he could always hug and hold her. That's what friends were for.

Walking inside the funeral home, Rachel let out a small sigh of relief when she realized the casket was closed. While she thought about wanting to see her Daddy one more time, she had decided that she would rather remember him like he looked before his body had been ravaged by cancer. Not long after she took her customary place by the casket (with Puck standing slightly behind her and to the left, his hand on the small of her back nearly the entire evening), she graciously smiled and hugged all those who came through to offer her and her father their condolences. The love that many people had for her father, who was a very kind, caring man, helped ease some of her pain. There were a lot of people who would never forget Walter Berry.

Two hours after it started, the viewing was over. Fred stayed behind, unwilling to leave Walter's body. Rachel tried to stay with him but he told her he wanted time alone so sadly, Rachel rode home with Puck. When they parked at her house, he grabbed his duffel bag and followed her in.

"I'm staying tonight, too, Rachel."

Her eyes were tired. "Good. I couldn't be alone here."

"I know…" Puck went into the bathroom to change out of his suit and Rachel changed into her pajamas. Together, they climbed into her bed and she settled in for a night in his arms. His hand playing with her hair, they both fell asleep.

* * *

The funeral was one of the hardest things that Rachel ever had to endure. Her father got up to speak and Rachel's heart broke all over again as she watched him break down at the microphone. Standing up, she joined him and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. He pulled her into a hug and they sobbed together, their cries amplified by the microphone. Puck's chest felt so tight at that moment that he thought he'd be sick. Rachel's grief was going to eat her alive if she didn't let some of it go. Steeling himself so that he didn't break down, he focused on Rachel, willing her to draw strength from his gaze.

Friends of Walter's got up to speak of him and his character. His sister spoke of their childhood. Rachel heard none of it. She simply sat in her chair, her fingers interlocked with Puck's, and repeated over and over in her head, _Daddy is dead. Daddy is gone. _At that moment, she felt like her life would never, ever be the same again.

There was no burial. Walter had requested that his remains be cremated so only a day after the funeral, Rachel and Puck went back to Cincinnati.

* * *

Once the two of them were back at school, Puck hoped Rachel would start behaving like her old self again. But instead, she moped, couldn't concentrate, and always seemed a million miles away. Nearly a month after Walter's passing, Rachel was still caught up in her grief. Finally, Puck couldn't handle it anymore so he made it his secret mission to get Rachel to smile again.

One of his workout buddies had approached Puck several times about "that hot little piece of ass you hang out with but apparently aren't tapping" so Puck finally decided that he would give the guy his okay to ask Rachel out. But before he did, the guy, Josh, had to agree that he would treat Rachel with respect and not try to sleep with her.

Josh threw his hands up in defense when Puck backed him against a wall. "Rachel is just getting over the death of her father. She needs to smile again, which is why I'm _finally_ giving you my blessing. But if you hurt her or try to put the moves on her, I will _end _your ass, got it?"

Josh nodded, slightly stunned. "What's with you, dude? If she means that much, be with her yourself."

Puck relaxed a bit. "It's not like that. I've known her since we were 12 years old and she's….she's kinda my best friend. I just want to watch out for her."

"Okay, dude. I understand. And I promise I'll treat her well."

That night at dinner, Puck slid his tray across the table next to Rachel and sat down.

"You have a date on Friday," he informed her.

She looked up, mid-bite, and stared at him.

"No…I don't," she corrected him.

"Yup, you do. His name is Josh. We work out together. He thinks you're hot and he's been bugging me for months now to hook you two up. Usually I tell him to fuck off but…Shit, Rachel, you need to start living again."

"So you made a date for me?"

Puck bit into his hamburger, smirking while he chewed. "Sure did…somebody had to give you a little push because you're sure not making any damn effort to get out there."

Rachel just shook her head. "I swear, sometimes I don't know what to do with you, Noah."

Puck ignored her adoring comment and continued. "I gave him a little "pep talk" so if he tries any shit with you, I wanna know about it."

Rachel stared at him, a coy smile playing across her lips. "But what if I end up really liking him and I _want_ him to try something?"

Puck paled for a moment, then snickered at her in dismissal. "Whatever, Berry. _You_ don't fuck on the first date…."

"How do you know? _We've_ never been on a date."

She had him there…but dammit, that's not the kind of girl Rachel was!

"Anyway…I'm going to kick his ass so he won't try anything."

Rachel just smiled. Puck was right, she didn't _ever_ have sex on the first date…then again, she hadn't had a date in so long, she couldn't really say what she would or would not do.

* * *

Friday night came and Josh showed up at Rachel's door promptly at Puck's dictated time of 7pm. Opening the door, Rachel recognized him from a previous introduction and was _more _than pleased. Josh was tall, blond, muscular, and _hot_.

Josh walked in and handed Rachel a small bouquet of pink roses. She blushed and thanked him.

"I'm really surprised that you agreed to this, Rachel," Josh said. His voice was relaxed and casual.

Rachel grinned, blushing again slightly. "Noah made it sound like I didn't have a choice and in all honesty, I really could use a nice night out. Things have been…difficult lately."

Josh shoved his hands in his pocket. "Puck told me about your dad. I'm sorry."

Rachel's eyes misted as they did every time she thought about or spoke of her father. Pushing it away because she refused to cry in front of a virtual stranger, she smiled and said, "Shall we go?"

Josh ended up taking Rachel to dinner at a Mexican restaurant downtown. They laughed over dinner and margaritas and Rachel learned a lot about him. He was from a small town in southern Indiana, was a junior like Puck, and was studying education because he wanted to be a math teacher. He loved animals and enjoyed music. In short – _he was perfect._

After dinner, Rachel and Josh took a walk through the public park that bordered the Ohio River. Taking a seat on the bench, despite the chill in the air, they watched the lights of downtown Cincinnati cause the waves of the river to sparkle like diamonds in the night. As they walked back to their car and Josh took Rachel's hand in his, she admitted she was smitten. When he kissed her at her door and promised he'd call her tomorrow, she was _very smitten_. Before bed that night, she sent Puck a text.

_Thanks for the set-up. He is amazing. Really like him._

Puck smiled at his phone, relieved that Rachel had enjoyed herself. He responded.

_Welcome babe._

* * *

By the time the students returned to campus in early January from the Christmas holiday break, Rachel and Josh had been dating for nearly a month. His schedule prohibited him from seeing her a lot during the week but they spent a lot of their time on weekends together. One such Sunday evening found Josh in Rachel's room, running kisses across her neck as she tried to study.

"Josh," she admonished, "You're distracting me!"

He put his hands on her hips and turned her to face him. "That's the point, Rachel," he whispered before brushing her lips with his and then kissing her intensely. Rachel felt heat shoot straight to her belly. As he deepened the kiss, Rachel gave in.

_What the hell?_ She thought, leaning into his embrace.

The next morning, Rachel met Puck outside his dorm for their morning walk to class. As soon as he saw her, he took in the flushed cheeks, the goofy grin, and the relaxed way she carried herself.

"Shit, Berry! You got laid!" Puck's smile was devious.

Rachel balked, borderline horrified that he was so perceptive. "How can you tell?"

He rolled his eyes. "Seriously? I've _caused_ that look a couple of hundred times myself. I _know_ the 'I just got banged' look anywhere."

Rachel shushed him. "Lower your voice, Noah!"

Puck threw his arm across her shoulder and steered her toward the sidewalk so they could being their walk.

"So how was it?" Puck asked, his voice low and directed toward her ear.

"Honestly?" She asked him.

"Of course," Puck offered.

"It was badly needed. I mean…I didn't have much to compare it to…only Mike…but still, from what I could tell, it was pretty good!"

Puck stopped and turned toward Rachel. Raising his hand, he said, "I'm so proud of you! I think this calls for a high five!" Rachel slapped her hand against his, laughing. Leave it to Noah to be proud of her for having sex.

* * *

On Valentine's Day, while Rachel was getting ready for her date with Josh, she heard Puck's familiar knock on her dorm room door. When she opened it, he practically fell inside.

"I've got a fucking problem, Berry," he growled.

She glared at his back as he walked in and flung himself down on her bed, burying his face in her pillow.

"I have to leave for my date in an hour, Noah." Realizing she sounded annoyed, she changed her tone. "What's wrong?"

He lifted his head and muttered, "Chick I banged last month snagged me in the hall 20 minutes ago and told me she thinks she's pregnant."

Rachel's hand flew to her mouth. "Noah! Did you use a condom?"

"Yeah, I did…but that shit doesn't always work, you know." Puck flopped over on his back. "Berry, I'm telling you know. If she's pregnant, I'm throwing myself off the I-71 bridge _straight_ into the Ohio River. My body won't turn up til near Louisville somewhere but at least I'll stop "accidentally" causing babies."

"Noah, is she going to take a pregnancy test?"

Puck shot Rachel a look like she had asked an insane question. "Of course. I gave her some money and told her to get her ass to the store _right now._ She's going to pee on the stick and text me with the results."

"And if she's pregnant?" Rachel asked, her voice quiet as she thought about the implications for him.

"I already told you…Flying Puckerman off the bridge."

"And if she's not? Will this make you keep _it_ in your pants, Noah? You can't keep doing this."

Puck glowered. "I don't need a lecture, Rachel. I realize I'm a bit…free…with the Puck-love. But dammit, since I was like 14, girls have had this power over me."

"Noah, just because girls have power over you doesn't mean you have to act on every impulse."

Puck groaned. " Yes, Mommy…Berry, can you spare me the lecture right now? _Please?_"

"Fine," she huffed. Turning away from him, she stormed over to her dresser and began rummaging through her jewelry box to find the necklace and earrings she wanted to wear.

"Hey Berry," Puck called from behind her.

She lifted her head and met his eyes in the mirror. "Your ass looks amazing in that dress."

Turning, she stamped her foot. "_This_ is what I'm talking about, Noah! Get control of yourself!" Turning to look back in the mirror, Rachel pushed her butt out a little bit.

"My ass does look pretty good, doesn't it?"

Puck rolled his eyes and shoved a pillow over his face, muffling curse words into the foam.

35 minutes later after Puck's arrival, his phone beeped with a text message. Reading it quickly, he visibly relaxed and said, "Thank fuck. Negative."

"See…now you did all that suicide planning for nothing!" Rachel patted him on the shoulder. Puck grabbed her around the waist and put his head against her stomach.

"Thanks, Berry. Glad I had you to come to, even if you did make me feel like shit."

Rachel kissed the top of his head and disengaged from his arms. Standing up, Puck leaned over and said, "Happy Valentine's Day, Rachel."

"You too, Noah."

Then he was gone, off to find some sad single girl who needed to feel a little better about herself that night.

* * *

"Seriously, Josh…you're breaking up with me because of _that_?"

Rachel and Josh were standing in a corner of the student center. It was late April and their relationship had been going strong for five months…until today.

Josh looked at the floor. "I'm sorry, Rach…I just can't get comfortable with the whole "Puckerman friendship" thing. I mean, _fuck_, he spends the night in your room like at least once a week! How am I supposed to be okay with that?"

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Josh, I haven't been "romantic" with Noah since I was sixteen years old. You _know_ we're friends. Why does this bother you now?"

Josh blew out a breath. "You wanna know the truth? I saw you two walking the other day and you were _fucking holding hands._ You don't hold hands with another guy!"

"I do if he's my best friend, which is _exactly_ what Noah is. Josh, I don't expect you to understand our relationship but you have to realize that Noah has been there for me when I had no one else. He is _very special_ and he's not going anywhere." Rachel's voice climbed higher as she spoke, the ridiculousness of the entire situation wearing on her nerves. A romantic relationship with Noah? _Honestly?_ And a clandestine one at that?

Josh shrugged. "I'm sorry, Rachel. I just can't do it…That dude is too…_popular_ with the girls for me to believe it's completely innocent."

"Fine, Josh. That's just fine." Rachel spun on her heel and began to march away. Stopping, she glanced back at him. "Have a nice life, Josh."

An hour later, she was standing in Puck's dorm room, ranting.

"So he dumped you because of me? Seriously?" Puck asked incredulously.

Rachel shrieked. "I know! It's absolutely asinine!"

Puck thought for a moment. "Well, Berry…he does have a point. We are together _a lot._ I do stay over at your room _a lot_. I guess it could make a guy uncomfortable. I mean…I am a stud."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "I have to go study for an exam. I just wanted to let you know that our supposed "secret" affair was the reason I got dumped." She met Puck's eyes and said honestly, "Besides, the sex was getting boring anyway. Missionary _all_ the time?"

Puck laughed and walked with Rachel to the door. As he opened it, he said, "If it's any consolation, I hope your next boyfriend is into doggie style."

Her face red, she muttered, "Goodbye, Noah" and left him chuckling to himself.

* * *

At the end of May, another successful school year drew to a close. It was the hardest year of Rachel's life due to the loss of her father but with Puck's help, she had made it through. In a reversal of roles, Puck went home to Lima for the summer and Rachel stayed on campus to participate in a theater workshop.

They got together at the end of the summer in Lima to plan out their final year of college together. Puck was going to be a senior and although Rachel was excited for him and very proud of his studiousness, she knew she'd miss him on campus once he was gone. She intended to _relish_ this next year.

* * *

**Next up: Rachel's junior/Puck's senior year**


	4. Hungry Eyes

**Author's Note: So my company couldn't stay long and my work stuff didn't take as long as I anticipated, so here is Chapter 4! **

* * *

"I'm serious, Rach. This year, _things_ are going to be different." Puck and Rachel were walking the familiar seven blocks from the parking lot to their respective dorms on their first day back on campus. Eve though it was dusk, the hot August heat still made their clothes stick to their bodies. Rachel's hair clung to her neck and she cursed the humidity of the Ohio River valley. Thankfully, there was no luggage to drag this year because Rachel was still in the same room. Puck was relieved because the sweltering heat was kicking his ass.

"Noah, you've been a womanizing pig since you were practically still a zygote. How do you plan to suddenly straighten up and fly right?" Rachel had listened incredulously as Puck has explained his desire to become a "one-woman man" this year.

"I'm a senior now…Gonna graduate in less than a year. Don't you think it's time I fucking grow up, even _a little_?"

Rachel scoffed. "I've been a champion of your emotional development since you were still chucking slushies in my face every day…you know that."

Puck sighed. "I'm just tellin' ya, Rach. This year, things are going to be different."

Making it to her dorm, she reached up and pecked him on the lips. Patting him on the top of the head like a spoiled child, she whispered, "We'll just have to wait and see."

Grumbling at her lack of faith in him, he told her to meet him at the Student Center for their normal 6pm dinner and then they parted ways.

Yes, another year was beginning on the campus of University of Cincinnati.

_I know that I have been a terrible friend. We've barely kept in touch lately and for that, I am very sorry. I hope you are doing well. I can't believe we're in our junior year of college. Can you? It seems like just yesterday that we were walking across the graduation stage at McKinley High. _

_Noah is starting his senior year. You would be so proud of him, Tina. He is doing so well and is really focused on becoming a physical therapist. I know! It is shocking even to me that the legendary "Puck" is turning out so well but I assure you, it is happening._

_Anyway, I hope to hear from you soon. Please tell Artie and Britt hello for me!_

_Rachel_

* * *

A mere month after school started, Rachel came rushing into the Student Center, he hair flying behind her. She searched the room for Puck and one she spotted him, bolted in his direction.

He looked up at her as she skidded to a stop in front of him, his spoon dangling from his lips.

Sucking in a breath, she began rattling off her news. "The-school-is-doing-a-musical-and-I-just-landed-the-lead-role!"

Puck scowled at her. "Uhh…Rach? I didn't understand a word you just said. You're supposed to pause between words. See..like..this." He demonstrated, his hazel eyes sparkling with mischief.

Rachel glared at his smirking mug. "You're always so helpful, aren't you? _Anyway_, what I said was that the school is doing a musical and _I, _Rachel Berry, just landed the lead role!" She began jumping up and down with sheer giddiness at the idea of the lead role in a college musical.

"Rach! That's great! What's the musical?"

"_The King & I_!"

Puck looked at her. "I have no idea what that's about…but it sounds gay."

She smacked his arm. "It's a classic musical, you uncultured swine." Her voice was snarky. "I'm going to go get dinner. I'll be right back."

When Rachel made it back over to the table with her food, she began rambling on and on about the production. Puck's attention span when it came to discussing musical theater was only slightly longer than a Hollywood marriage. Therefore, his eyes wandered and he began checking out all the new female meat at school. The possibilities were _endless_. Was it just him or were the freshmen getting hotter?

"Noah!" Rachel snapped her fingers in his face.

"Totally interesting," he responded, paying no attention.

"You're not listening to me!"

"That's really awesome, Rach."

"Noah!" She yelled his name, causing a few of the students nearby to turn and stare their way.

His eyes jerked toward her. "_Fuck_ Rachel, what?"

"You're not listening to me!" Rachel crossed her arms in a pronounced pout, sticking her lower lip out for good measure.

Puck slid his hand across the table and reached for hers. His eyes went soft and apologetic in the way he _knew_ always made her forgive him.

"Babe, you know I'll be there to support you. I'll be in the first row, waving a pom-pom or some shit. But you know the very idea of musical theater makes me want to burst into flame…."

"Fine," Rachel sighed. "I won't bore you with the details. But you _will_ be there opening night."

"Wouldn't miss it, Rach. You know that."

* * *

The rehearsals for _The King & I_ monopolized Rachel's time immensely. Between her homework and rehearsal schedule, Puck found himself eating dinner alone more than he liked. She often didn't get back to her room until after 9pm at night and was usually dead-tired. However, at least a few times a week, Puck would be waiting for her, having made himself at home in her small quarters.

She walked in her room, not surprised to see him sprawled on her bed. His shoes were off and his legs were crossed at the ankles.

"Hi, Noah."

He looked up from reading her latest issue of "Cosmopolitan." "Hey Rach…. Do women really masturbate to help themselves go to sleep?"

Rachel stopped in her tracks. "Huh?" was all she could manage. He was always asking the most random, inappropriate questions and _always_ when she wasn't prepared to deal with them.

Puck chucked the magazine at her. "That's what the yentas at Cosmo say. But…women aren't like that, are they? I mean…that sounds like a really dude-ish thing to do."

Rachel dropped her bags by her desk and unloaded her laptop. "Noah, for such a plunderer of women, you really are naïve about the fairer sex sometimes."

"What? I know my way around a pu…"

Rachel interrupted him, turning with a finger in his face. "_Don't_ say it! You know how I feel about your use of colorful euphemisms for the female anatomy."

"Anyway," he said, ignoring her tangent. "I guess I just didn't realize that women would do _that_ just to help them fall asleep."

Walking to her dresser, she pulled out her pajamas. "Well, Noah…it really does help if your mind won't stop spinning and you can't get to sleep. Orgasms help drain the brain of all thought and relax the mind for sleeping. As much sex as you've had, even _you_ know that."

Puck fell back on Rachel's bed. "_Oh God_, I should have known you'd do it too… _Damn_, Berry. Why did we never hook up? I'm beginning to think that you'd be freakier in the sack than half the chicks I've banged."

Rachel's face turned red at his statement. His casual attitude regarding sex never ceased to unnerve her. Looking away, she said, "We're…we've just been far too good of friends. And I'd rather have you as a friend than not at all, Noah."

Puck turned his head to look at her. "I guess you're right…but damn, I think there are some things I don't know about you."

She smiled sweetly. "And those things? You will _never_ know those things about me."

Crawling into bed next to him, she said, "I take it you're sleeping here tonight?"

"Fuck yeah. When I went to my room, Greg and his boyfriend were about to play "hide the salami." I had to get _out_ of there."

"Well, let's turn in. I know it's early but I have a 7am class and my vocal chords…"

"…need a lot of rest to be in optimal performance shape. Yes, I know, Rach…" he finished for her.

Flipping off the light, he dropped a kiss on her lips. "G'night, Rach."

"G'night, Noah."

He was silent for a few minutes, his brain still hard at work analyzing that Cosmo article.

"Uh…Rach?" he asked into the darkness.

"Yes?"

"Is…uhh…tonight one of those nights you're going to need to…uhh…do what the magazine says?"

Rachel could practically see the smirk on his face that matched the smug tone in his voice.

"Goodnight, Noah," was all she said, flipping away from him to face the wall.

She laughed when she heard him mutter, "damn, I tried,_"_ before rolling over on his side. Smiling, they both fell asleep.

* * *

As the rehearsals for _The King & I _progressed, Rachel found herself becoming friendly with two of the girls who were in the play with her, Lucy Freeney and Jessica Karr. Lucy was a sophomore theater major and Jessica was a senior music major. Lucy was a bit on the squat side with no memorable features but Jessica, Rachel knew, was right up Puck's alley. Red headed and bubbly, she had a firm body and was sure Puck would be _all _about the chance to hook up with her. And since he was planning on becoming a "one-woman man", Rachel thought she would put him to the test.

As she walked across campus with Jessica one day, she said, "Jess, you've met my best friend Noah, right?"

Jessica sighed dreamily. "The gorgeous, muscle-bound guy with the "fuck me" eyes who is usually never too far from you?"

Rachel laughed, admitting to herself that Jessica's description of Noah wasn't _too_ far off the mark. "Yes, that would be him."

"God…like I could forget him. Why?"

"Would you be interested in going out with him?"

Jessica stopped walking, turned to Rachel, and emitted a squeal. "Are you serious?"

Rachel smiled. "Noah has been talking about wanting to find a _real_ girlfriend and you seem like good girlfriend material. If you're interested, I'll set something up."

"Omigod, Rachel! Yes yes yes!"

That evening at dinner, Rachel dropped her tray down by Puck's.

"You have a date on Friday."

Puck looked up at her quizzically. "No, I don't. I have a new video game to play on Friday."

"Well you're going to have to postpone that because now you have a date."

Puck leaned back in his chair, his eyes curious. "What did you do, Rachel?"

"You were so nice to set me up with Josh last year that I'm returning the favor. Her name is Jessica, she's my co-star, and she thinks you're gorgeous."

"Well then she's right," was all Puck said.

"Are you going?" Rachel asked after a moment.

"Of course I'm going."

Rachel smiled, satisfied with herself. "But Noah, she is _girlfriend_ material, so don't bang her in your truck and call her by the wrong name."

Puck smirked. "Like I would _do _that."

"You _did _that. Remember? Last year? What was her name? Suzy? Sandy?"

Puck scowled. You didn't let me finish. I was trying to say, 'like I would do that, _again_'."

Rolling her eyes, Rachel ate her dinner.

_I forgot to tell you in our last email – Finn is here at OSU now. He is two years behind us because he took time off but it is good to see him again. He and Artie hang out a lot, which gives me a break to actually hang with the girls! My classes this semester suck, by the way. I know that focusing on Accounting was my idea and while I don't regret it, I am _so_ sick of debits and credits! My senior year will hopefully be filled with fluff classes because I've been talking all the hard stuff all along._

_Tell Puck we all said hi...and to keep _it_ in his pants!_

_Tina_

* * *

Rachel felt like a brilliant matchmaker. Puck and Jessica hit it off on their first date and had gone out five times since then.

One evening, three weeks before the first performance of _The King & I_, Rachel found Puck hanging out in her room again.

"So is Jessica your girlfriend now, Noah?" She asked playfully, watching him as he padded out a text message to the girl in question.

Puck looked up from his phone and shrugged. "I guess so. She's the only girl I'm dating _and_ sleeping with… so yeah…."

Rachel smiled. "Good. I'm impressed. You've been seeing her for three weeks. That's got to be your longest relationship since…" Rachel thought for a moment…"since you dated Santana Lopez your junior year of high school!"

Puck shuddered. "Please don't mention her. The very thought of her freaks me the _fuck_ out. That chick was whack."

Laughing, Rachel hugged him. "I'm happy for you, Noah." Rachel gave a pretend sniff and added, "My baby boy is growing up."

Puck just groaned at her and went back to text messaging.

* * *

To say that _The King & I_, with Rachel as the lead, was a smashing success would be an understatement. If she were one to pat herself on the back, she would say that her performance was nearly flawless. In fact, one of her musical numbers received a standing ovation. And true to his word, Puck had been in the front row, grinning like an idiot, just as he'd promised. His best friend and his girlfriend were in the same production and both kicked ass. He was one proud guy that night.

The show ran for three consecutive nights and each performance was something that Rachel was very proud of. After the last night, the closing night party was going strong by the time Rachel arrived. Puck and Jessica had gone ahead while Rachel stayed behind and called her dad to see how he was doing. The one-year anniversary of the death of her father was approaching quickly and both her and her father were experiencing the feelings of loss all over again. Both she and her dad found comfort from each other as they remembered what an important man Walter had been.

When Rachel finally got to the party, Puck was sitting on a chair with Jessica on his lap. Whispering to her, he didn't notice when Rachel arrived. Finally, Jessica looked up and spied Rachel sitting next to them.

"Oh hey, Rach!"

"Hey Jess...Hi Noah."

Puck nodded and was about to speak when Jessica leaned over and whispered something in his ear. Puck's face registered surprise and then looked over at Rachel before looking back at Jessica. Jessica slid slowly off his lap and stood up to adjust her dress. "Hey Rach, we're going to get out of here."

"So soon?" Rachel questioned, seemingly taken aback by the fact that she had literally _just_ arrived and they were already leaving. She stared at them for a moment and then, realizing that she had an unpleasant look on her face, quickly transformed her shocked look into a smile. "That's fine. I am only staying for a few minutes. I'm very tired."

Puck shrugged with an apologetic look in his eyes before bending down and kissing Rachel on the crown of her head. "See ya later, Rach."

Rachel watched their backs as they retreated. She looked down at her feet, feeling abandoned. And even while the thought _I can't believe he left me like that_ ran through her brain, she knew that it was a petty reaction to have. He and Jessica were dating and they needed to spend time together...In fact, she had set them up so s he knew her reaction was ridiculous. Besides, she knew when Puck was about to get laid and _this_ was one of those times. Still, it stung to feel unimportant.

Rachel stood up, willing herself to go mingle so that she could make her own way home. _Sleep. I need to sleep. That's definitely my problem._

Plastering her mega-watt smile on her face, she went to find the play director for some much-deserved adulation.

* * *

"I can't believe you're turning 21, Noah!" Rachel said excitedly. It was a cold night in January and she and Puck were studying in her room.

Puck cocked his head. "It would be a big deal if I hadn't already been drinking for years, Rach. But _fuck_, I've been drinking for so long that 21 is just a number."

Rachel glowered. "Still, it _is_ exciting. And I'm taking you out tomorrow night to celebrate!"

"Really? Like to a bar?"

Rachel nodded her head excitedly. "Yes. The bar right off campus allows the under-21 crowd in as long as we have our hand stamped. So I can totally take you out for a fun evening."

Puck looked worried.

"What?" As she looked at his face, she realized that he probably already had plans with Jessica. "Oh, Noah...I forgot. I am sure that Jess was planning something... We can just go another night."

Puck's face showed relief. "Thanks, Rach. She is planning something pretty big so I would hate to upset her."

Rachel fought to hide the disappointment from showing in her eyes. They had spent every birthday together since they started hanging out her freshmen year. "Well, I hope you have a good time just the same."

Rachel refocused on the textbook in front of her, trying to identify the emotion settling in her stomach. The longer she thought about it, the worse she felt. _Resentment_. That word flashed into Rachel's brain and she tried it on for size. Yes, she was definitely resentful of Jessica and, it seemed, growing more resentful all the time.

Rachel was pulled out of her daze by the sound of Puck shutting his book. Looking at his watch, he said, "I guess I better get moving. I have to get to the gym in the morning."

Standing up, Rachel stretched and walked with Puck to the door.

"Well have a good night. And if I don't see you tomorrow, have a great birthday." She smiled big, despite the sadness in her heart that they wouldn't be spending his milestone birthday together.

"Thanks, babe. And I'm sorry that we can't get together." Puck bent and dropped his head to kiss Rachel like he had done hundreds of times since their friendly relationship had become so strong. Rachel turned her head up to receive the kiss, just as she had always done. But when his lips met hers, _everything_ felt different. For the first time, she noticed how soft and firm his lips were and how the kiss, even though it was barely more than a peck, unfurled a burning behind her eyes that slowly sunk down her body, swirling through her chest cavity, before it settled low in her belly. And long after he was gone, her lips still burned from the touch. Unnerved by her reaction, Rachel went to bed, sleeping fitfully.

* * *

Rachel was darting across campus as fast as she could due to the cold one day in late February when her cell phone rang. Stopping, she dug it from her coat pocket and answered.

"Miss Berry?" the unknown voice asked.

"Yes?" She questioned curiously.

"This is Rebecca Tiller. I'm an ER nurse at the University of Cincinnati hospital. We just brought in an accident victim and he indicated that you were his emergency contact."

Rachel's heart began to thud against her ribcage. "Acc..accident victim?"

"Yes...Noah Puckerman was in a car accident. His injuries are minor but he requested you come to the hospital."

Rachel shouted, "I'll be right there!" and ran as fast as she could to her car.

The hospital was on the edge of campus and it only took a few minutes to reach but as she drove, Rachel couldn't get images of Puck's mangled body out of her head. She saw blood...she saw him unconscious...she saw him with a gash across his head, sprawled in the middle of the road. By the time she had parked by the ER and ran into the building, she was nearing a hysterical fit.

"Noah Puckerman! I got a call about Noah Puckerman!" she shouted to the woman behind the registration desk. A nurse walked around and took Rachel's arm, guiding her back through the ER doors. They walked past a dozen bays before finally stopping in front of one. The woman double-checked the chart and then pushed the curtain aside, motioning for Rachel to enter.

When she stepped inside, she sucked in a breath and instantly started crying. "Noah?" she eked out, her voice weak and weepy.

Puck was lying on the bed, his shirt slightly bloody, and a huge jagged cut along his jaw. His arms were covered with angry, red scratches.

He looked up and smiled a dazed smile before wincing because of the pain in his face. "Hey babe..." His voice was raspy and groggy.

Rachel stepped forward, tears on her cheeks. Puck reached out a hand toward her.

"Don't cry, Rach. I'm okay. It looks worse than it is, really."

Rachel took Puck's hand in hers and then covered it tightly with the other one, squeezing it between them. He pulled her close, wincing again when she made contact with his body.

"What happened, Noah?" Her voice was a whisper.

"I made the mistake of going to Best Buy during my free period. I got T-boned by some motherfucker who wasn't paying attention."

Rachel's face was one of horror. Tears leaked across her cheekbones as she searched his eyes, trying to determine how much pain he was in. She wanted to crawl up into the bed and lock her arms around his neck in an effort to reassure herself that he was fine.

"Are you okay?"

"I promise I am, babe. Nothing even broken. I wouldn't have had them call you but my truck was fucking destroyed and I can't get back to the dorm without it. Now that you're here, I should be able to get outta this joint."

Rachel laid her head carefully on his chest, her ear close to his heart just for confirmation that he was really okay. _You could have died._

"Rach?"

She looked up at him.

"You're really shook up, aren't you?"

She nodded. _I could have lost you._

"I'm okay, babe. Really." He brushed his lips over hers in simple reassurance but the sparks Rachel felt last time he kissed her instantly raged through her blood all over again. _What the hell is going on with me_? She knew he was fine. He was just banged up but otherwise completely unharmed. _Why am I acting like this_?

Rachel brushed the hot tears from her cheeks when the attending nurse re-entered the pod. "Mr. Puckerman, you can go now. Here is a prescription for pain medication. Follow up with your doctor to ensure the cut is healing nicely and be sure to cover it with plastic wrap when you shower so that you don't get your stitches wet."

Puck nodded, so groggy that he barely heard her. Rachel took the instructional paperwork and tucked it into her purse, knowing she would have to make sure that he followed the orders to the letter.

Once he was discharged, Rachel helped him into a standing position.

"Mother_fucker_," he grunted as the pain in his body from the crash coursed through his veins.

Rachel put an arm around his waist and he leaned heavy against her. Slowly, they made their way to her car and with gritted teeth, he climbed in and eased the seatbelt over his body. Once they were back at dorm, she double-parked on the street to get him into her room and then went to park her car. Making it back nearly 20 minutes later (stupid school lots), she found him shirtless and partially under the covers, snoring. The pain medication was definitely taking its toll. She looked at him, her eyes raking across his exposed muscular shoulders, and a quiver ran through her body. _He is breathtaking..._ For a moment, she let her eyes devour the form of his body beneath her blankets before she got hold of her senses. _What the hell is wrong with me?_

Rachel quickly changed clothes and then sat on edge of her bed, staring at her hands, as she tried to shake the uncomfortable feeling in her gut. Somewhere between the start of the year and now, she realized, her feelings toward Noah had changed. After years of seeing him as simply her best friend, she now saw him as her very attractive, intelligent, handsome, funny, and sexy best friend. She carefully slid under the covers so that she didn't jar his sore body and then turned to face him in the darkness. _This is unacceptable,_ she thought. _I can't believe I am feeling this way about Noah. _She listened to his breathing, even and deep as he slept heavily thanks to the pain pills. She snuggled slightly closer to him, the heat from his skin warming her body. Her heart pounded as she thought about the fact that he could have been killed today. Tears crept back into her eyes as she tried to imagine life with out him. And that's when it all became clear to Rachel: _I have a stupid, childish crush on my best friend…._

* * *

Jessica's screechy, watery tears were beginning to grate on Puck's nerves. Crying women, except for Rachel, were virtually not allowed in his life and Jessica was certainly no exception.

"But, Puck…._why_?" she begged, dropping to her knees in front of him in the chair.

"Jess," Puck began, threading his fingers through his hair, "I've really enjoyed dating you but we're about to graduate and you're going back to Connecticut. I don't do long distance relationships."

"But it's only April!" Jessica argued.

"Now or later, it's the same, Jess."

Jessica slid her hand up Puck's thigh, needing the flesh she found under her hands. Puck closed his eyes, knowing that if she moved her hand just _a little_ to the left, she'd be the recipient of a break-up fuck. But alas, she removed her hand and stood up.

Glaring at him, she said, "Whatever….Fine. I should have known better than to date a player anyway."

If that was an insult, Puck wasn't hurt. Instead, he watched her storm from his dorm room, ending their relationship with a pronounced slam of the door.

He reclined on his bed. Sometimes, it was difficult being such a stud.

* * *

At the beginning of June, Rachel sat in the massive crowd of spectators at the outdoor amphitheatre for graduation. Somewhere in that sea of mortarboards and gowns, Puck was sitting, probably tapping his leg anxiously and looking at his watch. He didn't wan to walk in the ceremony at all but after he'd refused twice, Rachel had called his mother. One screaming call from his mother later, who laid a guilt-trip on him by asking if he really wanted to rip his mother's heart out by denying her the opportunity to see her firstborn graduate from college. So reluctantly, he put on the cap and gown and went to graduation. However, he just wanted get on with the next phase of his life.

Two weeks prior to graduation, Puck had been offered a job as an Assistant Physical Therapist with the UofC Sports Medicine clinic. He was totally stoked because he could stay in Cincinnati, which he loved, and do the job he'd been working towards for several years. After the ceremony, he was taking his mom, his sister, and Rachel out to dinner and then to show them his new apartment. With the ink barely dry on his diploma, he would be starting his job Monday morning.

Puck was at Rachel's dorm room the morning after graduation, ready to see her off for her trip back to Lima. They barely spoke as they walked toward her car. The pressure in Rachel's chest was nearly suffocating from the idea of going back to Lima without him. Usually, they dealt with summer school but this time, he wouldn't be coming home at all. The idea of a Noah-free summer, for Rachel, was an unpleasant prospect. But Berrys were resilient so she knew she would persevere. But even with all her inner strength, she was unable to suppress the constant _I'm going to miss Noah_ that seemed to bookend her thoughts.

* * *

Once she was back in Lima, Rachel spent a lot of time with her father. And surprisingly, this summer found her seeking out many of her old high school friends mainly due to loneliness. More often than not, she'd be at Tina or Kurt's house, rekindling friendships that had been strained by distance and time. Her thoughts would find themselves traveling to the hazel-eyed man in Cincinnati more often than not, though, and she would end up whispering, "I miss Noah" to herself. She was so used to his being nearby that his absence was blatant. She was happy when she received and email or text from him and on the rare occasion when he would actually call (he hated the phone), she would drop everything to speak to him.

Three days before she returned to Cincinnati to start her senior year, Rachel felt better than she had all summer. She missed her best friend. She _needed_ her best friend around. And she had hoped all summer that her admitted crush on him would wane but with every message and every phone call, the beat of her heart would increase its pace, fluttering her pulse. So when her phone rang while she was sitting in her bedroom, reading a book, she saw that it was him and quickly answered.

"Hey, babe. How's things in Lima?" He sounded happy and content on the other end.

"Lima is...Lima, Noah. Only so much can happen in a town named after a bean."

Puck snickered into the phone.

"How's your job going?"

"It's awesome, Rach. I'm working tons of hours but so far, it's been amazing. There is _no_ better feeling than realizing that I can help someone get better and maybe give them a new outlook."

Rachel smiled into the phone. "A positive attitude suits you well, Noah Puckerman."

Rachel knew he was reddening on the other end of the phone because being accused of being "soft" in any way usually made him defensive. But instead of sparring with her, she heard him take a drink before speaking. "Anyway, I miss you, Rach. It's been a little lonely without you around."

"I miss you, too. Lima isn't the same without you here." Rachel clenched her eyes closed as she spoke, willing herself not to sound whiny or, God forbid, _lovesick._

"You'll be back in Cincy in a few days. Call me when you get here and I'll run over to campus and pick you up for dinner."

"That sounds great, Noah."

Puck paused on the other end. "So...Rach. I wanted to call you because I had to tell you - I met this girl and she's _amazing. _Like, everything I've always wanted in a girlfriend..._that _amazing."

"That's...that's great, Noah! What's she do?" _Rachel, sound interested and happy. He is your best friend._

"She's an RN at the hospital. She graduated the year before me."

Rachel searched for a positive comment. "Well, at least you have something in common to talk about...your careers, I mean."

"Absolutely," Puck agreed. "We're going on a date tomorrow night. I'll let you know how it goes." Rachel listened with eyes clenched shut, steeling herself against the uncomfortable feeling in her stomach. But as his best friend, she wished him luck, even as her chest tightened painfully.

Ending the conversation with a cheerful and sunny "See you soon!", Rachel hung up the phone. Staring at the yellow walls of her bedroom, she felt what anticipation she had for the coming school year drain from her body. Suddenly, going back to Cincinnati had considerably less appeal.

* * *

**Next up: Rachel's senior year and Puck's life outside of college.**


	5. I Wanna Be There

**A/N: I hate snow and I hate my job. Other than that, I'm fine….. Chapter 5 up! This is Rachel's last year of school so now the pace will slow down for each chapter as we focus on what's next….**

_**

* * *

Rachel's Senior Year**_

* * *

The seven-block walk to Rachel's dorm was very different without Noah striding beside her. For the first time in four years, Rachel noticed how the curb along the winding route was starting to crumble. There were weeds poking their way through the cracks in the pavement, desperate to reach the sun. Stately trees hung over portions of her walk, giving her a brief respite from the sun on that sweltering August day. In short, she'd never seen the U of C campus like that before. And all she could think while she made the trek was that the walk didn't feel right without Noah along for it.

She finally made it to her dorm and let herself in her room. Surveying it, nothing had changed except for a small amount of dust had settled over her belongings while she was gone. The dorm building seemed quieter this year than it did on previous years during arrival day….perhaps she was used to the noise by now or maybe she just wasn't listening anymore.

Rachel kicked off her shoes and sat down on the bed. Glancing around the room, she was struck with a bout of loneliness. She missed Noah. He was intricately linked with her college experience, having been there for every second of it up until this particular moment. And now he was on to the next phase of his life while Rachel stayed behind, stuck in the tail-end of this phase of her own. Grasping for silver linings, Rachel found relief in the fact that _at least_ he was in town. And as she sat there, staring at the dull white walls, her head spinning with images of her best friend that were wholly inappropriate, the logical Rachel Berry, _thankfully_, took over her brain.

_Noah is my closest friend…I'm not willing to lose that just to pursue a silly crush that will probably go away with time. Crushes are fleeting. This friendship can last a lifetime._

Grabbing her cell phone from her purse, she decided to take the proverbial bull by its proverbial horns and call him.

"Be there in a half hour, babe!" Was his response to her announcement that she was back in town.

Rachel was waiting outside, rather anxiously, when he pulled up in his new truck (which she personally thought was much nicer than the old one that was totaled in the accident.) Rachel ran down the sloping yard and hopped in the passenger seat. Reaching across the seat, he pulled her into a strong hug.

His body was warm and as he pulled her close, Rachel inhaled his scent. _I've missed you so, so, so much. More than you can know_, she thought. Mentally smacking herself for starting to go there again so quickly, she pulled away and smiled at him.

"I've missed you," she simply offered as a greeting.

He gave her his trademark crooked smile and said, "I've missed you too! It's too fucking quiet when you're not around....So where do you wanna eat?"

Instantly, they fell back into their old roles as they bickered about where to go for dinner. Puck wanted Mexican and Rachel wanted Italian and since they _obviously_ couldn't find a Mexitalian restaurant anywhere, had to agree on something else.

As Puck drove down the street, he spied a restaurant up ahead. "How 'bout Applebee's?"

Rachel's lip curled in disgust. "If you want to eat at Crapplebee's, that's fine. I'm sure I can find _something_ on their menu that doesn't make me vomit."

Puck laughed, having forgotten that Rachel hated the restaurant so much that she had re-named it Crapplebee's the last time she'd eaten there, having discovering several slivers of tinfoil in the middle of her salad.

"Well, where then, _oh picky one_, do you want to go?" Puck was clearly annoyed as his stomach growled loudly, making him wince.

"No, Noah. It's fine. It's right there so let's just go."

Puck parked the truck, glad she had agreed to go because personally, he _loved_ Applebee's.

As they were seated and then perused the menus, Puck prodded Rachel for all the latest Lima-related gossip.

"Noah, there really isn't much to tell. I spent a lot of time with Tina and Kurt but that's about it. Most of my summer was spent sunning myself by the pool, even though I knew it was potentially detrimental to my body."

"Did you see Finn at all?" Puck was still curious about his former best friend.

"I think I saw the back of his head once at the grocery store but that was it. He sure doesn't seek me out and I don't really have much to say to him either. I mean, we broke up five years ago but….that shit _hurt_!"

Puck laughed. Rachel swore only very rarely, usually savoring them to use for very appropriate times and apparently, this was one of them.

The waitress took their order and then Puck sucked down a huge gulp of Mt. Dew through his straw. Smacking his lips satisfactorily, he said, "So I gotta tell you about Kim."

_Kim. She must be the dream girl._

Rachel lips formed into a force half-smile. "Kim?"

Puck's face transformed into a huge grin. "She is amazing, Rach. Really. You'll love her."

"You're…already planning on us meeting? You've only had one date!" Realizing that she seemed a bit too reactionary, she told herself to tone it down.

Puck nodded. "Yeah, right now it's a little soon but I'm telling you…this girl is a fucking _keeper_. She's a hard worker, financially independent, sweet, beautiful, sexy as hell…the whole package."

Rachel eyed her fork, imagining a brutal way to put herself out of her misery. Instead, she queried, "So…when are you going out again?"

"That's the fucking problem. Her schedule is a mess because of the whole 12 hours on/12 hours off thing. Our schedules don't mesh too well. I think I'll be able to see her next weekend, though."

"Well that's good! So you may have found love?" The question, as soon it left her lips, was nearly gag-inducing.

"Shit, Rach. It's _way_ too fucking soon to say that. I just like her….that's all. Don't rush me down the aisle. Damn!"

_Oh, thank God._

Rachel felt slight relief at Puck's near-terror at the idea of a serious commitment with Kim. But as they sat in Applebee's that August day, Rachel knew that her senior year of college was going to feel different than previous years. She just hoped she could adjust to the changes.

* * *

Three weeks after school started, Rachel finally found a lull in her school schedule to make her way to "Pickwick Commons Apartments" to finally check out Puck's bachelor pad. Standing in the well-lit hall, she rapped on the door and then stood back, waiting for it to open.

"Hey, babe! C'mon in!" Puck said when he pulled the door to his apartment open.

Stepping inside, Rachel's eyes swept the room. It was a complete _disaster_ of unimaginable but stomach-turning proportions.

"Um...Noah... were you burglarized?" Rachel eyed the way the doors to his entertainment center hung open, DVDs laid carelessly along the shelves and on the floor.

Puck looked around, his face reddening. "I guess it is a little messy. I spend a lot of time at work and then I'm with Kim and things just...don't get taken care of around here like I guess I should."

Rachel smirked. "No? Really""

Shooting her a withering look, Puck motioned for her to follow him.

"This," he said, pushing open a door, "is the bedroom." Rachel stuck her head, spied his clothes and underwear lying all over the floor, and grimaced.

"Noah, if the bathroom floor is sticky, I'm totally leaving _right this instant!_"

Puck cross his arms as he dissolved into a pout. "Fine, then. I won't _show_ you the bathroom."

Rachel shuddered at the scary mess waiting behind the closed bathroom door. Men could be _so _disgusting. Walking back into the living room, Rachel glanced at his couch and then at his loveseat, trying to find a surface that wasn't covered in guitar magazines or empty pizza boxes. Exasperated, she said, "Why don't we go sit on your patio?"

"Rach, I'm hurt that you're so rude. I was going to fix you dinner and everything!"

Rachel did a very dramatic eye roll. "Oh, whatever, Noah. This apartment is a pig sty and you _knew_ I wouldn't want to eat here. So where are we going for dinner?"

Puck chuckled as he slid his shoes over his sock-covered feet.

"Applebee's is just around the corner."

_Dammit._

* * *

Nearly two months after school started, Rachel woke up and realized she had very little weekend homework waiting on her. The intense rush that had bowled her over at the beginning of the school year was waning and by mid-October, she was able to breathe again.

Rachel ate a quick breakfast of yogurt and an apple as she read her latest issue of Cosmo, then put her hair into a pony tail, threw on some yoga pants and a tank top, grabbed her iPod, and went for a run across campus. After that, she showered and dressed. By 11am, she was bored to tears. She hadn't seen Puck all week and was beginning to have "Puckerone withdrawal", as he had so aptly named it a few weeks ago when she was complaining about the rarity of their time together. His work schedule kept him working odd hours and he had bowed out of several weekend hang-out offers because he had plans with Kim. Rachel had forced the bitterness from her throat, choosing to ignore the resentment she felt for the woman who had usurped her time. Puck was entitled to be happy, Rachel knew. And because he was her dearest friend, if Kim made him happy, Rachel was happy for him...even if it did want to make her throw up.

Rachel grabbed her purse and made the horrendous seven-block trek to her car. Her destination was the Museum Center in downtown Cincinnati. A fascinating gem of museums and an Omnimax theater located inside the former Union Terminal, the building was practically an art piece. From its art deco architecture to its massive motifs, the building was thoroughly enchanting. Puck and Rachel had found themselves inside it on many cold, Cincinnati winter afternoons. History, being the one subject Puck actually gave a damn about in high school, always drew him to the historical exhibits. Rachel would leave him to peruse "Cincinnati Goes to War" – the exhibit about life in Cincinnati during World War II – while she would wander through the building, admiring the many art deco touches and still-intact remnants of the bustling train station that had been located there during its heyday during the 1940s. Because they hadn't even visited the place this year, Rachel thought it would be the perfect day for the two of them to go.

Twenty minutes later, she was parking in front of Puck's building. Rachel let herself inside and walked down the hall. Knocking once, Rachel stilled to listen but heard no movement from inside. She knocked again and after still not receiving a response, turned to leave. She had only made it a few steps when she heard the door open.

Swiveling back around, her eyes were met with the sight of a woman slightly-mussed hair and a sleepy face. She was wearing an old jersey and a pair of crumpled boxer shorts. Rachel stared at the woman, a look of shock on her face. The woman was giving Rachel a similar look.

"Can I help you?" She finally asked.

"Um…I was looking for Noah."

The woman yawned. "He's not here. He got called in to work."

"Um…okay." She turned to leave.

"Are you Rachel?" The woman called after her.

Rachel turned and nodded. "Are you Kim?"

Kim nodded in return.

She and Rachel watched each other for but a second, each one appraising the other. "Okay…nice to meet you," Rachel said, working to keep her voice casual and almost uninterested.

"You too," Kim said, before turning and closing the door.

_Awkward_, was all Rachel could think as she stumbled out of the building. Once she was back in her car, she put her hands on the steering wheel and stared ahead but not really seeing anything in her line of sight. It wasn't Kim's clothing that had shocked Rachel. _Not at all_. It was Kim's very appearance. Looking at her, Rachel had learned, was like virtually looking in a mirror. Other than the fact that Kim was 2 inches taller, had breasts a full cup-size larger, had a perfect nose, and had shoulder-length, slightly curly hair, she looked _just like _Rachel. Eye shape and color? Identical. Mouth shape? Nearly the same. Similar small body? Check!

Rachel dropped her head between her hands on the steering wheel.

_Noah is dating the hotter version of me. _

_Noah is sleeping with the Barbie version of ME. _

_Holy _shit_._

Taking deep breaths, Rachel tried to remove the stunned feeling from her body. Starting her car and slowly backing out of the space, she headed back the way she had come. A trip to the museum just didn't have the same appeal now…

* * *

"You're not going home to Lima for Thanksgiving?" Rachel's mouth was agape. Puck adored his mother's cooking. Her Thanksgiving turkey nearly made his mouth water.

Puck reclined on Rachel's bed, his hands behind his head.

"Kim invited me to have Thanksgiving with her parents." His voice was relaxed, as if meeting her parents was no big deal. But Rachel knew different because she knew _him_.

"But Noah…you've _never_ met a girl's parents before. _Ever._ You always said the mere thought gave you hives!"

Puck sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He lifted his head and met Rachel's gaze, holding it.

"I know, Rach. But I've told you, Kim's special. I mean…she's _really_ special. I want to meet her family."

Rachel felt the stinging behind her eyes that signaled tears. Gulping a deep breath, she looked at him. When she spoke, her voice was soft. "Are you in love with her?" _Are you in love with the girl I would look exactly like if I had a little bit of plastic surgery?_

Puck looked at her, surprised by the question. He threaded his fingers through his hair and sat for a moment.

"I don't know if I love her, _yet._ But I'm pretty sure I could…."

Rachel dipped her head in acknowledgement, realizing that any words she may utter at that moment would betray her.

"It sounds pretty serious, Noah." Her voice was as light as it could be with the brick of unspoken emotion that was lodged in her belly.

Puck smiled, his face bright and happy. "I think it is, Rach."

"Well, I'm happy for you, Noah. You deserve it."

And she was happy for him. She really was…

Two days later, Rachel added driving home to Lima for Thanksgiving to her list of "things I no longer do with Noah."

* * *

February 15 was a very difficult day for Rachel. Not because it was a _bad_ day but because it was her 21st birthday and she couldn't concentrate on her classes.

After her last class finally broke for the day, she scurried home and got changed. Once that was done, she checked her Facebook page for all the well-wishes and commented back to everyone. She answered birthday emails back from her dad, Tina, Kurt, and Artie.

And she waited for Noah's call. Repeatedly looking at her cell phone_. For hours._

Around 7pm, his number finally flashed up on the screen. The tense coil in her stomach slowly started to ease and dissipate as she answered.

"Hey babe, how was your day?"

"It was good, Noah. Long but good! How was yours?"

She heard him sigh into the phone. "A little frustrating. I have a patient that just doesn't want to get any better. She won't do the exercises outside of our sessions so of course she's not getting any better."

"I'm sorry. You know that working with people…"

"…can be as maddening as fuck?" He finished for her.

She chuckled, the laugh clucking in her throat. "Yes, they _can_ be."

"Well, babe…I just wanted to check in. Kim is on her way over and we're heading out to dinner and them maybe some drinks."

_What? _

"Oh…okay. Have fun." She nearly gritted it out, shocked that he was ending the call without a single mention of her birthday.

"I will. Later babe."

She clicked the button to end the call.

_Today is my birthday, remember? You were going to take me out…remember? We've been planning it for two years. _

Rachel refused to cry. It was her birthday and she was going to have fun_, with or without_ Noah Puckerman.

Striding over to her small closet, she opened it with purpose. Her eyes searched her clothes, looking for appropriate "bar hopping" clothing. Smiling, she settled on a tight, low-cut sleeveless black top and short black skirt. Grabbing her "fuck me pumps" from the bottom of the closet, she got dressed, refusing to think about the fact that she was now spending her birthday alone. Making her way to her car, she hopped inside. She drove down the street faster than normal, knowing exactly where she was headed. Near campus was a very popular bar that most of the students from school hung out at. That would be her birthday spot tonight.

She found a parking space quickly and went inside. _Fuck him_, she thought as she went inside the dimly-lit building. It was her 21st birthday and dammit, she was about to have some fun.

* * *

Puck woke up at 2am because he had to piss like a racehorse. He eased Kim's head off his arm and padded down the hall to the bathroom, his feet silent on the plush Berber carpet.

Groggily, he took a leak and then climbed back into bed. His stomach didn't feel right and he kept feeling like he was forgetting something. Lying in the dark, he wracked his brain. _Did I pay the rent? Forget the car insurance? Did I forget about Mom's birthday?_

He began to drift off to sleep again, trying to suppress what felt like some serious heartburn, when the exact thing he had forgotten came rushing into his brain. He sat upright, swearing softly.

_Rachel! Rachel's 21__st__ birthday! I fucking FORGOT. _

He flopped back in bed, reaching over to the nightstand to grab his phone. Checking the time, he realized it was much too late to call her now. He slammed the phone back down a little too hard and rolled over on his side. He couldn't believe that he had forgotten. They had been planning for him to take her out for 21st birthday since she had turned 19. And he had blown her off without so much as a word so that he could go to dinner with Kim.

_Fuck. She's going to hate me._

And as he forced his eyes closed, willing himself to fall back to sleep because he had an early day tomorrow, he realized that if Rachel did hate him, he deserved all of it.

* * *

Rachel was sitting on her bed, working her way through her textbook when her phone rang. She stared at Noah's name for a second before thumbing the "Ignore" key, sending him straight to voicemail. _He's not getting off that easily._

Across town, Puck heard the phone ring once and then her voicemail picked up. Disconnecting, he pulled the phone from his ear and glowered at it.

Trying again, the same thing happened.

She was ignoring him. He knew she would.

Guilt raked through Puck's body. He imagined her sitting in her room for the duration of the entire night before, teary and alone, without a single person there to tell her "Happy Birthday." _She has to be so hurt. _Of course she was hurt. _What kind of friend am I? _Puck stared down at the phone again, wondering what in the hell to do now. Finally, he walked toward the door. If she was going to ignore his calls, he'd apologize in person.

Rachel should have known he would show up. When she heard the familiar way he knocked 20 minutes after his last attempted phone call, her shoulders drooped. _I don't want to talk to you. Go away._ She didn't move, hoping he would think she wasn't in and leave. Instead, he knocked again. And again. Now, Rachel was just plain annoyed.

Storming over to the door, she jerked it open. "What?" she barked.

Her harsh tone shocked him. His brow furrowed, a wounded look in his eyes.

"Yes, Noah? Can I help you?" Despite his adorable hurt look, her angry tone remained intact.

Puck sighed, clearly remorseful, and leaned against the door jamb. "I'm sorry that I forgot your birthday."

Without replying, Rachel turned her back to him and walked back over to her bed and sat down. Taking that as an invitation to come in, he stepped inside and closed the door with his foot.

He stood staring, waiting for her to say something. _Anything._ She stared at her textbook intently, ignoring the uncomfortable silence that seemed to crackle between them.

"Are you going to talk to me?"

"I wasn't planning on it." Her eyes never left the text on the page below her.

Swearing under his breath, he stalked over to her bed, jerked the book out of her hands, and sat down in front of her.

He tried again. "Rachel, I'm sorry."

"You said that already, Noah. And if you have nothing else, you're free to leave."

_This _Rachel, angry Rachel, was new to him. He had spent the last several years making her laugh, comforting her when she cried, or listening to her rant when someone had wronged her. Making her angry _at him_ was something foreign to him and frankly, he didn't know how to handle it.

"I'll make it up to you," he said softly. "I know it had to have sucked to have spent your 21st birthday holed up in your dorm room."

For the first time, she looked up and met his eyes. "I didn't spend it here, Noah. In fact, I didn't come home until about 7 this morning."

_What??? _"Where were you?"

Rachel didn't break his gaze, her stare hard. "I went to a bar…and then I went home with a nice young man that I met there."

Puck was sure he hadn't heard right. Rachel went home with a guy? _What the motherfucking fuck????_

Rachel saw Puck's nostrils flare slightly. "You let some random guy _fuck_ you last night?"

"And twice this morning," Rachel added quickly. She watched his face contort and then added, "Noah, you're very familiar with college "hook-ups", right? Don't be so shocked! You've had dozens of them over the years."

Puck shoved himself off the bed and stalked toward the other side of the room, his back toward Rachel. Images of her writhing underneath some sweaty douchebag ran through his brain. The thought made him want to put his hand through the glass in Rachel's dorm room window.

Turning, he set his hands low on his hips, his eyes dark. "Rachel, you don't do shit like that!"

"Maybe not normally, no." Rachel's voice was calm and even, exhibiting no remorse. "But I did this time and I _thoroughly_ enjoyed it. It was a...unique way to bring in my birthday." A coy smile played across her lips and she stared off into the distance, briefly remembering the steamy encounter.

A scowl set on Puck's face, he gritted, "So who was this…guy?"

"His name was Brad. Other than that, there is very little I can tell you about him that doesn't involve his sexual skills or fantastic stamina."

_Motherfucker._

Puck exhaled, the idea of Rachel screaming out Brad's name starting to piss him off. _Get a fucking grip, Puckerman. She's right...you did that shit all the time so you can't judge her. But _fuck_...what the hell was she thinking?_

Grasping to change the subject because he was uncomfortable with where his train of thought may lead him, he offered, "Anyway…I guess I'm glad you had a…good birthday…and I swear that I'm sorry…"

Rachel nodded. "You are in a relationship now, Noah. I shouldn't have assumed you'd be with me for an evening when you have a girlfriend waiting for you."

Her words were calm and factual but they felt like tiny bullets peppering his gut. "Rach, I'm not trying to make you feel like a third wheel."

Rachel stared at the floor, unsure of what he wanted her to say. _I am a third wheel._ He sat down on her bed again and lifted her head up with his chin.

"I promise I'll make it up to you," he said softly. She dumbly bobbed her head in approval. He bent his head to kiss her and just as his lips were about to touch hers, she turned her head so that he kiss landed squarely on her cheek. Her body had long-ago betrayed her when it came to his every friendly kiss so she knew that the less of them there were, the better.

Puck stood up, pulling his keys out of his pocket. "I guess I'd better go. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Okay, Noah."

She walked behind him so that she could lock the door after he left. He turned as he stepped into the hallway. "Happy Belated Birthday, Rach."

"Thanks, Noah." Shutting the door behind him, she leaned against it. This friendship was becoming more complicated by the second and she didn't know what to do about it. She had no instruction book for "how to un-crush your crush on your best friend"....

* * *

"Do you think it's easy to know when you're in love?"

The question floored Rachel. It was a blustery March evening and Puck actually had a free spot in his schedule, so he'd shown up at Rachel's dorm and made her go to the Student Center for the 6pm meal they used to share. Even though it was miserably cold and the food selection wasn't that great, Rachel had been having a wonderful time until those eleven words had slipped from between Puck's lips.

"Uh…I don't know, really. Love is…foreign to me," Rachel said meekly.

Puck leaned back, his face thoughtful. "I mean, this thing with Kim just happened and it seems so natural."

"So…do you think you love her?"

Puck grinned, his eyes sparkling. "Absolutely."

When they left that night, Rachel rattled on and on about a new musical that was opening up that weekend in downtown Cincinnati. She had purchased a matinee ticket and couldn't wait to go. And the more she talked, the less able she was to concentrate on the pounding of her own heart.

* * *

"Hey Rach, I'm going to Lima this weekend. You wanna come?"

Rachel was shocked to hear Noah's voice on the other end of the line on that April morning, _actually_ planning a trip home to Lima.

"That would be great, Noah! You haven't been home in so long!"

"I know….so what time are you ready to leave Friday?"

Rachel thought for a moment. "Um…I can be ready by 3pm."

"Cool, we'll pick you up then." _Wait. Huh?_

"We?"

"Yeah. I'm taking Kim home to meet my mom."

"Oh…okay."

Rachel almost thought of a way to get out of it after that but she knew she was stuck. And now she was going to have to ride 2.5 hours home with Noah…and the sexier, more "wow" version of herself. _Ugh..._

When they arrived in Lima after a _very_ long trip that was peppered with uncomfortable small talk and lots of silence, Puck dropped Rachel at her house and told her he'd pick her up Sunday. With a quick wave, he was out of her driveway and gone. She watched the car disappear back down the street until it disappeared from view. Feeling both sadly forlorn and angry at herself _for _feeling sadly forlorn, she went inside to spend time with her father.

* * *

"Do we need to make any stops, Rachel?" Puck called from the driver's seat. It was Sunday and they were getting ready to head back to Cincinnati. Rachel climbed into the seat and hadn't bothered to ask how the weekend had gone. What Puck's family thought of Kim was none of her business.

"Can we stop by Kurt's really fast? He and Tina are hanging out and I wanted to see them before we left."

"Sure! I wouldn't mind seeing Kurt and Tina, too!"

Rachel smiled at the back of his head. "Well, I am sure they'd be happy to see you."

Puck pulled into Kurt's driveway a few minutes later and the three of them got out of the car. Rachel knocked on the door and Kurt finally open it, screeching like an owl when he saw Puck behind her.

"Tina! The former Mohawked Adonis is with Rachel!" Kurt excitedly yelled down the stairs. He motioned them in and they all followed him down the steps into the basement.

Rachel hugged Tina and stayed by her side as Kurt made quick work of seeing what time and life had done to Noah Puckerman.

"Puck, you are looking...well," Kurt said, his eyes traveling up Puck's body and then back down again. And then one more time back up just for good measure.... "I miss the Mohawk, though," he added.

Puck cleared his throat uncomfortably, effectively snapping Kurt out of his blatant lusting. Remembering that Kim was standing next to him, he said, "Kurt, Tina – this is my girlfriend, Kim."

Tina's eyes met Kim's and she smiled and said hello. Her mouth gaped open for a brief moment before she slowly looked over at Rachel and then back to Kim again. The resemblance was uncanny! Kurt apparently noticed as well because he did several double takes, eyeing both Rachel and Kim curiously.

Rachel realized Kurt was staring and reached around Tina to pinch him. The shock goaded him into moving.

"You are all welcome to sit down," Kurt said, still looking back between Rachel and her slightly-taller clone. Rachel just cocked her head at him, a miserable look flashing across her features.

"Nah, that's okay, Kurt. We can't stay. We have to get headed back to Cincinnati because Kim has an early day tomorrow. I just wanted to say hi since I haven't seen you in fucking years."

Tina spoke up. "So Cincinnati is treating you well?"

Puck dropped his arm on Kim's shoulder, tugging her closer to his body. "Yep, Cincy is pretty damn awesome, really. Life has been good." His lips nipped at Kim's ear. Kurt felt like gagging. Tina, who glanced over at Rachel, watched as she sadly dropped her eyes toward the floor.

_What in the world? Rachel…are you…? Oh my God… _

Kurt and Tina made small talk for a few minutes while Puck and Kim answered their questions. Rachel sat silently, pretending to read email on her phone. Ocassionally, she would look up and sneak a glance at Puck. And Tina watched every glance with pleasant curiousity.

After 20 minutes of shooting the shit and gossiping about old classmates (which Kurt seemed to be tapped into), Puck looked at his watch and stood. "I guess we need to get going. It was great seeing you two again."

Everyone hugged goodbye and the three of them climbed back into Kim's car. Rachel waved as they backed out of the driveway, silently wishing that they'd had more time to spend together.

20 miles outside of Lima, Rachel's cell phone beeped. A message from Tina was waiting for her:

_{Why didn't you tell me you were in love with Puck?}_

Rachel's eyes grew wide. Furiously, she started typing.

_[What are you talking about?]_

_{I saw the way you were looking at him.}_

_[Don't be crazy, Tina. I am not in love with Noah.]_

_{Kurt thinks you are too…don't deny it.}_

_[You are both insane.]_

_{Whatever, Rachel. Think about it. I'll be here when you're ready to talk.}_

Rachel stared down at the screen of her phone. Slowly, she lifted her head up and settled her eyes on the back of Noah's head. _Tina thinks I'm in love with you._

She watched him as he turned his head to say something to Kim. She laughed at his words and he smiled in response, his white teeth flashing in the bright daylight. The sun played off his cheekbones and the strong line of his jaw, clearly defining them with a golden hue.

_You're breathtaking. _

_And I do love you. _

_I do._

Silently, the recognition of her feelings almost too much to endure, Rachel slid her iPod earbuds into her ears and settled her gaze on the passing scenery, swallowing the burning tears the whole time. It was a long trip back to Cincinnati.

* * *

"Rachel Elaine Berry."

Rachel heard her name and plastered on her 5000-watt smile as she stepped across the stage. She shook the Dean's hand and suddenly was holding her diploma. As she walked across the stage on that warm June afternoon, stopping to flip her tassel from one side of the mortarboard to the other, her stomach fluttered. College was over and real life was waiting. She'd been stuck in this rut for far too long and the allure of a new and different existence nearly made her teeth chatter with anticipation. Sitting back down in her seat for the rest of the very long ceremony, she thought about her four years on campus and how much she'd changed. She'd grown so much, having matured in ways she had never imagined. And through it all - through nearly every little bit of it - Noah had been there. But the rest of her life was calling her now and she knew that his life had already started. And his new life included Kim.

_He loves her. And I love him._

Even on her happy day, she couldn't help but wonder what the future held. She wondered if there was going to be a place for her in Noah's life or if she was going to fade into his past as his future began to shine brighter and more vividly in front of him. Only time would tell….


	6. Breakeven

**A/N: The title of this chapter is from the song by The Script. **

* * *

Rachel's first few days as a college graduate were anti-climactic. Her father had come down for graduation, getting a suite at one of the extended-stay hotels so that he could help Rachel find an apartment and pay for all the furniture she would need. In between the apartment hunting, Rachel was scheduled to go to what she hoped would be her _only _audition.

As Rachel drove towards her audition, she thought about her old classmates back in Lima. They would all be shocked that she hadn't hopped a plane to New York City as soon as she had graduated from college. But the truth was, the starry-eyed high school girl she had once been had disappeared. 16-year-old Rachel Berry may have believed that she would be on Broadway instantaneously but 21-year-old Rachel Berry, having been studying the industry seriously for years know, had a new philosophy. Rachel knew the chances of her making it big on Broadway were very slim. Every day, girls _exactly_ _like_ _her_ showed up in Manhattan with the hopes of becoming the next Idina Menzel. Most of them would go to audition after audition and leave rejected. Then, they'd end up singing in seedy bars, working as a stripper, would land one of those off-off-off-off-off Broadway roles that were really nothing more than live-action pornos, or would be back on a bus for whatever small town they had come from in 4 months time. No, Rachel knew that making on The Great White Way took talent and skill. It also took experience. Because of this, Rachel planned to work in smaller community theatre companies for a few years before deciding if she was ready to try her hand at a New York audition. This decision is exactly why she was now on her way to the Ensemble Theatre of Cincinnati for an audition to become on of the staff-actors. Rachel knew her singing ability would give her an edge over the competition but the fact remained that her acting had to be _stellar_ because she was in competition with some of the classmates with whom she had just graduated. She was hesitant to refer to them as friends. The musical theatre world was _highly_ competitive and on the college level, it could be brutal. While she was "friendly" with many of the girls who were in her same program, she wasn't "close friends" by any means. So when it came to auditions like this, it could be downright nasty. And rest assured, Rachel would be snarking and back-biting with the best of them because competition is a fierce beast to which she was not immune.

Rachel parked her car in the garage and made her way toward the theatre. Stepping inside the business office entrance, she smiled sweetly at the receptionist and signed in. A few minutes later, a squat man with a kind face stepped through the glass doors.

"Rachel Berry?"

Rachel nodded, her smile beaming.

"Come with me..."

Rachel stood, sucked in a deep breath, and followed behind. It was time to knock 'em dead.

* * *

Two hours later, she was standing outside Puck's door with a bottle of wine in her hand and a dazzling, excited smile lighting up her face.

When he opened it, he looked at her and then the wine as a grin creeped across his face.

"You got it?"

She breezed past him into the apartment. "Of course! Was there any doubt?"

She sat the bottle down and he picked her up into a hug. "That's fuckin' great Rachel, congrats!"

He sat her back down and walked into the kitchen, finding two small plastic cups. She glowered at them because they _clearly_ weren't wine glasses and he offered, "Babe, I'm a dude. We drink that shit out of the bottle."

With a prim stare, she grabbed the glasses and then popped the cork. Pouring a small amount into each cup, she handed one to Puck and took her own.

"To the next phase of our lives," Rachel said as she raised her glass. "May we both be successful and happy."

"Absolutely," Puck agreed. Their plastic cups clinked and then they both took a sip. Well, Rachel sipped demurely while Puck guzzled what was in his cup and then went for the bottle. Rachel rolled her eyes and looked down at her watch.

"I have to be running, Noah. I have to meet Dad for dinner and then we're going to narrow down the apartment search. I want to move in by this weekend."

Puck walked her to the door. "Be careful, babe. And call me when you know where you're livin' so I can come check it out."

Rachel was quick to initiate a hug (to avoid a kiss) and then left quickly. She couldn't wait to share her news with her father.

* * *

Channeling the inner-Kurt inside her, Rachel stood in the center of her new apartment and deemed that it was "simply fantabulous." Her new furniture was moved in, her clothes were unpacked, the kitchen was put together – she was _moved in_. She had finally settled on an apartment in a renovated home halfway between downtown and Puck's apartment. Her apartment took up the second floor, had high ceilings, and the windows went from nearly floor to ceiling, letting in a lot of natural light. It was _gorgeous._ Unable to control herself, Rachel clapped her hands and jumped up and down like a two-year-old.

_My first place that isn't a dorm room._

Glancing around one last time to make sure things were perfect, she hurridly called Puck. Other than her own father, he _had_ to be the very first person to see it.

* * *

Mid-June found Rachel wringing her hands in the theatre parking lot.

_Get it to together, Berry! You're a superstar! Get in there and do it!_

Rachel sucked in a breath, fingered her Star of David pendant that hung from her neck, and forced her toned legs to move forward. Chanting _I'm awesome, I'm great, and they will love me_, she strode purposefully through the employee entrance and proceeded to run smack-dab into the second-most handsome man she had ever seen, knocking him flat.

Rachel's hand flew to her face as she stared in horror at the blond haired, nearly-silver eyed man now sprawled across the utilitarian tiled floor. Zipping over to him, she squatted.

"I am _so_ sorry! Are you okay?"

The man looked up at her, meeting her gaze for the first time. A bright smile appeared, gracing Rachel with the second-best white-toothed smile she had ever seen.

"Getting run over by a woman as beautiful as you? I'm more than okay."

Rachel blushed at the compliment of the stranger and offered her hand to help him up. He gladly took it, pulling himself off the floor. He continued to hold her hand in his, shaking it firmly.

"I'm Wren Roberts, and you are?" He cocked an eyebrow in _almost_ the cutest way she'd ever seen.

"Hello, Wren. I'm Rachel Berry."

Wren dropped her hand and motioned for him to walk with her. "So you're our new actress? Wonderful! Maybe we'll have lead roles together...Now if you will follow me, I'll drop you off at HR so they can process all your boring paperwork. And then… you can show us your stuff." He opened the door for her and she followed him through it. Meeting her face, he said, "And I'm sure your _stuff_ will be amazing." Rachel reddened at what she perceived to be sexual undertones. He was _nearly_ as suave as another man she knew…

* * *

Puck stared at Rachel incredulously. "You've got to be fucking kidding me, Rachel."

"What?" Rachel put a hand on her hips, clearly annoyed at his brash behavior.

"You're dating a guy named "Wren"? And he's _not_ gay?" Puck flipped the burgers on his grilled, checked the corn-on-the-cob, and then turned back toward her. It was a late July afternoon and Rachel and Puck were enjoying some rare alone time. Kim was pulling a double shift and wouldn't be at Puck's until later that evening.

"Noah, you should know that a person's name does not dictate their sexual orientation." She sighed after she spoke. He could be _so obtuse._

"Okay, _fine_, Rachel…I'll give you that…But back to the point at hand. Who in the _fuck_ names their kid after a bird?"

Rachel snickered. "Perhaps a fan of Kenny Loggins. Or a fan of the movie _Footloose_ starring Kevin Bacon." Rachel took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of the grilled food that wafted across Puck's patio toward her nose.

"Oh _God._" Puck mimicked gagging sounds just to prove his point. "That movie is so fucking douchy."

Crossing her arms indignantly, Rachel scoffed. "You have no taste, Noah. Yes, it's an old movie but it's a _wonderful_ movie. The ending scene? At the dance? The song "Almost Paradise" by Mike Reno and Ann Wilson?" Rachel clutched at her heart and stared off into the distance, dreamily. "How can you _not_ love that movie?"

"Annnnnyway," Puck said, lifting the grill lid again to check the progress of their dinner. "So you're dating a dude named after a character Kevin Bacon played in 1980-whatever?_Wow._"

"I don't expect you to understand." Rachel stood and walked nearer to him. "But he's an amazing actor and singer. He's an incredible co-star. And a perfect gentleman." She put in that last bit for added measure.

Puck snickered. "So you mean he hasn't tried to fuck you yet?" _Thank fuck._

"Noah, he and I are not exclusive. We have merely enjoyed each other's company on several occasions." _Must everything be about sex?_

"Cool…so you're not fucking…" Puck turned back to the food. Rachel stared at his back curiously. _Does it bother you that I have sex? _She was dying to ask him but she didn't, afraid of his answer and that what she may think was romantic interest was really just his thinking of her as a *gulp* _little sister._

Rachel's stomach grumbled and desperate to change the subject, she asked, "Is it almost done? I haven't had a cheeseburger in nearly nine months and the smell is torture."

Puck flipped a burger off the grill and onto a serving platter. "You're in luck, Rach." He loaded the rest of the food onto the plate and then shoved the patio door open with his foot, stepping inside.

They silently loaded up their plates and sat down at his small table. Puck took a bite and with his mouth full of unchewed burger, asked, "So tell me more about your boyfriend, Kevin Bacon…."

Rachel rolled her eyes, bit into her own cheeseburger, and started talking.

* * *

"Damn, baby…that was great," Puck groaned as he rolled away from Kim. She smiled, fully sated, and burrowed beneath the blankets.

"Glad you approve," she purred softly. Puck flopped on his side as he slipped beneath the blankets to pull her against him. He trailed his fingers slowly up her side and then back down to her thigh and back up again.

"So, I was thinking," Puck began, "that maybe we should invite Rachel and Birdboy over for dinner. We haven't really spent any time together…you know…the four of us."

"Birdboy?" Kim parroted.

Puck chuckled. "Sorry…_Wren._"

"Oh Noah, you call him Birdboy? That's horrible…" Even as she spoke, she giggled.

"And 'Kevin Bacon'…and occasionally 'Kenny Loggins'…and whatever else happens to pop into my head when she's blathering on about him."

Kim felt a little sorry for Rachel. But _only_ a little. "You're really mean to Rachel sometimes, Noah…"

Puck slipped his arm under Kim's waist, tugging her until her body was flush against hers. He kissed her on the lips and reached up to pull at her nipple. "I'm not mean…she's my best friend. If she doesn't take shit from me, who is she going to take it from?"

Kim slid her hand down, reaching between them, until she felt the silky smoothness of his erection in her hand. "Ready for round two already, Noah? Let's not talk about Rachel_now…._" Pushing herself up, she pressed her lips to him to distract him from his best friend, at least for a little while.

* * *

"So tell me again, Rachel, why we're having dinner with these two people?" Wren was climbing into Rachel's car for the drive over to Puck's apartment on that early September evening.

"I've told you before, Wren," Rachel said, her tone harsh, "that Noah is my best friend and Kim is his girlfriend. They want the four of us to get together and I think it's about time. He's been dating her for 13 months and I've been seeing you for a few months now." Rachel's heart fluttered when she realized that Puck had begun seeing Kim the August before Rachel started her senior year. She was definitely his longest relationship and she practically lived at Puck's apartment. Rachel was beginning to feel more and more uncomfortable going over there because, with each visit, she discovered a few more of Kim's personal touches or belongings scattered throughout the apartment. And even though Rachel didn't necessarily believe it was intentional, she felt like Kim was subliminally marking her territory against Rachel. Granted, Rachel _was_ in love with her boyfriend, but Kim didn't know that.

Rachel glanced over at Wren, who was lounging in the passenger seat. _He really is handsome. I wish I could love him. _Rachel audibly sighed. _I guess liking him has to be enough, though, for now. Because as wonderful as he may be…he's not the right one. But he's the one I can have…_

Inside Puck's apartment, he was pacing. He couldn't believe this whole thing had been his fucking idea. _Inviting Rachel and her actor boyfriend over, really? _He had never really been too insistent on Rachel and Kim hanging out. In fact, he knew they'd only met a few times and they definitely hadn't "bonded" and that was really okay with him. The idea of them sharing secrets and giggling in that stupid way women did when they got together just made his stomach turn. No, his "Rachel life" and "Kim life" needed to stay as separated as possible. _And I fucking invited them to get together._

Sighing, Puck heard Kim summons him to the kitchen and he went to help.

Rachel sucked in a breath as the door opened. "Hey, babe…" Puck drawled, pulling Rachel into a hug. Wren balked. This "Noah" or "Puck" or whatever the fuck he wanted to be called was much more imposing than Wren had imagined. Nearly six feet tall, he towered over Wren's 5'6'' frame. Wren was trim and small from years of dancing. Puck looked like he_possibly_ dabbled in performance-enhancing drugs. _This guy is her best friend?_

They stepped inside and Puck called for Kim to come out of the kitchen. She stepped out and Wren's mouth dropped. _Holy fuck._ He looked at Kim and then back at Rachel. His eyes dropped and he surveyed the size of Kim's breasts and then swiveled his head to Rachel's. _Damn…he's dating Rachel's sexier twin sister…_

"Noah, Kim…this is Wren Roberts," Rachel sweetly made the introductions.

_Wren. _Puck mentally snorted. _He even looks gay. Look at that hair. I haven't seen anything _that_ styled since Kurt Hummel…_

Puck stuck out his hand, offering it to Wren to shake. Wren grinned and took it.

_What a fucking weak handshake,_ thought Puck. _I could take this prick down easily._

_This guy is a fucking Neanderthal, _thought Wren. _He could kill me if he tried._

Rachel and Kim had nearly identical Stepford Wife-like smiles on their faces as they watched the exchange.

_I want to crawl into a hole, _thought Rachel. _This is humiliating. Mr. Love of My Life and Mr. Right Now shaking hands. Please God, strike me down._

_Noah owes me for putting up with this bullshit,_ thought Kim. Hearing a ding from the kitchen, she bolted like her hair was on fire and rushed in to check the food.

To say that the dinner was awkward would have been a vast understatement. Not only was the conversation stunted but Kim, as it turns out, was a _horrible_ cook. Her food, in Rachel's estimation, was best summed up with one word: gruel. She had _attempted_ to make a baked chicken but it turned out either half-rubbery or charred beyond recognition, depending on which piece of meat was served. Her steamed asparagus actually made Rachel gag, spitting it back on her plate. Eyeing the potatoes doused in massive amounts of what appeared to be Velveeta cheese, Wren had feigned lactose-intolerance, despite the fact that Rachel had seen him chug a chocolate milkshake just earlier that same day. Puck spent the majority of the meal picking through his chicken, trying to find the edible bits, and shooting glares at Wren, who was so motherfucking self-important that it made him want to gouge his eyes out.

_What does Rachel see in this tool? _Puck didn't get it.

After dinner, the four of them sat around, desperately attempting to wash the taste of "horrible" from their mouths with some after-dinner wine.

At 9:30, Rachel began yawning _a lot_ and stood up to excuse her and Wren from the evening. They bid quick goodnights to Puck and Kim and excused themselves after Puck promised to call Rachel the next day.

Walking to the car, Wren said, "That chick can't cook. I hope we _never_ do that again."

Inside Puck's apartment, Kim rolled her eyes. "Let's never have them over again, okay? That was very uncomfortable."

Puck couldn't have agreed more…

* * *

Rehearsals were kicking Rachel's butt. She was exhausted. It was late-October and the chill of Autumn was swirling into the Ohio Valley. The fall always made Rachel want to snuggle under blankets with big mugs of hot chocolate and her favorite DVDs…and Noah by her side. But she hadn't seen him in nearly a week and a half. One of his co-workers had abruptly quit and so Puck had taken over her patient load in addition to his own. He was exhausted himself, often coming home and falling into bed with barely a kiss to Kim. The first of October, Kim had let her lease go and had officially moved in with Puck. Rachel thought she had taken the news rather well. She graciously smiled and congratulated him on this serious move toward commitment. Then she went home, threw up, and invited Wren over for some dirty sex. Wren didn't seem to mind whatever had come over Rachel and she wasn't about to pour out her heart. All she knew is that for those minutes (and they were _few_) that Wren was moving inside her, she didn't feel the sting of Noah's announcement of Kim's residency quite as deeply.

On this particular chilly October day, Rachel let herself into her apartment and immediately went into the bathroom to fill up the tub. A long bath was going to be the _only_ thing that could possibly satisfy Rachel at that particular moment. The dancing that the new show required was pushing even her well-trained muscles to the limit.

Rachel had just turned on the tub when she heard a knock at her front door. Sighing forlornly, she turned the water back off, cinched the tie on her robe, and opened the door.

"Noah," Rachel was surprised. It was the middle of the afternoon on a weekday, when normally he would be working.

"Hey Rach…are you busy?" He seemed nervous, Rachel noted. His hazel eyes appeared darker than normal, like they usually did when he was deep in concentration.

"Not at all, come in." Rachel stepped aside so he could come in and then she shut the door softly behind him.

"What's up?" Rachel kept her voice casual, even though she could see the tenseness in Puck's shoulders. "I know you're not here just because…"

Puck turned toward Rachel. "I…I wanted to get your opinion on something."

Smiling, Rachel patted the couch cushion as she sat down. Puck sat down, fidgeting all the while.

"Noah, what the _hell_ is wrong with you? You're weirding me out!" Rachel dropped her arm around his shoulder and hugged him to her, hoping her closeness helped relax him like it normally did.

Sighing, Puck reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small black box. Rachel instantly recognized it. A ring box. Nausea crept into her throat. _It can't be…._

"I…I bought this earlier today and I wanted to get your opinion…." Puck stuttered as he slowly popped the tight lid on the box so that Rachel could see inside. Sitting snugly inside the velvet casing was a delicately thin-banded ring topped by a rather large diamond. Rachel's eyes grew huge even as they filled with tears.

"It's…" Rachel silently sucked in a breath. _Keep your composure, Rachel._ "It's gorgeous, Noah. Really."

He smiled, visibily relaxing. He looked back down at the engagement ring. _"_So you think Kim will like it?"

Rachel nodded, unable to speak because of the huge lump lodged in her throat. Realizing her hands were slightly shaking, she tucked them underneath her legs.  
Quietly, she asked, "When are you proposing?"

"I'm taking her away this weekend. I think I'll do it then."

"Well, congratulations in advance, Noah…." He reached to hug her and as his warm arms wrapped around her, a single tear slipped down Rachel's face. Panicking, she slowly moved her hand up and swiped at the tear. When he pulled away, she quickly stood up and walked toward the window. Sucking in a few breaths, she steadied herself against the roiling scream that was bubbling up inside her and then turned back to face him with a reassuring smile. _I am his best friend. I can be supportive...I can _do_ this. I'm an actress._

A few minutes later, Puck was gone, the ring gripped tightly in his hand and look of combined elation and terror on his face. Rachel closed the door behind him, her entire body feeling weak. Leaning against the door, she slid to the floor and pulled her legs up, wrapping her arms tightly around them. Laying her head on her knees, she was almost sure that she felt her heart crack into two pieces. _He's getting married. Noah is getting married._

And for the first time since she fell in love with Noah Puckerman, Rachel sobbed until she couldn't see.


	7. If I Was the One

**A/N: Yes, this is similar to "Unrequited" RIGHT NOW. But oh…let's just say at Chapter 9 and beyond, this story is going to go in a VERY different direction and stay that way the rest of the way through….. Ohh, I can smell the angst muffins now!!!**

* * *

"Noah, I'm sorry that I don't sound excited. You have to expect that I'd be a little bit shocked."

Puck lounged on his couch, rolling his eyes at his mother's voice on the phone.

"Mom, I understand that you're shocked but you could at least sound _a little_ happy for me…"

"Oh, honey," Maggie Puckerman sighed on the other end of the phone, "I would just be happier if I knew her better, I think. I just don't know much about her. I don't even know if she's worthy of my baby…"

"Seriously, Mom?"

"Yes, seriously! This is a very serious step in your life and I guess…I guess I thought I would have a close relationship with the girl who would become your wife. You know, kind of like the relationship I have with Rachel." _You could marry Rachel, Noah, _Maggie thought woefully.

Puck groaned. He knew this conversation would be difficult. He probably should have told his mother _before_ he had proposed but he had waited. And now here it was, two days after the weekend away and Kim was at work, sporting her new engagement ring and already beginning the wedding planning.

"Well, Mom….Kim's family wants to throw us an engagement party. So if you come down for that, you'll get to spend time with her and her _entire_ family. If that doesn't make you happy, I don't know what the hell will."

Maggie could tell her son was getting angry so she stopped her train of thought, took a breath, and started again.

"Honey, just promise me that you'll have a rabbi at the wedding."

Puck sat up on the couch, annoyed at her pushing. "Mom, she's not Jewish."

"But you are," Maggie reminded him, "and it's your wedding, too."

"And because you are of two faiths, you should have both represented at the wedding. She can have her minister or whatever but a rabbi needs to be there too." Maggie was insistent.

Puck sighed. His mother was right, he knew. And he hated it.

"Fine…I'll talk to Kim about it."

She smiled into the phone. "Thanks, honey, that's all I ask…So what does Rachel say about it all?"

Puck shrugged. "She seemed happy for me when I showed her the ring. I need to call her. I haven't actually talked to her in a few days."

"Well when you talk to her, give her my love."

"I will. I'm gonna go now, Mom. Bye!"

Puck hung up the phone and reclined back down on the couch. His mother was going to be annoying about this whole marriage thing, he knew. But he had to admit that it made sense that a Rabbi would be there. No, he wasn't the best Jew. He was actually a pretty awful Jew…but his heritage _was_ Jewish and he had always been proud of that fact. _So yes, Mom, _Puck thought, _you win….I'll talk to Kim about it._

* * *

The week after Thanksgiving found Puck standing in the back of a stuffy restaurant's banquet room, staring at an engagement cake that was the strangest shade of pink he'd ever seen. The engagement was only a month old but Kim's obsession with all things wedding was slowly taking over their apartment. How many bridal magazines did one woman really need? The dresses all looked the same: white, long, lace, beads. What was the big fucking deal?

And then Kim's mother had planned the engagement party as soon as she heard that her baby was marrying "the most handsome physical therapist we've ever had the pleasure of knowing." (Kim's mom, Lois, was always kissing his ass, which unnerved him a bit. She actually gave off a little bit of a cougar-ish vibe with the way her eyes would travel over him appreciatively when she didn't think he was looking.) So now here he was, about to meet Kim's huge family so everyone could stand around and toast the fact that they were _going to get _married. The whole thing was damn weird.

As guests began to filter into the room, Puck's eyes swept the group for familiar faces. Kim's family was huge (and rich), so a lot of guests had been invited. His "to invite" list was very small: his mom, his sister, a few college friends, the few of his co-workers that he could actually say he liked, and Rachel. _And I guess by inviting Rachel, Wren gets invited too…._

Puck gaped when Rachel walked in. Her hair was in loose, cascading curls and pulled back away from her face so that it fell down her back. She was wearing a short blue dress and heels with ankle-straps. _She looks amazing. _Puck lifted a foot to go walk over to her when someone tapped his shoulder. Turning, he saw his future father-in-law, Bill, who threw his arm around Puck's shoulder and said, "There are some people I want you to meet. Come with me." With a quick glance over his shoulder at Rachel, Puck was whisked away.

Nearly an hour after Puck had been introduced to so many aunts, uncles, and cousins that he knew he would never remember, Kim finally emerged from her own mingling and linked her arm with Puck's.

He bent, dropped a kiss against her lips, and asked, "How's it going?"

"This is awesome. I hope your mother gets here soon, though. I can't wait for her to meet my parents."

Puck looked at the clock. "She should be here soon. It's a long drive from Lima."

Surveying the room, Puck finally spotted Rachel's blue dress. She was off in a corner...sitting on Wren's lap with their heads pressed together, talking in low tones. He was halfway across the room to finally talk to Rachel when he spotted his mother, who spied him at the exact same time and made a beeline for him. Stopping, he wrapped his mother in a hug.

"Hi, baby," she said into his shoulder. Seeing his teenaged sister standing awkwardly to the side, he snagged her coat and pulled her into a hug. "Hey, Sarahbear...."

Once the Puckerman clan all broke apart from their group hug, Kim joined them, grabbed Maggie's arm, and dragged her over to meet her mother.

Puck chatted with his sister for a few moments, asking her how school was and if Mr. Schuester was driving her crazy in Glee (because as it turns out, Mr. Schuester hadn't changed at all since Puck and Rachel had graduated.)

Finally breaking free when Maggie called for Sarah to join in on her conversation with Lois, Puck spun back the way he was originally heading to speak to Rachel, only to discover that she and Wren were no longer canoodling in the corner and had disappeared. Puck swore under his breath as guilt swept through his body. He hadn't even talked to her tonight. He was about to search the entire room for her when Kim stepped up in front of the room and tapped her glass to get the attention of the crowd. Motioning for him to join her, he slowly made his way up and stood next to her. She slid her arm possessively around his waist and he reciprocated.

"I just want to thank you all for coming tonight," she began. "Mom and Dad, thank you for putting this party together. And Maggie, I'm so glad you could join us." She looked around the room before continuing. "I am _so_ excited about the fact that I am going to be marrying this amazing man. I wanted to let you all know that Noah and I have decided to get married the last weekend in May so mark your calendars, everybody!"

Everyone in the room clapped and Puck shifted uncomfortably. He hated this kind of shit. He just wanted to go home, knock back a beer, and relax.

"Noah?" She turned to him. "Do you have anything you'd like to add?"

He cleared his throat and said, "Uh...thanks for coming...." What the fuck was he supposed to say?

Kim beamed up at him and then proceeded to reach up and pull his head down for a kiss in front of the group. Catcalls and whistles came from her uncles and cousins. When he pulled away, he quickly scanned the room and found Rachel, finally. She was standing away from the crowd, alone, staring out the window. As Kim made her way over to one of her aunts, Puck excused himself and sidled up next to her.

"Hey stranger," he said into her ear. Rachel jumped, startled out of her train of thought.

"Hi, Noah," she didn't look up at him and continued to stare out the window.

"Where's Birdboy?"

"Apparently he had to make a phone call or something. He disappeared about five minutes ago."

Puck stood next to Rachel, looking first out the window and then over at her side profile. Something wasn't right with her.

"Rach? You okay?" He nudged her shoulder with his arm.

"I'm fine. Just really tired." _Actually, you're getting married and that makes me _so not_ fine._ "Rehearsals have been exhausting and the show opens the first week of January so things are getting intense." Puck noticed that Rachel's voice was flat, missing the normally bubbly zest she had when she talked about her job.

"I'm sorry that we haven't been able to talk until now…and I'm sorry this party is so lame," he whispered, his hand on her shoulder. He saw her lips curl into a faint smile. "Don't you wish we could just go hang out at Applebee's?"

Rachel rolled her eyes at his last comment and said, "It's not lame...it's just an engagement party. Things won't get rowdy until the reception." _Oh God…don't let me think about the reception. That comes _after_ the wedding. _

"Noah!" Puck turned to see Kim behind him, waving frantically.

"Yeah, babe?" He turned toward her and she stepped instinctively into his embrace as his arm went over her shoulder.

"Oh, hi Rachel," Kim said flippantly. Rachel nodded.

"My aunt and uncle have to be leaving. Will you join me to say goodbye?"

"Uh...sure." As he stepped away, he said, "Bye, Rach."

Nodding, she softly said, "Bye, Noah," and turned her eyes back to the window.

Kim and Puck walked over to where Uncle James and Aunt Bertha were standing and Puck shook the man's hand. Uncle James looked to be about 95 and he was wearing the saddest, sparsest excuse for a toupee that Puck had ever seen.

"Noah, that woman you were speaking to by the window...who is she?" Uncle James prodded.

Puck looked back at Rachel, who was still in the same spot with her back to him.

"Oh, that's my best friend, Rachel Berry."

Uncle James smiled. "Isn't the resemblance uncanny?"

_Resemblance? _"Huh?" Puck was clearly confused.

"The resemblance between Rachel and Kim...it's uncanny!"

Puck looked from his fiancé to his best friend and back again. "I guess I don't see it," he finally said.

Uncle James chuckled. "Are you serious? They could practically be sisters." Puck thought for a moment. Sure, they both had brown hair and brown eyes and were both short but Rachel's mouth was huge and flapped a million miles a minute. Rachel had long hair and Kim's was shorter. Kim had big, bouncy, juicy breasts and Rachel's were small....

"Nope, I still don't see it."

Uncle James just rolled his eyes at the daft young man in front of him and stuck his hand out. "Well it's nice to meet you, Mr. Puckerman. And welcome to the family."

The departure of James and Bertha opened a floodgate and soon, many of Kim's family started to pour out. Puck was pulled from group to group, forced to hug and chitchat, as each one left. When the room finally started to clear out and he could breathe again, he looked around for Rachel and Wren but they must have slipped out because they were long gone. Puck felt a twinge of guilt for barely even getting to talk to her but figured she would understand. Besides, he'd call her tomorrow.

* * *

Rachel kissed Wren goodnight in the car and told him she'd see him at rehearsal in the morning. Once she let herself into her apartment, she kicked her shoes off and slid into a chair.

_I handled myself pretty well, _Rachel thought. Sure, she probably shouldn't have been staring out the window during her entire conversation with Noah but she couldn't help it. The stars looked beautiful and gazing at them meant she didn't actually have to look at _him._ The whole time she had stared out that window, she had wished she were somewhere else. _Anywhere else._

With a sad sigh, Rachel pushed herself out of the chair and went into her bedroom. Slipping her clothes off, she pulled her nightgown over her head and climbed under the covers. Settling in, she stared up at the ceiling.

Sure, she'd had a complete and utter breakdown when Noah had told her he was getting engaged but since then, she really _was_ doing okay. She thought back to the conversation they'd had right after he'd proposed. He had sounded so full of happiness when he'd called after his trip and said, "She said yes, Rachel. I can't believe I'm getting _fucking_ married!" Hearing him happy and _knowing_ that this was what he wanted – and with the _person_ he wanted – was almost like a bandage over her wounds. He deserved happiness. He had endured such a rough childhood with no father around. And then with the disastrous pregnancy that had destroyed friendships and caused such heartbreak when he was a teenager, things hadn't always been easy for him. No, Noah Puckerman had spent a lot of his life struggling and now, everything seemed to be going his way. Seeing him happy was the _most important_ thing to her.

Rachel sighed, flipping over. _I know that life changes. We can't maintain the relationship we had in college. It's just not possible. _She had seen the relationship shift when Kim entered the picture; it shifted again when Rachel graduated and then changed even more when Wren had come onto the scene. The days of "Puck and Rachel" seemed long gone. It would never be just the two of them again.

Rachel flipped over on her other side, feeling guilty when she pictured Wren. The two of them were dating exclusively now and she was trying her hardest to fall for him. He cared about her a lot, she knew. They shared a common love of acting and music and they were really incredibly compatible. Wren was the _exact _kind of man she needed. In fact, he was perfect for her. Except he was too short, too skinny, didn't swear nearly enough, and didn't own Rachel's heart.....

Rachel hoped that as the wedding drew closer, she would be able to let Noah go for good and embrace Wren fully. She didn't intend to walk around with this lead in her chest for the rest of her life. She refused to carry the loss that churned in her stomach with her wherever she went forever. She knew she wasn't the one he wanted. If she could only stop wishing…

In six months, he would be someone's husband. The thought made her ill. She didn't know how she could maintain their friendship once he was married. To be perfectly honest, she didn't even know if she wanted to.

She had to get over these feelings for him. While Rachel had always been a dreamer, she certainly wasn't ignorant. She recognized lost causes when she saw them. And loving Noah Puckerman was certainly a lost cause.

With heaviness on her chest, Rachel rolled over and let the tears burn on her cheeks until she fell asleep.

* * *

"Holy fuck, Kim? You really need a wedding planner?" Puck glared at the massive binder Kim had in her arms.

"Oh, relax Noah. Mom and Dad are paying for her. But now our wedding can be _exactly_ how we've always dreamed." Kim sighed wistfully as she thought about the fairytale wedding in her head.

"Babe…don't take this the wrong way…but from what I've heard before, wedding planners only _cause_ problems." Puck pinched the bridge of his nose. Only six-weeks post engagement party and still five months out from the wedding date, he was already tired of hearing about invitations. Seriously, who gave a fuck about what font it was printed in. And should the paper be cream or ecru? Weren't those the same goddamn color anyway? And should the print be black or sepia-toned? He wanted to kill himself over those fucking invitations.

"Noah," Kim interrupted his silent bitchfest, "Do we want our wedding on a Saturday afternoon or evening? The wedding coordinator at my church needs to know."

Puck swiveled his head. "We're not getting married in your church." He realized his tone was harsh as soon as the words were out of his mouth.

Kim looked hurt. "Why not? I've gone to that church my whole life."

Sighing, Puck sat down at the kitchen table. "I didn't want to discuss this now but…I'm not a Christian and I don't want to be married in a Christian church."

Kim's mouth dropped open. "You're going to ruin my perfect day just because you're not comfortable?"

"Kim, would you be comfortable if I asked you to get married in a Synagogue?"

A horrified look flashed across her face. "Hell _no_ I'm not getting married there."

Puck stood up. "That's what I fucking thought. We're not having it at a church. We can have it _anywhere else…_the zoo, some stupid botanical garden, _wherever. _You can pick wherever else you want without even asking. But we're not having it in a church." His eyes were angry when they met with Kim's sad eyes.

"I…I guess I understand. My minister can marry us anywhere."

"And that's the other thing." He was on a fucking roll now. "I want a rabbi there too. We'll be married by both."

"Noah!" she screeched.

"What? You marry me, you marry my Jewish faith…"

Kim stomped across the room and grabbed her keys. "Where are you going?" he barked after her.

"To mom and dad to discuss your…requests. Don't wait up."

She slammed the door behind her and Puck winced. Quietness settled over the apartment and suddenly, he didn't feel _quite_ so bad. _Fucking wedding planning._

Walking over to the couch, he collapsed into the cushions and turned on some TV. _Time to watch some stupid motherfuckers get their cars repossessed in peace. _

* * *

A month later, Puck realized that telling Kim that she could pick anywhere to get married other than a church was biting him on the ass. She breezed into the apartment on day after work, loaded down with pamphlets.

"Baby, we're getting married at the country club. I called them today and our weekend is still available since Mommy and Daddy have a membership. They have the most gorgeous lake and they set the weddings up right there." She practically skipped over to him and planted a kiss on his lips. "We'll have an outside wedding! It's going to be gorgeous!"

Puck gave Kim a jaw-clenching smile, realizing that he had created a monster. _I'm getting married at a country club. _

Puck needed a drink.

* * *

"Swans? Are you fucking nuts?"

Kim pouted, throwing the photos down at him. "The flock of swans would be swimming in the lake while were married. Can you imagine _how beautiful_ the wedding photos will be?"

Puck dropped his forked and stared across the table at Kim. Her eyes were pleading.

Running his hands through his hair, he sighed. "Fine…we can have swans."

* * *

"Ohhh God, Wren…right _there,_" Rachel moaned, arching her body upward to force his fingers deeper inside of her.

Wren leaned over her, leering at the look of ecstasy on Rachel's face as he worked his fingers inside her. He was a _stud_ tonight_. It must be all that Red Bull...._

Rachel's body arched up off the couch again as she started to tremble. _Fuck yeah, you're close_, Wren thought as he bent down to bite and nip at her breasts.

"Come on baby…almost there…" As Wren spoke, he heard a knock on Rachel's door. She stilled, listening.

"Ignore it, Rachel. Whoever it is will go away," Wren rasped, his eyes focused on her nipples. Licking his lips, he leaned forward again. Another knock echoed through Rachel's apartment, causing Rachel to jolt in resonse. She shoved him off of her and he swore.

Rachel grabbed her robe and slipped it on her. She looked through the peephole. "It's Noah, Wren," she whispered.

Wren collapsed on the couch. "Of course it is…"

"I'll be right back…" Rachel opened the door and slipped out, closing it gently behind her.

"Hey, Noah," she said as casually as possible, given the fact that she was completely naked, soaking wet, and really aroused underneath her thin robe. And looking at _him_ only ratcheted the whole thing up about ten thousand degrees.

Puck's eyes widened just as his nostrils flared. His eyes traveled down Rachel's body and back up, taking in her messy hair, flushed cheeks, ragged breathing, and the outline of her tiny, _very_ erect nipples pressing against her skimpy robe. He shuddered, arousal shooting straight to his groin. He admonished himself because it was _Rachel_ and he was an engaged man but _FUCK! _He was a man and _this_? This shit was nearly too much, even for him.

"Oh shit, Rachel. I'm sorry…I interrupted you and Wren…." For one of the few times in his life, he blushed red.

Rachel was humiliated. They may have a close relationship but they normally didn't see each other like _this. _Her body tingled from the remnants of Wren's touches and from Puck's closeness.

"Oh…it's okay. What's up?"

_Wren, obviously._ He grimaced at his own thought.

Puck took a step back, waving his hand in dismissal. "It's nothing, Rachel. Don't worry about it…" He swiveled on his foot and started to leave.

"Wait!" she yelled after him. "Noah!"

He turned back around and looked at her. "It's nothing that can't wait, Rach…You're obviously…uh…busy. I'll just call you later…." Like a lighting bolt, he was gone.

Rachel watched him go, tears springing to her eyes. She knew that Noah knew that she was sleeping with Wren. But confirming it to him by standing in front of him like a just-used Jezebel made her feel worse about the entire situation. Of course, reality was quick to bitch slap her across the face. _Not that he cares anyway…._

Stepping back outside into the chilly late February wind, Puck exhaled. He'd known Rachel for a very long time but he had _never_ seen her like _that._ She looked thoroughly and completely _fucked. _It was one of the _hottest goddamn _things he had ever seen. Puck shook his head, trying to erase the mental images as guilt besieged him for even thinking such a thing about Rachel.

_I have to remember to start calling. I just can't fucking show up anymore…_

* * *

Two weeks after the embarrassing encounter outside Rachel's apartment, Puck showed up again, _after_ calling first, with pizza and a six-pack of beer. Kim was working and Wren was somewhere (Puck wasn't listening when Rachel told him because he always zoned out as soon as the guy's name was mentioned) and for once, the two of them could get together.

As Puck stepped inside the apartment, his mind was assaulted with images of pert little nipples rubbing against silk. Mentally kicking his own ass, he shook the vision from his mind and slapped the pizza down on her table.

"I told them to go light on the sauce so you wouldn't bitch this time," Puck told her as she gathered some plates. She gave him a genuine grin in return.

They grabbed their pizza and their beer and went into her living room, where they both put their food on the coffee table and sat in the floor.

Rachel tossed Puck the remote. Turning the TV on, he flipped through the channels, stopping to balk at the old people dancing the Polka on RFD, before settling on "World's Wildest Police Videos." Rachel rolled her eyes as he grinned, staring intently at the show.

"What is it with men and car chases?"

"They're _almost_ as cool as boobs, babe. Almost…"

They watched for a few minutes, Puck making random comments about this asshole or that dumb motherfucker, before the show went off and he was bored again.

"Rach…do you think it's insane to have swans at our wedding?"

Rachel furrowed her brow. "Swans?"

Puck groaned. "Yes, Kim wants swans to be swimming in the lake behind us when we exchange our vows. The whole thing makes me want to fucking throw up but I'm not paying. I was told by Lois to "shut up now and show up later." That, and providing my dick on the wedding night, are pretty much all I'm needed for."

Rachel forced out a laugh, trying to ignore the very horrendous thought of his wedding night.

"Well, Noah…you're marrying a rich, high-maitenance girl. I don't know what you expected but what you're getting? That's normal."

Puck growled, rolling his head back so that it leaned against the couch behind him.

"Rach, just promise me that when you get married, you won't do all this crazy shit. I know you're not the type for this type of thing but still…don't torture your future husband…."

Rachel nodded, wanting to emit a bitter laugh. Her own wedding? She had to survive _his_ first.

* * *

**A/N: I'm trying to remember to credit the songs that I use as chapter titles. This one is from the soundtrack to the movie "Center Stage" (which I LOVE!)**


	8. It Ain't Easy

**A/N: "It Ain't Easy" is a song by the fabulous Ricky Fante. Chapter 9 may or may not be up tomorrow. If we get our expected overnight visitor, it may not get posted because I need to clean this house. If we don't have company, the house can be done in stages and I'll post Chapter 9. So I guess we'll see....**

* * *

When the calendar shifted from March to April and the brutal winter finally started to lose its grip on Cincinnati, there was a perceptible difference in Rachel's outlook on life – and not for the better. April was right before May…May was when Noah married Kim. Early on in April, Rachel began to think she was developing a serious medical condition. She felt like a big, beefy professional wrestler had been sitting on her chest for months. But as the wedding date advanced, any conversation or time spent with Noah made it start to feel like the wrestler was not only pressing on her chest but had his arms wrapped tightly around her throat. When she hadn't spoken to him in a few days, the pressure lessened to the point that it felt like maybe just a single foot was pressing against her sternum. The closer it got to his impending nuptials, the harder it was for Rachel to shake the suffocating feeling. By the time late mid-April rolled around, Noah's wedding was only about 6 weeks away and Rachel wasn't sure she would still be breathing at all by the time May 29th arrived.

While she went through the emotional wringer, Rachel committed herself to spending as much time as she could with Wren. She enjoyed his company and they had great sex but she didn't love him. And she didn't think he really loved her, either. They definitely had a good time together but the sparks of ever-lasting love certainly weren't there. Of course, Rachel admitted to herself, she wasn't exactly in the "sparking" mood. Luckily, Wren didn't seem to notice that she didn't give them her "all"…maybe because he'd never seen her "all." Her heart and mind were too caught in a jumbled, twisted pile of confused misery that refused to release its grip for her to ever really be all "there." In a rare moment of complete honesty with herself, Rachel would admit that after years of being a strong, determined woman, she was becoming a bit…broken. And she hated herself for it. And she hated Noah for it even more, even though she knew he wasn't to blame. He'd never played with her heart, pretended that she was something more than what she actually was, or used her in anyway. But the woven connectedness that had been their life for so many years was unraveling and she could literally feel it, like someone was taking a seam ripper to remove him from her life. Rachel felt like a piece of her heart had frayed edges and needed mending. And the hole in her chest that he'd always filled before seemed to grow larger and larger as the wedding drew closer. She was simply falling to pieces and she didn't know how to stop the crack-up before she could no longer be put back together. By the time the month of May breezed into Cincinnati, she had managed to only see Noah twice in the past two months. She missed him so much that what was left of her heart ached all the way through to her back. Sometimes, she was sure that she had to be bleeding inside. Pain _that_ intense had to cause internal damage. She always thought she would be able to handle this whole marriage thing. She had handled everything else that life had ever lobbed her way. But the rules of life don't apply to the game of love. And because Rachel had never been much of a sportswoman, she was losing the game with gusto.

Rachel had even noticed her personality change slightly. She felt like she'd stepped back in time. She was more biting in her responses, less understanding in most _every _situation, and found herself becoming more vindictive. Her friendship with Noah had gone a long way to even-out her overbearing personality and teach her how to relax. But she'd discovered that Noah was like a drug. When she had a dose, everything was fine. But when she went cold-turkey, as she had been doing lately, her symptoms would come back.

_I'm at my best when he's around. _She felt like she's never be at her best again. She knew that if she saw him, she'd get her "fix" and be okay for a while. But then the arm would tighten around her throat again and she'd be back at square one.

_But he's getting married in mere weeks…and then I don't think I'll ever be okay again._

Rachel Berry had gone and turned pathetic…and it made her bitter.

_

* * *

{Are you free tonight?}_

_[Late-night rehearsal. Sorry!]_

_{K}_

* * *

"Noah, the baker just called. What flavor did you want the groom's cake to be again? He didn't write it down…and I can't say that I'm surprised since he's been so imbecilic since we hired him. "

Kim stood behind the couch, watching Puck thumb the controls of his video game system as he worked toward blowing up some strange, grotesque creature on the screen.

When he didn't answer, she snapped, "Noah!"

Jumping as she pulled him out of his tunnel vision, her jerked toward her. "What the fuck, Kim? Geesh!"

"The groom's cake…what flavor did you want again?"

"Uhh…chocolate," he muttered, staring at the screen again. "Die, you cocksucker, _die!_" He yelled at the creature, who was now spurting blood from his neck.

Kim rolled her eyes and called the baker back. "Make the groom's cake vanilla. He wanted chocolate but I think it may conflict with the flavor of the lemon wedding cake…."

Sitting in the room, Puck rolled his eyes. _Why'd she even bother to ask anyway? _As annoyance surged through him, he hit the button one final time to blast the creature to smithereens and then advanced to the next level.

_Just four more weeks and this insanity will be over. Then maybe I can actually breathe again._

* * *

"Hey, Rach. I've actually got a free evening tonight. I didn't know if maybe you wanted to go grab a movie or some dinner." Puck leaned against the door to his apartment, a smile on his face as he spoke to Rachel after several days of not hearing from her.

"Oh, Noah, I'm sorry. I have plans already." Rachel made sure she sounded sincerely sorry, even though her heart pounded at lying to him again. But getting together like that was just too painful. He was weeks away from getting married. He was a month from no longer being in her life much anyway. She was just issuing a preemptive strike, she told herself. _It's just easier to not see him._

"That's fine, Rach. Some other time, then." Puck didn't hide the disappointment in his voice. Hanging up, he left his apartment and went to the movie by himself. He needed time to think anyway, he reasoned. Still, he couldn't shake the feeling that Rachel was avoiding him.

* * *

Two weeks before Puck was scheduled to walk down the aisle, Rachel took a walk of her own with Wren…into a fancy restaurant in downtown Cincinnati to meet his parents for dinner. While Rachel wasn't sure she was up to meeting parents yet, Wren had sweetly requested her presence, complete with a bouquet of pink tulips, and she couldn't say no.

As they neared the table, a thin-lipped woman and tall, regal man stood to great them.

"Mother," Wren said warmly, embracing her in a hug. Turning to his father, he said, "Pop, good to see you," and stuck out his hand for a shake.

Both of them eyed Rachel carefully. However, always an actress, Rachel was perfectly at ease with appraising strangers.

"This," he said, dropping his hand to the small of Rachel's back, "beautiful woman is my girlfriend, Rachel Berry."

Rachel nodded her hellos just as the waiter approached the table. The four took their seats and began scanning the menus.

"So, Rachel," Wren's mother said as she closed her menu and put it gently on the table, "Wren says you're an actress as well?"

"Yes, ma'am, that is correct. I'm relatively new, having just graduated from college last year." She explained, and then added, "But I've been performing for nearly my entire life. "

Wren's father sighed. "We had always hoped that Wren would follow in my footsteps but from a very early age, he was bit by the performing bug. As hard as we tried to dissuade him, he was insistent. We learned long ago that attempting to reign in a headstrong child can be detrimental so we allowed him to explore his talents."

Wren turned to Rachel. "Pop is an astronomy professor at OSU. He had hoped I would also enter the world of astronomy but unfortunately, the closest I ever got to an interest in it was my name."

Rachel looked at him curiously. "Your name?"

Wren's mother spoke up. "Yes, we named him after Sir Christopher Wren, a brilliant 18th century astronomer whose work has greatly influenced Wren's father."

Rachel nodded, shooting a sideways glance at Wren. He was shifting in his seat uncomfortably. Sliding her hand into his lap, she squeezed his fingers in reassurance. Just sitting at the table, she could tell that his parents were less-than-thrilled about his choice of careers. It made her sad for him. Her fathers had been so encouraging and never tried to force her to be someone she wasn't. _Poor Wren…_ she thought. She wanted to hug him right then and there.

They ate dinner amicably, discussing politics and current events. Because both of his parents were into academia (his mother was the head librarian at OSU), Rachel enjoyed the intelligent conversation. Wren was polite and gracious, even when his father made barbs at some of Wren's "fruitier" roles.

When the night was over, Wren's father kissed the back of Rachel's hand gallantly, told her she was lovely, and hugged his son. She noticed that their relationship was strained through the way they communicated. The "Miss Solve It" inside her wanted to jump at the chance to help him improve his relationship with his parents. They should be proud of his talents. They just needed to fully appreciate them.

As Wren drove Rachel home that night, she was genuinely smiling. She had a lovely evening, despite the tension at the dinner table. She felt she had gained more insight into the man Wren was. And she hardly thought about Noah at all.

Sighing with contentment in her seat, she felt that maybe, just maybe, there would be life after heartbreak.

* * *

While Rachel was off to dinner with Wren and his parents, Puck was getting home after a long day at work. He walked into the dining area and glowered at the stack of wedding shit strewn all over the table. The wedding was taking over their already tiny apartment. Every free nook and cranny was filled with flowers or veils or decorations for the reception or some other bullshit that looked like a pure waste of money to Puck.

Grousing to himself, he began piling the papers and magazines into a neat little stack so that he could actually see the bottom of the table – _his _table. His eyes dropped to the white papers in front of him and, after studying it, he noticed that he was staring at the guest list. Flipping through it, he realized that it went on to the next page…and then the next…. Finally finding the last page, he looked at the current guest count and felt the vein in his forehead begin to pound.

"Kim!" Puck roared, staring at the list. 327 names. _Three-hundred-fucking-twenty-seven_ fucking names on the list…

Kim casually walked out of the bedroom, a curious look on her face.

"What is it, Noah?"

Puck grabbed the guest list, fisting it until it crumpled in his hands. "This guest list. There are 327 _confirmed_ names."

"So?" Her hands went to her hips in an attempt to appear defiant.

"We agreed to have a small wedding…100 to 125 guests at most. _Why_ the fuck are there 327 people confirmed to come to the wedding now? And were you planning on telling me or did you just to expect for me to find out that day?"

Kim crossed her arms in a pout. "My father is very connected, Noah. And once we booked the country club, we had the room to invite as many as we wanted. So we did… I don't see what the big deal is."

"What's the big deal? Of these names, maybe 20 of them are people _I_ invited. It's like I'm not even going to be there…" Stopping to contemplate for a moment, his gaze settled on Kim.

"Speaking of that…has the rabbi confirmed yet?" _I think I already know the answer to this question._

Kim shifted in her seat, glancing at the floor uncomfortably. Puck could see the guilt cross her face. She tucked her chin into her chest as the heat the flushed her cheeks.

"Kim?" He repeated. "Has the rabbi confirmed yet?" His knuckles turned white as his fists balled, nails digging into the palms.

"Uhh…Noah…about that…." She met his eyes. "My minister didn't feel it would be appropriate to have both officiators there…he said it would…"

Puck squeezed his eyes closed. _All I asked for was one fucking thing. Just one…_

"Kim, I'm going to stop you from saying another word… I haven't asked for a damn thing for this entire goddamn affair. ALL I asked for was a rabbi. _You_ agreed to it. So I don't give a flying _fuck_ what your minister says."

Puck tromped to the door. He had to get the fuck out of there for a while. He felt like he was going to explode from the pressure seething through every vein in his body.

Grabbing his keys, he glowered at Kim. "I'm going out for a while. When I get back, you better be able to tell me the name of the rabbi who has _confirmed_ or there may not be a wedding at all."

Kim bolted from her seat, running after him. "Noah! Wait!"

He turned and looked back at her, waiting to see what she had to say.

"Can't we talk about this?" She was pouting now. Normally the pout turned him on and he'd end up apologizing before fucking her senseless but tonight, he wasn't feeling anything. The pout _wasn't_ doing it.

"Kim, I don't see what there is to talk about. I haven't complained about this wedding at all, despite the fact that it's a freak show now. I was okay with the fact that there are five groomsmen, two of which I actually picked and three I don't even fucking know. I'm okay with the fact that my sister is stuck working the guest book when she could have been a bridesmaid. I'm even okay with the fact that I told you I wanted Rachel included in some way and you totally ignored me. It's not like you two are friends anyway. But the _only_ thing I asked for was a rabbi to co-officiate. And I'm not backing down on that one… Make it happen."

Kim's eyes were swimming with tears. "Can't we try to come to an agreement about it…maybe compromise?"

"A rabbi, Kim. End of discussion." He turned and strode to the door.

"Noah?" she pleaded after him to no avail.

He ignored her, stalking from the building and jumping into his truck. His phone began to ring. Recognizing Kim's ringtone, he shut the damn thing off and threw it in his glove compartment. She could sit at home and worry for a while. This wedding was turning into a fucking epic production and it was all just for show. He would _never _understand the need to spend thousands of dollars just to impress other people.

After slamming the truck door and speeding out of the parking lot, Puck drove aimlessly around Cincinnati. His anger slowly ebbed but the burning frustration in his gut took root and stayed. He had lost complete control of the whole thing. Kim didn't respect his wishes at all. What she – and more importantly, what her mother - wanted was all that mattered.

_When the fuck did I lose my balls? I feel like I handed them to her the night of the engagement party and she forgot to give them back._

_Why is my life a fucking zoo? I haven't been able to just relax in months._

Puck signaled and made a left turn, weaving through the downtown city streets with no destination in mind.

_I need to talk to Rachel._

The last thought just popped into his brain out of nowhere. He had barely seen Rachel, let alone spoken to her, in what felt like weeks. Every time he was free, she was busy. And if she ever had a free moment, she didn't bother to share them with him anymore. Even as he thought about it, he realized how bitter he sounded. And _dammit_, maybe he was bitter. He _missed_ her. In the last two months, their conversations had become so infrequent that he couldn't even really pinpoint the last time either one of them had just sat around and hung out. It felt like she was trying to erase him from her life. He tried not to let it bother him because he knew she was busy with her career and with _Wren_ and usually Puck was able to take it all in stride. But sometimes, he would catch himself thinking about her at night, long after Kim was asleep. In the cover of darkness, it was easier for him to be vulnerable, even if only to himself. Only then would he even dare acknowledge the gaping hole in his chest caused by the fact that his best friend seemed to have checked out on him after years of being inseparable. Sure, he knew that it was partially his fault. Things had really changed since he and Kim had hooked up. But up until that point, Rachel had always been there. And now, it was like she didn't want to be any more. And that hurt like a blade through his stomach. The logical part of him knew that marriage changed things but the emotional part of him, the part that needed and wanted her friendship, felt wounded. He was about to marry into a huge family yet he'd never felt more alone.

Those thoughts, and the accompanying burning in his gut, jarred him into action. A half-hour later, he was standing in front of Rachel's apartment, pounding on the door at 11:30pm at night. He hoped to _God_ that Wren wasn't there. If he got pushed aside for that motherfucker again tonight, he very well might end up in jail. He needed to talk to Rachel and this time, she _wasn't_ going to blow him off.


	9. Hello, Goodbye

**A/N: Welcome to Chapter 9. Don't know if our guest (my baby bro) is coming or not…. Thought I'd get it posted beforehand so that I could work on my making my house look slightly less like a junkyard. And the chapter after this? Chapter 10 may take a day or two….**

**Oh yeah, the song "Hello, Goodbye" is by Van Hunt. Another one of his songs, "Precious," is "our" song (our being my hubby and I, of course.)**

* * *

The knock on Rachel's door jolted her from sleep. Looking at the clock through sleepy eyes, she smiled. Wren had only dropped her off the hour before and had obviously decided that _maybe_ he should have stayed the night after all. Chuckling to herself, she pushed out of bed and walked through the dark apartment toward the door.

Before she opened the door, Rachel flicked open the top two buttons of her nightshirt. _Might as well reward him for returning_, she thought. Sucking in excited breath, Rachel opened the door, leaned against the door jamb seductively and with a sexy smile, said, "I take you weren't so tired after all and decided to take me up on my offer…" Her eyes traveled up the body in front of her and locked with hazel ones that obviously didn't belong to Wren.

Puck stood straight, staring at Rachel's sleepy eyes, mussed hair, and barely-there nightshirt that came just past her hips. _What the fuck?_ He smirked when the startled look came over her face.

"No, I'm not Wren…Hate to disappoint you. But you may remember me if you think hard enough. Best friend? Ring a bell? Not that you give a shit anymore." His tone was harsh and he did not wait for an invitation to come inside. Instead, he pushed past her and into the blackness of the apartment, his arm grazing against her breast. The heat electrified her body and she fought against her body's own reaction to him. Besides, he was obviously agitated.

"Noah, it's late. What are you doing here? I was _trying_ to sleep." She tried to sound casual and lighthearted, despite the fact that she was _slightly_ freaked out by his late-night, seemingly angry appearance.

Turning around, Puck glared at her. "No, you were _trying_ to get fucked." _And why the hell does that bother me so much? _"Were you waiting up for your loverboy? I didn't realize you two played late-night sex games." He spat the words out, threading his fingers through his short hair. "No wonder you're too busy for me these days…"

Rachel crossed her arms across her breasts as his glare seared into her.

"No…I had dinner with his parents but…wait…why am I explaining myself to you?" She returned his glare. "What do you want, Noah?" _Why are you attacking me? I'm staying away from you because I have to. It's for the best for you, too._

"Is that any way to talk to your best friend?" Puck sneered. "Or former-best friend I should say, because I'm pretty sure friends don't blow each other off the way you've been doing to me for at least the past few months." Even as Puck ranted, he felt guilty. But seeing her in a tiny shirt with her breasts practically hanging out, so ready and willing to invite _Wren_ into her apartment and between her thighs _pissed _him off. He didn't know when he stopped being the #1 man in her life and it shouldn't infuriate him as much as it did. But it did and he wasn't going to apologize for his anger.

Rachel blanched at his words, knowing he was right. It sent guilt shooting through her but only for a moment. His attitude was unacceptable. Furious, she marched over to the door. "I don't know what the hell your problem is, but you can leave now. " She jerked it opened and motioned for him to go. "You woke me up _only_ to be an asshole and I don't need it nor do I deserve it."

Puck stalked over to her. "So it's okay if Wren wakes you up but not me?" _When did I begin to mean so little to you? Huh? Tell me? Why don't you care anymore?_ "I thought we always said we could come to each other at any time about anything." _Don't you remember those conversations? _

Rachel's heart twisted. There was almost desperation in his voice. "We did, Noah…but that was before…" Her voice trailed off as she thought about _before. _Before Kim. Before Wren. Before adulthood had officially set in and changed everything forever.

"Before what?" his voice went surprisingly soft.

"Before you decided to change the rules of our relationship." Rachel's eyes were brimming with tears. She wanted to say so much but she carefully tempered her words because she refused to betray herself and how she felt to him.

"How did I go and change the rules? I've been trying to be your fucking friend for the last few months and _you_ are the one who doesn't seem to give a damn."

Rachel took a quiet breath, forcing the sadness from her voice. "You changed the rules when you and Kim started dating." She didn't want him to say anything so she rambled on. "And that's okay, Noah. You're allowed to change the rules. You're allowed to move on with your life. We…we just didn't talk about what would happen to our friendship after such a monumental shift so neither of us were prepared for it."

Puck listened to her words. _Fuck, I hate when she's right._ _But why can't I be with Kim and still have Rachel in my life? Why does it have to be one or the other? _Sighing, Puck turned away and stared off through the moonlit window.

"Noah?" Rachel was curious. He went from being enraged to quiet and it unnerved her.

With his back to her, he asked, "Does he make you happy?" _I'm miserable half the time these days. I need you to be miserable, too._

_Yes. No. _Rachel opened her mouth slightly to speak but was unable to form an answer, even though her mind screamed with them. _Yes, he makes me happy when I close my eyes and pretend that you aren't always in my peripheral vision. Yes, he makes me happy when I push you into the darkest recesses of my mind and lock you there like a caged animal. Yes, I'm completely happy with him when I pretend that I don't love you. No, because he's not you and he never will be._

"Does he?" Puck asked again, turning back to face Rachel again. "Does he understand you? Does he respect your wishes or does he do what he wants anyway? Does he listen to you or just pretend that you didn't even just fucking speak sometimes?" _Is your relationship anything like mine?_

Rachel's scowl softened as she listened to his words. _Oh, Noah…is she doing that to you? Is that why you're here?_ "Noah?"

He looked up at her, his eyes shining in the darkness.

"Does she do that to you?"

Puck stalked over to the couch and kicked it. "Yes, no….Sometimes." He looked up at Rachel. "The wedding is out of control, Rachel. There are over three hundred guests on the RSVP list…" Puck stopped for a moment, thinking back to the list. "And you know? I don't remember seeing your name on it yet. What the hell?"

Rachel nearly stumbled. _The RSVP card is sitting on my desk. Under tons of papers. So I don't have to see it._ "Oh, I, uh… I just mailed it."

Puck seemed satisfied at her answer and went back to his original train of thought. "I just feel like my life is so out of control right now. When she and I were dating, things were relaxed and cool and I thought I could do this whole husband thing. But now that the wedding is nearly here, she's turned into a fire-breathing crazy bitch half the time. And then I wonder, can I do it? Can I _be_ that guy?"

Rachel walked over to the couch and motioned for Puck to sit down. Once he did, she sat beside him, tucking her feet beneath her. "Can you be _what_ guy, Noah?"

He closed his eyes, leaning forward to rest his forehead in his palm. "Can I be that husband guy? Can I listen to her bitch every day for the rest of my life? Can I handle it if we start having kids? Will I suck at it all?"

Rachel closed her eyes angrily against the images of dark-haired, hazel-eyed children that crept into her mind late at night. Focusing on Puck, she placed her hand on the side of his face and turned it toward her.

She met his eyes in the silvery light and held his gaze to hers. "You, Noah Puckerman, will be amazing at all of that. I have the utmost faith that you can do it…and that you will be fabulous at all of it." Without thinking, Rachel leaned forward and pressed her lips against his in a reassuring kiss, exactly the way she had done hundreds of times in the past. But when his lips brushed against hers, she snapped. Leaning into him, she deepened the kiss until it was no longer friendly but raw and passionate. Puck's arm instinctively went around her and he tucked her against him while his lips crashed against hers again and again.

Rachel's brain screamed for her to stop, even as she pressed harder against him, whimpering into his mouth. His body responded to her, warming up where their skin met.

_Rachel! Stop!_ Finally grabbing hold of her senses, she jerked her mouth away from his and pushed herself from his grip. Tears rushed to her eyes. What had she done?

She stumbled backwards. "I'm…I'm sorry, Noah. I don't know why I did that…" Turning, she hurried toward her bedroom, calling behind her. "I think you should go now!"

Puck sat still on the couch, stunned. Had she really just kissed him like _that? _And had he really kissed her back the same way? What the fuck? _And why the fuck did that feel so goddamn amazing?_ Pulling himself from his thoughts, he watched Rachel retreat frantically toward her bedroom. He hopped up and sprinted behind her, catching her in the dining room. Reaching out, he snagged her arm and pulled her to a stop. She continued to face away from him but stood still.

"Rach…wait…" he whispered.

She still didn't turn toward him.

"Rach…look at me…" His voice was pleading.

She slowly turned her head toward him, her cheeks wet and eyes still leaking tears.

"Noah, let go of me. And please leave." The look in her eye betrayed the forcefulness of her voice.

His eyes burned into hers. He wanted to tell her that it was okay and that the kiss was no big deal. He wanted to reassure her that everything was fine and sometimes, shit like that just happens. But as his eyes grazed over her swollen lips – caused by him – he realized _nothing_ was even remotely okay. With a feral growl, he bent his head and captured her lips again in a bruising assault of kisses. Puck backed her up to the wall and she cried out when her back met the hard plaster. His hands skimmed down her shirt-clad body, sliding around to settle on her ass. His brain screamed for him to stop but his body pleaded for him to continue…To continue this. With _her. _

He pressed himself against her and groaned as the heat of her body seeped through his clothes, igniting his skin until he felt like he was standing in an inferno. His lips left her mouth and skimmed down her neck, biting and sucking along the way. Rachel's head was against the wall, eyes squeezed shut and mouth slightly open.

"Noah," she rasped. "We…ohhh God…" his teeth bit at her collarbone, sending an electrical current straight to between her thighs. She tried again…"We have to stop…"

"I know," he whispered, his hands sliding beneath her shirt and up her bare back. "I will."

Rachel's entire body surged with lust like she'd never experienced. His body was so big and strong and hot against her that her brain nearly ceased all function. But that one little nagging voice in the back of her head, the one singing, "he's marrying someone who isn't you," kept repeating and got louder and louder. It gave her the urge to push him away.

"Noah…stop!"

He stilled the gentle caresses of his hands, his chest raggedly rising and falling as he looked at her confused face.

Noah, you need to leave now." When he didn't answer, she turned, her hair flying behind her, and stormed into her bedroom. Puck watched her ass move in her thin panties as she marched toward her bedroom. _Don't follow her, Puckerman. Don't fucking go in there. If you follow her, you know what's going to happen. Just leave…_

As Rachel disappeared into the room, Puck stood and stalked after her. She turned to slam the door for to release some of her pent-up frustration but Puck's hand shot out, stopping her.

Pushing it back open, he stepped in to her room, slammed the door behind him, and grabbed Rachel by the waist and turned him toward her.

"Noah!" She cried. _You have got to stop. I can't keep telling you no when all I want to do is scream yes… _

Her body betrayed her as the heat of his gaze raked over her. Their eyes locked and she saw a range of emotions swirl in the dark depths. _Do you love me, too? Do you finally realize you're marrying someone who looks nearly exactly like me? _Before she could search his eyes for the questions she do desperately needed, he groaned and kissed her, hard. Her hands instinctively went to his shoulders, gripping them as he backed her up against the door. He pulled away, his gaze dropping to her shirt, which was already partially unbuttoned. He could see the valley between her breasts and his dick throbbed. _I have to fucking _have_ you._

Rachel saw the look of desire in his eyes and gulped. When his hands began flicking open the buttons of her shirt, she shivered.

_What the hell is happening? _

He flicked another button open, gazing down in the moonlight at the flesh he exposed.

"Noah…" She whispered, trying to get his attention. "Noah," she tried again. Puck ignored her.

When the buttons were undone, he parted the fabric wide and his eyes settled on her breasts. Rachel's chest rose and fell, quick and uneven, as she watched his eyes caress her curves.

With a guttural moan, Puck dropped his head and dragged the flat part of his tongue across her breasts, leaving a burning trail. Rachel cried out, her eyes closing against the heat of his mouth on her inflamed skin.

_We have to stop…_ her insides screamed.

_I've got to stop this… I can't do this…_ Puck thought as his fingers slid up and tugged at her nipple, rolling it between his fingers.

"Noah, you…you have to stop…" Her head lulled back, even as she protested, as his tongue swiped against the nipple he held between his fingers.

"Why?" he whispered, "You fucking want this…as much as I do…"

_Do you finally see, Noah? Are you finally coming to me for good? Please....._

To prove his point, he ground his denim-covered erection against her belly, eliciting a moan.

Pushing her hard against the door, his hand snaked into her panties. He cocked his finger over her clit, the tip sinking into her moist heat.

"Fuck," he groaned into her neck. "Tell me you want me, Rachel. Tell me that you want _me_ inside you_…_not him…_me…_"

_We aren't doing this. This will screw up everything! _His finger sunk deeper inside her core and she cried out, her entire body trembling.

She couldn't believe that the two of them were standing here, like _this_, in her moonlit bedroom.

She looked up into his handsome face and saw the dark lust there. For _her._ Maybe this was the tipping point. Maybe, finally, he realized that the hole in his heart that he was trying to fill with Kim could really only be filled by her. Maybe, _finally, _she could wake with him in her arms tomorrow instead of just in her mind and her heart. Maybe, just maybe, he loved her, too. _Maybe this is the start of it...the start of our lives together._

As his hands trailed over her hips, across her belly, and up to cup her breasts roughly, all her resolve, all her concerns, all her worries simply disappeared.

"I want you…" she whispered into his ear.

Puck collided his lips against hers, forcing her mouth open so his tongue could plunder against hers. As he did, she heard the soft _swoosh_ as his pants hit the floor. He stepped out of both his pants and boxers and kicked them away. Pulling away from her, he lifted the shirt over his head and tossed it on the floor.

He stood before Rachel in the moonlight. His body, which she was so familiar with because they had been so close for so long, was extraordinary. His sculpted muscles looked like something out of a French art museum. He was all sinew, ridges, and hard planes of sheer power. And his erection was long and thick, jutting proudly away from his body.

Stepping forward, Puck shoved Rachel back against the bed. He pushed the shirt off her arms and hooked his fingers in her panties, tugging them down. Pushing her back onto the bed, he climbed on it with her, his erection bobbing between his thighs. Rachel couldn't stop looking at it. It was _imposing_.

Puck leaned over Rachel, dragging his tongue across her collarbone, as he shoved her legs apart. She whimpered when she felt the cold air of the room swirl between her thighs. He pushed her knees up and sat back on his haunches, sliding close to her body. His fingers danced over her slit, barely touching her. She arched her body up to press herself against her hand. He took the cue and slid a finger into her wet heat. She jerked at the intrusion, biting her lip.

"Fucking soaked for me…._Goddammit…_" His voice was a low growl, desire tinging every word.

His eyes intensely stared at her as he slid one digit, and then another, slowly in and out of her. His other hand slowly stroked his length until it was as hard as steel, the head angry and throbbing.

"Rachel," he rasped, "are you still on the pill?"

She pushed her body against his hand, nodding her head yes. Her entire being raged with unchecked need for him and only him.

Puck jerked his fingers from her body, grasping his dick and stroking it with his wet fingers, before he slid the tip into her folds and rubbed against the inflamed bundle of nerves that rested there.

"Noah, please…" She begged. Her hand slid down her body and she began rubbing her own clit. Arousal was coursing through her and she thought she might explode if he didn't touch her soon.

His eyes glazed as he watched her slowly rotate her hips, thrusting up slightly to buck against her own hand. "Fuck, Rach…You can't fucking do that…I'm going to blow my shit if you do that…"

She smiled wickedly, high on the lust in his eyes. With a groan, she slid her hand further down her slit and spread herself open fully. His eyes settled on her glistening opening and he shuddered. "Fuck me, Noah…_God…_Please …" She ground her hips into the bed, desire coursing through her as gaze, thick with desire, bore into her body.

Wordlessly, he drove his hips forward and slid himself inside her. Rachel grunted as his length filled her completely. Her flesh tingled at his intrusion, sending shivers skittering down her body and causing her to cry out. He leaned forward, propping himself up on his hands above her, and slowly slid back out with gritted teeth. Grabbing a thigh, he pushed it wide so that she opened more fully, allowing him to slide deeper. Establishing a rhythm, he pounded into her over and over again.

Her core milked him with every stroke. She couldn't stop moving, bucking, undulating against him as her body tried to swallow him inside her. He fought back the urge to cum almost immediately….the need to cum _inside Rachel_ was overpowering.

"Why did I wait so goddamn long to fuck you, Rachel?" He groaned against her shoulder. "Fuck…Why do you feel so good? Baby…_ohhh_…" He knew he was rambling but he couldn't stop.

Rachel's hands slid down his chest, over his stomach, across his back, down his thighs, up his shoulders – everywhere. She memorized the feel of his skin, burning it into her brain and tucking into the spot she reserved for her most cherished memories.

She arched her hips to urge him on and his strokes began to become erratic. His eyes rolled back in his head. _This is Rachel, man…..Rachel. God…I _always_ imagined she'd be like this. _

"Are you going to cum, Rach?" he groaned, his eyes closed tight as he relished the sensation of her hot heat surrounding him.

"So close, Noah..._Please_…" she pleaded, shoving her hips up against him for deeper penetration.

He leaned forward, his breath hot in her ear. "I wanna feel you cum around me, Rachel…" His thumb connected with her clit, massaging and rubbing and causing her to cry out into his shoulder. "Come on, baby, let me feel you….come on, Rachel…" He urged, even as he felt the tight coil in his belly begin to quickly unravel as his orgasm raced through his body.

"Ohh, fuck, Rachel. _Shit_…" He groaned as his orgasm overtook him and he fell into oblivion, his body pulsing his seed deep inside her. Rachel screamed when she felt him throb, expand, and then explode deep within her. The intensity of his orgasm sent Rachel careening over the edge and she came, hot and tight, around him.

As the last pulse left his body, Puck collapsed next to Rachel, her heart racing and with tears leaking from the corners of her eyes.

They laid there silently for what felt like years. Rachel could barely hear over the sound of blood rushing through her ears. Her mind was racing with the words she needed to say to him. With the words she _had_ to say.

_I love you._

_I can't live without you._

_Don't marry her, please._

_If you marry her, I may die. _

Rachel rolled over to face him. He was breathing heavily and his jaw was clenched tight. _Tell him now, Rachel. He has to know… Tell him. _

Just as she began to open her mouth, he pushed himself off the bed.

"Noah, I…" she began.

"Don't…" he said, holding up his hand to stop her. "I don't know why the fuck that just happened." _I've got to get out of here._

Puck's eyes searched the floor of the dark room frantically, trying to find his clothing. Spying his jeans, he jerked them on. _I have to get the fuck away from here. From _her_. I can't believe I just cheated on Kim…_

_Don't look at her. You can't look at her. _"I'm so fucking sorry, Rachel." _What the fuck did I just do? I'm getting married in two weeks. _

She watched helplessly as he angrily jerked his shirt over his head. "This was a _huge_ fucking mistake." Panic took over every pore and his voice became broken. "Please, Rachel, don't tell Kim…"

He began to walk towards the bedroom door and was almost through it when he stilled for a moment. "I'm sorry, Rachel," he muttered again, even though he refused to look in her direction.

And then he was gone; the slam of the front door reverberating through the darkened apartment.

"But…I love you…" The words Rachel had been holding the entire time he was getting dressed, as he was telling her what a mistake it was to be with her, finally slipped from her swollen mouth.

"I love you," she whispered again, "and I thought that you finally loved me, too." Her voice hitched, warbling weakly, as the shock at what had just happened started to sink in.

_He just left. He fucked me and he left._

_ He used me like I was some whore. _

A wave of nausea overtook Rachel. She forced it back down and collapsed onto the bed. As tears poured from her eyes, Rachel sobbed so loud and so hard that she thought her ribcage would crack. But cracked ribs and a broken heart really didn't matter anyway. Because with his regretful words, plea not to tell his fiancé, and his harsh exit, Noah Puckerman had finally managed to completely break Rachel Berry _for good_.


	10. Before the Worst

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews for the last chapters. I got to work on the story because my brother, who was supposed to stay for 3 nights, only stayed for one and then left this morning. And yeah, Puck **_**is**_** pretty much a douche right now…. **

**Watchtower42 - Per your request, angst warning ahead!!! :)**

* * *

Even though he'd lived in Cincinnati for four years, Puck had never really bothered to watch the sun rise over the Ohio River. But a scant four hours after he'd left Rachel's apartment in a panicked rush, Puck found himself sitting on a bench along the river, staring out at the water as the sun began to climb in the Eastern sky. He needed to go home – he _was _supposed to be at work in just a few hours– but the idea of going home to Kim with Rachel's scent still clinging to his body was too much for him to handle. So he'd driven around town some more, hoping that if he drove fast and far enough, the guilt and misery gnawing at his gut would stop trying to keep up with him.

_What the fuck did I do? _Those six words had become his mantra in the 240 minutes since he had run out on the only woman who had ever really believed in him, besides his own mother, in his entire fucking life. He knew, even as he was advancing through her apartment in the dark, trying to get the _fuck_ out of there, that he was delivering a painful blow to her. Now, he'd wished he hadn't run. And even as he analyzed the situation minute by minute, which he had been doing, he still wasn't even sure how it had happened. He knew he was mad when he got there because she was cutting her from his life. But how did that anger translate into some hot-ass amazing sex with Rachel, who had suddenly become the only thing that could soothe his worry. How had the ended up in bed? And now, how the hell did they move on from it? _Was_ there a way to move on from it at all or was it too far gone? Would she ever speak to him again?

He stood up, shoving his hands in his pockets, and shivered as the chill of that May morning seeped into his pores. He stared across the river to the opposite bank, watching the cars move slowly in the early morning light. _Why didn't I leave? Fuck, why did I even show up in the first place? Why didn't I stop when she told me to? What made me do it? Why did I need _her_ so badly? And what the fuck do I do now?_

Puck turned his head to watch the emerging sunlight cast a rosy glow on the bridges as morning rose of Cincinnati. The sunlight also seemed to illuminate his shame, anger, and guilt.

Shame for cheating.

Anger at Rachel for kissing him.

Shame for following her into that bedroom.

Guilt for everything that came next.

And brutal pain for the loss that he now felt and could do very little about.

"Goddammit!" He yelled, kicking the steel of the bench legs. He was an engaged man. He _loved_ Kim, didn't he? He was planning on spending the rest of his life with her… And now he couldn't see past _those_ moments in a moonlit bedroom with a woman who very much _wasn't_ his fiancé…

_Rachel. _

Her name had always represented a safe haven to him. She had always offered him her friendship, her brutal honesty, and most importantly, she had faith in him when no one else ever did. But recently, he'd felt her pulling away; he'd felt her slipping through his fingers like fine sand and it made him forget how to breathe. So he'd tried to pull her closer; tried to remind her of their friendship and how much they'd meant to each other over the years. But all he'd done is ruin the friendship they'd had forever because of the inexplicable need he'd had to touch her skin to his; because of his inexplicable need to feel her as a lover instead of a friend. Puck realized, with a sick churning in his gut, that by pulling her closer, he might have just pushed her away forever. And the thought that she may go through the rest of her life without his name ever leaving her lips again was enough to bring him to his knees. _What the fuck did I do?_

When the sun was high over Cincinnati and the horrible situation he'd created was fully exposed in the daylight, Puck finally went back to his truck. Opening the glove compartment, he pulled the phone out that he'd discarded hours ago and turned it on. Once it started it up, he saw that he had 5 voicemails and 11 text messages. He knew Kim had probably stayed up all night, worried and crying. The guilt was like a sword through his already raging insides.

_Kim._

She was an amazing woman. She loved him, he knew. They had a great relationship up until the wedding planning began. He hoped that they could have a great relationship again…didn't he? But how did he walk back into that apartment, make up with Kim, and pretend that his entire fucking world hadn't just been tilted on its axis. The weight of the world – _his fucked up world_ – pressed against his shoulders until he felt so dizzy that he sagged into his bench seat. _Nothing _was normal and he didn't think it ever would be again.

Starting up his truck, he inhaled and swore he could smell Rachel's shampoo on his body. _No way I'm going home smelling like her._ Putting his truck in gear, Puck headed to the gym to work off some steam and wash off her scent. Later, after running on the treadmill for so long that his legs started to buckle, he stood under the shower spray. Closing his eyes, his heart thudded in his ears as he soaped his skin clean of that night, realizing even as he did so that he was washing away what may be his last tangible link to Rachel for a very long time.

* * *

Puck finally made it back to the apartment at 8am. When he parked, he noticed Kim's car in the lot and felt dread practically kick him in the balls. _She should be at work. Fuck. _Apparently she had the same idea he did about not going to work today…

He stood outside for a few minutes, fiddling with his truck in an an attempt to steel himself against the nausea he felt. Finally, inhaling deeply, he forced himself forward.

As Puck went to unlock the door, his stomach flipped and he lost his breath again. _You can do this. Act casual. You didn't just cheat and destroy your relationship with your best friend because of a fight over a rabbi._

When he pushed open the door and stepped inside, Kim bolted from the couch and threw herself into Puck's arms.

"I'm sorry," she whispered into his shoulder. "I'm so sorry."

Puck awkwardly patted her back with his hand, skin burning and betraying him with her in his arms.

_I had sex with my best friend. I fucked Rachel. _

"We have a rabbi confirmed. He is going to call my minister today to work out the details so that the ceremony goes off without a hitch." Her voice was full of tears and Puck felt his shirt become soaked as she continued to cry against him.

"Can you forgive me?" She looked up at him with her brown eyes swimming with tears. Puck's eyes widened. Brown eyes framed by big, dark lashes. Dark eyes that conveyed emotion and love and hurt and faith all with just a glance. _Fuck. Rachel! I see it now. Holy fuck. She looks so much like Rachel in the eyes.... Oh God._

Puck closed his eyes against the constricting pain that gripped his chest. _This is fucking torture_. _Why didn't I see it before? They look alike…what the fuck?_

Pulling away and untangling herself from Puck's upper body, Kim wiped her red-rimmed eyes on her sleeve. "Where were you all night? I called and called. I was worried."

Puck turned as she was speaking and walked into the bedroom, not answering her question. She followed.

"Noah? Where were you?" She asked again.

"Uhh..." Puck began as he pulled his shirt over his head. _I fucked Rachel. I had incredible, mind-blowing sex with Rachel and then I walked away from her like she was a one-night stand. _"I drove around, closed down a few bars, and then watched the sun rise on the river. After that, I went to the gym and worked out. And now I'm home and I'm fucking exhausted." Puck pushed his pants off and climbed into bed, clad only in his boxers.

Kim watched him, looking like she wanted to say something. Finally, she spoke. "Okay, then. I'm going to head to work now. I called and told them I'd be late."

"I need to call in sick real quick, I guess." Puck grabbed his phone out of his pants pocket and left a message for his boss.

Kim changed into her scrubs and then walked to Puck's side of the bed. "I am sorry, Noah. I really am. I will try to be better about the wedding stuff." She bent and kissed him. When she pulled away, Puck forced himself to sound as relaxed and casual as possible, "I know, babe. I'll see you tonight."

With a soft "goodbye," she left. Puck noticed, as she disappeared, that she was built a lot like Rachel, too. Small, tight, trim, short…_Dammit, the resemblance is torture. How have I not fucking seen it? Or did I just not want to see it?_

Once he heard the front door close, he exhaled loudly and flipped onto his back. Staring at the ceiling, he was relieved that she didn't suspect anything. _I feel so guilty...but I can't tell her. I just can't...._

Puck closed his eyes and willed himself to go to sleep. But every time he tried to clear his mind, he would see Rachel, naked and bathed in moonlight, begging him to fuck her. And then he would picture the way he ran out on her. And after that, he would gasp for air and wonder how he was going to get past this and go back to living the life he had before last night.

* * *

Rachel woke up a few hours after Puck had bolted, her eyes swollen from crying and her throat nearly stuck closed from thirst. She walked to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of cold water. Taking a big drink, she padded back into her bedroom and grabbed her phone. Dialing her director, she reported an illness for rehearsal. There was no way she could go to work today. She sent Wren a text message that told him that she was sick and contagious and that she would call him later. _I don't need to see him today. _

Then she climbed back into bed, smelled the scent of sex still heavy on the sheets, and felt sick. She could still feel the burn of her thigh muscles as proof that he had been there. Her lips were still swollen as proof of his kisses. Her body on fire from the memory of the night before, she cried until she fell asleep again.

When she awoke again, it was late afternoon. Her head was pounding and her vision was blurry. Out of habit, she checked her phone. No missed calls. Her heart dropped into her stomach.

_C'mon Rachel...you knew he wouldn't call yet. _

She wanted to call him and scream at him because it would make her feel better. Instead, she grabbed a blanket and curled up on the couch, which didn't smell like the scent of betrayal and heartbreak that had infiltrated her bedroom. She would deal with life tomorrow. Today was all about the death of a friendship...and her heart.

* * *

The second day, Rachel decided to rejoin the living. She forced herself out of bed early, put ice packs on her eyes to try (in vain) to reduce the puffiness from the gallons of tears her body had miraculously produced for her to shed, and then she went out to face the world again. Rehearsal went fine and everyone ignored Rachel's swollen eyes and pale face. She avoided Wren except for when she absolutely couldn't. At the end of rehearsal, she called out that she had an appointment and zipped away from him before they could talk. She hadn't figured out what to do about Wren yet. She had cheated on him...she felt like he should know. The honest part of her wanted to disclose it immediately and beg for his forgiveness. But the other part of her wanted to forget it had ever happened...forget that Noah and their entire relationship had ever happened. _I don't know what to do. I don't know how to act like everything is fine when _nothing_ is right._

When she got into her car, she checked her phone but there were still no calls from Noah. Her chest felt so tight that she rolled down the window and sucked in a few quick breaths of the spring air. _What would he say, anyway? What is there _to_ say? He said everything when he bolted...._

* * *

When she hadn't heard from him in three days, the gnawing in her stomach that even Pepto-Bismol couldn't shake slowly turned into something _very _different. Rachel was mad.

Furious.

Enraged.

She wanted to rip his eyes out so that he could never look at her with them again.

Balling her fists, she stared around her apartment, looking for something to throw. After a futile search and the realization that her belongings were too nice to throw, she decided that instead, she was going to give him a piece of her mind _right now._

Grabbing her phone, she called his number. It rang once and went to voicemail. An hour later, she tried again with the same result. In the end, each of her three calls went to voicemail after just one ring. She knew that trick; he was avoiding her.

Rachel, seething now, typed out a text message that simply said: _You can't pretend it didn't happen_. With a glare at his name on her phone, she hit "send."

* * *

Puck saw Rachel's number flash up on the screen for the third time that day and the burning in his throat began again.

_You have to stop avoiding her._

He knew he had to talk to her eventually. He knew that avoiding her was only making things harder for both of them. But still, he pressed the "ignore" button, sending her to his voicemail for the third time.

_What the hell do I say? Sorry I fucked you. Hope you aren't upset. I screwed up. Can we pretend that everything is okay? Can we go back to the day _before_ that, when we weren't talking much but at least our friendship had a future? Can I pretend that I don't feel you every time I close my fucking eyes now?_

Just then, his phone with a beeped with a text message from Rachel.

_You can't pretend it didn't happen._

He read it and then re-read it, staring at it like it was Rachel herself. Her anger seemed to spew from every letter. His chest clenched with guilt again and the tug and pull that had wracked his brain began all over again.

Kim.

Rachel.

Kim.

Rachel.

_Oh, God…Rachel._

Gripping the phone tightly, he flung it across the room, yelling, "Yes, I can," at it as it flew into the bookshelf.

Kim walked into the living room at that moment and saw the very angry look on Noah's face. He'd been acting weird for days. He was cold, seemed very distracted and horribly sad, and most of the time, it was like he was looking _through_ her instead of _at_ her. And it scared the hell out of her.

"Baby?" She walked over to the couch and sat down beside him. Dropping her arm around him, she asked, "What's wrong? You've been quiet for days now." Her voice was laced with worry and concern.

Puck closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. _I cheated on you and fucked my best friend because I was mad at you. _"Nothing. I'm just tired." _I'm pretending that Rachel doesn't exist because it's less painful than dealing with reality. Except I can't pretend she isn't around because you look just like her, dammit. _"The wedding stuff is exhausting and I'll just be glad when it's over."

Kim dropped her head against his shoulder. "Ten days from now, we'll be man and wife and all the stress will be behind us." Her voice was soft and wistful; she had no idea of the guilt and pain raging inside her fiancé's head.

"You're right, Kim," he finally offered, dropping a kiss onto her forehead. _Ten days from now, if I am still in this much hell, I'm not sure that I'm going to be alive. This is killing me. Pain like this has to cause death eventually._

They reclined on the couch, not speaking, as they settled into silence. Puck ignored the pain in his chest as he studied the shape of Kim's lips and compared them to Rachel's. _Nearly fucking identical._

"Things will get better soon, you'll see," she promised.

Puck said nothing. Closing his eyes, he tried to block out all thoughts of Rachel from his brain.

_It was a mistake. _

_It didn't mean anything. _

He quietly laughed as those thoughts ran through his mind. It was so easy to lie to himself if he tried.

* * *

Five days after their night together, Noah's silence was so loud that it reverberated through her apartment like a blood-curdling scream.

_He's not going to call._

_He doesn't care._

_I don't matter. _

_I wonder if I ever really did._

As the tears ran down her nearly-raw cheeks, she spoke aloud to the room, "If you were trying to break my heart, Noah. It worked. I'm broke. I am completely and utterly broken. I have _nothing _left."

And at that moment, she made the decision: she was _done_ with Noah Puckerman. He had used her, plain and simple. It had been nothing more than a quick fuck to take the edge off the anger he felt at his future wife – at the woman he _actually _wanted. After all those years of friendship, she had meant nothing more than any of the sluts he used to bring home in high school and college.

_It's over. It's all over. _

_I'm never going to speak or even see him again. It's the only way._

Instead of more tears, like Rachel had expected, she felt relief. Her heart had been too wrapped up in him, and in the _hope_ of him, for too long. She needed to learn to breathe again. She had to figure out how to suck in a breath that didn't contain the taste of him. She needed to forget that _this_ _whatever _she had with him had ever happened. She needed to forget that he even existed.

Rachel stood in front of the window in her apartment, staring out as dusk overtook Cincinnati and slowly blanketed it in darkness. The town was too small for the both of them. Even if they never spoke again, it was inevitable that they would cross paths. Kim would be on his arm, probably smiling adoringly up at her husband, and they'd run into each other and Rachel would die all over again. _I can't do that. I can't live like that._

But Noah wasn't talking to her and instead, had decided that it was easier to pretend that she didn't exist anymore.

_Fine. If that's how he wants it, that's how it will be. _

Turning from the window, Rachel walked to her desk and fired up her laptop.

_I don't need him. _

_I don't matter at all._

_I was nothing more than a means to an end._

Angrily hitting the keys, she typed out the web address to Southwest Airlines.

Perusing the destinations and sales, she saw an attractive location. Clicking on the link, she read. It had a great arts community, was in a gorgeous setting, and most importantly, it was over 2000 miles away from the mess that had become her life. She clicked on the "Buy Ticket" button, clicked the perfect departure day, and entered her credit card information. A few minutes later, she was printing out her itinerary.

_If he's done with me, I'm done with him._

Next, Rachel looked up the name of a cross-country moving company. Finding their number, she called them.

Two hours later, she had everything arranged.

She was leaving Cincinnati.

She was leaving Ohio.

She was leaving _him._

* * *

Packing up her memories proved to be a more difficult task than she thought it would be. Rachel didn't want to take needless junk with her to her new home so she had to spend a lot of time going through things. Starting in her bedroom, where she knew she had old clothes she could part with, seemed like the easiest solution. Yanking open drawers, she tossed the contents on her bed and began to go through them. She sorted through most of her things until she found a folded grey shirt. Unfurling it, she stared sickly at the "McKinley Football" printed across the front. _Noah's shirt_. She glared at the shirt, attempting to transfer her anger to the shirt's original owner. Timidly, she picked up the shirt and brought it to her nose. It didn't smell like him; she knew it wouldn't. Admonishing herself for her stupid moment of weakness, she yanked it away from her nose, used it to wipe up a stray tear that had escaped from her eye and then grabbed a small box, tossing it inside.

Later, she was pulling framed pictures off of shelves and fighting the urge to toss them across the room. Six of her 12 pictures included she and Noah at various places, smiling for the camera. She looked at a picture of them at his graduation and shot a dirty look at the stupid girl staring back at her.

"Idiot," she said to the younger version of her that was frozen happily in time. "He doesn't love you."

She threw the picture on the couch and grabbed the next one. This one was from one of their trips home to Lima. "If you would have run away then, you wouldn't have to do it now," she told the less mature version of herself.

"I hate you," she said to the 3-inch Noah beaming up from her in the frame. "I hate you...." She repeated the words, trying them on for size. They seemed to fit okay but as she walked around with them in her chest, she realized that while they fit, they weren't a good look on her. _I don't want to hate. I just want to forget._

Rachel finally grabbed five of the six pictures and threw them in the box with his jersey. Keeping one, the one taken at her own graduation, she wrapped it in tissue paper and packed it in the box marked "Living Room."

When Rachel had cleaned out most of her apartment, the small box now contained his shirt, five pictures, several CDs that obviously _weren't _hers (Nirvana? Really?), a stuffed bear that he had won for her at a college carnival once, and a random pair of socks of his that she had found mixed in with her stuff in the sock drawer. Once everything was packed in the box, she angrily taped it closed and quickly scrawled his address across the top of the box. She would mail it before she hopped her plane. _One last "fuck you" to my old life, _she thought bitterly.

* * *

The Saturday before the wedding, a mere seven days before he was supposed to marry Kim, Puck sat alone on the bed in their bedroom. Kim was at work, trying to pick up a few extra hours before the honeymoon, when they would be gone for an entire month. Kim's parents had surprised them at dinner the night before and presented them with a month-long honeymoon tour of Europe as part of their gift for the young couple. Kim was ecstatic. Puck tried to be. He didn't give a _fuck_ about Europe right now. He could barely stand to leave him own apartment, let alone the country. But Kim was excited, chattering on and on about all they'd see as she perused the itinerary, hugged her parents, and read the stack of pamphlets that came with the gift. As she rambled and rambled, Puck was struck again with how much she reminded him of Rachel. And it was like _fucking salt_ in the huge gashes that had been torn in his gut in the past week. In the past, he would have called Rachel to bitch about how a trip to Europe was the last thing they actually needed as a wedding gift. But now, he could only laugh bitterly because he had no one to call. He knew he had to talk to her. He missed her so goddamn much that he was drowning in it. He was like a fucking sinking ship and he could tell _no one_. Nobody would probably even discover he was even missing until he'd gone under completely.

As he sat on his bed, he tried to shake the misery from his body. _I can't live like this. I can't do this. If I just make things right with Rachel, I think I'll be okay. I need to apologize. I need to tell her that I freaked out. I need to explain why it happened, why I pursued her that night…except that I don't know why I did. I don't know what made me think it was a good idea. _And because of that, he didn't call and he didn't bolt from his bedroom and drive to her apartment at a hundred miles an hour and beg her to forgive him. Instead, he muttered, Rachel, I'm sorry," and then sat in silence, unable to move at all.

* * *

"But Rachel, this is insane. Why did you just walk in and resigned mid-production like that?" Wren's brow furrowed at the brunette in front of him. They were standing in the parking garage that was attached to the theater. It was Wednesday now; just three days before Puck started his new life with Kim and Rachel started her new life far, far from him and Kim.

"I'm sorry, Wren. I...I just have to leave." She didn't know what to say without revealing the extent of her betrayal and heartbreak.

"Why would you leave? Your whole life is here? Your job...me...Puck."

Rachel involuntarily flinched at his nickname and pain flashed into her eyes. Wren saw the range of emotions on her face, opened his mouth, and then closed it again. Finally, he spoke. "So this is about _him_, huh?"

Rachel said nothing, just stared at him with an intense gaze. She wouldn't lie but she didn't have to. Wren thought back to her calling in sick, her avoidance of him, her swollen eyes, the soulless gaze that seemed to have taken her over, and knew exactly what had happened.

Wren let out an angry sigh and leaned against his car. "When did it happen?"

Her eyes dropped and her cheeks reddened. "Eleven...Eleven days ago..."

"So you've been hiding it this long? I'm shocked, Rachel. It's not like you." He looked at her, his eyes showing pain but not anger. "So are you two running away together?"

Rachel closed her eyes. "No. I just need to leave....I have to get away for good."

"Where are you going?"

Rachel almost blurted it out but contained herself at the last moment. "I...I don't know yet."

"I wish I could say that I was surprised, Rachel, but I'm not."

"Wh...why do you say that?"

Wren turned and met her gaze. "Really, Rachel? I've seen the way you look at him when you think I'm not looking. I've known from practically the beginning that I was just a stand-in for him. I knew I couldn't ever really compare to him but I just...I just thought I would eventually win you over. But it looks like he won, after all."

Rachel snorted bitterly. "Wren, he didn't win. I'm leaving _because_ of him."

Wren thought for a moment, then pulled out the keys to his car and unlocked it. Opening the door, he said, "If I don't have you, he won, regardless of what happened....Goodbye, Rachel."

Climbing into his car, he drove away. Rachel stood and watched him leave, guilt settling in her stomach next to the anger, rage, heartbreak, and betrayal that were already stewing within. At least she had been honest with him. It made it easier to deal with.

* * *

Two days before the wedding, Puck went to the shop to pick up his tuxedo. After paying (and reeling at the price), he hung it neatly in his truck and then headed home. Realizing that the tuxedo store was only a few blocks from Rachel's apartment, he suddenly found himself sitting outside her building. It was the middle of the afternoon so he assumed she would be at rehearsal. However, her car was parked across the street. He looked up into her window, wondering what how she was. _Does she think about it? Or is she trying to block it out like I am? _Two times, Puck pushed open the door to his truck. _I have to talk to her. I have to see her. _Two times, he pulled it closed again.

The third time, he found himself out of the truck and walking toward the building, his heart pounding in his chest. _I'm so screwed up. I don't know how to get past this. I have to apologize and hope that someday, she'll forgive me. _

His steps slowed as he neared the door until he stopped completely. _She doesn't want to see you, Asshole. Not after what you did. _

Shaking his head, Puck walked back to his truck and climbed in. His eyes traveled up to her bedroom window and then he saw _it_ in his mind_, _felt _it_ all over again. Every touch. Every kiss. The moaning. The way he'd felt so hard and large inside her small, tight body. The way she'd clamped down around him as she came....it all rushed back. Swearing against the shudder that wracked his body, he started his truck back up and slammed it into gear, pealing away.

* * *

"No, Dad…I have to do this," Rachel cried into the phone. She felt like she was breaking her father's heart by leaving.

"But Rachel, what happened that is making you give up your great gig and move all the way out there?" She could hear the frustration in his voice.

"Noah," she said softly.

"What about him? I mean, I know his wedding is tomorrow but…ohhh… Is that it, Rachel? The wedding."

The tears dripped from Rachel's cheeks as she said, "Partly, Dad…yes."

"And the rest?" he prodded.

Taking a deep breath, Rachel confided to her father a very sanitized version of what had happened nearly two weeks before. When she was done, her father sat in stunned silence.

"Dad?" she finally asked.

He cleared his through. "Sorry, kitten…I just wasn't expecting to hear _that_, I guess."

"I know, Dad…I'm sorry if it disappoints you. But I'm pretty disappointed in myself…and in him…"

"Rachel, what do you want me to tell him if he calls looking for you?"

Closing her eyes, she tried to imagine Noah calling her father. "He won't do that, Dad. He's going on a honeymoon after the wedding anyway. He won't even know I'm gone for a few weeks. But if he does, don't tell him anything. I don't want to hear from him. I don't want to talk to him. I need to forget him."

"Okay, baby." Her father's voice was sad. "I wish I could hug you, honey. But please call me when you get there."

"I will, Dad. As soon as I get there, I'll get my new phone number and give you a call."

"I love you, Rachel. Be safe."

"I will, Dad, I promise. I love you, too."

"Bye, honey…"

"Bye, Dad…"

* * *

Friday night, the night before his wedding to Kim, Puck was sitting at his dining room table with a plate of food in front of him. Kim and her bridesmaids had checked into a hotel for pampering and girl talk. Puck had bowed out on a bachelor party that Kim's cousins wanted to throw. Instead, he was alone. _And that's what I deserve_, he couldn't help but think. He was getting married tomorrow but he was an unfaithful cheater. And how in the _fuck_ was he supposed to act normal tomorrow if Rachel showed up?

He emitted a bitter chuckle at the thought. She wasn't going to show up. After what had happened, there was no way in _hell_ she'd be there. And then when his mother and sister and some of their mutual college friends all grilled him about where Rachel was, he would have to come up with a convincing lie to cover for her glaring absence. "She's sick," sounded like a lame excuse to use for her missing his wedding. _I fucked her. And now I'm ignoring her. And I'm pretty sure that I've lost her forever and I can't do anything about it because I'm an asshole who never deserved her friendship in the first place._

Yeah, he was _fucked_ tomorrow.

_

* * *

Dear Tina,_

_This is hard for me to say but I have to say it. I am leaving Cincinnati. Actually, I'm done with Ohio. I have to leave. Things went too far with Noah and we can never go back to where we were. He is getting married tomorrow and all I know is that I need to be _anywhere_ but here. So I'm leaving. Actually, after I send this email, I'm calling the cable company and having my internet connection shut off and my email account disabled. My cell phone will be disconnected in the morning. And as he is saying his vows, promising to love _her_ forever tomorrow, I will be in the air, getting as far away as I can from him and the mess we've created._

_Don't worry about me, T. I will contact you with all my new information once I figure out where I'm going to be and what I'm going to do. On the off chance that Noah decides to contact you to see if you've heard from me (and I don't anticipate that he will since he's been ignoring me for two weeks), please don't tell him anything. He doesn't need to know anything beyond the obvious facts: he had sex with me and then he left after telling me what a mistake I was. So now I'm leaving him. _

_I will be in touch, T. And I reiterate, don't worry about me. I know you will anyway and I adore you for it but I promise, I'll be fine. I need time to heal and move on. I'm not spending another day of my life hoping for something that was futile to begin with._

_All my love,_

_Rachel_

**

* * *

Next up: The wedding day…..**


	11. The End Where I Begin

**A/N: Welcome to the wedding day, everyone!!!! **

* * *

That Saturday morning, Puck woke up at 3am, shaking. Bleary-eyed, he looked at the clock and swore when he realized it was still the middle of the night. But even as he lay there, he knew sleep wouldn't be returning. He was too keyed up. And he couldn't stop the fucking shaking....

Forcing himself to close his eyes again, he tried to picture how Kim would look in her wedding dress. He saw her walking down the aisle with her father, wet-eyed and beaming at him through her thin veil. When her father placed her hand in Puck's, he pushed back her veiled and smiled down into Rachel's happy face. _Rachel. _Puck jerked his eyes open. _Dammit. _

With an expletive-laden rant, Puck threw the covers back and bolted out from the warmth of the bed.

Walking into the kitchen, he turned the coffee pot on and dumped the grounds in the top. Leaning against the countertop, he stood with his arms crossed and stared into space while the coffee began to percolate.

_9 hours. I have nine hours until the wedding. I have nine hours to figure out what the hell I'm going to do with my life and the mess I've made._

As the smell of fresh coffee began to fill the apartment, Puck wandered over to the bookcase that held the framed photos of his and Kim's favorite memories. He searched the rows of frames for the one he wanted, spied it, and then pulled off the shelf so he could take it back to the kitchen with him. Pouring himself a cup of coffee, he took a sip and looked down at it. It was a picture of the two of them at his graduation. He had his arm thrown around Rachel casually and they were both smiling happily at the photographer. The memory of that day – one of the best days of his life – was still so fresh in his mind. He, his mom and sister, and Rachel had all gone out for dinner afterward and later, back at Rachel's dorm room, she'd hugged him, kissed his lips gently, and whispered, "So who's the Lima Loser _now_?" He remembered the fondness in her voice and the look in her eye as she spoke. It was the "I believe in you, Noah Puckerman, and you can do anything you want" look; the look she always gave him, even when he felt like the rest of the world thought he was a no-good loser from the wrong side of the tracks. His heart pounded, ears nearly ringing, with the horrible thought: _I may never see that look again. I don't deserve to see that look ever again. _Suddenly, the coffee seemed to sit on his stomach like lead. Tossing his mug into the sink, he swore and stalked to the shower. He was glad the gym opened early because he had to work off some of this tension before he headed to the country club. _The fucking country club… _

_Nine hours. I have nine hours to figure it out._

* * *

Rachel watched from her window as the moving truck pulled to a stop in front of her apartment at 7am. She had gotten up hours before to strip down the bed and pack away the sheets and pillows. She ate a quick breakfast of yogurt and a banana – the last two food items in her apartment – and then packed up the final dishes. By the time the moving truck arrived, she was waiting rather impatiently. She wanted to get going. It was time to leave.

Sitting to one side of the room was her suitcase, her carry-on bag, her purse, and the box she needed to run to the post office. Everything else would be loaded directly into the moving truck. Letting the movers in, they made quick work of her belongings. Within two hours, the truck was loaded completely and the back securely locked. Her car was then loaded onto the trailer that was hitched to the back of the moving truck. With a final confirmation of the delivery address some 2200 miles away, Rachel watched from the curb as the truck pulled away from the curb and began slowly moving down the street.

_I'm really doing this. I'm really leaving._

Rachel's stomach flipped as she walked back up the steps and into her empty apartment. Surveying it one last time, she confirmed that there was no trace of her left there. Dialing the cab company, she requested a cab transport to the airport and then began to wait the 20 minutes until its arrival.

Walking to the window, she stared out at the Cincinnati skyline.

_Goodbye, Noah._

Just thinking the words hurt all the way through to her shoulder blades. She'd done well the past few days, only thinking about him every four or five minutes instead of the constant hum he'd had on her heart for so long. The rest of the time, she preferred that her mind be as numb as possible or focused on the new life that was waiting for her along the Pacific Ocean.

_Four hours. He gets married in four hours._

_My plane leaves in three hours. _

Rachel snorted at the close proximity of the two events. She'd timed it that way, really. Subconsciously, she that maybe, just maybe, he'd come to his senses sometime in the two weeks since they'd shared that stolen hour. But now, the fact that he'd ignored her completely left her with a bitter pill that couldn't be swallowed; it just sat like a lump in her throat until she was afraid it would choke her.

She tried not to think about the wedding. She tried not to think about what had happened to them. She fought the urge to take a walk down memory lane and revisit when things had been fun and uncomplicated; before she fell in love with him, before graduation, before Kim, before Wren, before that night. Sighing sadly, she knew that walk would only lead to more tears and she wasn't sure she had any left to give him.

_I can't do this anymore._

_It's time to move along. _

Just then, she heard the cab honk downstairs. Walking over to the door, she grabbed her bags and the box, and giving the apartment one last glance, she walked out and closed the door behind her. She stopped by the landlord's office, dropped the keys in an envelope, and shoved them under the door. Running outside, Rachel hopped into her waiting cab.

"Where to, darlin'?" the driver asked.

"The airport. But can we stop by the post office first?"

"Sure thing." He turned back around, put the car in gear, and pulled into traffic.

A few minutes later, she stepped out of the post office without the box. Full of shared memories, it was now on its way back to being in Noah's possession. She didn't need the reminders. And obviously, since he was done with her, too, he could dispose of that junk however he wanted. She didn't care anymore.

_Except I really do._

Reaching into her purse, she pulled out the small cream-colored envelope with the RSVP card to Noah's wedding inside it. Taking out her pen, she put a huge black "X" in the "No, I will not be attending" box, shoved it in the envelope, and sealed it. Dropping it in the outgoing mail box, she hurried to her cab.

"Let's go," she told the driver as she jumped back inside. Her hands shaking, she hoped she would get to the airport before she could change her mind.

* * *

The wedding was at scheduled to start at 1pm. By 11, Puck and Kim were both at the country club in their respective rooms, getting ready. Kim was surrounded by her hen-pecking mother and squealing bridesmaids in the large suite upstairs. Puck could hear their giggling from where he stood. A half-hour ago, he'd taken to hiding out in a small room on the ground floor. All the groomsmen were milling around in the lounge area but Puck didn't feel like talking. Since most everyone attributed it to pre-wedding jitters, they left him alone with a smile and a pat on the back. Their jovial attitudes felt like tiny bullets ricocheting off his gut. _If you only knew, _he thought bitterly. Staring out the window, he watched the wedding planner march around the country club grounds, clip board in hand, as she checked and double-checked the plans. He could see the chairs set up and had a great view of the white carpet that Kim would be escorted down to join him in front of the joint officiators.

His stomach clenching, Puck doubled-over against the wave of nausea that hit him.

Throwing himself down into the chair, Puck leaned his head back and stared up at the ceiling. He couldn't help but wonder what would have happened had he stayed at Rachel's instead of bolted. Would they have talked about what happened between them? There was an obvious attraction between the two of them. She'd wanted him that night _just_ as much as he'd wanted her. And he'd wanted her _so goddamn much_ that he could practically taste it. Truthfully, the urge to _have_ her had crept into his brain sometime in the past year or so and it wouldn't leave, even when he'd tried to force it out. Sure, she'd been hot since she was 16-years-old. Who wasn't turned on by those short little skirts she used to wear back in high school? But somewhere, sometime, over the course of their friendship, she'd transformed into a breathtaking, sexy woman and he'd noticed. Hell, it was his _job_ to notice hot women, even if one of them did happen to be his best friend.

He thought back to the night that he'd shown up at Rachel's apartment and had interrupted her and Wren. _That has to be when it changed. _The flushed, sexed-up look she'd had on her face, her body wrapped in that thin robe, had done things to his insides – and certain parts of his outsides – that he'd tried to ignore for months. And then he'd shown up at her apartment again, she'd kissed him, he'd kissed her again and again, and now there was no turning back. He couldn't go back and fix it. As much as he wanted to fix his reaction, he felt guilty for _not_ wanting to fix what had transpired between them. It had been hot and amazing and some of the most intense sex he'd ever had.

_Fuck!_

If he had only stayed in that bed beside her, things may be very different right now. Sure, it would have been confusing and stressful and he had no idea what the hell they would have done after that but at least they'd still be speaking, even if it was in the form of the awkward dance they'd been doing around each other.

Sitting straight up, realization nearly bowled Puck over: _I have to have Rachel in my life._

"I can't do this," he said quietly into the empty room.

"I can't _fucking _do this until I make it right with you," he said louder, speaking out loud to Rachel for the first time in two weeks.

_I have to get control._

_Rachel, I need you to hear that I'm sorry._

_I have to talk to Rachel._

Forcing a deep breath into his lungs, he pushed his body from the chair.

_I need to tell her that I'm sorry. She may not want to hear it but I have to tell her. She _has _to know that I never, ever meant to hurt her._

Glancing around the room, he spotted his duffel bag in the corner. Snatching his phone out of the corner pocket, her quickly thumbed down to Rachel's number, hit "send", and put the phone to his ear. His hands were shaking as he waited for it to ring; he had _no _idea what the fuck he was going to say once she picked up. Instead of a ring, though, he was greeted with three ominous tones and then, "the number you have reached has been disconnected. Please check the number and try again." So that's exactly what he did: he checked the number and tried again, only to get the same result.

Stunned, he pulled the phone slowly from his ear as the tones still played. Hitting "end", he stared at the phone, wondering what the hell to do. _Her number is disconnected. _

Worry skittered down his spine and the familiar full-body shake from earlier in the morning came rushing back. _Her number is fucking disconnected._

Gripping his phone tightly again, he sucked in a breath to center himself and then opened up the email application. He quickly typed out a message that said, "Call me, please. I have to talk to you," and then sent it.

Almost instantaneously, he got a message back. Reading "This message is undeliverable", his head started to spin.

_She closed her email account. _

_What the fuck is happening? _

Puck dropped into the chair again, his head between his knees as he sucked in deep breaths.

_What do I do? _

_Where is she?_

_What if she…_

No. _She wouldn't do that… _

_Oh God…No!_

Puck hurried and grabbed his phone again. He dialed Rachel's dad's cell phone and waited for him to answer.

"Hello?" Fred finally answered.

"Fred? This is Noah Puckerman…"

"Noah," Fred's voice was cold and short. "What can I help you with?"

"I'm…I'm looking for Rachel. I tried to call her and email her but…they…it seems like she…" Puck rambled, unsure of how to find the words but knowing the he _had _to find Rachel.

Fred cleared his throat loudly. "I'm sorry, Noah. She's gone."

"Gone? Gone?" Puck repeated the words like a parrot. "How can she be gone?"

"She left Cincinnati, Noah. This morning, actually."

_Oh God, no!_

"Where did she go? Please? Where is she?" Puck was close to begging but he didn't care.

"She didn't tell me where she was going. And frankly, even if she did, I wouldn't tell you. Not after what happened." Fred's voice was encroaching upon a furious tone now.

"I'm…I…I need to find her…" Puck sputtered.

"She's gone, Noah. And it's for the best. Now don't call here again because I have nothing left to say to you. My daughter tried to be a good friend to you for years and you took advantage of her and then tossed her aside. I can't forgive that." With a loud _click, _Fred Berry hung up on Noah Puckerman.

Puck's head throbbed as blood rushed through his brain loudly. Rachel was _gone._ Without a word…just _gone_.

_Because of me. _

_Because of what I did._

Puck frantically looked around the room, trying to formulate an escape. "I have to get out of here," he said to the empty space.

"I can't do this. I can't marry Kim."

_Rachel is gone._

Puck's eyes darted from left to right as he tried to formulate some kind of plan. He had to find out if Rachel was really gone. He had to make sure she wasn't just hiding out in her apartment, refusing to talk to him. If she was there, he _knew_ he could get her to talk to him. Things could still be okay between them. _It could still work out!_

Grabbing his duffel bag, Puck bolted back into the main room. He grabbed his keys and was getting ready to run when he skidded to a stop.

_Kim. My fiancé. The woman I'm supposed to be marrying in, _Puck looked at his watch, _and hour and fifteen fucking minutes!_

Puck's eyes darted up the stairs and then back down. His face showed tension that made him look slightly crazed.

_I have to do this._

Before he could stop himself, he sprinted up the stairs, taking them two at a time, and pounded on the door to the bridal room.

One of the bridesmaids open it and shrieked, "Noah, you can't see Kim before the wedding! It's bad luck!" She started to close the door but Puck's hand shot forward and stopped her.

"I need to talk to Kim _right now._" He gritted the words out, making sure not to give Buffy or Bunny or whatever the hell her name was a chance to argue. Huffing, she called Kim over.

With a smile, Kim peeked out the door. "Noah, we shouldn't be seeing each other."

"We need to talk." His tone was firm and insistent. The smile slipped from Kim's face and she nodded silently, slipping through the door and into the hallway. Closing it softly behind her, she looked up at him expectantly.

"What is so important that can't wait, Noah?"

"I can't handle any more lies, Kim." Puck let the words flow quickly from his mouth so that he couldn't stop them. _This needs to be said._

"L...lies?" Her brow furrowed.

"I've been lying to you."

"About what?" Her face was full of worry now.

"I...I cheated on you..."

Kim's eyes bulged. "What? When?"

Puck inhaled sharply, preparing to tell her the whole story. "Two weeks ago...with Rachel."

Kim said nothing, her eyes dropping to gaze at the floor.

"I'm sorry. I really am...but it happened and I've been lying and I can't take it back." Puck's heart rattled in his ribcage. It hurt watching someone's heart shatter right before his eyes, especially when that someone was the woman he was supposed to be marrying.

"Why did you wait til now to tell me?" She finally asked.

"I've been trying to pretend that it didn't happen. But it did. I can't take it back..."

Kim's teary brown eyes met Puck's. "So now what? Do we pretend that everything is okay and go out there and get married?"

Puck shook his head. "No, Kim. I can't marry you. I'm sorry to hurt you like this but I can't.... And I have to go...." He turned to leave, hellbent on getting to Rachel's apartment as soon as he could.

"You're an asshole," she said softly to his back.

He stilled for a moment before answering, "I know."

And then he was gone from her view, racing down the stairs and to his truck...to find Rachel before she left for good.

* * *

As Puck was driving to Rachel's apartment as fast as his truck and Cincinnati traffic would allow, Rachel was boarding her plane at Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky International Airport. Situating her bags in the overhead compartment, she sat down in her window seat and pulled out her iPod, magazine, and bottle of water.

She sucked in an heavy sigh, trying to force a smile to her face. She was heading to her new life. But more importantly, she was heading _away_ from her old one. Her eyes skimmed over the pages of her magazine and she tried to focus on the words in front of her.

_It's time to forget he ever existed. _

_Our friendship is over. _

_There is no _us. _There never will be again._

As tears spilled over her cheeks, she stared out the window, watching the landscape speed past her as the plane taxied down the runway and lifted off the ground.

_Please let me survive this pain_, she silently pleaded.

_Please let me forget about him once I'm settled in Seattle._

_Goodbye for good, Noah Puckerman._

* * *

Even as Puck pounded on her apartment door, he knew it was futile. He could hear the echo of his knocks bouncing back against the empty rooms inside.

Turning, he ran his hands through his hair.

_It's too late._

His breathing was ragged and his head felt like it was being squeezed in a vise. With a loud roar, he slammed his fist into the door. Once. Twice. Three times. His knuckles burned as they made contact with the metal door again and again, the skin popping open in places as the trickle of red appeared and began to spread through the ridges of his hand. But he couldn't feel the pain.

He couldn't think.

He couldn't breathe.

He couldn't do anything at all.

Rachel was gone…


	12. Without You

The plane touched down so gently that Rachel barely noticed until her ears popped loudly. As they taxied to the terminal, she pulled the earphones out of her ears, closed her laptop, and began gathering up her things. It had been a long flight but at least she was here. _And more importantly, away from there._

Sadly, she realized that back in Ohio, the deed was done.

_He's married now._

_Noah is Kim's…husband. _It hurt her to even think that last word. There was such finality in it. Even though she knew after he refused her calls and texts that it was over, knowing that he was now married – legally bound – to Kim, made it devastatingly absolute.

Rachel was near the back of the line to exit the plane so she moved slowly forward, her mind 2200 miles away in the other direction. The reception was probably at least half-over and he was most likely twirling his beautiful new wife across the dance floor. They would be beaming at one another and everyone would be commenting on what a beautiful young couple they were. It made Rachel sick to think about.

_Oh well…at least it's over. I can move on now. _She tried to put it behind her with those two simple thoughts, knowing all the while that it was pointless.

_If I can't stop loving him, at least I can forget him._

_I can live without him._

As she finally exited the plane, the flight attendant said, "Welcome to Seattle, we hope you enjoy your stay."

She nodded and thought, _I hope I do, too._

* * *

"Where to, sir?" The woman behind the counter asked Puck.

_Anywhere but where the fuck I am._

He stared at her, then looked up at the lists of upcoming flights scheduled to depart in the next three hours. "Uhh…one round trip ticket to Cozumel, Mexico."

Twenty minutes later, Puck was sitting in front of his gate, waiting for his flight to depart. After finally leaving Rachel's apartment building, he driven around for a while, trying to figure out what in ever-loving _fuck_ he was going to do next, before ending back up at his own apartment. Grabbing the bag he'd already packed for the honeymoon, he decided that he had to get the fuck out of there for a while. Kim would be coming back to the apartment to get her stuff and he didn't want to be there when she came. And he needed to get away from the entire shitty mess he'd created, anyway.

So now he had big plans. As soon as he got to Mexico, he was getting completely wasted and intended to stay that way for the duration of his trip. He'd done too much goddamn thinking lately and what had it gotten him? One heartbroken ex-fiance in Ohio and a former best friend so furious with him that she'd felt the need to move the fuck away just to be rid of him.

Yeah, _fuck thinking._

* * *

Rachel had been in Seattle for exactly 45 minutes before she decided that the city was gorgeous. She arrived on a partly cloudy, lightly breezy day. Her first stop was to find a hotel room because her belongings and car wouldn't arrive in Seattle from Cincinnati for a few days.

Once she'd checked into a hotel (she'd picked a slightly upscale one with a view of Elliott Bay), she found a mobile phone store and re-activated her phone with a Seattle number. As soon as it was working, she stood in the middle of the sidewalk and called her father. He picked up on the first ring.

"Hi, Dad!"

"Rachel…are you there?" His voice was full of relief.

"Yeah, Dad. I'm here. I'm in Seattle."

_Seattle. You had to go that far away just to be free of him? Oh, honey…_

"Is everything okay, baby?"

Rachel looked around her at the beautiful city surrounded by mountains and ocean. "Yeah, Dad, everything is okay. I'm just glad to be here. Now I can start over free of…." Her voice trailed off. _I don't want to think about him._

Back in Lima, Fred was wondering to himself if he should tell Rachel that Noah had called earlier that day. Deciding he didn't want to subject his heartbroken daughter to any more pain, he kept the information to himself.

"Well be careful, honey. And call me tomorrow. I want to know about everything you see out there, okay?"

"Okay, Dad! I'm going to go grab something to eat and then spend the next few hours acting like a tourist."

Fred laughed, relieved at the hint of lightness he'd heard in his daughter's tired voice. "Be safe. And I love you, Rachel."

"I love you, too, Dad. Bye!"

Clicking the phone off, Rachel put it back in her purse. Sucking in a determined breath, she marched off down the sidewalk, hell-bent on making Noah Puckerman nothing more than a memory.

* * *

Puck slept through much of the flight to Cozumel. Had he been able to get shit-faced on the way there, it would have been a much better flight. Still, he couldn't escape fast enough, it seemed. His brain, even while sleeping, was a jumble of Rachel and Kim and himself and there was crying and he felt like shit every time he woke up.

_I need a goddamn drink._

Once he landed, suffered in the slow line through Customs, and finally was making his way through the airport to the waiting taxis, he felt a little better. He was thousands of miles away from his troubles and it made him believe that he could breathe again, even for just a few minutes. He was positive that by now, Kim was probably trashing their apartment while moving her shit out but he didn't care. They were just possessions. They could be replaced. And he fucking deserved it anyway. He'd fucked-up beyond all comprehension. But hell, he knew Kim would recover quickly and move on. In six months, she'd probably be planning another goddamn wedding with another stupid asshole that got sucked in by her and he'd be shit at dealing with her like Puck had been. At least it would be some _other _fuckhead's problem to deal with her mother. _Her fucking mother. _No, Kim would be fine.

But Rachel? He didn't know how Rachel was. And that thought made him need to start drinking _as soon as possible._

As the cab pulled to a stop in front of the hotel, Puck threw some money at the driver and got out. Looking around, he spied a liquor store a block down and booked it inside. Five minutes later, his duffel bag had every free inch of space filled with whiskey bottles and his wallet was considerably lighter. But he didn't give a fuck. He was here to get shit-faced and forget - and that's exactly what he was going to fucking do. He quickly checked into his flea-bit hotel, settled into the room, kicked off his shoes, and wrenched open a bottle. He savored the first swig of the burning liquid as it ran down his throat.

_I need to stop the fucking thinking._

_Thank fuck_ for Jack Daniels.

* * *

Seattle was everything Rachel had imagined. She sat in an open-air café, eating her dill pickle spear that had accompanied her turkey sandwich as she watched the traffic speed by her. She felt so relieved to be here. She could practically feel the ocean air blowing in off the bay and it breezed through her hair, lifting it to the wind. Seattle had a very different feel than any place she'd ever been in Ohio or anywhere else, for that matter. She'd already walked by nearly a half-dozen art galleries she would have to check out later. Museums seemed to be abundant. The cultural feel of the city was amazing.

_I could get lost here._

_I can completely disappear here._

And that's exactly what she planned to do.

Rachel bustled through the rest of the day, shopping and planning, until dusk settled over the city. Because her body was still accustomed to the Eastern Time zone, she was falling asleep at 8pm in Seattle. Until the lights went off in her hotel room that night, she felt strong and alive. But once darkness settled around her and quiet seeped into the room, the bravado and intense demeanor she'd developed since her arrival slid away. Flipping on her side, she curled up in the fetal position and let her hazel-eyed demon creep back in.

_I can't believe I had to come this far just to escape._

_I can't believe that we ever got to this point._

_How do I stop loving him, even after what happened between us?_

_Oh, Noah…._

As the tears spilled from her cheeks and were absorbed into the pillow, she couldn't help but wondered if he'd bothered to think of her at all in the two weeks since everything had fallen apart. Swiping at her tears, she knew that the mere thought was ridiculous.

_He's on his honeymoon, you idiot. With his wife. The one he _did_ want._

Deep down, she knew that she didn't own even a single thought in his head and hadn't for a long time, obviously. The realization that she'd meant so little to him only made her cry harder until she finally gave into sleep.

* * *

Puck never knew he'd had it in him to get pissed off at a whiskey-maker before but on his second warm night in Cozumel, he cursed the name of the entire Jack Daniels' distillery. Those incompetent assholes _had_ to be running some kind of goddamn racket. This shit _had_ to be watered down. He'd been drinking for hours. He was drunk off his _ass_…and yet there she was. Her brown eyes and her brown hair. Glaring at the almost-empty bottle, Puck cursed at it.

"You're supposed to make me forget, you motherfucker," he slurred, before dropping the bottle to the floor. Flopping back over on his back, he stared at the ceiling. The brown eyes flitted into his mind again but this time, they were crying. And the bitch of it? He couldn't tell which woman's eyes he saw. Was it the one he broke _first_ or the one he broke _last_?

* * *

When the moving truck finally caught up with Rachel in Seattle, she literally jumped up and down in the middle of the street. She missed her comfortable bed _so _much. She'd been in Seattle four days and was growing tired of having none of her belongings around. The delivery company had been true to their word about the arrival time and as she surveyed her car, she was pleased that everything seemed to have arrived in good shape. As they movers began to unload her items and take them in to her ground-floor apartment, the fact that she had actually moved nearly socked her the face. She had felt like a tourist up until that point. But as her couch and table and box after box came off the truck and were loaded into her new apartment, it became 100% real and completely irreversible. But instead of breaking her heart all over again, it made her feel better.

_This is what I needed. This is the clean cut that I had to make._

_This is the start of life without him._

She was tired of crying. She was exhausted from wishing things had gone differently; that she hadn't kissed him; that he hadn't even shown up that night. It was done. It was over. And she had to bury it – and him – in the past for good. Seattle would help her do that. There was _life _here. Her future was here. Cincinnati was _then. _Seattle was clearly _now._

As soon as she got settled in and unpacked, she would start looking for another job. And she would start again, a little wiser and a lot more guarded than she had been before. Standing inside her new apartment in her new town at the beginning of her new life, she finally felt like her future looked a lot brighter than it had before.

* * *

Puck wasn't as young as he used to be, that was for damn sure. It didn't take nearly as much alcohol as it once had to knock him off his ass. But once he was down, he stayed down almost nearly all the time. For four days, his sole purpose in life was to drink, eat, sleep, and drink. The longer he drank, the less the sad brown eyes appeared. For four days, he was_almost_ free of the mistakes he had left behind.

In the middle of the night, though, when the day's alcohol started to wear off and he had yet to open a new bottle, he'd lie in bed and wonder where the fuck she was. He'd pick up his cell phone, turn it on long enough to scroll down to her name in his address book, and stare at it for a minute before turning the phone back off. Then, he'd lie there, wondering how the fuck they'd gotten so off track. He'd suddenly see her body bathed in moonlight all over again, so clear that for just a few seconds, he thought he might be able to touch her again. Her eyes would be pleading, her body so ready for him. And then she'd disappear…just like she'd really done. His hand would drop to the floor, find an unopened bottle, and make quick work of the seal. Before the one that walked away - or the one he walked away from - could reappear, he'd drink them back into oblivion.

His life was shit.

* * *

His sixth day in Mexico, Puck accepted that he needed to face reality. Forcing himself to sober up, he made the dreaded call home to his mother.

"Mom?"

"Noah!" She screeched into the phone. "Where in the hell are you? I've been worried sick for days."

Puck scrunched up his brow. With 24 hours left of his Mexican drunk-fest, his brain was anything but clear. And his mother's yelling was doing horrible things to his head _and_ making him question his obviously impaired judgment. "I'm in Mexico, Mom."

"Why are you there? Were you kidnapped by the Mexican mafia? Because no son of mine could have _possibly_ done what you did without having a damn good reason."

_Here it comes,_ he thought dryly.

"No, Mom...I wasn't kidnapped. I just couldn't do it...I couldn't get married."

"Obviously. If I could see you, I would smack you!" She was yelling again. "Do you know the mess I had to help clean up after you bolted?"

"Shit, Mom, I'm sorry...Was it horrible?" The familiar guilt instantly gnawed its way back into his stomach.

Maggie snorted into the phone. "That witch of a mother of hers dragged me into the room, demanding to know why my "reprobate" son had just abandoned her "princess". And poor, poor Kim was just sobbing. I mean she was wailing like she was about to die. The only words I could understand were "Noah", "bastard", "Rachel", and "whore." Noah, what does Rachel have to do with this?"

_How do I tell my mother I cheated. And how in the _hell_ do I tell her that I cheated with Rachel? _"Uhh...well...a few weeks ago, I went over to Rachel's and some...stuff happened. And I was feeling so guilty and I...I just couldn't marry Kim and _fuck, _Mom, this shit is really complicated."

Maggie was silent, thinking. "So is Rachel with you in Mexico?" _Please tell me that you two are finally together._

Puck's heart thudded in his chest. "No."

Maggie could hear the sadness in her son's voice even as he muttered just that singular word.

"I don't know where she is. After we…after it happened, I freaked out and kinda didn't talk to her for a few weeks and…and she left Cincinnati. She fucking _left_ and I don't know where she is." His voice nearly cracked as he finished the sentence.

"Noah," Maggie sighed, "I don't know how you get yourself into these messes. I really don't. You should have seen the truth about Rachel a long damn time ago."

Puck pulled the phone away from his ear and glared at it. The truth? _The fuck? _"What, Mom? What do you mean?"

"You're an idiot, Noah Puckerman, and I'm disappointed in you. You got engaged to the big-boobed, non-Jewish, more-annoying version of Rachel. And then, _that girl_ had to sit back - as your friend - and watch you plan a wedding with someone else while she was in love with you herself the entire damn time. Then you _used_ that poor girl and apparently left her out in the cold? I'm disappointed in you. Rachel was your friend."

"What? Rachel? In love with me? I think you've lost it, Mom. And I know I fucked up…believe me. But Rachel…she didn't feel _that _way about me." _Did she?_ Puck glanced down at the bottle he'd been working his way through, thumbing the neck longingly.

"It was written all over her face, honey, and had you ever taken the time to look, you would have seen it, too," Maggie's words were soft, her heart breaking for her typically stupid son and his beautiful, talented, _Jewish_, former best friend who was now MIA.

"Shit," Puck finally managed to muster. _Rachel's in love with me? _"So what the hell do I do now? I ruined Kim's life and Rachel left. She's somewhere and I can't even fucking talk to her." _And god, I want to talk to her._

"That's for you to figure out, honey. I'll be here for you but I can't clean up all your messes. The wedding fiasco was _it_ for me. I'm not sure I can handle any more crap outta you for a while. You've been giving me heart attacks since you were 17 and knocked up that Fabray girl. I thought you'd grown out of this foolishness by now but thanks to the Kim/Rachel fiasco, I realize that we have a long way to go."

Puck could feel the massive lecture building in his mother. "Look, Mom, I'm sorry. I know I royally fucked up. But would you have preferred I marry Kim anyway, hiding the fact that Rachel and I slept together two weeks before our wedding?"

"No, honey, you had to come clean."

"I know…but why does it hurt so goddamn bad that she hates me now?"

"Which one, Noah? Rachel or Kim?"

He couldn't answer. Thinking of Kim wracked him with guilt. And Rachel…she just made him generally miserable.

Puck sighed. He couldn't keep this conversation going anymore. "Okay, Ma. I'll get offa here now. I'll be home soon..."

"Be safe, honey. And I love you, despite the fact that I think you're a raging idiot."

Chuckling into the phone, he said, "I love you too, Mom." And then he hung up.

Reclining back on his hotel bed, he imagined a sobbing, crying Kim screaming that Rachel was a whore. He imagined Rachel's intense hatred for him because he was such an asshole. Deciding that it was too damn early to sober up completely, Puck grabbed the last bottle, which was already half-empty, and took a swig. He wasn't letting the shit go to waste.

_Fuck it all._

* * *

_T,_

_Now that I'm settled, I can tell you: I'm in Seattle! Crazy, I know! Anyway, this is my new email address and I'll text you with my new phone number so that you can add to your phone._

_This city is amazing. I've only been here a few days and literally just got moved into my new apartment not even 48 hours ago. But you just wouldn't believe it here. I've always loved New York City, of course, and Seattle has some of that same feeling to it (life, culture, intelligence, vibrancy, history, mystery). Maybe it's the mountains in the distance or the bay or even the skyline - I can't pinpoint it, exactly, but it's magical nonetheless. And I will admit, quite terrifying since I don't know a soul here! I have no job prospects and only so much money saved up. But I chose Seattle as my destination because of its arts community. So starting tomorrow, I will start looking for a job. While my goal is to join up with another regional theater, I'll work in an art gallery or even a flower shop if I have to. This is all about starting over, trying new things, and stepping outside the comfort zone in which I've spent most of my life comfortably rooted inside. Maybe I'll go back and get my Masters degree? Maybe I'll even take sailing lessons. I don't even really know and although I am normally an obsessive planner, I'm really okay with the uncertainty of things right now. I find comfort in the fact that__ my future is before me. Things are wide-open and there is such freedom to be found in that. The noose that Cincinnati had around my neck has been cut and I'm free to do whatever I want _with _whomever I want._

_Now that I'm so far away, can I ask a favor of you? Will you check up on Dad for me? Leaving him was the hardest part about saying goodbye to Ohio (and leaving you, of course.) But now that you're going to be working at McKinley Middle School (congrats on the job, by the way! I am a terrible friend because I should have congratulated you earlier) and you're back in Lima for good, I would love it if you'd pop in and see him every once in a while. He's always going to tell me that everything is okay when I ask so if you could spy on him for me, I'd appreciate it. ;) I know he's been doing well since Daddy died but I would be relieved if I knew he was _really _okay when he's telling me he is._

_And you have to come see me soon! I barely know this city but I can't wait for you to see it! We can get lost together._

_I need to get moving. My fridge is devoid of groceries and I have to save my money so no more take-out for a while!_

_I will call you soon!_

All my love,

_R_

_PS - In case you noticed, I didn't mention you-know-who. I'm putting him behind me. I have to. So if you hear anything about him and his happy little marriage (and you _will_ in that little town), don't tell me. I don't want to know because I don't care._

* * *

A few hours later on that final evening in Mexico, after finishing off the rest of his last bottle, Puck ate a huge dinner and drank a lot of water to try to flush some of the alcohol from his body. He knew he'd have to face the world tomorrow and he couldn't do it drunk, as much as that idea appealed to him. He had to go back to Cincinnati, rid his apartment of the last vestiges of his relationship with Kim, get back to work, and start living his life again…without Rachel in it. She wouldn't be randomly stopping by. He couldn't call her and beg her to go to Applebee's, even though he knew how much she hated it. She wouldn't be singing too loud while they drove somewhere together. And they'd never just hang out again. Instead, she was somewhere trying to forget she'd ever known him. He'd thrown away four years of real friendship and a history that went back farther than that because…. Fuck, he had no answer.

The rushing waves helped to mask the sound of his pounding heart as he dropped into the sand and sat down. Pulling his legs up, he draped his forearms over his knees and stared out at the ocean. The sand squished through his toes, coating his bare feet. He mindlessly dug his toes in deeper as he gazed toward the endless horizon. His mind traveled back to what his mother had said about Rachel being in love with him during their earlier phone conversation. _"It was written all over her face had you ever taken the time to look." _And Puck could admit to himself that he _hadn't _looked. He'd been so wrapped up in college and then his new job and Kim that if it was there, he'd missed it. But it really made perfect sense. It would explain why she'd started to pull away so quickly once he got engaged. It would clarify why he had physically felt her disconnecting from his life as the wedding had gotten closer. He hadn't been imagining the horrible feeling he'd had when he thought he was losing her then. He snorted at the thought. _That was nothing compared to now. _If she loved him, it would finally help him understand why she'd kissed him the night that they'd gone too far and everything had changed. And while he hadn't taken it as love that night, he'd definitely seen desire, need, and want _for_ _him_ in those brown eyes of hers.

_Shit. So she loves me….and that's why she ran. _The thought that she didn't want to ever see him again, that she had to abandon her whole life just to get away from him and the pain he'd caused her, burned deep inside him. Had he broken her heart? He hadn't meant to hurt her. Not her. _Never her._

And then he had to wonder, what the hell did he feel for her? He'd obviously been attracted to her because the desire and overpowering need he'd had for her that night was very real. And he did _kinda_ freak the fuck out when he'd found out she was gone and had called off his entire wedding. And as he sat on that beach in Mexico, she was whom he thought about most, not Kim. Losing Kim didn't hurt much at all, really. (And what the fuck was that about that? He'd analyze that when he was sober.) Losing Rachel…losing Rachel was incomprehensible. So what did that say for him? Was she important to him? _Hell yes_. Did he miss her? _So much that I feel like choking when I think about her. _Did he need her in his life? _Without question._

_I have to talk to her._

Closing his eyes, he raised his face towards the sun's final rays as it sank into the horizon. Only now, as the waves crashed along the beach in Mexico, thousands of miles away from his troubles, could he finally accept the stinging beat in his chest that her name elicited. Until he saw her again, this pain was going to be his constant companion. And he knew, without a doubt, that he deserved it.

_Rachel, I'm sorry. I'm going to find you. You're not running from this…from me._

Standing up, he glanced out over the ocean one final time before turning and walking back up to his hotel. It was time to get his ass home, get his shit together, and find Rachel before he lost her forever.


	13. From Where You Are

**A/N: ****I keep forgetting to credit the songs that I use as chapter titles. This one, "From Where You Are," is by Lifehouse. The lyrics are so perfect that I can practically hear Puck singing the song himself. And the song that is featured later in the chapter is by John Armstrong.**

* * *

Coming back to Cincinnati just a week after he left was a surreal experience for Puck. Only a few weeks before, he'd had a sexy-as-hell fiancé and an awesome best friend – two amazing women who completed his life. And then, like he'd managed to do with everything that mattered for most of his entire damn life, he'd fucked it all up. And now he had to deal with it…completely alone.

As Puck expected, his apartment was a disaster when he finally made it back from the airport. He stilled when he stepped inside the door, the familiar weight of the guilt that had been his constant companion settling over him as Kim's scent – a combination of soap, flowers, and lemon – swirled around him. They'd made this apartment a home... he'd been happy with her. _Hadn't he? _But then he'd cheated on her and later he'd dumped her an hour before she was supposed to become his wife. _Man, Puckerman, when you screw it up, at least you do it right..._

Still with a throbbing headache from the worst hangover of his life, he paid little attention to the mess and even less attention to the small box sitting by the door. He shoved it inside, locked the door, threw down his bags, and fell into bed. He'd deal...just not yet.

When he woke up hours later, his head felt a little clearer. Throwing on a pair of shorts, he walked back into the living room and spied the indentation in the carpet where the couch_used_ to sit. G_otta get another one of those._ When Kim had moved in with him, most of his second-hand furniture was sold or given away to make room for her much nicer furniture. And now that she was gone, so was the damn couch.

_At least my baby is still here. _He glanced over at his beloved TV. _Shit woulda hit the fan had _that_ been gone…_

Padding into the kitchen, his eyes were drawn to the piece of paper tacked to the fridge, fluttering in the breeze generated by the ceiling fan. Walking over to it, his eyes were pensive as he read:

_Noah,_

_Whenever you're done being an asshole, call me. We are NOT doing talking about what happened. Don't think you're going to get off easy. And that bitch better not be here when I come over, either._

_Kim_

Puck jerked the piece of paper off the fridge, balled it up, and threw it in the trash. _She's not a bitch._ He knew he'd probably have to see Kim at some point because they had some financial issues to wrap up but right now? _Hell no. Too fucking soon._

He glanced over at the massive stack of mail that was waiting for him with a disdainful eye. Kim had obviously picked through the apartment more than once because all mail for her prior to a few days ago was gone. Glancing through the stack, he threw the latest issue of _Men's Health_ to the side, intent on reading it later. He threw the bills into another stack. Collecting the junk mail, he walked over to the trashcan to toss it in. As he did, a small cream-colored enveloped slipped out from between the satellite TV and the warehouse furniture circulars and slid to the floor. Recognizing it as an RSVP card from the wedding (because they'd had a fucking fight about the size of the response card. _The size of the damn card!_), guilt surged through his gut. Checking the postmark, he realized that it was mailed the _day_ of the wedding.

_Weird._

His curiosity piqued, he flipped the envelope over and popped it open. The guilt gnawing at him transformed instantly into deep remorse as his eyes read over the card. Rachel's name was filled out in her familiar feminine scrawl. Next to the "No, I/we will not be attending" line was a huge, black "X." His eyes fixed on her name and simply stared.

_She mailed this the day of the wedding._

He thought back to that night, three weeks ago now, when she'd told him that she'd mailed the response card already. She'd lied. It only confirmed for him how upset she must have been all along, watching his engagement from the sidelines. _Why didn't I know? Why the hell didn't I see? I know her better than anyone._ The fact that she had apparently felt so deeply for him but he'd managed to miss it still infuriated him. He was used to girls falling for him. He'd been dealing with it since he was 12 years old and puberty began his transformation into a sexy stud. How did he not realize it? But even if he had, what would he have done?

Flipping the envelope back over, he read the postmark again. It was mailed locally. His heart thundering in his chest, he wondered if she was still somewhere in town after all.

God, he hoped so. Her father had told him that she'd left but maybe he was bluffing? He had to protect his daughter, after all.

Puck caught himself flinching at the idea that Rachel needed protection _from him. _He'd spent the last four years making sure she was okay. He'd loved the fact that he got to look out for her. She was definitely always an independent woman but they'd relied on each other. And now? _Nothing._

Throwing the card on table, Puck pressed his fingers to his temples. He'd been trying not to think about it – about her – since he left Mexico. He knew he needed to find Rachel but hadn't yet figured out how the hell he was going to do that. It was honestly hard to think with the gut-wrenching pain of the loss of her that seemed to course through his veins. A loss that was made worse because he'd caused it. _If I'd only stayed that night…_

Puck stood up, knowing that "what ifs" were pointless, and glanced around the apartment. It was a friggin' mess. With a scowl, he began picking up magazines, books, and other junk that Kim and her family had apparently deemed unimportant (i.e. _his _stuff) during her quick evacuation and threw it all into a huge pile. Walking over to the door, he grabbed the box that had been sitting outside. As soon as he picked it up, he recognized Rachel's handwriting again. Heart thudding, he rushed to the table and sat it down. Ripping the tape back, he opened it quickly and peered inside.

_What the-?_

He hastily reached in and began pulling things out, tossing them on the table. CDs? Pictures? A shirt? A stuffed bear? Socks?

_What the fuck?_

Grabbing the shirt, he unfolded it. It was his gray, sleeveless McKinley High Football shirt. He'd worn it for years and had even taken it to college with him. He'd loaned to Rachel one night when she'd stayed over and apparently it never made its way back to him. Until now.

Dropping the shirt with a slightly shaky hand, he picked up one of the pictures and removed the tissue paper that was wrapped around it. Rachel's smile shone up at him from the frame and he reflexively smiled at her image. In the picture, he was grinning at her while she smiled toward the photographer. It was a snapshot from some random day at college. He really couldn't remember why the picture was taken or even that it _had_ been taken…but there it was. And there they were together…just like they always had been.

Pulling out the next one, he realized it was a picture of the two of them at his mother's Thanksgiving dinner his sophomore year of college. His arm was thrown casually around Rachel's shoulder and she was rolling her eyes at him. He grinned, remembering that particular Thanksgiving Day well. It was the first one they'd ever spent together. His mother had invited over the Berry family and they'd spent hours laughing before Puck finally passed out from the massive quantities of turkey he'd ingested. When he'd opened his eyes, he'd found Rachel curled up by side, tipsy from her two glasses of Thanksgiving Day wine. _She's such a lightweight. Never could teach her to handle her liquor._

The next picture was similar to the others: the two of them together, usually with his arm around her, smiling at one another or at the faceless photographer. As Puck laid the pictures side by side, he felt like he'd gone on a tour of their friendship through randomly snapped photographs that had no real meaning at the time. But as he stared at them, the awareness that she'd so carefully packed items from their past to ship back to him– to get them _out_ of her life - made him feel nauseous.

_Oh God, Rachel…You can't push me out of your life like this._

Picking up the final picture, his belly tightened as he unwrapped it. It was the same picture he had sitting over on the bookshelf – the photo from the two of them at his graduation. He had both copies of that photo now.

And she had none.

_Fuck._

She'd gathered up and collected a few tangible pieces of their memories together and had tossed them in a box. And now they were just his memories because she hadn't wanted them anymore.

_It's like she's trying to erase the fact that we ever shared anything at all._

Suddenly, Puck was frenzied at the thought that maybe she'd included a note. Maybe, somewhere in this jumble of _them_, she'd left him a note. Even if all it said was "Fuck you," at least he'd have _something_.

Yanking open the first CD case, he found nothing. The second was the same. The third one caught his eye because it wasn't the Nirvana CD after all. The case held a CD with a date scrawled across it in his handwriting. Pulling it out, he stared at it, trying to remember what it would have been for.

He walked rapidly to his stereo and popped it in. As the first notes came through the speakers, he instantly remembered: Rachel had to record a song for music class for finals during her freshman year. She'd asked Puck to accompany her on the guitar. They'd recorded it after hours of practice because, of course, Rachel had wanted it to be perfect. By the time they were done and she was _finally_ happy, Puck had wanted to strangle her with his guitar strap and hide the body. But then she'd offered to take him to dinner and let him get a big juicy steak and he'd completely forgiven her. As the CD queued up and began playing, her voice, along with his strumming, blared through his speakers. Her voice was so clear and powerful that even on that low-quality recording, it caused chills to run up his back. He'd forgotten the lyrics but once he heard them again, it only made him feel worse about the entire situation he – well, they – found themselves in now.

"_I love you in silence, I sing for you quietly, move through your heart,_

_Softly give you some laughter, a tear,_

_I'm with you in silence, whatever the year, whatever the year, forever._

_I love you in darkness wherever you go, I seek you invisibly, search for your soul,_

_Blindly show you my joy and my fear,_

_I'm with you in darkness, whatever the year, whatever the year, forever."_

Unexpected anger sluiced through Puck's body as the last note of Rachel's song came through the speakers. With balled fists and a determined looked on his face, he stood up and stalked over to the stereo, jamming the power button so the stereo shut off. His living room abruptly went quiet. "You're not getting away from me that easy, Rachel. Somebody knows where the fuck you are and I'm going to find out who."

* * *

The day after he got back, Puck ended up at a furniture store (after he'd snagged one of the warehouse furniture circulars back out of the trash) and ended up buying a cheap-ass couch. It was kinda ugly and would probably fall apart in six months but in the meantime, it would fill at least _one_ of the gaping holes in his life. Once it was in his living room, he could at least fall asleep watching ESPN again if he wanted. _That shit_ was vital to his existence.

Returning to his pre-Kim routine turned out to be easier than he thought it would be. He didn't have to wait on her to get ready to go places or deal with her crazy schedule. He could eat cereal for dinner again without being bitched at, too, which was a _major_ score. He'd caught himself smiling at the silence in his apartment one evening (because seriously, she yapped on the phone to her mother _all the damn time_) and then felt like shit immediately afterwards for being kinda happy that she was gone. He loved her…he did! He wouldn't have asked her to marry him if he hadn't been in love with her, really. But then he'd gone and screwed Rachel and everything seemed to freakin' change right before his eyes. Kim was no longer Kim. She'd become this chick with Rachel's eyes and Rachel's lips and a bigger rack than Rachel but a real similar ass. It was so complicated that Puck spent most of his first few days at home feeling all kinds of fucked up and unsure of what to do. So instead of doing much of anything, he'd eaten a lot of pizza, got caught up on fake court TV shows, and relearned that there was little better in life than a nap in the middle of the afternoon in his silent apartment. And amazing as the silence was, it was also fucking killing him. He missed the way Rachel used to call and start blathering on about some stupid musical or movie until he totally zoned her out, propping the phone up to his ear so he could blast the motherfuckers in his game into the next parallel universe while she rambled on and on and he pretended to listen. He hated that her little "just checking up on you today" emails were no longer burning up his iPhone. He'd feel a twinge of sadness every time he drove past the Applebee's because he couldn't take her there to torture her anymore. Silence from Kim may have been a relief but silence from Rachel put him on edge. He wanted desperately to find her…but how?

Due to building frustration with no hope of real outlet, Puck started going to the gym more; lengthening his workout, increasing the number of reps he did, making his runs longer. When the blood pumped so loudly in his ears that he couldn't think, he felt better than he had in weeks. If it weren't for the huge empty hole that seemed to follow him everywhere he went, he'd almost feel normal again.

By Wednesday evening, he was bored shitless and so tense that he thought his shoulder blades were going to crack through his back. Even though he'd only taken two of the four weeks scheduled off for his honeymoon-that-wasn't, he decided he was going back to work next week. He was bored out of his mind at home and could always use the days later. Besides, if he worked, his mind would be engaged and maybe he wouldn't feel so fucking lost all the time.

Early Thursday morning, Puck woke up in a sweat. Rachel had been in his dream again. They were driving somewhere and she kept talking but he couldn't hear her. He'd kept asking her to talk louder but he still couldn't make out her words. And then she dissolved and he woke up. Pushing himself out of bed, he stalked to the kitchen and yanked a beer out of the fridge. So yeah, it was 3am and he was totally drinking a beer but he didn't give a fuck anyway. Who would know? He was _alone. _He needed to dull his brain so he could go back to sleep.

Once the beer was gone, Puck crawled back in bed. Staring at the ceiling, he decided that when he got up for the day, he was going to get off his pathetic, mopey ass and start trying to find Rachel. She had to have left a trail of breadcrumbs somewhere. He was going to explore every avenue in this damn town. It took the _both_ of them to get into this fucking mess in the first place and he wasn't sure anything would ever feel normal, ever again, if the two of them didn't fix it – together. All he needed was five minutes to talk to her…

_Just five minutes._

* * *

Puck waited outside the theater for what felt like hours. He knew he had to start looking _somewhere_ for Rachel and figured this lead was as good as any. Leaning against the wall, he stared down at the scuffs on his shoes. He knew, even as he'd waited, that this would probably be pointless but he had to try. Around 7pm, the door of the employee entrance opened and people began to trickle out. Puck scanned the faces of each male as they walked out, looking for one in particular. Finally, he spied him.

"Wren," Puck said in a low voice.

Wren spun around, his eyes widening when he spotted Puck a few feet away.

Without a word but with eyes filled with rage, Wren walked up to Puck, pulled his fist back, and struck Puck square in the side of the jaw. Puck stumbled backwards as he yelled, "What the fuck?" His hand rubbing his jaw, he stormed toward Wren.

"That was for Rachel, asshole," Wren said, his wavering voice betraying his tough demeanor.

The two men glared at each other. "What do you want, Puck?" Wren crossed his arms, setting himself into a stony stance. _Please don't hit me back….you could obliterate me._

"Have you talked to Rachel?" Puck barked, stepping closer to the much smaller man.

Wren jumped. "You mean since she dumped me because of you and then left town? No, Puck, I haven't fucking talked to her."

"What did she tell you?" _Give me something to go on. Anything!_

"None of your business, asshole. You obviously didn't want her when she was here so it looks like you don't need to worry about her now." Wren was furious that Puck even dared to ask about her.

"C'mon, man…you don't know _anything? _She didn't tell you where she was going? Nothing?"

"No, Puck, I told you. She dumped me, like, three days before your wedding, said she had to get away from _you_, and was gone." Wren's gaze softened, his memory on how sad and exhausted Rachel had looked the last day he'd seen her. Shifting his gaze to meet Puck's eyes again, his eyes hardened again. "I don't know what you did to her, man, but it was like you sucked the life out of her."

Puck's eyes dropped against the image of the brokenhearted woman he'd left in his wake. Clearing his throat, he spoke, "Look, I'm sorry I bothered you. I'm just…I have to find her. If you hear from her, will you tell her that I want her to call me? Please?"

Wren nodded, actually feeling sad for the asshole because he looked so pathetic standing there. "I don't think I'll hear from her. She seemed hell bent on leaving. And I don't think she _wants_ to be found..."

Puck silently agreed with a nod. He turned to leave but Wren spoke again. "You really fucked her up, man. Why'd you do it? And two weeks before you were supposed to get married? That's just shitty."

"You don't think I know that?" Puck flexed his sore jaw. He didn't needed reminding that he'd destroyed her and what they'd been building for years when he turned and walked out that door.

"You fucked up, dude. The entire fucking time I dated her, I knew I was a fill-in for you but I kept trying to win her over. So thanks for nothin', man." Wren waved his hand at Puck. "Get outta here. You need to be worried about your wife, not Rachel."

_Did everybody know she was in love with me _but _me? What the fuck was wrong with me?_

"I'm not married," Puck growled and then wheeled toward his car. _Fucking waste of time._

"Uh…sorry I hit you," Wren called after him.

Puck waved him off. "Whatever. You hit like fucking girl, anyway."

Wren watched Puck go. _He didn't get married. _As much as he hated the guy for screwing up Rachel's life, he kinda felt a little sorry for the poor douche at that moment. Rachel was gone, Puck was alone, Kim apparently got jilted, and Wren had been dumped.

_What a mess._

* * *

Friday afternoon, Puck was half-asleep on the couch in a depressed mood again, watching Judge Jackie call some toothless loser a "deadbeat," when he heard a knock on his apartment door. Rolling off the couch, he dragged himself to the door and pulled it open casually. His body instantly stiffened, though, when his gaze met with the cold brown stare that met his sleepy eyes.

"Noah," Kim said. Puck noticed that her eyes looked tired and swollen. _Because I'm an asshole._

"Uh…hey, Kim."

"Can I come in?"

Without a word, Puck pushed the door open and motioned for her to come inside.

"I see you got a new couch," she said haughtily once she was inside and he'd closed the door.

"Had no choice," was his only response.

They stared at each other for a moment, both of them thinking of all that had transpired to bring them to _this _point.

Finally, Kim cleared her throat. "So…where'd you go?"

"Mexico."

"Did you take Rachel?"

Puck swore. "Fuck, Kim, no, I didn't take Rachel. I haven't even seen her _or _spoken to her in almost a month." _Fuck…it's been that long?_

Kim looked surprised. "Really? I thought you'd be together finally."

Puck ran his hand over his head, clearly irritated. "What do you mean, 'finally'?"

"Oh goodness, Noah," Kim barked. "Really? You two danced around each other the entire damn time we were together. I really want to know, how many _more_ times did you fuck her other than the one you told me about?"

Puck's eyes bore into Kim's, anger rising in his voice. "I told you, Kim. One time. That's it."

Kim pushed past Puck and walked toward the bedroom. "I don't know what the hell I was thinking to agree to marry you anyway." Kim jerked open the closet door, pushing things aside as she searched for something. "I should have known something was up the second I saw Rachel for the first time and realized that we looked so much alike."

Puck stared at her back. _The fuck? She even saw the similarities? Did Rachel, I wonder? Apparently everyone else but me saw it from the beginning. _"Something _never_ was _up_, Kim. I dated you because I was _in to_ you. I didn't _mean_ hurt you. I swear."

Kim reached down into the back of the closet and started pulling out boxes. "I find it hard to believe that it was always so innocent with Rachel. I really do. She spent most of her time around us looking like she wanted to claw my eyes out and rip your clothes off. I tried to ignore it because I thought you _loved me_."

Kim jerked open a box to make sure the stuff was inside was hers. Satisfied that she had what she needed, she looked up at Puck with eyes that were full of hurt and tinged with anger.

"I did love you, Kim." Puck felt helpless. _What does she want me to say? I screwed up. I can't take it back._

"But you love Rachel more," Kim offered softly, her eyes watering.

Puck dropped his hands to his hips and glanced at the floor. "I…I don't know how I feel about Rachel right now." _And it doesn't matter anyway..._

When Puck looked up at Kim, she was wiping tears from her eyes. "I told myself that I wasn't going to cry in front of you so I'm not going to…I'm…I'm going to go now. Will you help me carry these boxes to the car?"

Puck nodded silently, picking the boxes up and walking behind her. They wordlessly made their way to the car and she popped the trunk so he could slide the boxes in.

Slamming the trunk, he turned to her as she brushed another tear away. Puck moved toward her, reaching his arms out to try to hug her, the guilt eating at him. She stopped him in his tracks. "I don't want your pity, Noah. What you did was the most humiliating thing I've ever experienced in my life. I can't _ever_ forgive you for that. But…you're going to take a while to get over."

Puck glanced at the ground, unsure of what he was supposed to say to his jilted ex-fiancé. He felt horrible about what happened. He_ did_. But…There was no protocol for this kind of shit.

"I'm sorry, Kim. I know it's no consolation after what happened but I am sorry. I didn't mean for any of this shit to go down like it did…"

Kim nodded, pulling open the car door. Turning back to Puck, she said, "I hope you get things figured out, Noah."

Puck nodded. _Me too._ Not saying another word, Kim slid into the car and started it. She backed out of the space and pulled away, giving Puck a backwards glance through the rear-view mirror. He could see the tears in her eyes again.

_Shit._

Puck strode back into the apartment and slammed the door.

"Well, I guess that could have been worse," he told the empty room. "She should have kicked me in the balls…"

Letting out a frustrated roar, Puck threw himself onto his cheap couch and grabbed the remote, muting the television. His head dropped to the back of the couch and he stared at the ceiling, thinking about what Kim had said.

_We danced around each other? _Rachel's smiling face appeared and he groaned, pushing the image away.

_Kim. What the fuck made me fall in love with her in the first place?_

Puck thought about the hurt woman who'd just left his apartment. She was exactly the type of woman who drove him wild and turned him on. They'd been _perfect_ for each other. She was gorgeous, of course, and had a killer body. She was intelligent and passionate about her interests, even if they did bore the hell out of him when she chattered on about them. She cared about other people and was always trying to cheer up or help those around her. And she loved life and went after everything she wanted with zeal. Yeah, that was definitely the kind of amazing person Kim was.

And then he realized, with a loud swear and a chill, that he'd also just described Rachel.

_To a "T."_

_Fuck. Fuck. FUCK._

Groaning with frustration, Puck grabbed his phone and his keys with shaking hands. Time to go kick his own ass at the gym…

* * *

Even as Puck dialed the number, he knew it was probably a completely useless thing to do. But he was going to try one more time before he crossed it off the list for good.

"Fred?" Puck asked when he heard someone answer on the other end.

"Mr. Puckerman," Fred Berry said, reclining in his chair in Lima. "I thought I told you not to call here anymore."

Puck sighed and closed his eyes. "I know you did, sir. And I'm sorry for calling again but I was…I was just hoping you'd heard from Rachel."

Fred removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes in frustration. _What do I tell him?_

"I have heard from her, yes."

Puck's heart thumped louder in his chest. "You…you have? Is she safe? Where is she?"

Fred sighed. "She's heartbroken…but she's okay."

Puck exhaled the breath he'd been holding. _She's heartbroken? _Fuck. It felt like a knife through his chest. He knew all along that he'd hurt her deeply but hearing it from her father made it seem so...horrible.

_But_ a_t least she's safe._

"Where is she?" Puck was practically crossing his fingers in anticipation of Fred's answer.

Fred stood up in his living room, walking toward the window to look out. The poor young man sounded desperate on the other end. "Rachel doesn't want me to tell anyone where she is, Noah. You have to respect that."

Puck's heart dropped. _I have to find her. _Exhaling loudly, he said, "Fine. I get it. She doesn't want anything to do with me and I guess I don't blame her. But I _need_ to talk to her, Fred. Please…"

Fred cleared his throat. "Noah…If you give me a message, I'll _think _about passing it along to her. I can't promise anything. I will have to see how she feels the next time I talk to her."

Puck nodded to the room empty room. "Thanks, Fred. Just tell her…Please tell her…that I didn't get married. And that I need to talk to her. And please ask her to call me."

_He didn't get married after all? Oh Rachel…_ Fred's heart hurt for his daughter and for the young man on the other end of the phone.

Clearing his throat, Fred said, "Like I said, I can't promise anything."

More hopeful than he'd felt in days, Puck said, "I understand. But Fred? Thanks…"

"Goodbye, Noah."

Fred clicked the phone off, walking back to his chair to sit down again. _Do I tell her? She really does need to know something _that_ important__…_

* * *

Feeling slightly better after talking to Fred, Puck wandered around his apartment. He had no idea if Fred would really give her the message but he had to try. _Still…there has to be another way I can reach her. I can't just rely on her father. He was less than committed to helping…_ Puck fired up his laptop and had just sat down on his couch when it suddenly occurred to him: Facebook. Quickly navigating to the social networking site, he clicked on his "Friends" list and scrolled down to where she should be fall in the alphabet (and seriously, he needed to clean up his friends list. He didn't know who half these fucking people even were.) His friends' went from Sasha to Ryan. No Rachel on the list. _She's not there. She fucking even removed me as a friend! _Furious, Puck searched the site until he found the "Rachel Berry" profile with her picture. Clicking on it, his face went red with anger when he realized she'd changed her privacy settings so that there was no personal information visible about her whatsoever. His pointer hovered over the "Send a Message" button.

_Should I? She'll just ignore it._

With a burning in his chest, he clicked the button and the "Send a Message" box popped up. Putting a hopeful, slightly devious smile on his face, he began typing.

_Maybe, just maybe, she'd actually read it and respond…_

_I gotta try…This shit can't continue._

_We can't go on like this._

_I miss you, Rachel._


	14. And So It Goes

**A/N: Title of this chapter, "And So It Goes," is by Billy Joel. This chapter is completely from Rachel's perspective.**

* * *

The overcast skies matched Rachel's mood as she walked down Jackson Street. On a Saturday morning, two weeks after arriving in Seattle, Rachel was on a simple morning mission to procure some bagels. She woke up earlier that morning, glared with disgust at her yogurt and blueberries, and decided to give into an often-ignored weakness: cream cheese. Lucky for her, there was a divine bakery just down the street from her apartment building that served incredible-looking bagels (she'd lusted after them through the window on her way past before.) So as soon as Rachel returned to her apartment, she was going to slather a strawberry bagel with whipped cinnamon sugar cream cheese and enjoy it for the horribly unhealthy but addicting weakness that it was. And after that? The rest of her day was a blank canvas, as were all her days so far. She realized, as she pushed open the door to the bakery and walked inside, that the lack of "things" of which to occupy her time was starting to weigh down on her. Yes, she knew she'd only been in Seattle a couple of weeks and she shouldn't expect to have a job or to feel "at home" yet. And even with all her planning, the one thing she hadn't really thought about, or developed a contingency plan for, was the flagrant loneliness that surrounded her.

She missed her old apartment. She missed only being a few hours drive from her father.

She missed _him_.

Rachel smiled at the woman behind the counter, paid for her bagels and cream cheese, and stepped back outside into the cloudy morning. No, nothing could have prepared Rachel for the level of isolation she felt. She was 2200 miles from home and had _no one. _She spoke to her father regularly and communicated with Tina every other day. But other than brief conversations with her nosy next-door neighbor, Mrs. Bernbaum, she had barely spoken to another human being in days. She had a few auditions arranged for next week and she hoped she'd land a part in a production soon. She wasn't sure she could keep going as she was. It was taking a huge financial toll but an even larger emotional one. She had far too much time to question her decisions. Should she have given up her whole life to come to Seattle? Was running from Noah really the answer? And what was she going to do with the rest of her life?

Rachel pushed her way back inside her building, juggling her bag of bagels and her purse to dig out her keys. She was nearly to her door when the apartment door next to hers opened. Rolling her eyes, she turned toward her neighbor and smiled.

"Good morning, Mrs. Bernbaum."

The elderly woman smiled at Rachel. "Morning, dear. Are you settling in well?"

Rachel noticed that Mrs. Bernbaum's wig was slightly askew this morning, jutting sharply to the left side of her head. Stifling a giggle, Rachel answered her. "I am. And thank you for asking."

"I know it's a lot different here than it was back in Oklahoma," her elderly neighbor offered helpfully. "But you'll get used to it in time."

"Ohio, actually," Rachel corrected her automatically, just as she had done during every previous conversation they'd had. "It is very different but I am adequately adjusting to the climate."

Mrs. Bernbaum nodded. "Well let me know if you need anything, dear. I'm always home."

Rachel gave her concerned neighbor a genuine smile as she unlocked her door.

"Thanks. And have a good day!"

Disappearing inside, she tossed her keys and purse down on the coffee table and made her way into her tiny kitchen to get out a plate. Popping open a cabinet, she pulled down a saucer and yanked a paper towel from the roll.

Just then, there was a loud thud above her head. Rachel's eyes shot toward the ceiling with disgust. _ Damn neighbors. _Her upstairs neighbors had been driving her insane since exactly five minutes after she moved into the building. They stomped around the apartment like they were wearing shoes made of concrete, had no respect for nighttime quiet hours, and were generally annoying. She would _gladly_ give them a piece of her mind if she ran into them at the mailbox bays except she hadn't _actually_ seen them yet so she couldn't tell who it was that deserved a stern lecture about having the proper amount of respect for neighbors. But as soon as she could identify who the guilty culprits were, they would be on the receiving end of a complaint. She had no choice but to try to make the best of it, though, so she tried to ignore the apparent square-dancing practice going on upstairs and went into the living room with her bagel and mound of cream cheese.

Plopping down on the couch, she turned on her small television. She immediately flipped over to Lifetime because she was sure that they would be airing a movie about a terrible, evil man and the heartbreaking things he did to a wonderful, loving woman who only wanted and deserved happiness. _Yep, definitely my kind of movie. Lifetime is such a reliable network when I feel like man-hating. _Settling in, she took exactly one bite of her bagel before her phone rang.

Looking at the number that flashed across the screen, she smiled and answered happily.

"Hey Dad. Good morning!"

"Morning, pumpkin," Fred began, sitting at the dining room table back in Lima.

"How are you?"

"I'm good today, honey. Anything going on there?"

"The usual. Cloudy with a chance of rain, Mrs. Bernbaum talking to me about my old life in Oklahoma again, and the upstairs neighbors annoying the hell out of me. In other words, it's a normal day in Seattle."

Fred laughed at his daughter's words, even as he identified the sadness in her voice that she tried so hard to mask with a jovial attitude.

Rachel took a bite of her bagel and chewed, closing her eyes with glee as the cream cheese melted around her tongue. _Heaven._

"Anything going on back home, Dad?"

Fred cleared his throat. "Rachel…ahh…"

"What, Dad? Is something wrong?"

Fred grasped for the words. "No, honey, nothing's wrong. It's just that I got a call and I was asked to deliver a message to you but I don't know…I just…"

From his hesitancy to speak, she knew.

_Noah. _

"Did…Dad…did Noah call you?" Rachel's heart thumped and she was almost sure it missed a beat because she was suddenly breathless, the thick dough of the bagel nearly lodged in her throat.

"Yes, honey, he did." Fred waited, trying to gauge his daughter's reaction and wishing, more than anything, that he could see her as they spoke. The ever-present cloud of heartbreak that seemed to have enveloped his only daughter usually rendered his own heart broken.

"What…what did he want?" Rachel swallowed, closing her eyes against the pain that occurred with every thought and word that was even spoke about him.

"He's trying to find you, honey."

Rachel wrenched her eyes tighter as the nearly ever-present burning that resided behind her eyes increased and rushed toward release. "You didn't tell him where I was, did you? I don't want to talk to him." Rachel griped, becoming immediately defensive. _He wasn't supposed to realize I was gone so soon. It's only been two weeks._

"No, no, honey. Your secret is safe."

Rachel cleared her throat, trying to hide the tears in her voice. "What did he want, Dad? You said he had a message…"

"Honey…Noah didn't get married." Fred scowled against the audible gulp Rachel made on the other end of the line.

Rachel's eyes widened, a stunned look crossing her beautiful face. _Noah didn't get married. Noah didn't marry Kim. Noah's not married._

"What? Why?" She tried to remove the frantic sound from her questioning but failed at it.

Back in Ohio, Fred wanted to hug his daughter and smack her former best friend for the pain he was inflicting even now, from so far away. "He didn't say why, honey. He just asked me to tell you that he didn't get married and that he wants to talk to you…and that you should call him."

Rachel let out a sad snort, brushing a tear off her cheek. "I'm not calling him, Dad."

Fred's voice was reassuring. "I didn't think you would, honey. And I debated even telling you that he'd called but…I think you deserve to know…"

Rachel nodded into the empty room. "Well thanks, Dad."

"Call me if you want to talk, honey. I'm going to run to the store but then I'll be home all day."

"Okay…Love you, bye."

Hanging up, Rachel pushed her bagel aside because her appetite had all but disappeared.

Noah hadn't married Kim. He wasn't on his honeymoon right now. He was in Ohio, wondering where she was. Despite herself, Rachel felt her heart flutter. With a frustrated groan, she leaned back against the couch for support. _He's not married. He wants me to call him._

Rachel looked at her phone. Then she looked over at the television. And then back at the phone.

_Noah isn't married._

_WHY?_

Rachel stared ahead, her mind unable to process the earth-shattering news her father had just delivered.

_Not married. _

The knock on Rachel's door echoed through the living room, causing her to jump. Pulling herself out of her stunned stupor, she advanced over to the door, slowly pulling it open. Her eyes nearly bugged, her mouth dropping open, as she peeked through the small crack in the door.

"Rachel!" yelled a familiar voice, full of excitement.

Rachel yanked the door fully open. "Tina! What are you doing here?"

Tina smiled and stepped up to hug Rachel. "I thought you needed a friend," she said into Rachel's hair.

Rachel hugged her closer, rested her head on Tina's shoulder...and promptly burst into tears.

Tina looked momentarily shocked before jumping in, guiding a sobbing Rachel back inside the apartment, and closing the door with a soft thud. She had expected this. She was prepared. And it was time for some _serious_ girl talk.

Tina maneuvered Rachel to the couch, where she clung to her and cried. It was obvious to Tina as she sat there stroking Rachel's hair and shushing her that the poor woman was clamoring for human touch. Her heart broke for her distraught friend.

"He didn't get married," Rachel whispered to Tina.

"What?" Tina wasn't sure she heard correctly.

"My dad just called. Noah called him…told him to ask me to call him and said that he…he wanted me to know that he didn't get married!" Tears fell, hot and fat against Tina's shirt, as the seriousness of the words washed over her.

Tina's mouth gaped open. _Puck didn't get married? What the hell?_

Rachel sniffled loudly. Tina pulled her closer for another hug, trying desperately to comfort Rachel but feeling like she was failing at it miserably.

"Why didn't he get married?" Rachel's voice was jus a whisper.

"I don't know, Rach. Guilt? Kim somehow found out that he'd cheated and chopped his dick off?"

Rachel snorted at Tina's statement, then quietly said, "Why does some part of me want it to be because he realized…that he loves me?"

"Because you love him… and it _could_ be a possibility, too, you know. Didn't your dad say that Puck wants you to call him?"

Rachel stood up from the couch, stretching. With sad eyes, she turned to Tina and said, "I seriously doubt that he loves me. Misses me because he realizes I'm gone now? Maybe. But you don't ignore someone for two weeks after you have sex if you love that person. And he ignored me! Pretended I didn't exist! That's not love…He _broke my heart_, Tina. Actually, he broke _me._" Swiveling to meet Tina's eyes, Rachel loudly declared, "I'm _not_ calling him."

Clapping her hands together, Rachel ignored the heaving in her chest and tried to change the subject. "So what are you doing here? I'm so happy to see you!"

"I thought you could use a friendly face. And it looks like I got here at just the right time. But I'm sorry I can only stay for the weekend, Rachel. I'd love to stay longer but my schedule is crazy. I'm attending a bunch of seminars this summer to get ready for the school year."

Rachel looked over at Tina. "I don't care if you can only stay for 20 minutes. You came...that's what matters." Rachel sat down next to Tina again and grabbed her hand, holding it in her own.

The friends sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to the rain bounce off the glass of Rachel's windows.

"T, will it ever get easier?" Rachel's voice was soft, thoughtful.

"Will what ever get easier, Rach?" Tina tugged Rachel down until Rachel's head was in her lap.

"Getting over him. Pretending that he doesn't exist isn't working because obviously, he feels the need to call my father. I have to learn to heal…but will I?" Her voice was pained, almost bitter about the fact that Noah had taken to calling her father just to let her know that he hadn't gotten married. That fact didn't tell her anything…and it certainly provided no comfort to the pieces floating in her chest that used to resemble a heart.

"Eventually, yeah. But you can't force it. If you feel like crying over him, cry. If you feel like being pissed, be pissed. If you ever get to the point where you _are _ready to call and cuss him out, put me on conference before you do!"

Rachel looked up at Tina and their eyes met with a laugh.

_It feels good to laugh. I need to do it more. _

"I just wish...I hope that he feels bad, too. Actually, I want him miserable like I am. Is that wrong? Am I horrible?"

Tina snorted. "I can guarantee you that he feels bad. I don't think he meant for _it_ to happen any more than you did. And think about it, he didn't get married and you're gone and....Rach, I'm pretty sure he's not doing well. Puck may be a lot of things but he's not heartless – okay, he was always heartless to pretty much everyone but _you_ were the exception…"

"Then why did he ignore me afterward? Ignoring my calls and pretending I didn't exist was pretty heartless. Had he talked to me...had he said _anything, _even _one damn word_, and I might not be _here_ now." _Just a few words could have changed everything._

"Has Puck _ever_ really known what to say when he needed to say it? Seriously, Rach, think about it. No! The man used to toss slushies on _you_ and throw Kurt in a dumpster. He's never exactly used _words_ to express how he feels about anything. Now, I don't pretend to be friends with him like you were but where you were concerned, things _mattered_ to him, even when he didn't say them."

Tina watched Rachel's face contort and continued to speak. "Rach, don't think I'm defending him because I'm not. What happened was horrible. But I know that he cared about you and…" Tina looked down at the floor, carefully deciding what to say. "And I don't think he _meant_ to hurt you. I think it just…happened."

Rachel's eyes brimmed with tears again. "Can't I just forget him? Why is it so hard to erase him from my memory? I sent most of the stuff that reminded me of him or that was his right back to him. I've still found a few things…and…I don't know what to do…" A tear spilled over onto Rachel's cheeks as the desperation she felt took over again.

"Rachel, you won't wake up tomorrow and _not_ love him anymore. You loved him for a long time. It's going to take you a long time to forget. So don't force it. Besides...." Tina's voice faded.

"Besides what?" Rachel prodded.

"Do you really want to completely forget him? Yeah, things went bad but...do you want to forget about everything you shared?"

"But I need to move on. I _have_ to move on. I have amazing memories of him but…" Rachel paused to sniffle, "…but now they all just remind me of how it ended. I just want to stop hurting."

"And you will, Rach. You really will."

Rachel closed her eyes and whispered, "And why didn't he end up marrying Kim? I mean, Tina…it makes me want to scream because I don't know. But then again, it doesn't matter. What he did was unforgiveable. He threw away everything we had when he walked out like that. His life and what he does with it – if he gets married or doesn't get married – is his own problem now. I'm done with it. I _have_ to be."

Rachel flipped over so that she was on her side. "I just wish it hadn't happened. If we could only take it back...if it hadn't happened...."

"You can't change the past, Rach."

Rachel exhaled slowly, the weight of the situation pressing against her sternum. "I know."

Tina smiled sadly down at her depressed friend. "What do you say we go out for lunch and some of that sight-seeing you promised me? I think we've had about enough of Noah Puckerman talk for now, don't you?"

Nodding, Rachel sat up and ran her fingers through her hair. "Lunch sounds great."

* * *

Rachel began to feel much better once she and Tina left the apartment. After grabbing lunch at a little Mexican restaurant close to the heart of the city, the two longtime friends ended up at the Space Needle. Tina had her digital camera at the ready and snapped picture after picture once they made it to the observation deck. She and Rachel posed, hands in the air, once they found a nice couple that agreed to take a few pictures for them together. Laughing, they even posed for a picture waving "jazz hands" at the camera.

By the time their feet were back on solid group (and Tina was slightly green from the swaying of the Needle), Rachel was officially in the happiest moment she'd had since arriving in Seattle.

Wandering through downtown, Rachel spotted and eclectic-looking bookstore and dragged Tina in after her. She wandered through the rare paperbacks before ending up at the collection of old records, of course, while Tina perused the section on Seattle to spot any touristy places that she'd like to visit during her short trip.

"Excuse me," a deep male voice said to Rachel as he tried to move past her.

Rachel mumbled "sorry" and pressed herself up against the record racks, grousing about how the shop was so tightly packed that customers couldn't even navigate comfortably.

A few minutes later, when Rachel was reading the back of a Simon & Garfunkel album, she heard the same voice again. She instinctively shoved herself against the racks again but a strong arm reached to stop her. Turning, Rachel's brown eyes connected with a pair of green ones belonging to a much taller man.

"I'm sorry," Rachel said. "Am I in your way?"

The man laughed, the rumble emanating from his broad chest. "No, quite the contrary. I was just going to tell you that I have that album…grew up on it actually, and it's one of the best there is."

Rachel smiled at the brown-haired, nearly 6-foot-tall man. "My father has this album back home. I've heard it a million times but just never buy it. I could probably buy it in CD form but…"

"…there is just something about the original recordings on record, right? The way they were made to sound?" He finished for her.

Rachel nodded, a more genuine grin crossing her face as she realized that she was talking to a fellow music-worshipper.

"Now, this one," the man said, reaching for an album that Rachel recognized as one from The Beatles. "This one is my favorite. My father played this one all the time."

Rachel wrinkled up her nose. "Can't say I've ever been a fan of The Beatles, in all honesty. They have a lot of great lyrics but the sound…the particular sound just never appealed to me."

The man's handsome face contorted like he was wounded by Rachel's insult. Then, smiling, he put the album back. "Well, I knew you couldn't be _completely_ flawless."

Rachel blushed at his attempt at a compliment. Just then, Tina approached her, smiling at the man.

"Hey, T…you ready to go?" Rachel asked, one eye on the stranger.

Tina nodded. Rachel looked up at the man. "It was nice talking to you." She turned to step away but he reached out his hand and put it on her arm.

"I'd love it if you'd go to dinner with me sometime…that is, if you're available." Rachel swiveled to stare at him. _Seriously? Am I being asked out in a bookstore?_

Tina's mouth gaped. Rachel began to speak, "No…it's probably best that…"

Tina stepped in front of Rachel, cutting her off. "Don't listen to my friend Rachel, here…What's your name?"

The man chuckled, offering his hand to Tina. "Nick…Nick Collins."

"Nick, so nice to meet you. This is my friend, Rachel Berry. She just moved here from Ohio and doesn't know _anyone_ in town. If you give me your number, I'll pass it along to her and I'm _sure_ she will reconsider your dinner offer."

Rachel stood behind Tina, her mouth hanging open. _Seriously, Tina. What are you doing?_

Nick reached into his pocket, pulled out a scrap of paper, and wrote down his number. With a nod, he handed the number to Tina. Looking around her, he winked at Rachel and said, "I hope to hear from you, Rachel." Then he turned on his heel and walked away.

When he was out of earshot, Rachel grabbed Tina's arm. "I could kill you! What was that?"

"_That_," Tina indicated the direction Nick had gone, "was Step One in your recovery plan. You need to go on a date with a handsome stranger." Tina fanned herself. "And that man? Gorgeous…"

Rachel laughed, nodding in agreement. "He was quite attractive, wasn't he?"

Shoving Nick's number down in Rachel's purse, Tina grabbed her hand. "Let's go. I read about some ferry rides and am _dying_ to go on one." Hair flying behind her, Tina pulled Rachel out of the store and back into the grey Seattle daylight to do more sightseeing.

* * *

Tina was stretched out on the bed, listening to the wind knock a tree limb against Rachel's bedroom window, when a flash of lightning startled her. Jerking, she looked over to where Rachel was lying next to her and realized that her eyes were also open.

"Did the storm wake you up, too?"

Rachel shook her head. "No…already awake."

The lightning flashed again and Tina could see tear streaks down Rachel's face.

"You okay?" Tina sat up, leaning back against the headboard, and pulled Rachel up to her.

Rachel dropped her head onto Tina's shoulder. "I'm usually okay at night but tonight, I just keep seeing him. I almost wish Dad wouldn't have told me that Noah called. It's just too painful."

"Rachel," Tina began carefully, "You could call him, you know. Just to talk."

"No…I can't." Rachel didn't offer a further explanation and Tina didn't seem to need one.

Tina looped her fingers through Rachel's hair, skimming it over her palm. She smiled, her eyes crinkling, and asked, "Rachel, not to be gross or anything but...what was _it_ like? And you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to because it's painful and all but...you know...."

_What was it like? Incredible. Earth-shattering. Devastating. _

"No, Tina, it's fine. It's not like I don't think about it every ten minutes anyway." Rachel pulled away from Tina, sitting straight up in the bed and staring into the darkness. "You know when you dream of something for a nearly and eternity and then, when you finally get it, it ends up being better than you could possibly have ever imagined?"

Tina nodded, knowing completely what Rachel meant.

Rachel bit her lip, remembering the feeling of his hands and lips ghosting over her body as he explored her curves. "It was like that...only better." She let the involuntary shiver race over her body, berating herself for the fact that she could still manage to feel that coil of desire inside her whenever she thought about how they'd come together. If she blocked out what had happened afterward, she could admit that it was the singular most amazing sexual experience of her life; partly because he _was_ a skilled lover who lived up to his reputation but mainly because it had been _him _with_ her._ For those moments, the entire world had ceased to be and everything, absolutely _everything_, had been exactly right.

Sighing, Rachel fell back into her pillows. "I hate thinking about it."

Tina cleared her throat. "I'm sorry I brought it up…I don't even know why I did."

"No, T, it's okay. Like I said, I think about it all the time anyway, even when I try my damnedest not to."

Tina glanced over at the window. "The storm is dying down. Let's try to get some sleep."

Rachel nodded and the two friends burrowed back under the covers to sleep for the rest of the night.

* * *

By the time Tina hugged Rachel goodbye and hopped into the cab that would take her to the airport a day later, Rachel felt strong again - stronger than she'd felt in weeks. Having Tina around, if only for a couple of days, had done wonders for her. She'd been able to vent all her frustrations and sadness over the entire Noah debacle and had begun to believe that life _did _exist post-Puckerman.

Grabbing her laptop, Rachel tucked her legs under her and sat the computer on the arm of the couch. She logged into her Gmail account, her eyes skimming over the many emails that shed ignored over the past 48 hours. Suddenly, she stopped and blinked. And then blinked again.

"Noah Puckerman has sent you a message on Facebook," the screen screamed at her. Clicking it, she was taken to her account. Her hands shook as she began to read:

_I found a way to contact you after all. I left a message through your dad but I don't know if he'll give it to you. Rachel, I know you may not even read this but you left me no other way. I know I fucked up. I fucked up HUGE. Please call me. Email me. Text me. Something! We have to talk. I didn't get married. And I miss you…_

She read the few words on the screen over and over again. She could practically see his hazel eyes, dark with concern, as he typed out the few words of his message. He'd probably rubbed his hand over his hair a dozen times as he thought about what he wanted to say before he'd ever even started typing. And as he was typing, she could almost see him smiling, thinking he'd gotten one over on her because she hadn't completely closed her Facebook account. His toothy smile flashed into her head and tears began pooling.

_Oh Noah…why do you have to do this?_

Rachel read the message again, snorting at the comment that he'd "fucked up."

"Oh really?" she asked her computer screen incredulously. "Ya think?"

Her eyes settled on his request for her to call him, glaring at his words. But the she stilled… _Should I? Do I? _Her heart pounding, she nearly reached for her cell phone. Her hands literally itched to dial his number.

_Just to hear his voice again. _

_He misses me._

_He's NOT married…that has to mean _something_._

_God, I miss him so much…I can practically feel him…_

Angrily wiping a tear from her cheek, she moved her mouse up and clicked the message closed without responding.

"I have nothing to say to you. You said everything you needed to when you pretended that nothing had happened and that I didn't exist. You can't come crawling back now, Noah Puckerman." She was yelling at her computer screen but it felt good. With a glare, she closed her laptop, tossed it on the couch cushion as she stood up, and then padded over to the window to look out. A gentle rain was falling over Seattle, leaving everything with a gray tinge.

_So fitting for how I feel – for how _he_ makes me feel. _

_Exactly why I belong here now._

_Not there. _Here_._

As she stared out over the Seattle skyline, Rachel kept telling herself that there was life after heartbreak. She had to believe that one day, she would be able to breathe in and out without his name being interlaced with her heartbeat. But as she stared out the window, the message he'd sent from 2200 miles away running through her head, she realized that no matter now far she ran, she wasn't sure she could ever run far enough. Just a few words from him and any progress she thought she'd made instantly disappeared and she was left alone again, her heart as raw and exposed as it had been the night everything had changed. It would be so easy to reply or to pick up the phone and start again with him; after all, he apparently wasn't married and calling him was all she really wanted to do anyway. But too much had happened; too much had been left unspoken for far too long. She should have told him how she felt about him long before Kim ever came into the picture; she shouldn't have kissed him that night when he was vulnerable; she shouldn't have expected him to feel the same way about her; she _should_ have expected him to react exactly as he had. But too much had happened and if Noah Puckerman couldn't give her his all, she didn't want any – not anymore. She would never be able to pick up the pieces of her heart and mend it back together if he was there, orbiting in her peripheral vision. Ignoring the tears on her cheeks, she ran her hands through her hair, pulling it back from her face. She'd rather love him for the rest of her life but never set eyes on him again than let him do any more damage than he'd already done. He was an indelible part of her past but he hadn't wanted her to be his future. She just wished she could stop wanting him to be hers.

Grabbing her cell phone, she eyed the scrap of paper lying next to her keys on the coffee table. Typing in the number, it rang and then a voice picked up.

"Hi, is this Nick?" Rachel began. "This is Rachel Berry, from the bookstore the other day? Well, I've changed my mind. If the offer is still open, I'd love to go out to dinner with you."

A few minutes later, Rachel clicked the phone off. She had a date. There _was _life after Noah Puckerman and she was determined to try and live a little of it.

**

* * *

A/N2: Curious about Nick Collins? Picture Channing Tatum…. (Thanks to Katertots for the suggestion!)**


	15. Long Time Coming

**A/N: The title of this chapter is from a song by Oliver James (hottie!)**

* * *

"So the first clue that _perhaps_ this audition wasn't exactly what I should be pursuing was when I got to the theater and realized that it was in a very seedy neighborhood. But since I've had so many useless auditions up until this point, I felt a little desperate, honestly. So instead of listening to my gut, which has _always_ been the absolute wisest thing to do in the past, I pushed forward and went to the audition anyway," Rachel spoke into the phone as she spooned steamed broccoli onto her plate.

"And then what happened?" Tina prompted from Ohio, enjoying Rachel's audition tale so far.

"So I go in and before I can even do anything, I noticed that the inside of the theater smells like a bar. I mean, it smells like there is whiskey spilled all over the floor. Again, I should have listened to my instincts! And then I meet the director and he's a nice man, it _seems_. He has me sing a song, which I execute perfectly, of course. And _then_ he brings out another actor and has me read a scene with him that went very well." Rachel paused, forking the baked chicken from the pan onto her plate. "And then, he tells me he wants me to read the _same_ scene again only with my top off."

Tina sputtered, coffee spewing from her mouth onto her desk. "What?"

"I _know_! As it turns out, this particular production has extensive nudity and he wanted to make sure my "rack" was up to par."

"Rachel…please tell me that you didn't…"

Rachel scoffed, her voice indignant. "_Tina_! Of course I didn't! I told that man exactly what he could do with his pathetic little production and I stormed out of there. Topless theater…_really?_"

"So now what? That was obviously a bust. "

Rachel took her plate over to the couch and sat down, dropping it on the coffee table.

"Well, I had an audition later that afternoon at Seattle Musical Theatre so the day ended up not being a complete waste of effort." She took a bite of broccoli and then reached for the salt.

"And how did that go?"

Rachel let out a squeal, forcing Tina to momentarily pull the phone away from her ear. "I got it! They're doing "The Rainmaker" and…" Rachel paused for effect, which she knew Tina hated. "And I got the lead!"

Tina's squeal joined Rachel's across the miles. "That's _awesome, _Rachel!"

"I _know!_ I'm so excited! Rehearsals start on Tuesday."

"And you have a _second _date with Nick on Friday," Tina added.

Rachel smiled. "Yes, I do. I'm actually looking forward to it. The first date was awkward, as all first dates are, but he's really a very nice man."

"Who happens to be so gorgeous that he causes people around him to instantaneously combust," Tina added, remembering the dark haired, green-eyed handsome man who had hit on Rachel two and a half weeks before.

"He _is _definitely handsome. But he's also successful and intelligent," Rachel added thoughtfully.

"Well I'm glad it's going well. Seattle seems to be sitting better with you now." Tina took a sip of her coffee. "Have…have you heard from Puck again?"

Rachel's chest tightened. _Damn it. Why did you have to bring him up?_ "No…not since the Facebook message, I haven't. D…do you think he's given up?" The conflict that had been roiling inside Rachel for weeks came back in full force yet again. She wanted Noah to leave her alone forever and let her get on with her life. But the idea that he would reach out just one time and then never again seemed too painful to register. She was _so _torn. She had imagined, when she'd planned this entire move, that the miles between them would act as a buffer to her sadness over what had happened. She realized, now though, that those same miles sometimes only intensified the loss she felt. In the early morning hours, when she could see his face clearly and feel his touch, the distance nearly caused physical sickness. But in the light of day, when she could fully recall her heartbreak, the distance _did_ help to dull the throb. But all these weeks later, she still loved him just as much as she hated him.

Tina snorted. "No, I don't. Noah Puckerman doesn't give up on much. I think he's just trying to figure out what to do now." Tina had honestly been expecting a call or a visit from him herself. It hadn't happened, _yet, _but she was fully preparing herself for when it did. Rachel's silence, she knew, was eating at Puck. After what had happened between them, it_had _to be.

Rachel sighed. _I hope you're right_. _Wait...what? No, I don't. I'm _done_ with him. _Rachel wrinkled her brow at her own internal conflict. The ever-present pull of "forgive him/forget him" was grating.

Focusing on her food instead of the mental volleyball game she endured whenever she thought of _him_, Rachel excused herself and hopped off the phone.

As Rachel flipped on the television, intending to catch up on the day's news, a loud thud from above caused her to jump. Next came a muffled thump followed by another heavy thud directly above her head.

Rolling her eyes, she glanced up at the ceiling. _Are they bowling up there? Damn neighbors._

* * *

Rachel's first official day of rehersals was nerve-wracking, even to a seasoned performer like herself. A new city, a new job, virtually no friends in town – it was a lot to carry around. But in typical Rachel Berry mode, she showed up early, in peak shape, and was ready to perform. And as usual, she kicked _ass_, giving 1000% for every scene and every song_._ When the first day of rehearsals had ended, Rachel rolled her head from side to side and stretched her arms. Her body was tense from hours of practice, often doing the same scene over and over again so every actor could get it right.

"Hey, Rachel," one of her castmates, Elizabeth, said as she approached. "We're all going for drinks now...you wanna join us?"

Rachel blinked. She'd been invited for drinks? She'd _never_ even been invited out to drink with the cast in Cincinnati, even after she started dating the golden boy of the company, Wren. With an approving nod, Rachel picked up her bag. "I'd love to, and thank you so much for inviting me."

As she and her new acquaintances set out for a relaxing evening, Rachel let out a silent breath. For the first time since she'd arrived, she almost felt like a normal person. Maybe this Seattle thing was going to work out, after all...

A few days later, after hours of grueling rehearsals that were both physically and emotionally taxing, Rachel was ready for a nice, relaxing evening with her new friend, Nick. He picked her up and took her to a French cafe before they settled into their seats at the Seattle Symphony Orchestra. By the time they'd returned to her apartment building, Rachel was exhausted. As she unlocked her door, she glanced over at Nick, who was towering above her but leaning in close.

"I had a lovely time, Nick. Thank you," she said, shyly.

"No problem, Rachel. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself." Nick looked into Rachel's eyes for a moment and then dipped his head to kiss her. Stunned at first, Rachel didn't respond. Nick pressed his hand into the small of Rachel's back, pulling her closer to him as she finally, gently kissed him back. Nick's free arm snaked up into Rachel's hair, tilting her face towards him as his lower body ground closer to her. Panic skittered through Rachel's body. _I can't do this. I'm not ready for this. _Putting her hands on Nick's chest, she pushed him away.

He stared down at her. "What's wrong?"

"I'm...I'm sorry," she stammered. "I can't do this...I'm not..."

Nick sighed, closing his eyes for a second as he leaned back against the wall.

"What's his name?" He looked down at the small, frowning woman next to him.

Rachel's head shot up, her eyes connecting with his. _Am I that transparant? _"What?"

"What's _his_ name? There's a reason you're holding back, Rachel. Who is he?" Nick's voice was prodding and without a trace of resentment.

"How…how'd you know? Am I that pathetically obvious?" Her own voice was bitter and laced with pain.

Nick's eyes softened and he dropped a hand to Rachel's shoulder. "It's not obvious, no…but it's there. Even when you're engaged in conversation, there's this undercurrent of…sadness… So who is he?"

Eyes dropping to the floor, she softly said, "Noah. His name is Noah."

Nick slid his hand under Rachel's chin, raising her head up so his eyes could meet hers again. "You wanna talk about it?"

Rachel shook her head. "Not much to talk about, really..."

"C'mon, Rachel..." Nick prodded. Rachel stared at him unsurely. Finally, Nick shrugged. "Look, Rachel. I'm not going to deny that you're gorgeous and that I'm attracted to you. But I'm also not going to pretend that some other guy _isn't_ in the picture. Besides, this is only the second date. If you need a friend..._I'll _be it. Not like I was going to propose or anything anyway."

Rachel stared, completely perplexed as to why he would want to listen to her whine about another man. Reading her face, Nick snorted and put up his hands, adding, "And I won't even try anything again...even though I want to."

A resigned sigh leaving her lips, Rachel pushed open her door. "Do you want some coffee? This may take a while..."

Nick chuckled and followed her inside. "Coffee would be great..."

Closing the door, Rachel began to tell the tale of "Rachel and Noah" to Nick. Two cups of coffee, a brief tour through the entire relationship with a heavy emphasis on the last year and 45 minutes later, she stopped talking. Nick gaped at her, eyes nearly bulging out of his head at the confusing and painful tale he'd just heard. Finally, he smiled and said, "Wow, that's fucked up."

Rachel sputtered and splashed hot coffee onto her arm. Laughing through her teary eyes, she grinned up at Nick. "I do believe you're right."

Nick leaned back against the couch cushion, his look thoughtful. "So…you just gonna forget he exists?"

"That's the plan..." Rachel used her most convincing voice. _I can forget. Eventually. I can!_

Nick groaned. "Why are women so difficult? He's reached out to you, Rachel. He _wants_ to talk to you. Maybe he realized how totally bad he messed up. You won't know if you don't give him a chance."

"But Nick...I don't want to be hurt again."

"Maybe he doesn't want to hurt you this time? I know women think we're incapable but guys really _can_ change, _if_ they want it bad enough. "

Rachel snorted. "I don't know how it would be any different this time around. And besides, too much has happened… I don't think he and I could ever go back to where we were. And honestly, I don't _want _to. If I can't be with him, I don't want any part of him."

"Look, Rachel...I can't believe I'm saying this because I'm basically pushing you into the arms of some other dude but...give him a chance. At least hear him out..."

"I..." Rachel bit her lip. "I guess I needed a male perspective... I'll think about it Nick...I will."

"Great." Nick looked down at his watch. "Shit, it's late. I'm gonna get going."

Rachel walked him to the door. Nick dropped a kiss on her forehead and said, "Dinner next week?"

Rachel looked shocked. "You still want to see me? After the sordid tale I just told?"

Nick shrugged. "You're hot, you're intelligent, we have a lot in common. So you're in love with an asshole? We can still be friends. Never know what may happen."

Rachel shook her head happily. "That sounds great, Nick...I would love to have dinner with you again."

"Gnite, Rachel." Nick bent, softly kissing Rachel's cheek as she blushed at the tenderness of his friendly gesture.

Right before she closed the door, she said, "Take care, Nick."

Once he was gone, Rachel was left alone with her thoughts. _I would love to hear Noah's voice again..._

Rachel walked through her apartment, turning off the lights as she headed toward the bedroom.

_No…we can't go back. And there's obviously no "us" going forward._

Groaning to herself, Rachel climbed into the bed and pulled the blankets up around her.

_I'm not calling him._

_It's over._

_It has to be… I refuse to love someone who doesn't love me in return._

* * *

Puck honestly didn't expect Rachel to reply to his Facebook message _or_ call him. And even though he was mentally prepared for her silence, it still hurt like a bitch. By the Monday that he returned to work - two weeks after his canceled wedding and four weeks since he'd walked out on Rachel – his mood was nothing short of foul. Once he walked into his office, he put on a professional demeanor and dealt with his patients accordingly. However, his co-workers knew, thanks in part to the glare that turned his hazel eyes green and the scowl that furrowed his brow, to keep a wide berth. And they gladly did. Several of them had been invited to the wedding-that-wasn't and had many questions to ask. But upon glancing at the angry man in their midst, they kept their questions to themselves, choosing to speculate in the security of the break room instead.

Despite his surly demeanor, Puck was glad to get back to work. His mind was seriously atrophying at home; his thoughts nearly always locked on Rachel and how he was going to find her. At work, he could focus on his patients and temporarily let Rachel recede to the back of his mind, where she stayed until he had a free moment, and then he'd think about her and the pain of missing her would come right back. When he got off work, he'd immediately head over to the gym for super-charged workout sessions that tested his physical abilities to the very limit (and allowed him to punch the shit out of the bag to let off much-pent up aggression.) By the time he got home, he'd have just enough time to eat dinner before he collapsed into bed, exhausted. Then he'd sleep for a few hours, wake up unable to breathe, and the misery of losing her would come back again. By the time that it had been six weeks since he'd seen her, he felt like he was losing his grip on reality.

And then, in what he considered to be the final step towards insanity, he began to see her everywhere he went. Patients, cashiers at the supermarket, women he passed on the street – they _all_ reminded him of her. He'd see the flash of silky brown hair in the sunlight and his throat would catch. He'd see a small woman with Rachel's build and for a brief moment, he'd be filled with hope that she'd come back. A woman in a restaurant would have her laugh, causing him to do a double take. She was _everywhere_...but she was_nowhere_. He missed her so completely that he was afraid the weight of it was going to be his undoing. He stopped taking calls from his mom, begged off invitations from co-workers, and ignored everything and everybody.

On a sunny Friday afternoon, Puck was walking towards his truck after work when a co-worker, Alex, rushed up behind him.

"Yo, Puckerman….Beer tonight?" Swearing, Puck realized it was Friday, which usually meant that he, Dan, Alex, and Emmanuel all ended up at the bar after work.

Puck turned toward Alex voice and shook his head no.

"Sorry, man. I'm not feelin' it. I'm gonna skip out…" Puck opened his truck door.

"Dude, you never go anymore. What's your problem?"

Puck just shrugged. "Nothin'. I'll see ya Monday."

Without another word, he hopped into his truck and sped away, leaving Alex staring after him.

A few hours later, Puck was drunk off his ass. He hadn't lied to Alex. He wasn't in the mood to drink at a bar. But a bottle of Cuervo and a big-ass pizza? _That_'s how he wanted to spend his night. Besides, Adult Swim was running a marathon of _The Family Guy._ And that shit was _fucking hilarious._

Puck was halfway through his bottle, most of the way through his pizza, and on his fifth episode when there was a knock on the door. Swearing, he made it over to the door and jerked it open. Alex was standing on the other side with a shit-eating grin on his face.

"Puckerman, you look like shit."

"Fuck you, dude," Puck said, motioning for Alex to come inside. Puck walked back toward the couch and dropped down on it as Alex closed the door. The apartment was a mess. And Puckerman? He _seriously _looked like hell.

Alex sat down on the chair across from Puck and stared at him speculatively. Puck took a drink from the bottle and muttered, "Fuck, _what_, Alex? What's your deal?"

"My deal? Dude, you blew us off _again_ and so we all started talkin'…you need to get your shit together."

"My shit _is _together," Puck said halfheartedly, considering the fact that he was lying and he knew it.

"Seriously, man…you know if you need to talk, I'm all down with sharing feelings and shit. I have a sister and a nagging wife, so I'm _all good_ with the feelings bullshit. We can totally talk and I won't even _pretend_ that it's homo."

Puck just glared, saying nothing. _Just let it go, dude. _Swiveling towards the TV, he chuckled as Stewie swore at Lois and then looked back over at Alex.

"My life is a little fucked up right now, Alex. But all's good…I'll be fine."

Alex snorted. "You're anything but fine, dude. Since you got back from your – whatever - a few weeks ago, you've been a giant asshole. I'm surprised you haven't been fired for being such a fucking prick."

Puck glowered. _Go the fuck away! _"You can fucking leave, you know. I don't need this shit." Puck pointed toward the door and then took another drink.

Alex stood, moving over to the couch next to Puck. Taking the bottle out of his hand, he slammed it down on the table and then glared at his drunken friend.

"Why the fuck are you so messed up. _You_ dumped _her, _right? So you should be fuckin' happy, right? You didn't get tied down. You're free to still fuck whoever, whenever. I'm jealous of that shit, man!" _Seriously, what the fuck is this dude's problem?_

Puck glared. "That's not what I want, though." _And I don't feel like explaining it to you._

"Dude, women throw themselves at you all the damn time. It makes the rest of us sick. I've never seen the amount of available pussy that seems to gravitate toward you."

Shrugging, Puck said, "What can I say? I've always been a stud."

Alex laughed. "Yeah, so why aren't you exploiting it? That bitch take your balls, too?"

"That's not it." Puck's knuckles whitened as he balled his fists. He _didn't_ want to talk about this.

"Dude? What? Why are you drunk off your ass, eating shitty pizza on a Friday night when you could be bangin' some smokin' chick that would have shoved her panties in your pocket at the bar?"

"Fuck, dude…. _Please! _I don't want to talk about it." Puck stood up and walked into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water.

Alex followed him into the room, staring at the back of his friend's head. "C'mon man…. you're letting your life turn to shit."

Puck ignored him, taking a swig from the water bottle.

"Are you gay, man?" Alex asked quietly. Puck spit the water out, his eyes full of annoyance and rage.

"The fuck, man? No!" Grabbing the water, he stalked back into the living room and turned to glare at Alex. "You wanna know what my problem is? I _fucked_ my best friend two weeks before my goddamn wedding." Puck's voice rose as his eyes met Alex eyes.

Alex stared after him. "You did what?"

"Yeah, great move, huh?" Puck was pacing now, from one side of the room to the other. Alex's eyes followed him, confused by Puck's fucked-up confession.

"Dude…how the hell do you fuck some other chick two weeks before you're supposed to get married?"

"Rachel," Puck corrected. _She's not just some chick. _"Her name is Rachel." Puck stood up, grabbed a picture off his shelf, and threw it at Alex. Staring into the picture, Alex's eyes widened with realization and he looked up at Puck.

"Dude, you, uh...you do realize..."

"...that Kim looks just like her with a bigger rack and smaller nose? Yeah, got _that_ memo. Two weeks before the fucking wedding."

"Shit, that...that's totally fucked up, dude, you know that, right?"

"It's not like I realized they were practically fucking twins! You think I realized? Fuck, dude, you think I wanted this shit?" He stood to pace, running his hands over his head. "I don't know what the fuck I was thinking that night. I was pissed at Kim, I was pissed at Rachel. And I showed up wanting to be with my best friend, just to talk to her, ya know? And instead, I ended up fucking her."

"You sure as shit wanted her if you managed to fuck her."

"It's not like I planned that shit! She kissed me, and…" Puck cut himself off. "Goddammit, it's a fucking mess and it doesn't matter now anyway because she's gone."

"Gone?"

Puck snapped. "Yes, _gone_. She fucking disappeared….wants nothing to do with me."

Alex shrugged and punched Puck in the arm. "Dude, so she's gone. Big damn deal. Just forget her…there are plenty of fine-ass brunettes in this town to worry about one girl."

"I don't want to forget about her!" Puck turned on his heel, his dark eyes glaring at Alex. "I fucking love her!" _Oh God…_

Dropping to the couch with the wind completely sucked out of him, Puck buried his head in his hands. "Fuck…I'm in love with Rachel."

"You just figuring that out, man?" Puck could hear the smirk in Alex's voice without even looking up.

Puck raised his head, his watery eyes locking with Alex's. "Yeah, I am…"

Alex laughed as he slapped Puck on the back. "_That_? That is fucked up, man…you got another bottle? I'll drink with ya…"

* * *

The night after Puck's Cuervo-induced confession to Alex and seven weeks since he'd seen Rachel, Puck found himself sitting along the Ohio River again. It was the first time he'd been there since the night he left her apartment, panicked over the fact that he'd just made love to his best friend while his fiancé waited for him at home. The nights were warmer now that it was early July and he'd left his jacket at home. He walked along the dark sidewalk, staring up at the traffic that crossed the bridge. He couldn't figure out how he'd gotten to this point and worse, he felt like he'd never find a way back.

Down near the end of the park, where fewer people were milling around at ten o'clock, Puck plopped down into the grass and sat.

_Goddammit, I can't go on like this. I love her…I am _in love_ with her._

He couldn't remember ever feeling this sad in his life. Well, maybe when he was a kid and his father had left for good. But those were childish feelings of hurt and pain and now he sat there as an adult, the feeling of abandonment was _far _worse than he remembered.

Leaning back into the grass, Puck stared up at the sky.

_Fuck, Rachel. I'm so sorry._

_Please come back to me._

Puck's thoughts traveled back to that night. When he'd been driving around Cincinnati, he was full of anger – but not at Kim. He'd been angry because Rachel was pulling away from him and he hadn't known how to stop it. When she'd opened up the door, thinking Wren was on the other side, he'd waned to put his fist through a wall out of jealousy. When she'd kissed him, he thought of nothing but the feeling of her body against his. Kim was forgotten; Wren was merely a joke. And then he'd followed her into that bedroom with the undeniable need to claim her; to make her belong to him, even if only temporarily. They'd shared amazing passion and he hadn't wanted it to end because it had felt _so fucking right._But the euphoria of the moment wore off and then he'd made the worst decision of his life – he'd walked out. Realizing, as he did now, that Rachel was in love with him, he'd put the last nail in his own fucking coffin when he'd told her that being with her had been a mistake. With a snort, he sadly acknowledged that those stolen moments in her bedroom had been the _one right thing_ he'd done where his _true_ feelings for Rachel had been concerned in years. She'd stood by his side, even as he'd planned to start a life with another woman – a woman who looked an insane fucking amount like her. She'd been there for him to vent to when wedding planning was making him crazy. With a groan, he realized that he'd even shown her the goddamn ring he'd gotten for Kim. And she'd taken it all in stride. Other than the sadness he caught in her gaze sometimes and the occasional shiny eyes he'd spotted when he thought she wasn't looking, she'd been there until she started to disengage. _She pulled away because I was breaking her. Even as I used her to bolster myself up, I was breaking her. _And now, somewhere in the world, she was alone. She didn't have anyone around her (_or did she?_) and she didn't have him. She wasn't calling him just to chat or because she needed him to change that damn light bulb that she couldn't reach, even with a stool. And he wondered, if after everything, she still loved him. Or were the roles reversed now? Was she doing her best to ignore how she felt about him while he was so goddamned in love with her that he wanted to die at the thought that he may never touch her again?

Standing up, Puck wiped the dampness from the grass off onto his pants. He shoved his hands deep into his pocket as he turned to walk back toward the truck. As soon as he got inside, he popped inside the demo CD he'd found amongst the items Rachel had returned to him. Her words began wafting throught he speakers again:

"_I love you in silence, I sing for you quietly, move through your heart,_

_Softly give you some laughter, a tear,_

_I'm with you in silence, whatever the year, whatever the year, forever."_

As he drove off into the night, nearly white-knuckled at the ache her voice caused within him, he wondered if it was still true: was she still loving him in silence? _I hope so, Rach… because now I'm loving you, too._

Tomorrow morning, he was heading to Lima and he wasn't leaving until he got some answers, once and for all, that would lead him back to Rachel.

**

* * *

Next up: Maybe some answers?**


	16. When Love and Hate Collide

**A/N: Welcome to the longest chapter ever in my short history of fanfic writing (I can't believe I've only been doing this for three months!) Chapter title is an oldie but goodie by Def Leppard.**

* * *

Tina blinked, wondering if her eyes were playing tricks on her, as she stared at the wretched looking person standing at her door. It was Puck, all right - but instead of the sexy smirk and confidence he normally exuded he...well...he kinda looked like total shit. He was in dire need of a haircut, was wearing a gray, ratty old McKinley High sleeveless T-shirt, and wrinkled jeans.

"Puck?" She asked, her voice a bit skeptical and unsure. _Do I really want to invite him in?_

"Hey Tina," Puck began, shifting uncomfortably on his feet, "can I talk to you?"

Resigned, Tina pushed the door to her apartment open, allowing Puck to enter. He followed her into the dining room, where she motioned for him to sit down at the table.

"You want something to drink?"

"Soda, if ya got it," Puck said. Tina went to the cabinets, pulling out two glasses and filling them with ice. Grabbing two cans of Coke, she brought it to the table and sat down in a chair, tucking her legs beneath her.

"What brings you here, Puck?" She knew the answer, obviously, but was trying (and failing) to act as casual as possible. Her hands shook as she poured her Coke into the glass. _Act cool…act casual. DO NOT betray Rachel's location!_

Puck took a drink of his soda. "Rachel."

Tina stiffened, unsure of how to proceed. Rachel didn't want to hear from Puck but he, obviously, wasn't doing well with Rachel's plan of avoidance.

Tina seemed to trip over her words when she answered him. "What about her? I can't…"

"Fuck, Tina," Puck cut her off with a growl, "I know you know where she is and that you can't tell me. Well, you can…but you _won't._"

Tina jumped, a little shocked at Puck's outburst. She knew he would be upset but she hadn't expected _this. _His eyes were dark and angry, his face contorted, and his chest heaved slightly. He was _pissed._

"Puck, I made a promise to Rachel that I wouldn't tell anyone where she is." Tina watched as Puck's jaw flexed and moved as he obviously gritted his teeth. Leaning back into the seat, he took a sip of his soda and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, Tina could tell that some of the tension had eased as he worked to compose himself.

"Is she okay, Tina?"

"She's doing as well as can be expected." Tina slowly took a sip as she calculated her words. She had to make sure she didn't say too much. _I don't want to betray Rachel. _But dammit, Puck looked miserable!

Puck roughly ran his fingers through his messy hair. Swearing under his breath, he looked Tina in the eye. "I miss her, Tina. I know you won't tell me where she is...it's just... I miss her so much." Looking down at his glass, he added, "She's _all_ I fucking think about."

Tina was speechless at both his admission and his demoralized tone. She had expected angry Puck and she could deal with him when he was angry. She'd gone through enough years of high school with him to know how to deal with his bad moods. (Ignore, avoid, and don't provoke!) But vulnerable Puck? Vulnerable Puck was a completely different animal and it nearly took the wind out of her sails.

Puck looked up again, his eyes softer and questioning. "Does she ever mention me...like, at all? I sent her a message on Facebook but she ignored it." Pressing his back against the wooden back of the chair, he added, "I feel like she's fucking forgotten that I ever existed."

Tina sighed. "Puck, I don't know what you want me to say. I...Rachel asked...It's..." Tina struggled with what to offer. It was easy to tell Rachel that she wouldn't say anything to Puck in theory. But the reality of it was now facing her and she felt like a few things needed to be said on Rachel's behalf. Finally, she just gave into her gut and went for it. "You hurt her, Puck. Your reaction to...to...to what happened?" _How do I talk about the night that they had sex?_ "The way you walked out? That _destroyed _her." Meeting Puck's eyes with a defiant glare, she said, "You ignored her for two weeks, Puck. You pretended she _wasn't even there_. What kind of friend is that?"

Tina's words stabbed through Puck's heart like sharp little knives. He _knew_ all this. Hell, he'd lived it himself for weeks now, over and over again. But watching the emotion come over Tina's face, seeing the hurt that she had for Rachel, was like seeing into Rachel's heart – even just a tiny bit - and it tore him up inside.

"Tina, I _know_ I fucked up. I think about it constantly. I wish I woulda done pretty much everything about that fucking night differently. I wish...I..." Puck stood up, shoving away from the table. "I don't know what the fuck I wish, anymore. Nothing really matters anymore anyway. She's gone. She's apparently not coming back." His voice caught. "And she hates me and doesn't want anything to do with me."

"Puck...I don't think she hates you," Tina offered quietly, watching Puck's shoulders rise up and down with his ragged breathing. "I think she's just...heartbroken at how things turned out."

Puck whirled around, Tina's words prompting a strong reaction. "And you know what, Tina? This shit isn't completely _my _fault. Rachel never bothered to tell me how she felt about me, did she? No! She kept it in! She didn't say a fucking word and _watched _me get engaged to another woman. That doesn't seem like the actions of a woman who wanted to be with me, does it?"

"What would you have had her do, Puck? Beg you not to marry Kim? Risk your friendship? Tell you that..." Tina almost added, "that she loved you," but she cut herself off. She couldn't reveal Rachel's feelings. It wasn't her place. And as Puck spoke again, it was obvious that she didn't need to, anyway, because he'd figured it out.

"Tell me that she loved me? Yes, she _could_ have! Then, none of this shit might have happened and she might...I--," Puck struggled with what to say. "And then maybe I would have had her now, instead of spending every waking moment hating myself for what happened and missing her so much...." He sat back down in the chair, his body and mind fatigued.

"Do you _want _her Puck? Like _that_?"

"Are you serious, Tina? Of _course_ I want her...I wouldn't be going bat-shit crazy if I didn't want her so much that I can't fucking breathe. Leaving her that night was the biggest mistake of my entire life. And you know that I fuck up a lot. It's apparently the one thing I actually do right." Puck tugged at a hangnail on his middle finger, staring intently as he waited for Tina to respond.

Tina's mouth gaped at the miserable man sitting across from her. _Oh my God.... He's in love with her. Puck is in love with Rachel! Noah Puckerman loves Rachel Berry! Puck hearts Rachel! _Tina wanted to screech, jump up and down, grab her cell phone, and call Rachel immediately. This was _huge. _This changed _everything. _All bets were _off_, now!

Tina finally composed herself and said, "I didn't realize that you loved her, Puck."

Puck let out a sad chuckle from deep in his chest. "Neither did I, until recently. I..." He searched for the right words. "...I think I have for a long time, actually. But I just didn't want to see it or couldn't see it or...fuck, I don't know. All I _do know _is that I just want to get her back, Tina. You can understand that, right? I _need _her. It's been seven weeks since I've looked into her eyes or have even seen her from a distance. Seven _fucking_ weeks."

Tina's heart hurt for Puck - for Puck and Rachel both, actually. They'd made a mess of this whole thing. _But I can't betray Rachel...I can't tell him where she is. But he needs to tell Rachel how he feels. She deserves to know…it changes everything between them. _

Tina and Puck sat in silence as Tina toyed with her glass. _What do I do? I actually want to help the stupid schmuck because, in the end, it will help both of them. And I want Rachel to be happy. Even if it is _this _idiot that seems to matter most to her. _Slowly, Tina looked over at the cut-out that divided her kitchen from her dining room. Sitting on the ledge of that cut-out window were the pictures she and Rachel had taken in Seattle. She'd printed them out so that she could mail Rachel copies but hadn't gotten around to going to the post office yet. Just a few feet behind Puck's head lay the answers he so desperately sought. _Just a few feet…_

As she was thinking, her phone rang. Standing up, she made her decision and started speaking before her better judgment could intervene. "Puck, I have to take this call. Behind you, there are some recent pictures I took. They _might_ be of interest to you."

Tina walked into the living room, where she snagged the cordless and answered. Even as she began speaking, her hands shook and her mind swirled with a thousand thoughts. _Please forgive me, Rachel. Please…_

Puck stood up quickly, looking behind where he sat. He spied the stack of pictures lying on the ledge, seeing Rachel's face immediately. Grabbing the pictures, he stared at them in shock. The top picture was of Rachel and Tina, smiling brightly. They were high above a city at some observation spot but he couldn't tell where. The most obvious part of the picture to him, though, was that Rachel's smile didn't reach her eyes. She looked tired and worn out. And she'd lost weight. Puck scowled at the picture. _Where the hell was this taken?_

Flipping to the next one, he saw Rachel posing in front of red brick building with "Jackson Street Bakery" painted on the window in big block letters. _Jackson Street? Where the fuck is Jackson Street? There are millions of those all over the fucking place!_

The next one, though, was the Holy Grail of photos because it answered the one question that had dogged Puck for weeks. It was a picture of Rachel and Tina standing on a ferry, arms thrown toward the sky in apparent "jazz hands" pose, with a city skyline in the background. His eyes zeroed in on the buildings until he settled on the Space Needle. _Rachel's in Seattle. _

_SHIT! Rachel is in Seattle!_

Puck looked around, trying to figure out what to do. _I have to go to her. I have to see her. _Dropping the photos, Puck shot out of the dining room.

Tina was still on the phone when she saw Puck bolt through the living room. Interrupting Tina, he asked, "Jackson Street?"

Tina nodded solemnly. "North Jackson Street."

Puck started to leave but was stopped by Tina's voice. Turning, he met her pleading eyes. "Puck, don't make me regret this."

His face, although still tired, seemed to have lost some of the worry lines that had etched it when he'd arrived. With a crooked smile, he assured her, "I won't Tina, I promise." And then he was gone.

Tina watched the apartment door slam behind him as he disappeared quickly. Smiling into the phone, she said, "Kurt, Puck's on his way to get Rachel."

"Thank God," was Kurt's reply.

"I just hope Rachel forgives me…"

* * *

Six hours later, Puck's truck was in long-term parking at the Cleveland airport and he was buckled into his seat as the plane climbed high into the sky. Settling in, he looked out the window, feeling better than he had in ages. With nothing more than the clothes on his back and his cell phone in the pocket of his jacket, he had rushed to the airport and bought the first ticket to Seattle that he could find. He had no address to use to find her other than "North Jackson Street" but he knew that he _would_ find her. He had to. Things had to be fixed. He _had_ to have her in his life, now more than ever.

_I'm on my way, Rach. _

* * *

By the time Puck made it to Seattle, it was late and dark and he was nearly exhausted. He looked up the address of Jackson Street Bakery on his iPhone and then found the hotel closest to it. Checking into his room, he yanked his clothes off and fell into the cool sheets with Rachel's face in his mind as he fell asleep. He was there, in Seattle. And since he knew the general location of her "hideout", he _knew _that he was going to find her. The missing void of her in his life couldn't go on.

****

The rain came down sharply, pelting off his skin. Puck sunk further back into the recess of the brick wall as the misery of the situation took hold. _What if she never comes? _After arriving at the bakery at 6am, he'd been standing there for five hours so far. He'd watch the sun fully come up over Seattle. He'd seen tons of taxis and heard plenty of sirens. It felt like hundreds of women had walked by…but none of them were Rachel. Sighing, he leaned against the wet building. He felt so discouraged. He knew it wouldn't be easy to find him but white-hot fear was snaking into his veins. What if he didn't find her? What if she never showed? What if there were actually like thirteen different Jackson Street Bakeries _on_ Jackson Street? What if she'd found a roach in the whole grain wheat bread she'd purchased last week and was now boycotting the very bakery he was loitering in front of? It would be _just_ like Rachel to do such a thing. And it would be just his fucking luck for it to happen right before his ass finally found out where she is. He forced determination into his gut and worry out with a groan. _I'm here because I need to see her again. I need her to understand how sorry I am…and that I know I fucked up. _He wasn't giving up _yet._ If there was even a slim chance that Rachel would show, he needed to be there.

***

Rachel woke up with a pounding headache and a growling stomach. Rehearsals had gone late into the evening and when she'd finally made it back to her apartment, she was too tired to eat. Now, as her stomach seemed to be digesting itself while she snuggled under the blankets, she regretted the decision. She stood up, forcing herself to function through the pounding in her head, to go find something to eat. Glancing at the clock, she read 12:30. The sound of rain hitting her window alerted her to the fact that after five gorgeously sunny days, the rain was back. Throwing her hair into a ponytail, she popped back two Tylenol, took a drink of water, and threw on her rain slicker. It was time to get something to eat.

***

At 12:50, Puck's stomach was grumbling so loudly that he thought the people around him could hear it. He hadn't eaten anything since yesterday and the smell of bread coming from the bakery was like a cruel form of torment. Stepping out from the alcove in the building, Puck looked in every direction, his eyes browsing the horizon. Once he was satisfied that he didn't see Rachel anywhere, he ducked inside the bustling building. Time to test out why Rachel apparently loved the place enough to have her picture taken in front of it.

***

Rachel was glad it was Sunday because the normal crowds on Jackson Street were considerably less, even at 12:55 in the afternoon. With a quick glance at the bakery, she turned the corner and headed toward the café. She needed more than bagels and cream cheese today.

***

Puck stood in line for fucking forever just to buy his food. Grabbing a small table right by the window, he sunk his teeth into the yeasty goodness of the glazed doughnut he's paid entirely too much more. But as soon as the warm, bready texture touched his tongue, he grinned. This place was _the shit! _He sat quietly, downing his doughnut and his bottle of Coke as he stared out at the rainy city street.

_Where are you, Rachel? It's after 1pm. Please show today. _Please.

***

The grilled chicken sandwich Rachel ordered at the café was simply heavenly. Not only had it appeased her growling stomach but it had also eradicated her the last remnants of her headache. Smiling because she felt so much better, she stepped back out into the rain and headed back the way she'd come. She had a day off and she was determined to enjoy it.

***

1:47pm. One _fucking _forty-seven. The rain had lessened slightly but Puck was still so soaked that he felt like it would take weeks to dry out. He'd been waiting for nearly seven hours. _Seven goddamn hours. _Swearing and kicking at a wet cigarette butt, he threw his body down onto the wet wooden bench in front of the bakery. Burying his head in his hands, he closed his eyes and groaned in despair. He'd never realized how painful it would be to have to endlessly wait for the _one_ thing he'd wanted most in his entire sorry-ass life to show the fuck up.

***

Humming a tune from her show, Rachel approached the corner. She slowed down to maneuver through the crowd that had gathered to wait on the light to change and then finally made it around the corner and out of the throng of people. As she turned, she spotted a man with his head in his hands on the bench in front of the bakery. Her steps slowed. _I recognize that jacket. _

She stepped closer, pushing her hood off her face so she could get a better look. Her eyes trailed down the man's drooped head and settled on his fingers. Her body grew cold, tension pouring into her muscles, as she recognized the long, nimble fingers that cradled his face. A thousand times, she had seen those fingers nimbly strum the strings of his guitar with expert skill. And one time – on one singular occasion - she'd felt them slide over her body, plucking and teasing, with just as much knowledge. Eyes growing wide, her hand flew to her mouth. Without realizing it, she let out a loud squeak. The man looked up at the sound of her surprised gasp and their eyes locked.

_Noah._

***

_Rachel!_

Puck vaulted off the bench, his legs pounding a heavy beat against the pavement as he ran toward Rachel. She stood, too stunned to move.

"Rachel! Thank God!" Skidding to a stop in front of her, Puck searched her face. She looked so beautiful, even though her eyes were tired and she'd obviously lost weight. His hands itched to touch her skin. His palms tingled to wrap themselves around her shoulders and pull her body into his. Instead, he tucked them into his pockets as she continued to stare at him, her face unreadable.

"Noah…wh—what are you doing here?" Rachel's voice was weak, almost completely drowned out by the sound of taxi splashing through a puddle as it meandered past.

"For you, Rach," was all Puck managed to say. His heart was pounding because she was finally, _finally _standing in front of him. _I love you. I'm sorry. I need you in my life. Please tell me you love me. I'm so sorry. Can we start again? Do you still love me? _"I missed you and…Fuck, Rachel, I'm here to say that I'm sorry…"

Rachel felt like her head was swimming. The rain was soaking her, her headache was rushing back, and she felt weak. _Noah. In Seattle. _"How did you find me?" _Why are you here? Why are you ruining the Noah-free life I'm trying to create? I can't see you! I can't… It's too hard._

Not wanting to out Tina for her help, Puck shrugged and gave Rachel a lopsided but nervous grin. "I have my ways…" He looked around, trying to spot a place where they could talk privately. "Look, Rach…can we go somewhere and talk?" His chest hurt just from looking at her. It has been early two months since he'd seen her, two months since he'd been able to touch her and feel her breath against his skin. He _needed _time alone to talk to her. His heart sank, though, when Rachel shook her head.

"No, Noah…I don't think we should. I…I have nothing to say to you." Rachel's hands trembled so she slid them in the pockets of her rain slicker. Her heart was pounding a drumbeat in her ears that was so loud, she was sure passersby could hear it. _I have to get away from here…from him. _ Rachel turned to flee but Puck's strong hand flew out of his pocket and grabbed her around the wrist.

"Please, Rachel, don't go!" His voice was frantic. "Please…we have to talk."

Rachel wrenched her arm from his grasp and darted across the street. Puck watched her go for nearly a full second before taking off after her. "Rachel!" His voice was loud and he was practically growling her name but he didn't give a fuck. The woman who had consumed nearly every one of his thoughts for the past two months was running from him like he was her attacker and not someone who had once meant so much to her. Luckily, his long legs and athleticism pushed him until he caught up with her. Grabbing her by the arm again, he pulled her under a nearby awning and out of the rain. Both of their chests were heaving and rain dripped down their faces, absorbing into their already-soaked clothing. Puck's eyes roamed over her face but she refused to meet his gaze. Instead, she stared at the ground. Puck saw her body tremble and he groaned in frustration. As lust, love, and hundreds of over emotions raged through his body, Puck closed the gap between himself and Rachel and wrapped his arms around her waist, jerking her against his body roughly. She looked up, shocked at his bold embrace, and he took advantage of her upturned face to lower his lips to hers in a brutal, nearly-painful, kiss. Rachel made a muffled protest against his mouth, which he stifled by sliding his tongue along her lips, causing an involuntary shiver to slide from her spine to her belly. For a few seconds, she was too stunned to do anything but kiss him back. Slowly, though, Rachel pushed the fiery longing from her body and began to get hold of her senses. She struggled to break free of his embrace but Puck's hands went to her hair, fisting it tightly, in order to keep her face on his. His lips slid from her mouth to her cheek and then to her ear, where his breath was hot against her face when he whispered, "I'm so sorry, Rachel. I fucking miss you so much…" He dropped a kiss along her jaw and whispered again, "so sorry…"

Sucking in a ragged breath, Rachel jerked her head away from him, smacking his hands from her hair. Glaring up at him, he saw the anger flash through her eyes. He knew she was about to lay into him but he didn't care. At least she'd be _talking _to him, even if it was an ass-chewing.

"Leave me alone, Noah," she begged quietly.

"No, Rachel. I'm not going to. I can't." His voice was loud and shaky. _She can't run from me like this. Please, not _again.

"I thought, Noah, that my absence from your life was a clear indication that I wanted nothing to do with you. Perhaps you didn't understand when I ignored your messages as well but let me be very clear: we have _nothing_ to say to one another. Despite your attempts to hold me by physical force, we still have nothing left to discuss. Absolutely nothing." _You broke my heart, Noah Puckerman. I don't know if I can ever forgive you for that._

"That's bullshit," Puck barked. "I fucked up and I'm sorry. You have every right to hate me. But we have _a lot_ that needs to be said – that _should _have been said months ago. I'm not leaving until we talk. _Please?_" His voice dropped lower on the last word, desperation uniting with his anger.

Rachel felt rage and stress rising in her stomach, making its way up her abdomen and into her throat. _I don't want to talk to you! _"Leave me alone," she gritted out. "I'm leaving now. And don't follow me. And don't come back here again either. I'm in Seattle for a reason so leave me _the hell_ alone. Whatever we shared is gone now." Rachel dodged back out into the rain and Puck watched her go. His hands shook…he didn't know what to do. He hadn't expected to see so much…hate. And it was nearly crippling to see.

When she was nearly a block ahead of him, he took off after her again. "Rachel!" he yelled. _Fuck...I have to get her to stop! _"Rachel, please! I love you!" Puck watched as she slowed, his words gliding through the rain and the noise of the traffic so that by the time they reached her, he wasn't sure she'd heard them. He watched as she glanced back for a moment, a curious look on her face, before she picked up her pace again. He followed after her and just as he was gaining ground, she bolted into a red-brick building. Speeding up, he ran in after her. His wet shoes sent him flying across the tile floor and he struggled for purchase when he slammed into the staircase. He looked to the right and then to left and spied a pant-covered leg belonging to Rachel entering through a door before he heard the door slam shut. Running after her, he stared at the door. Apartment 1D. _Rachel's home here. _

Standing outside, he rapped softly. "Rachel…" Listening, he heard nothing. "Rachel," he tried again. "I know you're in there. _Please. _Just give me five minutes. That's _all _I ask…" He waited, hoping the door would open. However, total silence was all that greeted him. Swearing loudly, Puck kicked her door and then stalked to the other side of the hall.

_Fine. If she's going to be like that, I'll just fucking wait until she _has_ to come out again._

Sinking to the floor, he jerked his wet jacket off and threw it by him. Stretching his legs out, he crossed his feet at the ankles and started intently at the door. _I know where you are and we have to talk. _

_

* * *

_

Rachel's breathing was jagged and uneven on the other side of the door. _Did he say? Did I just hear him say...? _ She shook the thought from her head. _I heard him wrong. W__hat__ is_ _he doing here? Why won't he go away?_ Angrily swiping at the tears streaming from her eyes, she stalked into her bedroom to change out of her wet clothes. After toweling her wet hair off, taking care to dry the ends, she changed into sweats and a shirt and quietly padded back to the living room since she was convinced he was listening on the other side of the door. Standing a few inches from the door, she focused hard to listen. She could hear him shifting back and forth on the other side of the door, sighing loudly. She squeezed her eyes shut against the pain that his close proximity caused. Seeing him again had hit her like a jolt of lightning – his beautiful eyes, gorgeous features, strong build, and the fact that she still loved him so much that her entire body throbbed from it. _Time and distance have done very little to take those feelings away, _Rachel thought sadly. But it had also failed to remove the hurt and the anger that he'd caused and _those_ feelings – _those _were what kept her on the inside and him on the outside.

Growling under her breath, Rachel turned and flounced over to her cell phone. Looking at the contacts, she spied a name and dialed quickly. It was time to call for reinforcements.

* * *

Nick had been admittedly shocked when Rachel called him on a Sunday and begged him to come over. Her voice was high-pitched and shaky and it took him a moment to fully grasp what she was saying. Once he'd gotten her to slow down and explain it, though, he'd quickly pulled off his ratty sweats, turned the television off, and headed over to her apartment.

Twenty minutes later, he was in Rachel's building and walking down the hall. He spied the man on the floor in front of Rachel's door. The guy pulled his legs up so that Nick could pass without opening his eyes. Nick stood above him, staring down. Puck opened one eye and looked up.

"Puckerman," Nick nodded solemnly. Puck hopped to his feet, tense and ready to throw a punch if he had to. _How the fuck does this guy know me?_

"Who the fuck are you?" Puck barked at the tall, dark-haired man now standing in front of Rachel's door.

"A friend of _hers,_", he indicated, nodding toward Rachel's apartment.

"So I take it she's told you about me?"

Nick nodded, crossing his arms across the chest so that his muscles bulged. "I know all about it."

_Does this dude think he's a threat? _Puck crossed his arms in the same manner. If this guy wanted to have a "guns" battle, Puck could fight it out with the best of them. _And I'll fucking win every time._

"Dude, I don't know who you are and I don't give a fuck...All I want to do is talk to her. Just for a minute...." Puck set his lips in a scowl even though his head was screaming to punch this fuckhead between the eyes.

Nick looked at the pathetic man standing before him and let out a little laugh. There were visible bags under his eyes and his clothing was wet and rumpled. _Fucking pathetic! _Turning away from him, he rapped his knuckles against Rachel's door. Puck was now standing so close that Nick could feel his breath against the back of his neck.

"Rachel, its me, Nick. Let me in." There was a moment of silence before both men heard the door unlock. Slowly, it opened a tiny bit and Rachel's eyeball appeared and locked with Nick's. Nick nodded silently and as Rachel began to open the door, he put his arm out against Puck's chest to keep him advancing toward the open door. Quickly and deftly, he slid inside and they both closed the door in Puck's face.

Puck stood stunned, his heart thumping. _She just let some fucking muscle-bound dude into her apartment. What the fuck? _The realization that Rachel possibly had a male friend (he refused to think that it could be more) stung. With a frustrated yelp, Puck stalked back against the opposite wall again. _This is bullshit!_

_

* * *

_

As soon as Nick was inside, Rachel hugged him. "I'm sorry I called you...I just freaked out and didn't know what to do...." Nick wound his arms around Rachel and pulled her close.

"You're shaking," he said into her hair. "Did he try to hurt you?" He put his hands on her arms and pulled away to look at her. "I'll bust his ass if he tried to hurt you!"

Rachel was quick to answer. "No! No, of course not! He would _never_ hurt me physically...."

"Then why are you shaking?"

Rachel's eyes went dark, worry lines appearing by her eyes. "I don't know...I think I'm just shocked that he's here. I obviously didn't expect him to show up here, in Seattle!"

Nick snorted. "When you have drama, Rach, you _have_ drama. How the hell did he even find you?"

Rachel threw her hands up, stalking back over to the door to look through the peephole again. "I don't know! I have a feeling that my dear friend Tina needs her ass kicked. Only she and my dad know exactly where I am. Well, now those two and…._him! _The one I moved so far away from in the first place!" She motioned toward her closed door for emphasis. Rachel ran her hands through her damp hair and looked into Nick's eyes. "I don't know what to do! I don't know what I'm supposed to do now….I've been doing _so well_ without him around and seeing him again just…" her voice trailed off as she thought about Noah, standing on the other side of her apartment door. Less than ten feet away, the entire source of her heartbreak stood quietly…waiting. Rachel felt like she was going to pass out. With a dizzy groan, she grabbed Nick's hand and collapsed onto the couch. "What is he doing here?" she muttered.

Nick stared at the woman before him. Her face was pale, worried, and she looked like a nervous wreck. Her eyes repeatedly darted back and forth from the door to the floor in front of her.

"Rachel…do you want to invite him in?" Nick spoke slowly, afraid she would claw him at the mere suggestion.

"Yes…No!" She took a deep breath and then repeated, "No. We have nothing to say to one another."

Nick looked at her curiously. "Really? Because I think you two have tons to say to each other. He obviously worked hard enough to find you _and_ come all this way. That has to mean _something_, doesn't it?"

Rachel glowered at Nick. "So you're taking his side, huh? You _know_ what he did to me!"

"Rach…you love him, don't you? Even after all that?"

She nodded, the pain from the fact that yes, even after everything they'd gone through and the intense heartbreak she'd endured, she still loved him so much that it scared her.

"Then let him in…" Nick sat down beside her, throwing an encouraging hand on her knee.

"No…I'm not ready," Rachel leaned back into the couch. "I mean, I still love him, yes. But I also hate him _so much_ because of what happened. I've never been so hurt in my entire life...and at the hands of my best friend?" She looked slowly back at the door. "No...I hate him." She sounded like she was trying to convince herself and Nick wasn't buying it.

"Women…" Nick muttered, suddenly feeling kinda sorry for the pathetic-looking dude standing outside the door.

Rachel didn't speak for a few minutes and Nick could tell that she was straining to see if she could hear Puck on the other side of the door. "You want me to invite him in for ya?" Nick stood and walked toward the door.

"No!" Rachel shrieked, rushing after him.

Nick laughed as Rachel plowed into him. Grabbing her around the waist, he steadied himself and led them both back to the couch.

***

On the other side of the door, Puck heard Rachel shriek and that dense-looking asshole laugh. Puck's fists turned white as he clenched his knuckles. _Is that guy her boyfriend? Fuck! _Leaning against the wall opposite from the wall, Puck glared at the door, trying to magically gain x-ray vision so he could see what was happening inside. The thought that Rachel already had a man in her life made him nauseous. The very thought told him that maybe she hadn't really loved him at all. Puck closed his eyes against the pain that this intense attraction and pull that he felt for her was actually one-sided. Pushing it away, he admonished himself to relax. _Get a fucking grip, Puckerman. She _loves_ you. She wouldn't have left if she hadn't felt she had to…she loves you….she loves you…_

***

After an hour of near silence, only broken by Rachel's occasional sniffles, Nick yawned. "Rach…do you still need me? I'm kinda…Well… to be honest, I'm really fucking uncomfortable right now."

Rachel gave him a sad smile. "I'm sorry I bothered you, Nick. I had a momentary freak-out."

_Momentary? You're still freaking out_, Nick thought.

"I've got to get home because my mom is stopping by in a few for our Sunday evening dinner but…Call me, okay? And if you decide to let the douche in, you'll probably feel better. You know you want to…"

Rachel stood up to walk him to the door but he stopped her. "I'll let myself out."

Nodding, Rachel sat back down on the couch as Nick quickly opened the door and slipped out.

***

Puck's posture stiffened when the door began to open. His hopes were quickly dashed, though, when he saw the green eyes of MuscleFucker instead of Rachel's gorgeous dark brown ones.

Puck glanced at the floor, hoping the dude would just walk away. He didn't. When he felt the guy standing in front of him, Puck looked up.

"She's really upset," Nick offered.

Puck nodded. "I figured."

"Are you just going to stand around out here?" Nick crossed his arms again and Puck fought the urge to roll his eyes_. Seriously, dude? I could totally take you._

"I'm planning on it… I have things to say to her…"

Nick shrugged. "Well good luck, man…I don't see her budging… Not tonight anyway." Turning, Nick stuck his hands in his pockets and sauntered away, whistling softly.

Puck watched him go and once he disappeared, he refocused his eyes back on the door. _C'mon, Rachel. Please..._

* * *

After Nick left, Rachel paced the floor of her apartment, wearing a path between the kitchen, around the couch, and back again. Once she was alone, she let the tears fall freely. Her hands literally ached to yank the door open just to look at him again. She could still feel the intense kiss from earlier and it only made her cry harder. Why had he kissed her like that? And had he really said what she thought he'd said? _He's not supposed to be here. We weren't supposed to ever see one another again. _

Rachel walked up to her door as quietly as possible, standing on her toes, to look out the peephole. She could see him against the opposite wall. His head was dropped and his hand was rubbing his forehead slowly. Her insides screamed for him to go away and come inside. She wanted to never see him again and also never let him leave again. It was absolute torture. The push and pull of him on her heart nearly made her pass out. _How can I love you and hate you at the same time?_

***

At 12:30am, Puck was still outside. He was sitting on the floor again, staring at the door. There was no light coming from underneath it so he'd assumed she'd gone to bed. He leaned his head back against the wall, trying to figure out what the fuck to do next. He'd come all this way and he'd barely slept in days. His veins coursed with the need to touch her again. Her name was on his heartbeat. He had arrived in Seattle, planning on begging and pleading. He'd grovel if he had to. He'd _planned_ on it. He had a huge speech all prepared so that she would understand how he felt. And instead, he sat staring at the door to her apartment. Her silence was complete fucking torture.

At 3am, he gave up. Standing up, he glanced at her door once last time. His heart was very heavy as he stepped outside and hailed a cab that would take him back to his hotel. He'd get a few hours of sleep and show back up in the morning to try again. He felt the lead in his stomach tighten when he realized that he had to leave tomorrow, too. No one knew where he was, other than Tina, and he had to be at work. The thought of leaving her just as soon as he'd found her make him tremble with anger and longing. She _had_ to talk to him.

***

Rachel laid on the couch that night instead of her bedroom. She told herself that she was too nervous to sleep well anyway but deep down, she knew it was because he was just a few feet away when she was on that couch. She swore she could smell his oh so familiar scent, too. She loved that smell – the combination of body wash, deodorant, skin oil, and leather - it was so much a part of him. It had always been comforting until the morning she woke up after he'd rejected her and left. Since then, his scent only represented the worst moment of her life.

"Noah," she whispered into the dark. "I don't want you here. You broke me...." Closing her eyes, she tried to force herself to sleep.

In the middle of the night, she woke up when she heard footsteps outside her door. Padding softly so he wouldn't hear her, she peeked out and watched him stand. With a final glance at the door, he walked away. Tears ran rivers down her cheeks as he disappeared from her view. _Oh God...he's walking away. Don't go... Yes...go. _Why did protecting the final pieces of her heart from him hurt almost as bad as the first time he broke it?

* * *

Rachel woke up early and forced herself into the shower. Glancing out the window, she decided she'd get dressed and head over to the gym to burn off some steam and emotional stress. Rehearsals weren't until the afternoon and if she didn't get out of her apartment, she was afraid she would scream. When she stepped carefully into the hall, she glanced in all directions. The hall was empty. Noah was nowhere in sight. Rachel rolled her tense shoulders, trying to force the tension out of them, and then she headed toward the main entrance. As she turned the corner, she ran directly into Noah, who was leaning against the mailboxes. Startled, she jumped back.

"You're still here?" She sounded more surprised than angry, which made him feel better.

"I came back. Went to the hotel to get a few hours of sleep…" His hands were in his jacket pockets and he looked…sad. She knew his emotions well…she'd been learning them for years.

"Well I have to go…" She started to step away but his strong fingers wrapped around her bicep, gripping her arm tightly.

"Can we please talk?" His voice was weary, almost defeated. It nearly made her stomach clench.

Not looking at him, she said, "I'm not ready to talk to you, Noah."

He swore under his breath, releasing her arm. "Fuck, Rachel…please? I have to go back to Ohio today because I have to work tomorrow. I just want to talk to you… I just found you and I don't want to leave again. My life is shit without you. Please...five minutes?"

"I said I'm not ready yet." She tried to make her voice defiant but it just came out weary. _His life is shit without me?_

Puck wanted to punch something. He was _so fucking close_ and she was pushing him away. He didn't know why he was shocked. He knew she wouldn't throw herself into his arms. Fuck, she had moved 2000 miles away just to be free of him. But dammit…she _loved _him. He knew she did. And _he _loved her.

"Do you think you'll ever be ready to talk?" His voice was low, the words carefully spoken.

"Someday, maybe…" She continued to stare out the door at the early morning light. She refused to meet his eyes. She would give in if they locked gazes. And she knew her eyes would betray her…so she stared ahead.

Puck exhaled. "Someday is more promising than never." Puck stood tall, shoving his hands back into his pockets. "Look, Rachel…I have to go back home to take care of a few things. But I'm going to be back…and I'm going to be back _soon_. I'm not giving up. I don't care if you make me wait five months or fifteen years, we _are_ having that discussion. We have a lot to talk about, whether you're ready to admit it or not."

Her eyes darted to his face and then away again. He longed to pull her to him and hold her close. He wanted to scream that he loved her again but he knew she wouldn't believe him. The anger and bitterness he'd seen in her eyes and on her face told him everything he needed to know. It would be a long time before she believed his professions of love, regardless of how sincere they were.

"Have a safe trip home, Noah," she offered quietly, her chest so tight that it hurt at the idea that he was leaving already.

"I'll be back, mark my words. _This_—," he motioned at the two of them, "—is not over. You and I? We're just starting."

Without another word, Rachel pushed open the door and stepped outside. Puck watched her go, his heart sinking further into his stomach with every step that took her away from him. As she disappeared from his view, he muttered, "I love you, Rachel."

When she was out of sight, he closed his eyes. _What the fuck do I do now? _

Long after she was gone, he stood in her building. He knew he needed to head to the airport. He had to fly back to Cleveland and then drive back to Cincinnati to be at work in the morning. But the thought of leaving Seattle and not being able to make it back for a week or two or three made him ill. He finally, after nearly two months, knew where she was. So she may not want to talk to him yet? At least he could see her…and maybe, _someday_, touch her again.

Puck kicked the metal frame of the door and swore. _I have to leave...._ He couldn't seem to make his legs move because then they'd be carrying him away from this building - her _home._

"Excuse me, young man?" Puck turned at the sound of an elderly woman's voice and his eyes took in the small lady with the crooked wig that stood behind him.

"Yes, ma'am?" he said instinctively (because his mother had beat it into him to respect his elders.)

"Honey, I noticed you here last night, too. If you are looking for an apartment, call the landlord. They don't come by much if that's what you're waiting for." She seemed concerned about him, which he found slightly amusing.

Puck rubbed his head over his hair, staring at the woman. He opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off.

"I heard yesterday that those awful people on the second floor are getting evicted." She looked around, making sure no one was around, then dropped her voice to a whisper and added, "I think it was for drugs or prostitution or something." Straightening back up, she said, "Their apartment will be available soon." She walked over to the sign above the mailboxes and Puck watched, a smile twitching on his lips because she was barely four feet tall and her crooked finger didn't even get anywhere close to the sign she was pointing at. "Here is the landlord's number. If you call him, you can probably get the apartment."

Puck began to shake his head no and tell her that he wasn't in the market for an apartment in Seattle and then stopped as he felt a stroke of brilliance slice through him. _Empty apartment. In Rachel's building. In Seattle. Just feet from her. Rachel. Rachel. RACHEL!_

Nodding, Puck typed the number into his cell phone. "Thanks, Ma'am."

She patted him on the shoulder. "You look like a nice man. You aren't into drugs or prostitution or any of that perverted sexual stuff are you?"

Puck blanched. "Uhh…No drugs or prostitution, I promise." _Can't say the same for the perverted sexual stuff…_

"Well, you look like you'll do fine here. Now make that call! I'm going back inside. My stories will be on soon and I don't want to miss them. Cassandra's going to find out today that Walter used to be a woman! All hell's gonna break loose." With a wave, the tiny woman turned her back on Puck and headed back toward her apartment.

Puck watched her shuffle back inside her apartment and close the door. He exhaled loudly and for the first time since he arrived, allowed a huge smile to grace his face.

_It's drastic. This would be a drastic thing for me to do. _

The idea that he would even consider moving there seemed insane. But then again, Rachel had done it. And he would do _anything_ to get Rachel back into his life. She was going to be _his_ for good and if that meant starting over here, he'd do it. Hell, he'd follow her to Russia if he had to.

Dialing the number, Puck spoke to the woman that picked up. A few minutes later, he walked outside the building and hailed a cab.

Thirty minutes later, Puck stepped out of a small building on the edge of downtown Seattle with a copy of his lease for apartment 2D in his hand. _I'm gonna be living right upstairs. She definitely won't be able to avoid me now. Fuck, this is scary! _Puck found himself grinning at his own devious plan. He knew Rachel well enough and could practically see the conniption fit of epic proportions she would have when she found him living upstairs. But he also knew that being around her every day was the _only_ was that they'd ever be able to put the past behind them and start over together. And a life without Rachel in it was an absolutely shitty way to live. So fuck it - he was moving to Seattle.

Puck grabbed another cab that took him to the airport. Soon, he was on his flight back to Ohio. The entire way, he was nearly shaking from anticipation. As soon as he got back to Cincinnati, he'd resign from his job, pack his shit, and then get his ass back on the road to Seattle. His mother would have a fucking stroke when he told her that he was moving. But he believed that once he told her it was _for Rachel_, she'd shut up. She'd wanted them together forever anyway.

Leaning back in his plane seat, Puck grinned and closed his eyes. Rachel Berry was going to be his. It may take weeks or months or years but he wasn't giving up until she was his for life.

* * *

**Next up: Welcome to the neighborhood, Mr. Puckerman! Things are about to get entertaining... There will still be some angst but also some fun and PERHAPS some sexual tension????**


	17. Life After You

Rachel's trip to the gym the morning Noah left proved to be a nearly pointless endeavor. As much as she tried to focus on working out, the only thing she could concentrate on were visions of the man who had spent nearly the last 24 hours waiting on her. She stood, dazed and unmoving, on the treadmill until a droopy, overweight woman cleared her throat to get Rachel's attention. Rachel pulled herself from her haze, glanced at the woman glaring at her, and hopped off the machine that she hadn't been using anyway.

As Rachel walked to the locker room to get her purse (no sense in showering since she hadn't actually worked a single muscle _other than her brain_ since she'd been there), Noah's words echoed through her mind. _"You and I? We're just starting." _What did he mean? _His life is "shit" without me? Really?_

Rachel sighed sadly to herself. Puck's arrival in Seattle had certainly been unexpected and now she was left to deal with the fallout from it. As she stepped out into the daylight and headed back towards her apartment, she thought about the series of events that had taken place since she'd run into him in front of the bakery. He had certainly been insistent, hanging around, just hoping that she'd talk to him. And when he'd kissed her, he'd told her that he missed her and that he was sorry. _What did he hope to accomplish by showing up? I know he said he wanted to apologize and that he was sorry but…_

A tear slipped down Rachel's cheek and she brushed it away with the pad of her fingertips quickly and angrily. Her perfect little bubble in Seattle had been burst and now she didn't know what to do. She had found herself slowly being able to live with the memory of him because he was no longer a reality for her. She had hoped to erase their history but it hadn't happened in the short time they'd been apart. Even just the one lone picture she'd kept of the two of them together was enough to cause her heart to clench with loss when she looked at it. As long as she didn't think about_that night_, she was okay. _Really. _She _was._ She'd being doing _fine_ without him, hadn't she? But seeing him… _oh God_…seeing him had destroyed all the progress she'd made. He'd looked so tired in his wet, rumpled clothing. And she hadn't failed to notice that he was wearing the same t-shirt she'd mailed back to him. _That had to mean something, right?_ His handsome features had been weary as he'd begged her to talk to him. And as mad as she'd wanted to be earlier that morning, he still had managed to touch _that _place within her heart. It was the place he'd always touched – the place that seemed reserved only for him. _He came all this way to see me. He said he missed me and that he was sorry. Oh Noah…what now? What do I do now?_

Stepping back in her building, she almost expected to see him there still, even though he'd told her he had to go back to Ohio. She made her way to her door and let herself inside, her eyes drifting to the spot where he'd held vigil the night before. The air seemed to close in around her as she shoved herself inside her apartment. Sucking in a breath, she admonished herself. _He's gone now. He said he'd be back but right now, he's gone. Just relax._

Rachel's upstairs neighbors were apparently holding a cattle auction because the pounding noises above her bedroom were so loud. Glaring, she grabbed her iPod and stuffed the buds into her ears. Kicking off her shoes, she collapsed onto the couch in exhaustion and turned on the music. Only then, with her mind focused on the notes and the tempo, could she fall into a dreamless sleep without seeing his face.

* * *

Maggie Puckerman looked up, clearly surprised, when her son walked into his childhood home that afternoon.

"Noah? What are you doing here?"

Puck shrugged his jacket off and threw himself down on the bar stool, silently watching his mother chop up carrots for beef stew.

"Noah?" she prodded.

"Sorry, Ma. I just got back from Seattle."

Maggie's eyes grew wide and she looked at him quizzically. "Seattle? You were in Seattle? Why the _hell_ were you in Seattle?"

Puck's eyes were unreadable as he answered. "Rachel."

"Oh, goodness." Maggie's hand flew to her mouth. "Rachel's living in Seattle? How'd you find out?"

Puck stood up and walked to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water. "Tina told me. I flew out there two days ago. Finally found her but…she wouldn't talk to me."

Maggie watched her son's face change from exhaustion to sadness. "Well honey, you had to try. At least now you know that you did what you could and you can let it go."

Puck took a drink and glared at his mother. "Mom, I haven't even started. No way in hell I'm going to "let it go!" Rachel belongs with _me_. She should've been with me all along if I hadn't been working so hard to fuck it up. I'm actually here to…well, I'm actually here to take a shower before heading back to Cincy…but I'm _really_ here to tell you that I'm moving."

"Moving?" Maggie was shocked. "To Seattle?"

Puck nodded. "I already signed the lease on an apartment – _get this_ – upstairs from Rachel. I gotta have her, Mom…"

Maggie walked around the bar and put her arms around her son's shoulders. "But honey, Seattle is so far away! We'll never see you! I…I don't like this, Noah. I don't want you being so far away."

Puck shoved out of his mother's embrace. "Mom…you've been secretly and not-so-secretly hoping I'd end up with Rachel for how long now? Yeah…years! Well now that I've finally figured it out for myself, she's _all_ I want, Mom. I know I fucked things up but I will _never_ get her back if I don't go out there and pursue her. I _have_ to do this, Mom."

Maggie grabbed Puck's hand and squeezed it tightly between hers. "You love her, don't you?"

Closing his eyes, Puck nodded. "Yeah. I do."

She smiled broadly, her face softening at her obviously lovesick son. "Well if it takes you moving to Seattle to get me some Jewish grandbabies, then I approve. But you'd better visit often! And once you win her back, you both better come back to Ohio for a visit. I know Fred has to be missing her like crazy."

Puck leaned down and enveloped his mother in a hug. "Thanks, Mom."

She patted his back. "You have to be happy, baby. And you haven't been since Rachel left."

The two broke apart and she said, "So when are you moving?"

Puck looked around the kitchen. "Well…I'm going back to Cincy and will start packing and throwing shit out tonight. Gonna go to work tomorrow and resign. I know that sucks and that they're not getting any notice but…_fuck_…I can't wait any longer. I'm going to rent a moving truck, hitch up my truck, and head to Seattle. I should be there, hopefully, by the middle of next week."

Maggie thought for a moment. "Honey, does Rachel know you're moving there?"

Puck snorted. "Hell no! She's going to be surprised."

Maggie's mouth formed an "O" as she imagined Rachel's shock. "Oh, Noah…she _is _going to be surprised..."

With a wink, Puck said, "I know!" Yanking his shirt over his head, he said, "I'm gonna go take a shower and then head back to Cincy. Tossing the shirt at his mother, he said, "Would you mind washing that for me?"

Maggie caught the ratty old shirt and look at it curiously and then up at her son with the same look.

Sheepishly, he said, "Sentimental value…."

Laughing, she watched him go. _Thank goodness, _she thought. _'Bout time that boy got his act together and went after that girl._

Walking into the utility room, she tossed his shirt in the washer and turned it on. Her mind was full of images of little dark haired, dark eyed _Jewish_ babies playing on her living room floor. _Don't screw it up this time, Noah! I need those grandbabies!_

* * *

"Dude, you're fucking kidding me?" Alex's voice was incredulous.

Puck shrugged, walking back down the hall towards the parking lot. He'd just submitted his resignation with a profuse apology and was on his way to his apartment to pack as fast as possible.

"Seriously? Seattle?"

Puck pushed the door open to the parking lot and stepped outside. "She's in Seattle, Alex. Which means that I have no reason to be _here._"

Alex shook his head. "So when are you leaving?"

"Uhh..hopefully by Thursday or Friday at the latest. I really want to get there. The longer I'm away, the more time it's going to take to win her back." Puck opened the door to his truck and slid inside.

"So she's worth all this, then?" Alex grinned, leaning against the hood of Puck's truck.

"Fuck yeah, she is, man. I screwed up and lost her once, man. It's _not _happening again."

Starting up his truck, Puck pulled the door closed and rolled the window down. "I'll call ya before I leave. I hate to ditch everyone like this but—"

"—but she's worth it? Got it man," Alex said with a laugh.

"Exactly. See ya, dude."

Puck pulled out and headed back to his apartment. He was now one step closer to getting to Seattle and getting his girl.

* * *

The thumping above Rachel's head was so loud when she woke up the next morning that she feared a moose was going to come through the floor and land on her bed.

Glancing up at the ceiling, she studied it to see if cracks were forming. _I hate those people._

Shoving the covers off her bed, she threw on some clothes. She was _finally_ going to up there and give those morons a piece of her mind. She'd been putting up with it for nearly six weeks and the noise was slowly driving her towards insanity.

Once she was dressed, she slid her feet into a pair of bright yellow flip-flops and jerked open the door. Stepping out, she nearly plowed over Mrs. Bernbaum, who was in her usual perch by her own door.

"Good morning, Rachel. You're up early!"

Rachel glowered. "I'm going upstairs to tell those idiots to quiet down!"

Rachel started to walk away until Mrs. Bernbaum called after her, "I wouldn't go upstairs if I were you, honey. Those fools above you are getting evicted right now. The cops are up there! You go up there, you're liable to get shot 'cause those people are criminals!"

Rachel stopped in her tracks and turned to Mrs. Bernbaum. "Are you serious? They're being evicted?" Smiling, Rachel jumped up and down. "I'm about to have some peace and quiet!"

Mrs. Bernbaum patted her on the shoulder. "For now, anyway. I suspect that apartment may be filled soon. I already saw one young man who was interested in it."

Rachel hugged the elderly woman out of sheer joy. "I don't care _who_ moves in! It can't be any worse than those idiots!" Pulling away, Rachel was giddy. "Mrs. Bernbaum? How would you like to go to breakfast? My treat?"

The elderly woman grinned. "Let me go put my teeth in and I'd be pleased as punch to join ya!"

Mrs. Bernbaum disappeared inside to collect her false teeth while Rachel stood in the hallway, grinning excitedly. _Those audibly offensive cretins are gone! Yes!_ She didn't care _who_moved in next, as long as those fools were gone.

The door to the apartment opened again and Mrs. Bernbaum stepped out with a huge white purse dangling from her tiny arm. "Shall we go, Rachel?" The woman started to walk away but Mrs. Bernbaum stopped again. "Do you think we'll be home in time for my stories? Cassandra's going to find out today that the baby she just gave birth to isn't really hers and I _can't_ miss it!"

Rachel giggled, promised Mrs. Bernbaum that she'd have her back in time to watch her "stories", and the two women headed off to breakfast. For the first time since Noah showed up on her street in Seattle, Rachel felt normal again. _Things are going to be okay._

* * *

Puck's apartment was full of boxes by Thursday. He'd thrown out everything that didn't really matter, gave away a few things that he didn't really need to the college students down the hall, and labeled all the stuff he actually did want to take. He'd found a few of Kim's things and had toyed with calling her to come get them but then he knew it would evolve into a conversation about why he was moving and frankly, he was done with Kim and her mouth and her attitude. So he threw her shit in the trash. In his opinion, if she hadn't gotten it when she'd moved out, she didn't need it anyway. _Fuck her!_

The only room he had left to pack by Thursday afternoon was the kitchen and he was in a hurry to get that done. He hated having to take time to sleep and eat. He just wanted to get to Seattle. Rachel was the only thing on his mind and knowing where she was but not being around her was torture. Sure, it had only been a few days since he'd seen her but he was slowly being driven crazy because she wasn't nearby. He'd actually handled it better when he _didn't_ know where she was. Several times, he'd wished he could just pick up the phone and call her but he didn't have her number. And he owed Tina too much already to ask her for Rachel's number. So instead, he just packed, thought about her, and missed her even more than he had right after she'd left him.

Friday morning, Puck had all the boxes from his apartment loaded into the truck. The only thing he needed help moving was his bed and his couch. With a sigh, he called in reinforcements. Twenty minutes, Alex showed up with Dan in tow.

The guys climbed out of Alex's SUV as Puck was standing at the back of the U-Haul, gauging to make sure he still had enough room for the bulkiest stuff.

Puck ginned at his two friends, who sauntered up and stood beside him, staring into the cavernous U-Haul.

"You're going to drive this piece of shit all the way to Seattle?" Dan asked, staring at the rickety moving truck like it wouldn't make it past Cincinnati city limits.

"Yep…and it will be towing my truck too," Puck said proudly, even as he wondered if the damn thing would be smoking by the time he made it out of Ohio.

"Let's get your shit moved, man," Alex said, walking toward Puck's apartment building, "and get you on the road to Rachel."

The three men walked inside Puck's apartment and picked up the couch. Soon, it was loaded onto the truck, along with Puck's bed and a few odds and ends that had been lying around. He still had to clean the place but he planned on doing that as fast as fucking possible so that he could turn in his keys and hit the road.

As the men closed the moving truck and hooked Puck's truck to the back of it, Alex thought of something. "Puck? How the hell are you going to get this shit unloaded in Seattle? It's not like we'll be there."

"I got it, man. I've already got a moving company arranged. Won't cost me too much but they'll help me unload and get all this shit up to the second floor." Puck leaned against his truck, crossing his arms against his chest, and said, "I'd love to get moved in before Rachel knows I'm there. I'd like to just "drop by" and give her my new address." Puck stared into the distance, a smile gracing his face when he imagined how Rachel would react at his arrival. _I can't fucking wait._

With a few final fist-bumps, the friends said goodbye. Puck went back inside, grabbed a roll of paper towels and a bottle of Windex, and got to work cleaning his apartment. Ninety minutes later, it looked as good as he felt like getting it to look and called it done. Dropping the keys in the box at the rental office, he grabbed his iPhone to make one last call.

"Hi…I'd like to order some flowers…"

As soon as the call was made, he hung up and climbed inside the U-Haul. With one final glance at the building, Puck was on his way to Rachel.

* * *

Thursday afternoon, Rachel was relaxing on a day off. The show opened next week and rehearsals would be heavy the next few days but on that particular day, she had nowhere to be. And because she had no noisy neighbors practicing tap-dancing or whatever the hell they'd been doing since she'd moved in, she slept in late and then just puttered around her apartment. She'd been trying to call Tina for three days but hadn't seemed to reach her. Tina's silence only proved to be confirmation for what Rachel already knew – Tina had been the singing canary that had given up her location to Noah. Rachel wanted to throttle her. She wanted to ask what, exactly, had prompted her to tell him where she was. Had he begged? Threatened her? _What _made her give in? But since Tina was avoiding her calls (and subsequent emails), Rachel still had no answers.

Rachel was relaxing on her couch with a new novel when there was a knock on the door. Opening it, she stared into a huge bouquet of pink oriental lilies.

"Rachel Berry?" A voice behind the flowers asked.

"Yes?" The flowers were shoved in her hands, along with a clipboard for her to sign. Once she'd scrawled her name, she closed the door and stared at the flowers. Without even looking at the card, she knew who had sent them. Only two people on the planet knew that her absolute favorite flower was the pink oriental lily: her father and Noah. Gingerly, she removed the card and opened the envelope. Biting her lip to force down the smile that threatened to take over her face, she read the card:

_Rach~_

_Just because I'm not around doesn't mean you're not the only thing I think about. As I said before, you and I are just beginning. I will see you __very__ soon._

_Love,_

_Noah_

Rachel read the card over and over again. "Love, Noah," she said out loud to the room.

"I'm the only thing he thinks about?" she asked her couch.

Dropping onto the cushions, Rachel smiled. _Maybe I did hear him say what I thought I heard… Does he…? Is he….?_

Shoving the thoughts aside, Rachel stood to smell the lilies again. Closing her eyes, she pressed the card to her breast. Even as she stood there, she felt a tiny little bit of the anger she had for Noah melt and slide away. _I miss him….I do._

* * *

The drive to Seattle was painfully long and boring. The moving truck's CD player didn't work so Puck was stuck flipping radio stations every hour or so as he moved across the interstates of America. And normally, just the idea of a long road trip stressed him out enough to want to kick someone's ass. This one, however, filled him with anticipation. At each new interstate he exited on to, he felt one step closer to Rachel. Each interchange he went through, every state he crossed meant he was nearer to his destination. The miles that had been between them for two months suddenly became shorter and shorter until very early on Tuesday morning, he was pulling up in front of her – _their_ – building. He was home.

* * *

A heavy thud above her bed jolted Rachel awake on Tuesday morning.

"New neighbors already?" she complained out loud, shooting a glare at the ceiling. When she heard heavy boot steps advance across the floor above her, she groaned and pulled the pillow over hear head. _Well, a week of quiet was better than nothing. Dammit._

She lay in bed a few more minutes but then a loud thud, like the sound of something being dropped, sent her jumping out of bed. Muttering to herself about the stupid thin floors, Rachel threw herself into the shower. She didn't have to be rehearsal for at two hours but there was no sense in sleeping anymore. As Rachel stepped out from the shower spray, she flipped the shower off and towel-dried her hair. Walking back into her bedroom, she noticed that it seemed quiet.

_Maybe they're done moving now. I can't believe I have new neighbors already. I seriously need to find a new place to live when this damn lease is up._

Rachel threw on some clothes, slipped into her Nike's, and grabbed her purse. It was definitely bagel-time. She slipped out of her apartment and, as she locked the door, ran smack-dab into Mrs. Bernbaum, who was standing in her own open doorway.

"Hello, Rachel. Did you see? We have a new resident moving in!"

Rachel forced a smile on her face. "Hi, Mrs. Bernbaum. No, I haven't seen our neighbor yet. I just hope this one is better than the last one."

Mrs. Bernbaum emitted a whistle through her false teeth. "He's a handsome one, too. I knew when I saw him last week that he'd end up moving in…"

_Handsome? Last week?_

Rachel politely excused herself, extracting herself from a long-winded conversation with her off-kilter neighbor, and stepped outside. Parked in front of the building was a medium-sized U-Haul truck. Sitting directly behind it, having obviously been recently unhooked from the back of it, was a pick-up truck nearly identical to Noah's. _Same color. _Rachel turned to walk toward the bakery, brushing aside thoughts of the new neighbor. She knew she'd eventually meet "him" today if he was going to be in and out of the building. Rachel began to hum as she walked, casually glancing at the tail of the truck as she stepped past it. _Ohio plates? _She skidded to a stop, her eyes staring at the familiar license plate. Behind her, the door to the apartment building creaked open and then her ears were greeted to the sound of low chuckle.

"Howdy, neighbor…."

Turning around, her mouth went wide as her brown eyes grazed over a tall, very familiar form. The air between the two sparked with intensity.

_No! This can't be happening! NO! No! NO!_

"You?" she sputtered.

_I'm back to stay, baby…. And you? You're mine. You'll see._

"Me," Noah affirmed, crossing his arms as he set a satisfied smirk upon his face. He waited for the screeching and screaming that he'd expected to start at any moment. At any moment, she'd start throwing the big words around and stomping her feet in indignation. But instead, she clenched her eyes tightly, opened them again, and then swore under her breath.

Locking her fiery brown eyes with his amused hazel ones, she whispered, "Why?" _Why are you doing this, Noah?_

Puck wiped the smirk off his face and took a few steps closer to Rachel. His face had turned very serious when he spoke. "Why? A lot of reasons, really…But mainly, I realized that there is nothing left for me in Cincinnati. Rach, the best part of my life was the part that had _you_ in it."

Rachel glanced at the ground. "But Noah, we're—"

"—we're not there yet, I know. I fucked up, Rachel. I screwed up the best thing I had…and that was _you_."

Rachel's eyes filled with tears. _I'm the best thing you had? You never even really "had" me, as much as I wanted you to._ "I'm just not ready…."

Puck shrugged, taking a few steps closer to Rachel still. "If it takes me forever, Rachel, I'm going to work toward your forgiveness. What happened…uh…what I did that night was…Shit, Rachel, I've said it before and I'll say it forever. I'm sorry about what happened. You deserved better than how I treated you that night." Puck brushed his open palm over his forehead and gave Rachel a sheepish grin. "Look, I realized some things while you were gone…Some things that I'd like to share with you, when you're ready. But I don't want to say them until I think you're ready to hear them."

Rachel nodded her head silently, staring at the man in front of her. _He seems so…sad. Yet determined._

Puck continued. "Until then, I'll be around. You may get fucking tired of seeing me. But I'll be around. I didn't come this far to not bug the hell out of you."

For the first time since they saw each other again, Rachel felt herself grin at him. The smile made his heart swell with hope. _I can do this. I can get through to her._

Puck walked over to his truck to grab one of the final boxes he had left to carry inside. He walked back toward Rachel and dropped the box in front of her. She looked up at him and their eyes met again. She had no idea what to say. She went from avoiding him for two months, moving thousands of miles away from him just so her heart could heal, to having him stand in front of her as he vowed to make her forgive him because _she _was the best part of his life. _What does all this mean?_

Puck's eyes searched her face as he pushed a tendril of hair away from her eyes. She knew he was going to kiss her. She could feel it. But she didn't have the willpower at that moment to stop him as he dropped his head and briefly brushed his lips against hers like they'd once done all the time. When he pulled away, he whispered, "I _need_ you, Rach. You'll see."

Picking up his box, he began whistling as he walked toward the door. Turning to Rachel before he disappeared, he said, "See ya later, neighbor."

Rachel watched, still stunned, as he went inside. Swiveling on her heel, she went back the way she came and silently let herself into her apartment. As she sat on the couch, listening to Puck's footsteps above her, she groaned and shoved her face into a couch pillow. Life in Seattle had just gotten unquestionably more complicated.

**

* * *

Puck now lives upstairs. Let the good times begin!**


	18. Love Me That Way

**A/N: I think we've got four chapters (possibly five) left, including this one, so this fic is starting to wrap up.... **

**NCISjes- I haven't forgotten the request you made. It was bumped to the next chapter because it fits in better there!**

**Chapter Title: "Love Me That Way" by Joey McIntyre**

* * *

Rachel somehow assumed that having Noah live upstairs wouldn't really change things _all that much_. She still had an upcoming show opening to prepare for and ever-the-star, she needed to give 128% to her starring role. She still had to keep her exercise routine up. She still had to get plenty of sleep to keep her voice at tiptop performance quality. So what if Noah, her former best friend and the man who broke her heart, just _happened_ to live upstairs now, right?

_Wrong._

_Dead wrong._

Having the man that she had loved with her whole heart until he'd broken it into two thousand, two hundred little pieces (one piece for every mile that had separated them) living upstairs was positively unnerving to her. From the moment he moved in, she was tuned in to every noise that came from his apartment. And it wasn't the same kinds of noises that had thumped and thudded their way into her apartment with the old neighbors. Oh no – the thin floors allowed her to hear the murmur of his voice when he was on the phone. She could hear his steps as he moved from the kitchen to the living room to the bedroom and back again. The morning after he'd moved in, she'd heard the water running and realized that he was in the shower. _That _thought nearly brought her to her knees as memories of intimate moments with him flooded her brain. As much as she resisted thinking about him in _that way_ (because after all, she only had one night on which to gauge anything upon), it was increasingly difficult not to imagine him upstairs in nothing more than a towel. And at night, when she would lie in her bed and stare up at the ceiling, she would know he was directly above him. And she'd slept with him in the platonic sense enough that she knew he'd be on his stomach, sheets bunched around his hips, with the pillow tucked under his arms and his head near the top of it. She could practically _see _his back rise and fall with the deep, even breathing of his slumber.

In short, Rachel Berry was in pure, unadulterated _hell._

On Thursday morning, after she'd heard him shower (again) and her mind had gone all mushy with inappropriate images (again), she was, for lack of a better word, completely _pissed_ at herself for her weak, sappy reaction to his close proximity.

Brushing her hair in the mirror, she gave herself a firm lecture. "Rachel, you can't let him get to you like this. Yes, it's shocking that he moved in upstairs. But you haven't even _seen_ him since Tuesday. He's not being pesky. He's _just_ your neighbor." Tossing her brush back in the basket, she grabbed her moisturizer and began slathering it on her face.

"He's just this guy...just a guy who you had a thing for and then something happened and now it's over and you are ready to move on." She pointed at herself in the mirror as she spoke, hoping to make sure the self-lecture sunk in a little better. _Simplify the relationship, Rachel. It will make it easier to deal with._

Putting her moisturizer away, Rachel grabbed her eyelash curler, gripped her lashes between the tongs, and counted to ten.

"Yeah, he's just a guy." Rachel snorted because she'd never been a fan of lying to herself. "Dammit!" Realizing that rationalizing didn't work, she threw the curler down and angrily swiped the mascara over her lashes.

"The nerve of him, moving here like that!" Rachel yelled at herself in the mirror. "What does he hope to accomplish?" Making a face, she reminded herself that he'd explained it in his own Puckish way. "He's here because we're "just starting" and because he "thinks about me all the time." Yeah, well, I think about a Tony Award but that doesn't mean I hunt down Idina Menzel and steal hers." Growling, Rachel flipped the bathroom light off and stormed into her bedroom to get dressed. As she pulled her clothes on, she continued to grumble to herself.

"You can't let him do this to you, Rachel. You are _over_ Noah Puckerman. He can't affect you anymore!"

_I'm such a liar. _

Dropping to the bed in sad understanding, Rachel sighed. _I am _so_ not over him. What happened between us was awful...horrible...And I miss him now that he's upstairs more than I missed him when he was in Ohio._

_Dammit. _The seesaw of her heart caused by his presence nearly made her pulse skitter to a stop. And now that he was obviously not going to leave her alone, she knew she had to deal with those feelings. There was no more denying that he was just a memory because he wasn't. He was a very desirable, tangible _reality_ who had taken residence upstairs. And he still had her heart, as much as she hated to admit it. When he was in Ohio, it was easy to pretend that she'd done a successful reclamation and repair job on the organ that seized up in her chest at the mere thought of him. But now, she had to face facts. She still loved him and his stupid, dreamy, expressive eyes and his dumb, beautiful smile and his awful, perfect cheekbones and his horribly cute cocked eyebrow and his annoyingly sexy body, all topped off by his obnoxious charm. _Dammit._

Yanking on her shoes, Rachel rushed into her living room and skidded to a stop. He was playing his guitar again. She listened for a moment, cocking her head to hear better as the notes swirled down through the flooring toward her ears. Since nearly the moment he'd moved in on Tuesday, he'd picked up his guitar when there was a lull in unpacking. She'd recognize some of the songs as those that were always his favorites. And sometimes, she'd hear him strumming certain chords over and over again as he learned new song arrangements. She had to fight the urge to run upstairs and stand outside his door just to hear him better. She'd always melted when he picked up his guitar. The man was a master at it and was truly in his element when the beloved instrument was in his hands. And hearing him play it only made the misery of his nearness even worse. She had a million questions to ask and she needed valid answers for every one. But she also had a severely damaged heart that still felt like she'd been a "mistake". She had to reconcile the woman who needed answers with the woman whose pride and stubborn streak were larger than Elliott Bay.

And the most unnerving part? He hadn't even _tried _to contact her since Tuesday! He said he was in Seattle _for her_ but had he visited? No! Of course, she was barely home but if she could hear him, he could hear her, right? _Rachel! You're not ready to talk to him. The only think you really feel like doing is kicking him in the groin. _

Tired of the miserable internal debate she was subjecting herself to, Rachel grabbed her bag and headed to the theater. Time to push _him_ out of her mind and focus on being a star.

* * *

Rachel was never home. Either that, or she was avoiding him. Puck chose to believe that she just wasn't home (because the alternative would knock him off his game) after the third time he'd knocked on her door and was greeted with silence. He didn't hear much noise out of her apartment at all, really. Of course, he'd heard her singing in the shower twice and thought he was going to die as he pictured the water sluicing over her tight, gorgeous naked body. He'd actually groaned, leaned against the wall, and attempted to picture a bunch of greased up, naked fat ladies just to quell the need coursing through his body. It took everything in him not to bolt down the stairs, push the door open, and shove her against the tiled wall as he rocked them both to release. He'd only _been_ with her one time and so he only had those short memories of which to go on but _goddammit_ they were hot and knowing she was naked just feet below him was enough to almost make him explode. At least he didn't have to worry about much of a gas bill because his hot water heater? _Totally_ not being used.

So yeah, he knew she wasn't quite ready for some hot sex but he was hoping to at least get in a conversation. She had been totally flabbergasted the day he'd moved in and that had been their last conversation. He _needed _to talk to her. He was ready to start explaining as much as she would let him explain, even if it was only once sentence at a time, until he got everything he needed to say off his chest and she'd finally agreed to forgive him and admit that she wanted him, too.

On Friday afternoon, he was making one last attempt to knock on her door before he swore off even coming down her hallway for the entire weekend. After knocking and waiting for the greeting that never came, he dejectedly was walking away when he heard a door open. Hopeful, he swiveled back around. His face fell, though, when his eyes locked with the cobalt blue eyes surrounded by wrinkly, paper-thin skin of Mrs. Bernbaum.

"Hey, handsome! Good to see you again!" She addressed him happily. "You lookin' for Rachel?"

Puck nodded, walking over to her. He noticed that she smelled like lunchmeat and lemon Pledge.

"She's not home," Mrs. Bernbaum offered.

_No shit. _"Do…do you know where she is?"

The old woman laughed and reached out to smack Puck's hand. "Of course! Her show opens tonight. She's probably getting ready. Gotta get painted up like a harlot for all them lights."

"Show?" _I didn't know anything about a show. She's acting already? Of course she is, Puckerman! She's Rachel Berry!_

"Sure…she's in a musical down at the Seattle Musical Theatre. Starts tonight. Can't remember what it's called but I'm going to go to a weekend matinee."

"Seattle Musical Theatre?" Puck made a mental note so he could run upstairs as fast as his legs would carry him and look up Rachel's show.

"Thanks..uhh…" He searched for the name he didn't know.

She stuck her hand out. "Bernbaum. Mrs. Gladys Bernbaum. Lived in this building for 30 years now. My beloved Harvey died 22 years ago…right here in this apartment."

Puck blanched at the thought of her husband dying inside. He pictured old Harvey, dead as a doornail, sitting in front of the TV. Sticking his hand out, he said, "Noah Puckerman. And thanks for telling me about the apartment upstairs. You don't know how much that helped."

"Glad ta help…"

"Well thanks, Mrs. Bernbaum." Puck began to walk away but she called after him.

"Oh, Noah!"

"Yes, ma'am?" he walked back over to her, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Are you sweet on Rachel? She's a hot little minx, isn't she?" Mrs. Bernbaum winked at Puck and swiveled her old (probably false) hips suggestively.

Laughing, Puck nodded. "Yes, ma'am. She is."

"Well, good luck. You're handsomer than that other boy that comes around."

Puck glowered at the mention of that muscle-headed asshole who'd shown up the night he camped out in front of Rachel's apartment. _Fuck yes, I'm hotter. Dammit, I hate that guy._

With a quick nod to Rachel's elderly neighbor, Puck took off back to his apartment. Once he was safely back upstairs, he Googled the theater and saw the promotion for "The Rainmaker" starring Rachel Berry. Clicking for the times, Puck reserved his evening. If he couldn't talk to her, at least he could see her in her element.

* * *

"Hi Tina, it's Rachel. I think you must be taking a play out of the Noah Puckerman Playbook of Phone Call Avoidance because you sure are dodging my calls like a pro. And speaking of Noah Puckerman, he's living here now. Here! In Seattle! In my apartment building, in fact! To be more specific, he's directly UPSTAIRS!"

_Click. _With a withering glare at her phone, Rachel stormed back inside the theater. Tina was in some serious trouble…

* * *

Puck took a seat in the middle of the theater, making sure he had a good view of the entire stage. He hadn't seen Rachel on stage since college. He hated to admit it but he hadn't been to a single show when she'd been in Cincinnati because he was always so busy with Kim. As he waited for the show to start, the guilt that he hadn't supported her talent then was just another tiny piece of regret to add to the huge pile that continued to collect where she was concerned. Puck leaned his head on his hand, absently scratching his head, as he thought about her. He missed her so much. Her close proximity hurt worse than the great distance between them had. At least then, she wasn't close enough to touch. Now, she was so close that he could practically wrap his hands around her arms and pull her to him. Sometimes, he swore he could feel her hurt and anger coming up through the floor. He knew she wasn't happy that he'd moved there but coming to Seattle was the _one_ thing he didn't regret when it came to Rachel. He loved her. He needed her to eventually see that. And hopefully, she could love him still. Or again? He knew Rachel well enough to know that she did everything with the utmost passion and determination. And she never gave up easily. He hoped that applied to how she felt about him. If she had loved him as much as she pursued everything else in her life, he still had a chance to make her his. He hoped above hope that she still loved him _that way._

As the lights in the theater darkened, he sank deeper into the seat and locked his eyes on the set. Just a few minutes into the performance, she took to the stage. His eyes slid over her curves as the lights illuminated her. She was dazzling. Her acting was perfect and her musical numbers sent the hairs on his arms standing on their ends. From his vantage point, her skin seemed to simmer in the stage lights and her long, lithe legs looked phenomenal in the short dress and heels of her costume. He wanted her so completely at that moment that his hands tingled with the craving to touch her. He could practically feel her hair sliding through his fingers. His hands gripped the arm rests as desire for her rushed through him.

Once the show was over, he stood with the rest of the audience and clapped and whistled. He was so fucking proud of her and he _had _to tell her. That's what led him to loiter outside, standing by the back entrance doors, waiting for Rachel to come out. The show had ended nearly an hour earlier but he wanted to see her. She'd been...fuck...she'd been just like he'd imagined she'd be and he was dying to tell her how impressed he was. But so far, she had yet to appear. Leaning against the building, he told himself it didn't matter. He'd waited for her longer than this, obviously. He'd continue to wait for hours. _I've been doing a lot of fucking waiting for you lately_. _Dammit, Rachel. Where are you?_

Puck waited for a few more minutes, pacing down to the end of the block and back. As he got close to the doors agin, he heard Rachel's voice and the sound of the door opening. Smiling, he increased his gait and headed toward her. His mouth was open to speak when she came around the corner on the arm of the idiot who'd gone into her apartment when he'd first arrived in Seattle. Rachel spotted him at nearly the same time because her eyes settled on his face for a split-second before she glanced away.

"Noah," she said softly, acknowledging him as they walked past without stopping.

"Rach," he quietly answered, watching the couple as they disappeared down the sidewalk.

Puck's stomach suddenly felt sour. _Is she dating him? Tina didn't say anything about Rachel having a boyfriend. She woulda told me…wouldn't she? _Puck scowled at the now-empty sidewalk, his stomach in a twisted knot.

Walking quickly to the parking lot, he drove back to the apartment building, his knuckles white against the steering wheel the entire time. When he got back inside, he bounded up to the second floor two steps at a time. He pushed the door to his apartment open with excessive force and then slammed it closed behind him. His hands gripped his jacket tightly as he jerked it off and threw it on the couch. _But they could just be hanging out, right? _Swearing, he stormed into the kitchen and grabbed a glass, filling it with water. He took a quick drink and then banged it down on the counter top, setting his hands on the edge of the counter.

_Get a grip, Puckerman. All she did was leave with him. She used to leave with you all the time and nothing was going on. _ Puck grunted as his thoughts took a negative turn. _Yeah, nothing was going on. Ha! She was in love with you and you tried to marry her carbon copy, then fucked her, then screwed her over like a cheap whore. _Yeah, nothing was going on. _Fuck. _

Stomping back into the living room, he sat down on the couch and fired up his Xbox. Time to blast some motherfuckers out of orbit. But before he started playing, his eyes slid over to the notepad lying on the end table. Before he could stop himself, he scratched out a note to Rachel and ran downstairs, sliding it under her door. Then he went back upstairs and hit "Play" on his game in an attempt to free his thoughts from the girl that lived downstairs.

* * *

"He was waiting for you, you know," Nick said as he opened the car door to let Rachel in.

"I know," she answered sadly, her nerves raw at seeing him outside the theater. He must have found out about the show. _I wonder what he thought?_

When Nick slid into the driver's side, he asked, "Why don't you talk to him? He's not going away now, Rachel. He moved here for you..."

Rachel snorted. "Yes, Nick, I know. I just don't know what he thinks he's going to accomplish. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him and yet he came anyway."

Nick maneuvered his car into the late evening Seattle traffic. "Rachel, you can't avoid him forever."

Closing her eyes, Rachel laced her fingers through her hair, tugging at a knot. Responding softly, she said, "I know...."

"I keep telling you, talk to the man! Please! You're miserable, he looks miserable. The whole thing is really a downer."

Rachel snickered at Nick's attitude. He was really a good friend to her. Had she met him at another time in her life, he could have been an amazing boyfriend, maybe even more. But as long as Noah Puckerman breathed air, Nick was nothing more than a friend. And he was really okay with it. He'd recently asked out one of his co-workers and was going on a date with her the next night.

Nick pulled the car up in front of Rachel's building. She pecked him on the cheek, thanked him for coming to her show, and then disappeared inside, her mind on the hazel eyes that had been intently staring at her outside the theater.

She'd forgotten to leave a light on in her apartment before she left so she was greeted with a pitch-black room when she entered. As she stepped inside, her shoe made contact with something on the floor and she nearly went flying into the couch. Once she regained her footing, she flipped on the light and picked up the offending article: a folded piece of paper.

Unfolding it, she read:

_Rach-_

_Your show was amazing. I just wanted to tell you that. I'm proud of you._

_Seriously phenomenal. _

_NP_

Rachel stared at his scrawled handwriting, her fingertip brushing over it again and again. Smiling, she went into her bedroom to change clothes, lying the note on her nightstand, right next to the only photo of him that she still had (and which had mysteriously found its way out of a box in the back of her closet the other day.)

* * *

Saturday morning, Rachel was running late. She had both a matinee and an evening performance to do and hadn't slept well the night before thanks to her encounter with Noah outside the theater. She actually had her bag thrown over her shoulder and was about to open the door when she heard a knock. Opening it, she wasn't surprised to see the man that consumed most of her thoughts standing on the other side.

"Rachel...do you wanna grab some lunch?"

Puck watch the conflict flash into Rachel's eyes and knew instantly that she was going to tell him no. Before she could speak, he prodded, "C'mon, Rach. I've been here nearly a week. I'm trying to give you space but...dammit, I'm here because of _you_. Not seeing you is...well, it's killing me." His face showed a hint of embarrassment at his near-begging request.

"Noah...it's just not a good idea. And I have to be going..." Rachel's eyes were focused on the worn wood floor of the hallway, the dirt on his shoes - anywhere but on his face.

"Fuck, Rachel. I can't make things right if you won't even talk to me!" Puck felt his chest seize up and the familiar burn in his stomach start to return. He knew he needed to give her time but...dammit...that _other guy_ was in the picture and Rachel could be slipping further away from him. And what if he didn't get her back?

She felt the tears start to collect in the back of her throat. She struggled not to let her voice waver when she said, "Noah..." _I have to be somewhere...I want...we need... I..._

Puck put up his hand because he didn't want to hear her excuses. "Fine, nevermind, Rachel. Sorry I asked."

Turning quickly on his heel, Puck turned and disappeared around the corner, leaving Rachel gaping after him.

_Noah, wait...._ Instead, she let him go. Sadness overtook her and for the first time since he moved in upstairs, she allowed herself to cry. _I don't know what to do with myself. And with him. He so desperately wants to talk and...I want to talk to him. But just seeing him hurts...it brings everything back. And how do I talk to him without baring my soul and looking like a bigger idiot than I already do?_

Sucking in a breath, Rachel told herself to get a grip. "We will talk, Noah...we will. I just need time." Re-situating her bag on her shoulder, she locked the door behind her and left the building, her heart heavy with pain.

* * *

Rachel had a plan when it came to getting her squirrely friend Tina on the phone. Early Sunday afternoon, she dialed Tina's number, knowing that Tina would be home beacuse Tina always loved to sleep her Sundays away. _Tina, you're going to talk to me! _

Rachel pursed her lips when she heard Tina's sleepy voice pick up the phone. Instead of greeting Rachel with her usual "what's up?", the first words out of her mouth were rushed and breathy, "I'm sorry, Rachel!"

"Sorry for what? Ignoring my calls or for telling Noah where I was?" Rachel snapped.

The stutter Tina used to fake as a teenager came back in a very real way when she answered. "I…I…I'm sorry R…Rachel. I didn't know what to say after he showed up so I just didn't answer. But…but…I didn't _technically_ tell him where you were anyway."

Rachel sat down on the couch, propping her legs up on the coffee table in a manner that she once would have yelled at Noah for doing.

"He…Puck saw the pictures and happened to see the Space Needle in one of them. I didn't ever once say "Rachel is in Seattle!" I swear!"

Rachel groaned. "But why did he even see the pictures Tina? I moved two thousand miles away to get away from him and you unceremoniously drop him in my lap! And now what am I supposed to do? Every time I see him, I get all twisted up inside again. So far, I've been trying to avoid him but that only makes him mad and me want to cry. I can't get over him when he's _living upstairs!_" Rachel jerked her hand through her hair, roughly tugging her fingers through a tangle.

"Rachel…how much has he said to you since he's been there?" Tina's voice was careful and curious.

"Um…I haven't actually let him talk much. He's said he's sorry about a million times and that he's realized some things that he wants to tell me when I'm quote ready to hear them unquote….Speaking of that, what did he say to _you_ that made you give in? I mean, seriously...talk about not protecting my location!"

Tina didn't answer.

"Tina?" Rachel nudged.

Well, Rachel, I actually have a very good defense." Tina hemmed and hawed until Rachel wanted scream at her to get to the point. "Puck...well…he kinda....he said he was in love with you."

Rachel's mouth dropped open. "Wh…he's in love with me? I mean…I thought I heard him yell that after me the day I ran into him on the street but…No...I couldn't fathom that he'd actually said that..." Rachel felt dizzy. And giddy. And terrified. And teary. "He loves me?" She whispered into the phone, posing the question to Tina to make absolutely sure she'd heard her right.

Tina laughed. "Yeah, Rachel. Do you see now why it kinda slipped where you were? It's easy to get mad at him and tell him to go screw himself when he's just demanding to know where you are without any reason. But how do I deny him when he tells me something like that? I'm _sorry_, I really am. But he looked so damn pathetic and said he wanted you so much that he couldn't breathe…and then he admitted that he loved you."

Rachel didn't respond as Tina's words registered. She couldn't. Tears slipped down her cheeks and she groaned, "Oh my God…"

A knock on the door jolted Rachel from her shock. _I bet it's him! _"Tina, I gotta go…it may be Noah."

Rachel walked to the door as she said her goodbyes and hung up the phone. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before finally opening it. When she did, Puck was standing there with two big cups and a bag in his hands. His face flashed a quick grin when he first saw her and then he he cast his eyes downward at the stuff in his hands and failed to notice her face. "I know you aren't really interested in seeing me but I thought I'd try one more time and...hell, I'm gonna keep trying because I _have_ to...but anyway…I brought you a grape Slushie…and a salad from Applebee's….and you can say no if you want but I just wanted to know... Do you…" Puck looked up and met her eyes, expecting to see rejection in them. "Do you wanna…maybe have lunch with me?" His eyes traveled over her face as he searched for some positive sign from her before settling on the tear tracks that ran down her cheeks. "Rach…why are you crying?" If his hands hadn't been full of the edible peace offering, he'd have reached for her and dragged her into her arms.

"You're in love with me?" She demanded to know, her voice weak and nearing hiccup-stage.

Puck shrugged, giving Rachel a "duh" look. "Geesh, Rach, I thought you were intelligent. Do you think I'd move all the friggin' way to practically Canada, to a place where it seems to rain four days out of five, with _no fucking __job_ just because I wanted to be your friend again? _Of course_ I'm in love with you. I tried to tell you that the day you ran from me in the rain." Puck grinned broadly, tension easing in his shoulder blades, before pushing his way past her to enter the apartment. "My burger's gettin' cold and the Slushies are melting. Can we eat?"

Rachel stared blindly at the back of his head as he dropped the bag of food and the drinks on her coffee table. Walking into the kitchen, Puck yanked a few paper towels off the roll and walked back into the living room. Rachel continued to stare straight ahead, her eyes wide and questioning as they tracked his every move.

"Rach? You gonna eat?" Puck smirked at her and then turned back towards the food. _I am _so_ back in the game!_

Rachel still didn't move a muscle.

"You're in love with me?" She repeated, the words processing in her brain so quickly that Puck could practically hear her wheels whirring. "I thought you were here because you wanted us to get back to the way things used to be?"

Puck snickered and walked over to her. Grabbing her face between his hands, he dropped a kiss on her mouth and then brushed his lips over the tip of her nose. Pulling away, he pushed her hair off her face before pecking her forehead with a quick touch of his lips.

"You don't pay attention, do you? I told you that you and I were just starting. I wasn't talking about friendship. We've already _done_ that." Clapping his hands, he ordered, "Now let's eat."

Walking back to the coffee table, he worked to suppress the sly smile threatening to overtake his face. _Speechless, are you, Rachel? I can admit how I feel. Now it's time for you to do the same. _He pulled his burger out of the bag, flipped over the container, and dug in. Smiling as he chewed, he watched her slowly walk over and sink down on the couch beside him.

"I'm…I…" _Why is...? What am I...? Does...? Is...? _Rachel couldn't seem to formulate a coherent thought. She was in shock. _Noah loves me….Like really. Like _that!

Puck rolled his eyes. "Eat, Rach. We'll talk later." He grinned into his overcooked burger and fought the urge to puff out his chest in victory. _I was a total fucking stud the way I just handled that. _He didn't know what had happened on the other side of the apartment door before he showed up but _something_ made her realize his true intentions. And _thank fuck_ because he was going insane living upstairs and being treated like a stranger.

Blindly, she nodded and pulled her salad out of the Curbside to Go bag. Staring at it, she blinked herself out of her stunned silence over his nonchalant confession and forced her focus downward. Her eyes settled on the lettuce inside the container, which she swore was wilting even as she looked at it. _Wait? Is that chicken? It looks like grilled cat! Oh yuck. Applebee's! _And then she reached across and punched his arm, a smile transforming her shocked face into an amused one.

"Noah! You know how much I hate Applebee's!"

Puck rubbed his arm in jest as he opened his mouth and laughed. Leaning over, he gently kissed her stunned lips again before turning his full attention back to his burger. For the first time in months, they sat and ate together. He even managed to get in some questions about Mrs. Bernbaum, whom he found both amusing and maddening. He tread carefully, making sure to not push Rachel's buttons. But he listened to every word she spoke, reveling in the fact that she was even speaking to him at all. Sitting on her couch with her, on the same cushions he'd sat before in a different apartment in a different city in a different state, felt completely right. No, it wasn't a huge step. But at that moment, he was a thousand steps closer to fixing things than he'd been just a week ago. Sitting on Rachel's couch kinda felt a little bit like coming home, which was exactly where he wanted to be anyway.

**

* * *

A/N: Expect a delay for the next chapter. I may actually finish writing the entire story (to keep the flow going) and then post it in segments. I'll see what I feel like doing so just hang with me, oh faithful readers! Thanks!**


	19. Talk You Down

**A/N: Chapter Title: "Talk You Down" by The Script**

**And we have three more chapters to go after this one, folks. Two of them are partially written and the last chapter is already completely done (except for the ten kajillion edits that I will do before it's finally posted.)**

* * *

Rachel found it very hard to center herself as she sat on her yoga mat on Wednesday morning, three days after Puck had shown up with Applebee's, nonchalantly confessed that he was in love with her, and then hung out on her couch. She kept taking deep breaths with her eyes shut tight but thanks to the thumping bass coming from _directly_ upstairs, the only centering she was doing involved picturing herself storming upstairs and putting her foot in the center of Noah's sculpted ass. When she heard the plates in her cabinet shaking from the deep beat reverberating down through the cheap flooring, Rachel blew her hair out of her face and pushed herself off the floor. Grabbing a ponytail holder, she pulled her hair back, slipped her flip-flops on, and stormed out of her apartment.

Bounding up the stairs, Rachel set her face in a determined glare before she skidded to a stop in front of Noah's door and commenced pounding. She heard the stereo volume slide down and then the door jerked open. Her mouth opened and then closed, no words coming out, as she stared into Noah's broad, _very _shirtless, sweaty chest.

"Hey, Rachel," Puck smirked, watching Rachel's eyes as she _clearly_ ogled his awesome pecs. _She may not be ready to talk it out but…yeah…she still wants me. _

Rachel jerked her head toward his voice, regrettably pulling her eyes away from his spectacular physique. _Yes, he's gorgeous. He's always been gorgeous. Ignore it…You came here to lecture, not to lust. _She put a glare on her face and started her speech.

"Noah Puckerman, have some respect for your neighbors – namely _me_! This hideous music is distracting. And what if there are residents working third shift who are sleeping right now? You're interrupting their rest and third shift is very physically taxing! Have some respect! And I was unable to concentrate on my stretching thanks to this…this…ear-bleeding mess!"

Puck crossed his arms over his bare chest and leaned against the frame of the door, smiling at her with a lopsided grin. He was seriously amused.

"You done?" He asked sweetly, staring at the way her hair stuck out from her sloppy ponytail. She was in thin little shorts that barely reached the top of her thighs and a white tank top. Her hot-pink bra was visible through the thin material and he was struggling to keep his eyes above her neck. All he needed at this point was to be caught "objectifying" her because then she'd really verbally kick his ass.

"Yes, Noah, I think I am. Just please keep the music down?"

"Sure thing, Rach."

Rachel turned to go before Puck was ready for her to leave. "Hey, Rach…"

Sighing, she turned back around and glared at him. He thought quick, realizing he'd yelled her name but hadn't actually decided what he was going to say. _Say anything to keep her around! _ "I've got a job interview tomorrow. Wish me luck?"

"I'm glad to see you're looking so soon. Is it at one of the hospitals?" Rachel leaned against the banister, her arms draped over the edge. Puck couldn't help but notice the way her ass looked from the side – all pert and firm and shit. Fighting back the urge to come after her and palm those compact little orbs in his hands, he focused on the conversation.

"Nope. It's at a physical therapy office near downtown. I hope I get it. I need to make some money…and fast. Moving out here drained me."

Rachel glowered at him. "Well _no one_ told you to move here, Noah. And I know exactly how expensive it is to move out here. You don't have to remind _me._" Rachel's hands went to her hips as she stared at him stubbornly. Puck's eyes shifted down and settled on the exposed skin of her upper hip, just above her hand. Instinctively, he licked his lips. _Damn I want her…._

"I know I wasn't forced to move here, Rach. Well, actually…I kinda was." He defiantly met her gaze. "You're the reason I'm here…maybe I should send you the bill?" A smile played across his lips as he watched her face flame red. He knew he was pushing her farther than he should because of the tenuous nature of their relationship but frankly, he was ready to push some of her buttons. _Okay, I want to push _all_ her buttons in the literal sense. _He'd admitted to her point-blank three days before that he was in love with her. She was shocked and crying but hadn't told him that she felt the same way. Since then, their encounters had been brief but his profession of love wasn't mentioned again. He was actually a nervous wreck that he'd never win her over. He had to stop treating her like a breakable doll and push and prod her a little. He had to constantly remind himself that he _knew_ this woman well. He knew what worked with her and what didn't. Dancing around her forever wouldn't win her back. Rachel Berry was a strong personality and he needed to match her fervor if he was going to make her _his._

"I'm leaving now, Noah. Your asinine statement fails to deserve a response." She was almost to the steps before she swung back around. "And good luck on your interview." Flashing him a quick smile, she slipped down the stairs.

Puck went inside his apartment, his mind on Rachel and the fact that they'd just managed to have a decently civil conversation. Then his mind traveled to the way her ass looked in those thin little shorts. Groaning with pent-up frustration, he went to get ready for his interview by taking a very, very cold shower.

* * *

Puck _nailed _the interview. Well, almost. He faltered a little bit when they asked him his reasons for moving from Cincinnati to Seattle on such short notice. _Uh…I was engaged to this chick but had sex with my best friend and then she got mad and left and then I realized that I loved her and then I finally found out she was in Seattle so here I am! _Uh…yeah. _NO. _Thinking fast, he told them he had a friend in Seattle that was in need and so he was compelled to come. The interviewer seemed impressed by his compassion and he gave her that sexy smile of his just for good measure. When he left, he felt pretty positive about the entire thing. They told him that a decision would be made relatively quickly so he was hopeful that he'd hear something by the end of the week.

He didn't have to wait long. He got the call with a job offer (and a helluva lot more money than he ever even dreamed of making in Cincinnati, that's for damn sure) and he gladly accepted. Feeling excited, he clambered down the stairs to Rachel's apartment and rapped on the door.

Rachel popped the door open with the cell phone tucked to her ear. She furrowed her brow at Puck (_what the fuck was that look for?_) before motioning for him to come in.

"Yes, Dad, I'd love it if you could fly out and see the show. We're performing for three more weeks so if you let me know when you're coming, I'll definitely reserve you some tickets."

Puck flopped down on Rachel's couch, grabbing her remote, and flipped the TV on. He quickly turned it down so she didn't give him the death glare again. He was trying to stay on her good side.

"No, Dad…don't you dare get a hotel. You can have my bed or the couch."

_Or he can sleep at my apartment and I'll sleep with you, _Puck thought with a quiet snicker.

"Okay, Dad…well Noah is here now so I guess I'll go talk to him now…" Rachel giggled into the phone and shot a sideways glance at Puck. He scowled. _Her father is talking shit about me, I know it! _"No Dad, I don't think you need to do that. I'm a big girl and I can handle myself… Okay… Love you, too… Bye."

Rachel clicked her phone off and looked over at Puck. "Hello, Noah. What can I help you with?"

"Hey babe…how's your dad?" Puck watched Rachel stiffen when he called her "babe." Her reaction steeped him with guilt; he'd once been able to casually use that term of endearment with and she'd never objected.

"Dad's fine. He's coming to Seattle next weekend to see my show! I'm so excited!" Rachel padded into the kitchen to get a drink and Puck watched her as she went. _She's so fuckin' beautiful. Dammit, I wanna touch her. _

After she took a drink, she turned back to Puck. "So...did you need something, Noah?" She leaned against the kitchen countertop and he pushed himself off the couch, clicking the television back off, and joined her.

"I just wanted to tell you that I got the job! And it's for a shitload more money than I was making in Cincy!"

Rachel smiled at him and genuinely said, "I'm glad for you, Noah."

Puck shifted, sliding his hands into his pockets. Rachel knew that meant he was nervous.

"Rach…I'm going to cook a big dinner tonight to celebrate. Do…do you wanna come up and eat with me?"

Rachel sighed. "Oh, Noah….I don't—"

Puck cut her off. "Please? I'll beg if I have to. We haven't spent any time together in a few days and…I want to celebrate this with you."

Sighing with closed eyes, Rachel bobbed her head. "Yes, Noah. I'll come. What time?"

Puck grinned, mentally high-fiving himself, before looking at the clock on the microwave. "How 'bout 7? I need to run to the grocery store. Do you want anything in particular to eat?"

"No, that's okay. I'm sure whatever you fix will be perfectly fine."

Puck walked toward the door to leave and Rachel followed him. Glancing back, he said, "I'm kinda shocked you're coming, Rach. I guess…well…I didn't think you would."

"I can be full of surprises, Noah. You know that…"

Nodding, Puck opened the door. "See you at 7."

She waggled her fingers at him and closed the door behind him. Staring at the white door, she wondered if she'd just made a mistake. She had no idea why she'd agreed to go have dinner with him…except for the fact that he'd said he was in love with her. Part of her wanted to see if it was true because a _big_ part of her wasn't sure that she believed him. Yes, he'd said it to Tina and admitted it to Rachel like it was no big deal. But it just seemed…impossible. Especially after all they'd been through. The idea that Noah Puckerman was in love with her, even when all the evidence pointed to the fact that it was _very_ true, was hard to wrap her brain around.

Rachel walked back to her bedroom and pulled open her closet. _What do I wear? _She rooted through a few dresses, dug out a few skirts, and studied several shirts. _Do I dress up or just wear what I have on? _Rachel stared at the ceiling, trying to figure out what to do. _I don't want to give him the wrong idea…_ Looking down at one of her black skirts, she eyed the bright-blue top with the plunging neckline that she loved to wear with it. _I also think that showing up looking hot may be a nice way to torment him. _Smiling slyly to herself, Rachel went to shower.

Puck walked through the grocery store aimlessly staring at vegetables, still shocked that Rachel had really agreed to have dinner with him. He _knew_ she'd say no so he was awestruck when she said yes. _Apparently, confessing that you love someone helps a little bit. _

After staring at the meat section for what felt like ages, Puck finally decided to make chicken Parmesan since it sounded good and he was starving. Before he left the store, he snagged a bottle of wine.

Dinner was simmering on the stove when he went to change clothes. He stared at his clothes, weighing whether he felt like a button-down and slacks or jeans and a t-shirt. With a smirk, he grabbed one of his t-shirts that clung to his biceps and his chest muscles and a pair of his jeans that molded to his thighs and ass. _Just to mess with her…_

Rachel showed up promptly at 7. Puck popped open the door, eyes bulging when he saw her.

_Aww, hell. She looks like walking sex._

She was in a tight blue shirt that plunged, he swore, halfway to her belly button. He could clearly see the swell of her breasts and swore to himself that there was sparkly shit on those delicious little mounds. She had on a tight skirt and cute strappy sandals. He was in fucking heaven-hell… She looked amazing – _heaven. _And he knew she wouldn't let him touch her – _hell._

She smiled shyly as she entered his apartment and looked around, working hard to ignore the fact that his shirt clung to his muscles so tightly that it made her mouth water. Glancing down at the couch, she realized it was unfamiliar.

"New couch?"

Puck nodded, walking back into the kitchen. "Kim took the couch when she moved out. Had to get a new one." He instantly regretted mentioning his ex-fiancé's name because Rachel immediately stiffened, looking uncomfortable.

Turning his back, he stirred the tomato sauce and steadied his breathing. He couldn't figure out what he could say to her and what wasn't okay. But _fuck_, Kim was part of what they needed to talk about. He heard Rachel slide out one of the benches and sit down on the bar, facing him in the kitchen.

"I haven't seen you cook in a very long time," she said quietly. He flashed her a smile and stirred the sauce again.

"I really haven't cooked much since I've been here. Been…trying to adjust."

"Seattle's climate does taking some getting used to," Rachel offered. "Plus the time zone difference is painful at first."

Puck turned toward her, setting the spoon across the top of the pot, and leaned against the counter behind him. He braced his palms against the edge of the countertop. "That's not what I mean. Adjusting to you being around again….That's what I meant."

Rachel looked down for a moment and then back up at him, her cheeks slightly flushed. "Oh…well I never expected you to be here…considering I left becau—" She cut herself off, not quite ready to plunge head-long into the topic of her heartbreak with the man that caused it (and was still causing it with the way the shirt was clinging to the sinew of his back.)

"Because of me, I know." Puck watched Rachel's hand toy with the edge of a piece of junk mail that he'd carelessly tossed on the bar earlier. Her eyes skimmed over the ad as she obviously tried to distract herself from the conversation. "Rachel?" Puck said her name softly. "Look at me."

She lifted her eyes and he could see that they were watery.

"Rachel…I'm sorry. I didn't…I…" Puck swore, struggling to figure out what to say. Closing his eyes finally, he exhaled. "I never meant for that – for all of that - to happen. I never—I didn't…" Puck sucked in a breath, picking the right words and suppressing the wrong ones. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

Rachel swallowed against the knot that was forming in her throat. _I knew better than to come up here. This was such a bad idea. _She didn't know what to say to him. She still had so many questions with no answers. And she was still too uncomfortable to even ask the questions.

Puck watched confusion come over Rachel's face. He knew that when her eyes darkened, she was usually becoming upset and frustrated. "Rach…I _do_ love you. I know you may not really believe it but you…your leaving made me think about a lot of things and I… I'm sorry. Okay. But I love you and I mean that. I should have figured it out a long time ago…."

Rachel nodded, not speaking. _I love you, too. I have forever. But you hurt me in a way I could never have imagined. _

"Are you going to say something?" Puck asked. _Do you still love me?_

"I…I don't know what to say, Noah. There's…there's a lot that I need to say. A lot of questions that I have to ask. A lot of things I need to think about."

Puck nodded. "I know, Rach. I'm sorry that we've gotten to this point. I'm sorry that you had to move here to…" he swallowed, "…to get away from me." Stepping away from the countertop, he walked around the bar so he was standing behind Rachel. With his hand on her hip, he spun her to face him.

"I don't know how to tell you what it was like…knowing you were gone. Knowing that you wanted nothing to do with me. Knowing that _I_ was the reason you left."

Puck leaned toward her, trying to get her to meet his gaze.

"I wish you'd talk to me," he prodded quietly. _Please, Rachel. Tell me what's going on inside that head. _

"When I'm ready, Noah…I…" She looked up, her eyes turning toward the kitchen as she sniffed the air. "Is something burning?"

Puck took a whiff and the smell pulled his attention from the headway he was trying to make with the dazzling woman in front of him. He yelled, "shit!" before dashing into the kitchen and yanking the chicken out of the stove. Gazing down into the pan, he glanced over his shoulder and triumphantly told Rachel, "not burned! We're okay!"

She laughed and forced herself to try and relax. She knew that she and he would have to have these conversations with him. He was intent on getting past what had happened and she hoped that eventually, she could, too. And the reasonable side of her knew that these uncomfortable conversations where necessary for her to heal. Besides, he'd confessed how he felt again…and the words made her lose her breath, her heart flutter like hummingbirds had just moved in, and her stomach hurt. _He loves me. After all this…he loves me now? When I still haven't forgive him for what happened…_ Rachel wanted to run downstairs and cry. But she also didn't want to leave her perch, gazing at Noah's side profile and appreciating his strong jaw line as he finished cooking her dinner.

Puck drained the pasta and began assembling the food. A few minutes later, he smiled up at Rachel and asked her if she wanted to pour some wine.

She grinned. "Wine? I could use some wine!" Sliding off the bench, Rachel walked into the kitchen and took the corkscrew out of his hand. Opening the wine, she poured it into two glasses. Taking a sip, she closed her eyes and smiled. "This is good."

Puck grinned at her reaction. "I know."

He took a drink out of his own glass, watching Rachel over the rim. She was glancing around the kitchen, taking stock of his progress. "Do you need my help?"

"Nope, Rach. I invited you to dinner. Just relax. I'm about done, anyway."

Nodding, Rachel took her wine glass and headed to the living room to sit on Puck's newish couch. She sat down, situating her skirt over her legs, and then crossed her legs at the ankle. Puck watched her, his chest full of a thousand things that he wanted to tell her right that second, dinner be damned. But he knew it would take slow steps so he held his tongue. Instead, he watched as she grabbed one of his issues of Men's Health and flipped through it. It brought back memories of the many times he'd hung out in her dorm room and read the latest issue of Cosmo. The small things like that – those small, nearly inconsequential memories – were usually what made him miss her the most. They'd been so ingrained in one another's lives before Kim, before the wedding, before that night - before it all went to hell. And now that he had her back in his life, he wanted her _back_ in his life. As he scooped pasta out of the pot and into the strainer, he hoped that they were making their way back together.

Rachel felt Noah's eyes on her as she read an article on the importance of stretching before working out (it applied to her, too.) She knew how supremely uncomfortable he obviously was. He wanted to say a lot more and he wanted Rachel to at least provide him with some idea of what she was really thinking. She was so torn. One part of her wanted to scream at him and the other part wanted him to caress her body like he'd done that night. It really bugged her that he could still set her nerves on fire without even trying.

A few minutes later, Puck was setting out the chicken Parmesan and salads and motioning Rachel towards his small dining room table. Grabbing her wine glass, she joined him. He topped her glass off again, handed her a glass of ice water and a napkin, and sat down across the table from her.

"I hope it doesn't suck," he offered as she forked her first bite of food. She took a bite, chewed thoughtfully, and smiled under his watchful gaze.

"It doesn't suck."

"Sweet." Happy that she wasn't spewing (he was either a really good cook or a really bad one - there was no middle ground when it came to his culinary aptitude), he dug into his own plate.

Other than the soft music coming from Puck's stereo, they ate in companionable silence. Puck tried his damnedest not to stare at her lips as the fork slid out of her mouth or watch her jaws move up and down when she chewed. _Who the hell knew that eating could be so sexy?_

When Rachel's wine glass got low again, Puck was quick to top it off. Rachel laughed and said, "Noah are you trying to get me drunk? You know it doesn't take much!"

Puck smirked, sitting back down in his chair. "Not drunk, only tipsy. You need to loosen up."

Rachel's smile turned to a scowl. "I'm loose. I'm relaxed."

Puck snorted. "You're anything but loose. You're tapping your leg so hard that the table is shaking. I _know_ you, Rachel. You _aren't loose._"

_Dammit. I hate that he knows me so well. _"I apologize, Noah. I'm trying to relax. But I'm uncomfortable--" she net his eyes, "--around you."

Puck sucked in a breath because her admission, even though he knew it was true, still hurt.

"Rach, I'm tryin'. I am! I'm not trying to force myself on you or anything. I'm trying to give you some space. I just...I want to be around you." Puck slouched in his chair. "I fucking _miss _you."

"Noah...considering you haven't been here that long and I'm still adjusting to the fact that you're here at all, please give me some time. I've asked and I'll continue to ask. When I'm ready to talk, I'll talk. Until then...can't we just...eat dinner and drink wine?" Rachel shifted in her chair, completely uncomfortable because she wasn't ready to provide him with what he needed: _her._

Exhaling and putting on a sad face, Puck said, "Fine." He picked his fork back up, took a bite, and said, "Damn, at least I'm a good cook."

Rachel laughed and turned her attention back to her plate. She was trying very hard not to get upset or lash out. She had to take things with him at a very slow pace. _One day at a time, Rachel. One day at a time. _

----

Rachel was relieved to get back her apartment. There had been minor hiccups but overall, it had been a decent evening. Her chest and back hurt from the tension she'd carried in her muscles for hours, though. Rolling her head and stretching her neck, she got undressed and slipped into her nightgown. _Noah's trying so hard. I need to just tell him my problem: He said I was a mistake and then ignored me. THAT is what I can't get past. _Lying down, Rachel stretched out and groaned as her muscles released some of their tautness. The sooner she and Noah talked it out, the better they'd both be. And then she had to address the whole "love" issue. As she fell asleep that night, she had one thought: _Noah, please don't break my heart again. I don't think I can handle it._

* * *

On a Sunday evening, a few hours after Rachel had returned from her matinee performance, she was surprised when Nick stopped by the apartment, pizza, beer (for him), and wine coolers (for her), in hand.

She happily let him in. "Nick, to what do I owe this honor? It's Sunday night!"

Nick shrugged, dropping his loot on the table. "I never know when Puckerman is going to be around anymore. I was surprised to see he wasn't here now."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "I had dinner at his apartment the other night, yes. But no, he doesn't hang out here normally. We're not _there_ yet, Nick."

"Don't I know it," Nick muttered. "You two wear me out. He's all up in your business and you keep him at arm's length. The dude moved to Seattle for you, Rachel. He said he loved you. He's said he's sorry. What the hell else do you need?"

Rachel stared after Nick, taken aback by his forward outburst. "Nick...what's wrong? And why are you obviously on _his_ side?"

Nick screwed off the top of a beer bottle and took a swig. "Shit, Rachel. You both want to rip each other's clothes off. Just get past your shit and get to it."

Rachel scoffed. "Nick, I assure that we don't want to "rip each other's clothes off." I realize that it may seem, to you, like I am being bull-headed. But you weren't there when he broke my heart. You _weren't there_ when he told me that sleeping with me was a mistake and begged me not to tell his fiancé! You _weren't there_ when he ignored the fact that I even breathed air for two solid weeks. Your perspective is, frankly, seriously skewed."

Taking a bit of his pizza, Nick studied Rachel. "No, but I've been here since he showed up unexpectedly, begging to talk to you. I've seen him stand outside your apartment door, hoping you'd talk to him. I've heard you tell me that he says he loves you. You _love _him, too, Rachel. What else do you need from the guy?"

Sighing, Rachel sat down on the couch. _He has a point. Noah _is _trying far harder than I am. But then again, I'm not the one who screwed up! _

"Nick, in my own time, I will deal with things. I really will." Rachel glanced down at the DVD Nick had brought with him. "Can't we just watch the movie?"

----

Puck wasn't sure what he'd expected when he knocked on Rachel's door. But what he saw once she'd opened the door was that the apartment was dark, the TV providing the only light, and that muscle-bound asshole was sprawled out on her couch with a blanket over him. And Puck could tell that Rachel had been nearby, if not in the motherfucker's arms, when he'd shown up because her clothes looked rumbled and her hair smashed and standing on its end in places. Plus Rachel looked surprised as shit to see him.

"I'll come back later...when you're not busy," Puck barked, stalking away.

Rachel watched him go, her stomach feeling sour. _It's not what you think, Noah! _She stared down the empty hall after him, her chest tight. Shrugging it off, she closed the door behind her and went back to her spot on the couch to finish the movie. _I'll talk to him later._

----

Nick left Rachel's around 10pm. Rachel had just put on her nightgown when she heard Puck's familiar knock on her door again. Shrugging into her robe, she quickly opened the door.

Puck's face told Rachel everything she needed to know before he even started speaking. He forced himself past her and into the darkened apartment.

"I figured he'd be staying the night," Puck bit out, his back to her as he gazed toward the darkened kitchen. "I was surprised to hear him leave."

"What, were you waiting by the door again?" Rachel asked accusingly.

"No, Rachel. But these floors aren't exactly sound proof. I heard your door closed and assumed – no, _hoped_ – that it was because he'd left." Turning to face her in the darkened room, he asked quietly, "How long have you been fucking him?"

Rachel's mouth gaped. _What? Excuse me?! _"How dare you, Noah! How _dare _you ask me such a horrid, despicable thing? What goes on between Nick and me is positively none of your business!"

Puck stalked over to Rachel so he could look her in the eyes. He stood close enough that she could feel the heat of radiating from his chest brush against her cheeks. "Is that why you're pushing me away? Because you're fucking him? Is _he_ who you want, Rachel?" Puck saw the tears collect in Rachel's eyes but ignored it. He was _pissed. _That asshole had looked _far_ too comfortable in Rachel's apartment for them to just be friends."I moved all the way out here for you, goddammit. If I'm fucking wasting my time, tell me. I'll go back to Cincinnati and forget you just like you wanted to fucking forget me."

Tears leaked from Rachel's eyes as she watched Puck glare at her. "No one told you to move out here, Noah. I certainly didn't ask you to. I came here because it was the farthest possible place I could go and get _away_ from you. You _had_ your chance with me and you didn't want it. So don't act all possessive now because it won't do you any good."

_I _had _my chance with you? _"When the _fuck_ did I ever have my chance with you, Rachel? You never fucking told me how you obviously felt about me, did you? Just because you kissed me one night and then we had sex, two weeks before I was supposed to marry another woman, does not mean I _had_ my chance with you. From what I can tell, you wanted me a helluva lot longer than just that night. So if we had some missed opportunities, you're to blame just as much as I am." Puck's chest was heaving with anger and frustration and he chose to ignore the tears on Rachel's cheeks. _This shit has to come out. _

"I think you should leave, Noah," Rachel said softly.

"So you're going to kick me out when we've just actually _started _talking? Shit, Rachel...we have so much to talk about...that we _need_ to fucking talk about. It's just...If you're serious about him..._Fuck_." Puck looked down at the floor, his fists clenched and chest heaving. "I just... Shit." Puck didn't know what to say. He was so _goddamn _furious at the idea that she'd been in that guy's arms before he'd shown up. Rachel was _his, _dammit. _His. _He didn't come all this way to lose her to some other asshole.

"Noah, please leave," she ordered again, loudly this time.

They locked eyes, both with set jaws and balled fists. He glared at her and she glared back. When she didn't move or speak, and instead just motioned toward the door again, he acquiesced. With a "fine," Puck stormed from her apartment and back up to his own.

Rachel stood, stunned, at what had just occurred. It had felt good to say at least _a tiny part_ of what she'd been holding in for months...so why did it hurt so much? With a stifled cry, she reminded herself that her private life was _her_ private life. She hadn't invited Noah Puckerman to Seattle and so he was going to have to deal with whatever life she was already leading when he'd gotten here. So she'd let him think that she was sleeping with Nick? The truth was that she'd never actually done more than kiss him and that had been weeks ago, long before he'd ever even shown up. Wiping tears from her eyes, she went to take a shower, wondering all the while if life involving Noah would ever be anything other than miserable.

* * *

For four days after the blow-up, Puck gave Rachel a wide berth. She'd sit on her couch, the TV off and the apartment silent, and listen to his steps above her. She'd hear his guitar, hear the TV, hear his music…but he didn't seek her out. She had several shows once it was the weekend again and she'd tried to take her mind off their fight. She _didn't _want Nick…not that way. She felt bad that Noah assumed that she and Nick were an item. But she didn't belong to Noah. She hadn't even forgiven him, let alone committed herself to belonging to him! Even still, she missed him popping by once a day just to say hey or to check on her. As much as she'd wanted to run from him, now that he was back, she was getting used to having him around again.

For four days, Nick listened to Rachel bitch and bitch and bitch some more about Noah Puckerman and his audacious nerve. Finally, on Thursday night, while Rachel was at the theater putting on a performance, Nick ended up at her apartment building. Bypassing the first floor, he climbed the stairs to the second floor and knocked on the door directly above Rachel's.

Puck's face registered shock when he opened the door. "The fuck do _you_ want?" Puck asked, not hiding his disdain for the man in front of him.

"Grab your shit, man. We're going for a beer. We need to talk." Nick stood with his arms crossed, staring at Puck. Finally, Puck shrugged, grabbed his cell phone and his keys, and locked up. Following Nick out of the building, they walked the block and half to the bar in silence. Nick led them to a booth near the back of the dimly lit bar and the two men sat down. Once both had ordered a beer, Nick glared at Puck.

"Rachel's driving me fucking nuts," he stated simply.

Puck rolled his eyes, fighting his urge to punch the guy. "Please…don't tell me about problems with your…_girlfriend._"

It was Nick's turn to roll his eyes. "Dude, I don't know what you think is going on between Rachel and me but I assure you, it's not what you think."

Puck perked up a bit. "Oh yeah?"

The waitress came back, dropping the two mugs in front of the men. Puck flashed her a smile and then turned his attention back to Nick.

"Don't get me wrong, Puckerman. I'd love to tap that." Nick snickered as he watched Puck's jaw clench and his eyes shift in anger. Nick threw up his hand. "But alas, Rachel and I are _just _friends. We went on a few dates but…well… I can't compete with you, man."

Puck's thumb ran over the handle on his glass. "That's pretty funny considering she barely wants anything to do with me. Especially since I made an ass of myself the other night."

"Dude, I don't pretend to know the whole history between you two. I know you went to high school together and became really close in college and she fell in love with you but you were with someone else. And then you banged her right before you were supposed to get married, which was completely _fucked up_ by the way, and then Rachel hightailed it out of town and moved here….Am I right?"

Puck nodded. "That's pretty much the Cliff's Note's version, yeah. Except for the whole "her being in love with me" part…that was fucking news to me once I figured it out. I mean, fuck, why else would she move to Seattle?"

Nick shrugged. "And now you're here and are apparently working hard to piss her off."

Puck took a swig of his beer. "Dude, I'm not _trying_. I just…seem to. I'm here in this fucking town for one goddamn reason – _her._ And I seem to be screwing that up royally at every damn turn."

Nick flagged the waitress down and ordered another round of beers. "Do…do you think maybe you're trying too hard? I mean, I know you've told her how you feel already but… Maybe you're being too pushy?"

Puck exhaled, sighing as he did. He ruffled his hair with a hand and took another drink of his beer, which was disappearing from the glass quickly. "Maybe…fuck, I don't know. I know I fucked up…but she won't really talk about it with me. It's like she just wants to forget it…"

Nick snorted. "That was her plan, dude, until you showed up on her doorstep. And now she's having to deal with everything she ran from."

"So what the fuck am I supposed to do? I don't know how she feels now. I know she _used_ to love me but now? Who the fuck even knows now with her. She loves to bottle things up until she kinda snaps…and then, watch the fuck _out._"

Nick laughed. "She loves you, man. Trust me on this…. But you gotta stop fucking it up. Take it slow. She'll warm up to you. Just stop being so goddamn pushy!"

Puck nodded to Nick. "Maybe you've got a point."

"I know I do, man. If you love her, you need to get your ass to her apartment, apologize for being a tool, and ask her out on an actual date. And then spend the time just _talking_. Like how you two used to talk, before you both went and fucked it all up. Don't force the topic of all the shit that happened between you. If she brings it up, go with it. But don't be a dickhead. _You_ ripped her heart out of her chest. You gotta _prove_ to her that you're in it for the long haul. She's a little gun-shy…So don't fuck it up!"

Puck laughed and relaxed into his seat. So maybe this guy wasn't exactly an asshole. And he liked him a hell of a lot more now that he knew he wasn't sleeping with Rachel. And Nick was right – he needed to stop being a dickhead and apologize. He and Rachel were walking a tightrope and he needed to stay balanced so that they both didn't plummet over the edge and fall to the point of no return. He _wasn't_ losing her again.

As the guys sat in the bar, drinking their beers and shooting the shit, Puck began to feel infinitely better. He _needed_ Rachel. But he also needed a new approach. _Anything _had to work better than what he'd been doing so far.

* * *

Rachel was surprised to see Noah standing at her door early the next morning. When she opened the door, he handed her a bag with the bakery logo on it. "Here, babe…on my way to work but I wanted to bring you breakfast."

She took the bag at him, staring at it curiously, before she looked back up at him. Puck sighed and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "Look, Rach. I acted like a total dick and I'm sorry. I think I just go a little…crazy…where you're concerned…Because… _Fuck_! I love you. I've told you that. So yeah… I'm sorry." With wide eyes and a pout, he asked hopefully, "Forgive me?"

Rachel melted. She totally didn't want to and had been preparing to make him grovel when he finally realized the error of his ways but... She wasn't sure if it was because of his rambling, profanity-laced apology, his sad eyes, that she'd secretly missed him like crazy while they weren't talking, or the fact that he brought her a bagel with cream cheese. All she knew was that she didn't have the energy to stay mad at him for that particular misunderstanding and overreaction. Nodding her head, he smiled.

"Look…I'm off tomorrow and I know you don't have a show. I haven't seen much of Seattle since I've been here and I was wondering…You wanna see the sites with me?"

Rachel thought for a moment and Puck secretly panicked. Then, she grinned. "Yes, Noah. That sounds wonderful."

Puck exhaled, looking relieved. "Great. It's a date then." Puck reached into the pocked of his polo shirt and pulled out his sunglasses. Putting them on he said, "We'll I'll see you later, then. I better get to work."

Turning, he walked down the hall. When he got to the door, he turned and waved at her before stepping outside into the morning light.

Smiling, Rachel closed the door and took her breakfast into the kitchen. She hadn't expected to forgive him so easily. Then again, she hadn't expected to miss him so much when he wasn't bugging her. As she ate her bagel, she couldn't help but grin. She and Noah had a date.


	20. Meet Me Halfway

**A/N: Chapter title: "Meet Me Halfway" by Kenny Loggins.**

**Two more chapters after this one!**

**I took great creative license with Seattle. I have never been there and am obviously not familiar with the bus routes, locations of everything, etc. Please forgive me....**

**And I continue to say thanks to all the reviews! I'm always amazed at the response!**

* * *

"Rachel," Tina began sweetly, twirling her hair from her comfortable spot on her couch in Ohio. "Can you do me a favor when you're out with Puck today?"

"Fine, Tina…what?" Rachel groaned into the phone. She could tell from Tina's tone that whatever she wanted her to do, Rachel wasn't going to like it.

"Can you try to be less…_you_ today?"

"Tina!" Rachel sputtered, pulling her phone away from her ear to glare at it.

"Now hear me out, Rachel. I'm proud of you for even agreeing to spend time with Puck today. But you keep cutting him off at every turn. He's trying to talk to you…trying to tell you what happened. But you, being _you_, think that you always have to be 100% in control of every situation and every conversation. And don't deny it because I've known you since we were kids. So what if he says stuff that makes you uncomfortable? You two need to talk this shit _out _before you drive me crazy. You two have _too much_ history together to let it all disappear. Besides, it would kill you both to let that happen, even if you're too stubborn to admit it. You're my friend and I love you but I'm gonna be up front with you: You're kinda being a bitch here."

"Tina!" Rachel yelled. "How dare you!"

Tina laughed nervously. "Rach, like I said, I love you to death…but let the boy talk, okay? He didn't get married because of _you. _He moved to Seattle _for you. _Other than getting an "I'm sorry" tattoo on his forehead, I don't know what else he can do!"

Rachel scowled. "We don't know that he didn't get married _because _of me….Well, okay, it probably had something to do with me…but for all we know, Kim sent him packing after she found out! And he could at least apologize for telling me that sleeping with me was a mistake, for starters!" As soon as the words left Rachel's mouth, she realized her error and rushed to correct it. "Tina, wait…before you can even say it – I know…if I'd let him talk, he probably would have already explained himself."

"Exactly," Tina soothingly said. "If you weren't so damn difficult all the time, you'd have already heard the words. So I'm telling you again: when he starts to talk today, and _he will_, shut the hell up, okay?"

Exasperated but knowing Tina was right, Rachel sighed in agreement. "You're right, Tina. I absolutely hate to admit it, but you're right. I will _attempt_ to keep my mouth shut to let him talk."

"And you'd better talk some, too. Yell if you have to! Scream if need be. But Rachel, for the love of God, _tell him_ how you feel before I have to come back to Seattle and kill you both just so I can get some flippin' peace…And I'll bring Kurt with me."

"No! No! That's okay," Rachel said, laughing. "I promise I'll try, Tina."

"Thank you…and I wanna hear about some hot sex between the two of you soon, okay? No more fighting after this _unless_ it's for the sole purpose of make-up sex? You got me?"

Rachel tried to act offended but she could only laugh. _Make-up sex with Noah? _Her mouth turned to paste at the mere thought. "On that note, I'm outta here, Tina! Noah will be here in a minute and I need to finish getting ready."

"Okay, Rach…but have fun! Bye!"

Rachel clicked off her phone, staring at it. _Dammit, I hate when Tina's right. _Exhaling and blowing her hair from her face, Rachel stood up to go put on her shoes. She was going to do what Tina said today and let Noah talk. Well…she was going to _try, _anyway.

* * *

"So, where to?" Puck asked as they walked out of their building. It was late morning and he and Rachel were walking down Jackson Street to catch the bus. Rachel looked at her handy guide to Seattle and said, "I'm going to give you the "Tina Cohen-Chang tour of Seattle" and take you to the Space Needle first. It's great to see Seattle from the top…and then we can explore the city a little more. Most of this is all new to me too, you know."

Puck nodded and watched her as she took a seat on the bench to wait for the bus. She'd thrown on a Cincinnati Reds baseball cap and was balancing her backpack on her knees as she read the guide, looked at bus maps, and squinted back and forth between the two. _She's taking this tour seriously. _He smirked at her intense concentration._ Typical Rachel….God, how I miss that, even if it is annoying._

As the bus pulled up, Puck went first and paid their fares before finding a seat near the front. The seats were small, forcing Rachel and Puck to cram together. Rachel tried to ignore the way her arm burned where it made contact with his. _For God's sake, Rachel, you used to sleep beside him! _It was disconcerting to her how much familiarity had been lost thanks to what had transpired between them. But as they sat pressed together on the small seat, Rachel discretely inhaled the scent of his that she'd always loved. It immediately brought back memories of their night together and her body involuntarily shuddered. Even though it was barely a tremble, Puck felt her quiver next to him and looked away from the window and down at her.

"You okay, Rach?"

Rachel felt heat rush to her face but she tried to play it off. "Yes, I'm fine. I think a cool breeze must have startled me."

Puck looked at her curiously, saying nothing, before turning back to look out the window. He was trying to figure out how he was going to broach the subjects he wanted to talk about today without her shutting him down with every breath. He wasn't going to be pushy, as Nick had cautioned against, but he couldn't pretend that everything was perfectly fine, either. Until Rachel had admittedly forgiven him and told him how she felt, he had to press on. He just intended to do it in a more relaxed, less predatory manner than previously. As long as the end result was the same, he didn't care how the hell he got there.

When the bus pulled up to the stop closest to the Space Needle, Rachel nudged Noah's arm to get his attention and he scurried off the bus after her. They didn't speak as they went inside and stood in the ticket line. Puck paid for their tickets and they made their way towards the elevators. As they crowded in with a group of people, Puck eyed Rachel out of the corner of his eye again. _Why isn't she talking? _He thought back to their many trips to the Cincinnati Museum Center, where they'd walk through the exhibits and she'd talk his ear off about everything they saw. The old Rachel, _his_ Rachel, didn't usually know when to _stop _talking. _Please relax, Rach. It's me! I'm not a stranger._

Once they reached the top of the observation deck, Puck was immediately overwhelmed by the view. His mouth agape, he stood in a fixed spot, staring out at the bay.

"This is incredible," he said in a low, awestruck voice.

Rachel, who was standing very close by, smiled and said, "It is, isn't it? I'm glad I got to come back here. Tina loved it, too."

Leaning over as far as he could, given the bars that kept everyone safely inside, he looked straight down. "Damn," he said.

Rachel laughed at his reaction. "Noah? Let me take your picture. We _are_ sight-seeing, you know?" He posed, giving the camera a "whatever" look, and she snapped the picture, rolling her eyes at his feigned nonchalant attitude when seconds before, he'd been grinning like an idiot.

"Rach, take one with me?"

Rachel bit her lip for a moment, appearing to consider his request. Then she tugged on the sleeve of an elderly woman standing next to them and handed her the camera. She walked to Noah, turning toward the woman, and Puck slung his arm across her shoulders like he'd always done for pictures they were in together. Rachel jumped when his arm came across her body and tried to move away but Puck snagged her around the shoulders and hauled her against him. Flashing him a glare, she turned toward the woman and smiled. The woman took a few pictures and then handed the camera back to Rachel. "You two are gorgeous together," she offered.

Rachel blanched. "We're not…"

Puck cut her off. "Thanks. I think so, too."

The woman left them alone with a final pat to Rachel's hand and a smile to Puck. When she was gone, Rachel turned back toward Puck and shot him a angry look. He simply smiled, seeing the curl of her lips beneath her tough demeanor. As he laughed, Puck's attention shifted back to the amazing view. He hadn't actually _ever_ in his entire life planned on living in Seattle but so far, it beat the hell out of Cincinnati in every possible way. _And_ Seattle had Rachel so that made it the best fucking place on earth.

When they'd looked their fill and Rachel had snapped hundreds of pictures, they decided to head back down and stop at the gift shop. It was full of maps, books, coffee mugs, and replicas of the Space Needle – typical tourist souvenir fare. As Rachel stood over by the books (of course), Puck spotted a familiar-looking bear on the shelf. When he picked it up, he realized it was nearly identical to the bear that he'd once won for her but that she'd sent him back when she left. This bear, however, was wearing small yellow rain slicker. When Rachel's nose was buried deep in a Seattle tourist guide, Puck walked over to the checkout and bought it. Once it was tucked safely in a bag, he walked over to Rachel.

"You ready to go? I'm starved."

Looking up from the book, Rachel nodded. "I think so. Nothing in this book that my other books don't already tell me."

She put the book back down on the shelf and together, they walked from the store. As they made their way back to the street, Puck shoved the bag into her hands.

She stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. "Noah, what's this?"

He flicked the bag, indicating she should open it. Peering inside, she smiled and pulled the bear out.

"He looks—"

"—almost identical to the one you sent back. Yeah, I know. That's why I bought him."

Rachel smiled at the bear, her heart fluttering in her chest. It was a very minor act, buying her a stuffed bear. _He's trying._

"I have that bear at home, you know," Puck offered softly.

Rachel lifted her head to look at him. "You kept it?"

"Of course, Rach. I kept everything you sent back." Rachel saw hurt creep into his eyes and felt momentarily guilty for the hasty way she'd tossed things in a box and mailed them back to him. _You did what you had to do, Rachel. He broke your heart. You didn't want to be reminded of him. _She snorted at the idea because having those tiny reminders around would have been minor compared to having him live upstairs.

"Thank you, Noah," she said shyly, meeting his eyes.

He winked at her and added, "No problem."

Rachel put the bear inside her backpack and they began walking again, heading toward the cluster of restaurants they had seen from their earlier vantage point on the bus.

"This is good, Rach." Puck slipped his hands in his pockets as they walked.

"What is?"

"You…and me…like this. Just, you know, together…"

Rachel turned and looked at him quizzically. "We were always _good_ together, Noah. That was never a problem."

"It just…_fits._" He offered.

Rachel nodded, unable to disagree with his words. _We've always fit, Noah. We fit perfectly...even when I tried to extract myself from your life and move thousands of miles away, you seemed to still be the missing piece of the puzzle_. And now he was here, trying to win her over, treating her sweetly, and she knew he was attempting to put the pieces of _their_ puzzle together again. Sighing to herself, Rachel admitted, _I'm where I want to be. Right here...with him. _

* * *

Rachel and Puck ended up having lunch at a small bistro down the street from the Space Needle. Puck was dying to ask her a thousand questions about what had happened between them and what he could do to fix it. But he loved the fact that she was finally relaxed and was almost her old self again. So he kept the conversation temporarily light, pushing his questions back for later. Rachel asked him questions about his mom and about things back in Lima. She told him about Tina's visit right after she'd arrived. As they were sitting at their veranda table, enjoying the breeze, a man and a woman, obviously just married, rode by in a horse-drawn carriage.

Puck scowled at the sight. "Who the hell gets married in the middle of the week? That's weird. Must have been the only chance they had for whatever coveted venue they wanted."

Rachel watched him, wondering where he picked up the knowledge to determine what was and was not proper wedding protocol. _Kim must have really been a bridezilla. _The thought made her inexplicably happy.

Puck watched a few people walk by and nodded at a couple that smiled at them as they strolled past. And then, as he was taking a drink of his Mt. Dew, Rachel shocked the hell out of him.

"Noah, why'd you cancel your wedding?" She asked it nonchalantly before biting into her pickle spear. She sucked in a breath as the question came out, unsure of why she'd asked it. She felt weak and vulnerable at the moment and needed to hear his answer. _It's the damn bear's fault...sneaking in and making me feel emotional by such a small gesture_.

Puck stared at her, his drink halfway to his mouth, trying to figure out wherethe hell _this_ Rachel Berry came from. Trying to wipe the shock off his face as she stared at him expectantly, he said, "Uhh…shit, Rach…I just couldn't marry her, Rach. Guilt over what happened between…" he looked down, embarrassed, "…us…and I can tell you now that I didn't really love her. I didn't realize that at the time but now…_Now_ I know."

"Oh," Rachel said, her eyes aloft with thought. "I thought she found out about…that night...and called it off…or something like that."

Puck smiled uncomfortably. "I told her about it…an hour before the wedding…when I told her that the wedding was off so that I could go find you."

Rachel's eyes widened. "Go find me?" she sputtered.

Nodding, Puck took a bite of his sandwich, trying to appear relaxed when his hands were almost shaking because she actually seemed _interested_ in discussing what had happened. "I tried to call you before the wedding. I wanted to apologize and at least start to try to make things right between us again. I knew it was a shit start but at least it was a start. But then your number was disconnected…so I emailed you. And it bounced right back because your account was closed. And then I called your father, who told me you'd left Cincinnati." Puck took another drink. "And then? Then I freaked _the fuck_ out, called it off, and drove like a bat out of Hell to your apartment to see if you _were _really gone and if not, try to stop you from leaving. But you were gone."

Rachel found herself gaping at him. _You cancelled the wedding? You? I always thought it was her doing! Oh my God..._ _Because of me… Because he panicked that I'd left! _Even though the facts were staring her in the face, she found it hard to believe.

Puck watched the emotions play over Rachel's face. She sat grinning at him and he wanted to reach across the table and kiss her. For half a second, he contemplated it. _Is it a good idea? I'm just starting to make progress._ Groaning to himself, he just went for it. Pushing himself up from his chair, he leaned over, grasping her chin with his hand, so he could brush his lips over hers. She shivered at the contact, allowing her lips to barely touch his at first, but then seemed to give in to the moment and ardently kissed him back. Puck was about to walk around the table and throw Rachel up on it when they heard a man clear his throat close by. Pulling away from Noah, slightly embarassed, Rachel looked at the waiter standing near them with a sour look on his face.

"Here is the check," he said, thrusting it at Puck. "And there," he indicated with a pointed finger, "is a hotel across the street in case you'd like to…continue."

The waiter walked away, his nose slightly in the air, and Puck smirked. "Dude needs to get laid. _And_ he just lost his tip, Rach."

She giggled, feeling her cheeks still flush from the very public display of affection in which she had just participated. She watched Puck pull out his wallet and drop some money on the table. Her mind was filled with hundreds of tiny one-word and one-sentence thoughts. _Canceled_._ Freaked out because I was gone. Was hoping to make things right. _She felt dazed at his revelation but was now wholeheartedly relieved that she was not only taking Tina's advice to listen but also participating and asking things she needed to know. _It's time to be a big girl, Rachel, _she told herself as they stood up to leave. _It's time to face this head-on. There's still something there with him…you know there is. The way you react to his kisses and his scent and his presence is proof of that._

Once the check was paid, they headed off toward their next unknown adventure. Rachel felt better every moment, even knowing they still had a lot to talk about. Puck, however, had a small bit of his cocky swagger back. Not _too_ much, of course, but he more relaxed than he had since arriving in Seattle. The idea that Rachel could be _his_ felt more and more real as every moment ticked by.

* * *

After lunch, they walked in amicable silence back toward the bus stop. Neither one really had any idea where they even were but at that point, it didn't matter. For the next few hours, they visited museums, small art galleries (totally for Rachel's benefit because Puck found art pretentious and completely pointless. He helpfully pointed out that very fact no less than six times as he stared, transfixed, at a rather graphic painting of a naked woman draped over a chair in a small art gallery downtown), and did some shopping. They hopped this bus and that bus, crisscrossing and weaving their way back and forth across Seattle as they continued their exploration of the city. And both of them were a bit surprised at how easy it was to resume their old roles: he, making rude and sarcastic comments designed to make her laugh, and she, spouting off important factual information that forced him to roll his eyes and zone her out. _Like I gave a flying fuck about the architecture of the buildings.... _But even as he bemoaned her blathering in his head, he wouldn't have changed a thing. _She's here, with me...exactly where she should be all the damn time_.

Afternoon was turning to evening by the time they'd slowed down enough to take a breather. Rachel slowed her pace even further, her gaze curious, when they came upon a small, grassy park that bordered a residential neighborhood. Stepping onto the grass, Puck followed her as she made her way deeper into the park. Spotting a bench, she made a beeline for it and sat down.

"My feet hurt," she whined, kicking her shoes off and rubbing her bare feet in the soft grass.

"Want me to rub them?" Puck offered.

Rachel rolled her eyes. "No, Noah. I don't want you to rub my smelly feet. I just need to rest."

Puck shrugged, turning his attention to the small stream that ran along the back edge of the little park. The bench was just a few feet from the water's edge, giving them both a good view of this tiny piece of nature in the middle of Seattle.

As both of them sat quietly, Rachel flexing her toes to get the blood flowing to her feet again, they were both deep in thought about both the other one and all that had been said so far. But there was still so much left to say.

Rachel was thinking about that night and what had happened, yet again. _Because my thoughts are always there, it seems._ She was dying to ask him why it had gone down like it had. _What made you show up in the first place? _Now that the floodgates were open, she wanted more. She craved understanding of the situation that had destroyed her world.

"Noah..." Rachel began, her thoughts leaving her lips before she realized that she had spoken. She stopped herself from asking the question that was burning on her lips and instead, acted very interested in the bush that was a foot from the bench.

"Yeah?"

Rachel shook her head, trying to dismiss him. "Never...nevermind."

Puck turned to look at her. "C'mon, Rach...what?"

When she didn't say anything, he took his index finger and poked her in the shoulder. "What?"

Shrugging, Rachel turned her head and looked up at him. _I can't believe I'm about to start this conversation...but I need to know. I can't go on not knowing the answers to these questions. Everything he's said so far has been...well, it's making me rethink things. So I have to know... _"Why'd you come over that night? I mean, really? I don't think that what happened was your intent, obviously. But...why? I know you were upset..."

Puck stretched and stood up, walking a foot in front of the bench to bend and scoop up a handful of pebbles. Before he spoke, he threw a pebble into the creek and watched it skip across the water. "Kim and I had just gotten into a huge fight. I was letting her do the wedding however she wanted...I hadn't really complained. The only thing – the _only fucking thing _- I'd asked for was a rabbi. I knew she wanted her minister to officiate but I wanted a rabbi to co-officiate, ya know? It only made sense because we were of different faiths." Another pebble skipped through his long fingers and hit the water. Rachel watched the ripple of the water as it disappeared. "That night, I asked her about the rabbi and she told me that her minister didn't think it was a good idea...and I kinda snapped. So we got into it and I left."

Puck brushed the dust from the pebbles off on his jeans and turned back around to face Rachel. Sliding his hands into his pockets, he looked down and kicked the dirt around with the toe of his shoe. "I drove around a while and then I just started thinking..." Puck paused, "...about you."

"Why?" Rachel asked softly.

"I dunno. I could feel you pulling away from me. We'd barely seen each other in months and you were always blowing me off and it was just...it was like the _final _straw for me that night. And I just wanted to confront you. So I showed up...."

Rachel swallowed. She remembered how angry he'd been when she'd opened the door, mistakenly thinking it was Wren coming back.

"I felt like I had to choose between you and Kim...like I couldn't have you both in my life." Puck lifted his head and met Rachel's eyes. "And I hated it. I didn't get why the fuck it had to be you or her. I wanted her, I thought, but well... you were such a huge part of my life that I didn't want to leave behind just because I was getting married. And then when I got there and you thought I was Wren, I think I just lost it...."

Nodding her head, Rachel stared at him.

"And then you kissed me...and whatever I was already feeling just multiplied and that was it. It was like there was _no _turning back at that point."

Rachel reddened at the memory. "I didn't mean to do that, Noah....I mean, I wasn't planning on kissing you. And I don't even know why I did it. It...it just happened." _Because I loved you and knew I was going to lose you if I didn't do something._

Puck gave Rachel a half-grin. "I know, Rach. Everything about that night just...kinda...happened." Puck gave her a small smile. "And then after...after the wedding was canceled and I left town for a while, I had to deal with Kim when I came back. She told me that she didn't believe that you and I had only...done _it_...once. She said we'd been dancing around each other the whole time..."

Rachel's eyes went wide and her face grew even more crimson. "D...do you think we were, Noah? I mean...I thought she was okay with our friendship? I wasn't trying to come between you two. Not at all!"

Puck shrugged. "I know you weren't. I think maybe she saw the similarities between the two of you...which I didn't see because I'm an asshole..." Rachel grinned at his bold statement. _Our similarities were blatantly obvious, you clueless dolt._ _"..._and maybe she realized there was more there than I did? Or that I refused to acknowledge anyway." He kicked at the dirt again. "Fuck, I don't know, Rach. I spent the entire time you were gone analyzing everything over and over again and never really came to a clear conclusion as to why anything happened like it did. It just _did._ If I have any defense at all, it's that you'd been the most amazing friend I'd ever had and I'd relied on your for years...so maybe I refused to see what was in front of me because I didn't want anything to change. But the idea of losing you seemed out of the question. At the time, it just didn't occur to me that I reacted that way because my feelings had shifted from just friendship. But then it changed and I lost you anyway...." Puck sat down next to her on the bench and put his hand on her knee. "...and now here we are."

Rachel glanced down at his hand, eyes focusing on the way his long fingers splayed across her knee, as the heat of his hand warmed the skin of her leg. "And now here we are..." she parroted.

Puck removed his hand, stretching his legs out, and watched a bird strut up to the edge of the water for a drink. _This is good. Talking about this shit is making a difference. She seems more open right now than she has in months, even _before_ all the crap went down. _Looking back at her, he grinned. _Fuck, I love her. I really love her. I'm gonna save this relationship. I have to have _this_ girl._

Puck looked up at the sky, watching as daylight began to fade.

"Rach?"

She looked over at him, drawing her eyes away from the sparkling water and pulling herself out of her thoughts of the past. "Yes?"

"I know you're tired but there's still one more thing I want to do."

Rachel nodded. "And that would be?"

"I'd love to see Seattle at night. You know I have a thing for city skylines at night. Should we do the Space Needle again?"

Grinning as she formulated a plan in her head, Rachel slipped her shoes on and then stood up and bent to grab her backpack. "I know the perfect place. C'mon, Noah." Nodding with her head, she took off across the park. Puck pushed himself up off the bench and jogged after her, silently thankful for the fact that he'd just bought them more time together. He wasn't ready for this day to be over with; not by a long shot.

* * *

As Puck and Rachel hopped another bus and settled into the seats again, Rachel could tell that their conversation was far from over. And honestly, she felt okay about it. _We're finally talking...and as usual, Tina was right_. And surprisingly, it was becoming easier to talk to him because...well...it was _Noah. _Her former best friend. The man who honestly still held every piece of her shattered heart in his hands without even knowing it. _I've missed you, Noah. I've missed you _so_ much. _The deep timbre of his voice, the relaxed way he talked, even his crude language – she missed it all. _Being with him like this just feels natural. _

Rachel signaled for him to hop off the bus when they were at their destination. As he stared ahead, he grinned. "The ferry? Awesome!"

They got their tickets and were told there was a ten minute wait for the next trip. So while they waited, they walked down the dock until they were away from the crowd and grabbed an open bench. Elliott Bay lay before them and the water shimmered in the reflection of the city's lights.

Once they were seated, Rachel dug into her backpack and pulled out two granola bars. Tossing one to Puck, she pulled the wrapper off and took a bite.

Puck waited until his mouth was full to speak. "Can I ask you a question?"

Rachel didn't look at him. "Go ahead."

"When did you decide to move here? I mean, were you planning it, like, early on…after the whole "engagement" thing was announced or was it…was it a last-minute decision because of what happened?"

Rachel finished chewing, meeting his eyes before she spoke. She wanted him to be looking directly at him when she gave him the answer. "Noah, I decided to leave Cincinnati after you ignored my calls. Before that, I kept thinking that we'd somehow figure things out and be able to get through it, even though…" Rachel stopped for a moment, wanting to end the conversation but knowing that the time to be honest was now, "even though the thought that I'd have to see you…and her…around town after you were married was enough to make me sick. But then, when you didn't call, I knew where I stood – or didn't stand – with you…so that's when I decided to leave." Rachel felt like a thousand pounds of weight had been lifted from her heart the second the words left her mouth.

The punch of her words hit him hard. _She didn't think she mattered to me? How the _fuck_ would she ever not matter to me? _"But why leaving, Rachel? Why couldn't you have stayed, I mean, really? Would it have been so awful to maybe wait around and see what would have happened? You didn't have to run." _I know the answer…but I want you to say it. I _need_ to hear you say it, Rachel._

Just then, Rachel saw the woman behind the ticket counter wave them toward the ferry as others were beginning to board. Standing up, she began walking toward the ramp that would lead them aboard. "I ran, Noah, because I was in love with you," she called over her shoulder, her voice faltering even as she attempted to remain confidently aloof.

Puck was dumfounded. _She finally admitted it. She _finally_ fucking admitted it. _He ran after her and caught up just as she was stepping aboard the ferry. Putting his hand on her elbow, he dropped his head to growl near hear ear, "this conversation isn't over."

Shaking her arm free of his grip, Rachel walked toward the back of the ferry and away from the throng of people. Her heart was thundering in her ears. She _knew_ she'd just crossed the point of no return with him. She finally stopped when she'd reached the ferry railing. Staring straight ahead, she watched the dock shrink as they pulled away.

Puck leaned against the railing, a few feet away from Rachel, staring down at the black water below the ferry. He was so frustrated that he wanted to punch a wall. If she thought that the conversation was over, she was crazy. He wanted to kiss her for finally admitting that she'd felt that way…_fuck, _he wanted to throw her to the ground and bury himself inside her right on the deck of the ferry. _This shit has to end. It has to end now. I'm not doing this anymore. I love her and I _know_ she still loves me._

The boat moved out into the Bay as darkness totally overtook Seattle, leaving Rachel and Puck illuminated only by the soft lights on the deck. Puck looked around, studying their surroundings on the ferry. They were in an obscure, private spot at the back of the boat. No one was around; no one could hear them. Taking a breath to steel himself against what he was sure was going to be tantamount to a verbal barrage, Puck dove in and opened his mouth to speak.

"How long, Rachel?" His voice was quiet but Rachel still heard him clearly, turning her head toward him from her vantage point a few feet away.

"How long what, Noah?"

"How long were you in love with me?" He never turned to face her as he spoke. Instead, his eyes remained fixed on the dark water below him.

She knew it was coming. She could brush it off or deflect but…_no_, _it's time _I'm_ honest since he's been so honest._ "I…I realized that I had feelings for you during my junior year of college. But I...I discounted it as just a crush until my senior year. That's when I realized how intensely I really felt for you and by then, you were already involved with Kim. And more importantly, you were happy with her. So I kept my mouth shut."

Puck spun around to face her, the soft lights on the ferry's deck illuminating her face and the uncomfortable, sad look in her eyes.

"You could have told me, Rachel." His voice was angry, thinking about what might have been different had she said something, had she given him a single _clue_ as to how she felt. "You...you should have. Why didn't you?"

Rachel laughed. "You weren't exactly the king of commitment, Noah. Plus, and most importantly, our friendship meant _so_ much to me that I didn't want to ruin what we had. And you were with Kim anyway…" Rachel knew it was a weak defense but it was all she had.

"Shit, Rachel. Still! Don't you think I deserved to know something that fucking important?"

Rachel let out a sad, strangled laugh. "I honestly tried to tell you once, Noah. I did..."

Puck watched her sit down on the bench and tuck her legs beneath it as her gaze drifted to the twinkling Seattle skyline and stayed there. "When, Rachel? Because I sure as hell don't remember you ever mentioning _that. _I may not be the brightest guy around but I would have fucking remembered you telling me that you were in love with me!"

"That night...Afterward…I was starting to...to tell you that I loved you and that I wasn't sure I could survive if you married her when you cut me off and..." A tear slipped down her cheek and she wicked it away with the pads of her fingers and then continued. "...and you told me that being with me had been a mistake and asked me not to tell Kim...and then you left without even looking at me." As she finished speaking, the pain of re-living that night forced a river of tears to overflow from her lashes and spill down her cheeks.

Puck felt like he'd been socked in the stomach. He couldn't speak. He wasn't sure he could breathe because it felt like his lungs were closing themselves off. In his head, he saw himself bolting from her bedroom over and over again, refusing to look at her. He'd _missed _the pain in her eyes. He'd cast her aside like she hadn't mattered...when she was trying to tell him that she loved him. _Oh God...Rachel..._

"Rach...I...I didn't know..." Puck walked over to the bench and reached for her but she stood up and moved away from him and out of his reach.

"No, you wouldn't have known, would you? And then you refused to talk to me...and that's when I knew that you never really gave a damn about me in the first place." Rachel wiped the tears from her cheeks even as more pooled around the tips of her fingers.

"That's _bullshit _and you know it, Rachel...How could you think..." Puck pinched his nose. His head was pounding; he had so much to explain.

"You gave me no reason to think otherwise, Noah. And I realized that I couldn't pretend that everything was okay. I couldn't run into you and Kim somewhere and act like things were fine when I was dying inside. I may be a talented actress but even I'm not _that _good. So I left...." Rachel crossed her arms over her chest protectively as she finally let out the feelings she'd been carrying for months. Even with him standing in front of her, miles away from that dark apartment in Cincinnati, she felt like it was happening all over again.

Neither one spoke as seconds passed. Rachel stared at the skyline, watching a red light blink on top of one of the buildings as she swallowed against the silent tears tracking down her cheeks. Puck's eyes never left her face.

"Rachel…I'm sorry," he whispered.

Rachel groaned. "I know that, Noah. You've said that. I appreciated your repeated apologies and I can tell that you're sincere. But you have _no _idea what it felt like to go from one extreme to the other with you in a flash. That night? That night was incredible. It was _everything_ I'd ever dreamed of. I thought…I thought that you were there because you'd _finally _realized that you loved me, not Kim, _me. _I was hoping you'd finally realized that what we had went beyond the realm of a normal friendship. But that euphoria of finally having you touch me, of finally having you want me like a woman and not like your friend, lasted just long enough for you to compose yourself and throw your clothes on! I went, in a split second, from thinking that you were _finally mine_ to realizing that you were gone - that you'd just effectively cut yourself from my life for good." Rachel paced across the deck and back again, her voice raising an octave as she became even more impassioned. Puck said nothing, just watching her anger and hurt multiply with every word that slipped from her lips. "I kept hoping you'd call but when you didn't, I called you. And you repeatedly sent me to voicemail. _And_ ignored my text message. I'd never felt so _used_ in my life. And that was like a knife in my heart – to realize that the man I loved more than _life itself_ had just used me. But what could I say at that point? You were marrying my big-breasted twin and I was supposed to pretend that everything was okay? So I left, figuring that it was easier for all of us. You wouldn't be bothered by me anymore and I--," she sucked in a breath as her chest clenched with the weight of more tears, "--and I could try to learn to live a life where you weren't as important to me as oxygen."

Puck's jaw clenched, remembering his own hurt when he'd realized she had left. "And did you think I wouldn't find out you were gone? Did you think I was never going to speak to you again? Fuck, Rachel...I discovered that you were gone _one hour_ before I was supposed to get married. Did you think you'd slip away without my noticing?"

"You ignored me for two weeks, Noah. I honestly didn't think you'd care. Do you know what that did to me?"

Puck walked toward Rachel, gripping her forearm with his fingers. "Do you know what it felt like to realize, in an instant, that I'd just ruined things with the _one woman_ who ever really cared about me and accepted me for who I was? Rachel, not calling you back was a cowardly, asshole thing to do…but I didn't know what the fuck to do! I was supposed to be getting married but suddenly, _you _were the only thing I could think about. _You. _But I'd made a commitment to Kim and I was freaking out about what had happened between us and…._fuck,_ Rachel. It was the worst two weeks of my life. I thought about you constantly. I couldn't sleep. _Fuck, _I could barely breathe. And I didn't think I could ever feel as bad as I did then…until I realized you were gone and then it _really _went to shit."

Puck studied Rachel's face, which was downcast and staring at the hand he had on her arm. He watched a fresh tear track down her cheek and his fingers itched to brush it away but instead, he didn't move. He didn't want to startle her. He just wanted her to _understand. _

Puck moved his hand up to her shoulder, gentling his touch. "I hate myself for hurting you and for making you think you had to leave Ohio just to be free of me. But you want to know what the crazy part of all this is?"

Rachel looked up, her wet eyes questioning.

"Maybe all this…this _horrible _mess…had to happen for us to be here now. Maybe we had to be _there_ to get _here. _Obviously, I've been attracted to you since we were teenagers but I didn't want to fuck up our friendship, either, and I'm sure I would have because I fuck up everything I touch. But when you started to pull away, and I realize now it was because you were trying to protect yourself, I freaked out. I couldn't lose you, Rachel. So I came over that night… and _goddammit_, being with you was…shit, it was awesome. I know I loused it up at the end but please understand that it was because I was so scared. We were _hot_ together and it freaked me out! And then, once you were gone, I realized that Kim was just a stand-in for you. She _looked_ like you, for fuck's sake! After you left, I went to Mexico for a week to get drunk and forget what happened. I felt like shit for treating Kim so poorly but what really killed me - what fucking _gutted_ me inside - was that you were gone and I didn't know where you were. It tore me up that you thought cutting me out of your life was the only option. All those weeks where I didn't know where you were, I couldn't think about anything else, Rachel. I was _useless_! I missed you so fucking much that I almost gave up living a couple of times. The only thing that kept me going was the idea that I had to find you. So maybe it took me a while, and maybe you _had _to leave for me to realize exactly what you meant to me. I'm sorry that I had to hurt you in the process but dammit Rachel, somewhere along the way, in the middle of the huge clusterfuck that I had created, I realized that I _love you_. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you."

Rachel's body shook, listening to Puck's words as he poured out his heart in the middle of Elliott Bay. The Seattle skyline was forgotten. All that mattered were his words.

"Noah, I…"

Puck cut her off. "Do you still love me, Rachel? I have to know…despite everything I've done…do you still love me?"

Rachel closed her eyes, a cold chill running down her body. _Tell him, Rachel. Tell him now. _

Puck brought his hand up to Rachel's face and put it on her cheek, cupping her face and brushing his thumb back and forth across her cheekbone, his touch feather-light. "If you still love me, Rachel, even just a tiny bit, _please_ tell me. I can't go on like this...I can't go on wanting you so goddamn much that I can't sleep at night. If you don't feel the same way anymore, just tell me."

Rachel brushed another tear from her cheek and stepped out of Puck's grasp, walking toward the ferry railing. Staring out at the water, she shook her head. "I would love to tell you that I got over you quickly. It would be so easy to tell you that you're nothing more than a part of my past." Turning around, she leaned back against the ferry railing, propping her arms up behind her in a relaxed pose before she continued the most important sentence she had ever said to Noah Puckerman. "But the truth is, I never stopped, Noah. I tried… I thought moving here would help me get away and forget you." Locking his gaze to hers, she smiled even as another tear leaked from her eye. "But do I still love you? Yes, I do."

Puck exhaled the breath that had been trapped in his lungs, relief nearly sending him staggering. Stalking forward, his arms around her waist in a flash. "Then why the fuck are we fighting? Why the hell have we been going round and round for weeks?" he whispered, his lips just centimeters from hers.

"Because we had a lot that we needed to say. Because I…_we_…were both hurting. Because we're both stubborn and bull-headed and we've been really good at hurting each other for a while, apparently," Rachel offered, closing the gap between the two of them and pressing her lips to his. His arms tightened around her waist and she shuddered at his touch.

As the ferry pulled back up to the dock, Puck and Rachel stood in a strong embrace. Her head was against his chest, her eyes closed. His arms were tight around her, his head leaning atop hers, as he held her against him. The rest of the world had ceased to be.

"So…what the fuck do we do now?" Puck's voice was soft as he chuckled into her hair. Puck felt Rachel shrug in his embrace.

"I have _no_ idea."

He sighed, pulling her tighter to him. "I'm sorry about everything."

Rachel pulled back to stare into his eyes. Bringing her hand to his face, she caressed his cheekbone. "No more apologies, okay, Noah?"

Puck nodded, groaning as he bent to kiss her again. They didn't separate until the boat was safely back at the port. Grinning like an idiot, Puck escorted Rachel from the ferry and back onto the dock, where he held her tightly against his body, kissing her mouth and running his lips down her jaw and neckline over and over again, as they waited for a cab.

The ride back to their apartment building was quiet. Puck kept his arm around Rachel and her body flush against his, his lips close to her temple. She'd expected him to use his charm and begin seducing her but shockingly, he didn't. Instead, he closed his eyes as he held tight to her and sighed. _Finally. About fucking time, too._ Rachel sank into his strong embrace. _This is totally surreal. Noah and me. Finally._

They were back to the apartment building in no time and Rachel felt herself sadden at the idea that this day – this wonderful day – was over. Standing outside her door, Puck pressed her against it and pulled her body to his, aligning her curves in all the right places against his body. He slowly dipped his head, softly kissing her, before pulling away to breathe and then diving back in more forcefully. His hands snaked into her hair and forced the kisses even deeper. Rachel's knees went weak from the onslaught of his intense passion. When he pulled away a few minutes later, he was hard with need for her. Fighting the urge to do what he would normally do and invite himself inside for the night (because he was trying _not_ to screw it up this time), he backed way from her. With a final peck on her forehead, he whispered, "I'll see you tomorrow."

She watched him walk down the hall and disappear around the corner before she closed the door behind her. Her hands were trembling and she couldn't stop smiling. _S_he went into the bedroom and changed into her nightgown, humming to herself as she attempted to wipe the grin from her face. She was far too keyed up to go to sleep so instead, she went back into the living room. Sitting down on the couch, she listened to his footsteps above her. _Admit it, Rachel, you want to be up there with him. You're aching to be up there with him. _

Upstairs, Puck paced back and forth. _Just go back down there, man. You know you want to. You want her. You need her. You've finally got her... Go to her!_

Down in Rachel's apartment, she listened to him move around the apartment noticed that he seemed restless. After a few minutes, she thought she heard his apartment door close softly. _He's coming back! _

Heart pounding, she launched herself from the couch and ran to her door to peek through the peephole. A few seconds later, he entered her vision as he knocked on her door.

Jerking it open, she stared at him. Puck's arms went around her waist in an instant as he yanked her against him, kissing her with such a sense of urgency that her head began to swim. Slowly nudging her with his knees, he backed her into the dark apartment. When the back of her thighs hit the couch, he pulled his lips from hers and hovered them above her ear. "Babe, if you let me, I'd like to get a re-do on that night. And I _swear_, I'll get it right this time."

Rachel nipped his lips with her teeth, tugging his mouth down towards hers again. "I'll give you one more shot, Puckerman. Don't mess it up."

With an animalistic grunt heavy with months of need for her, Puck took possession of Rachel's mouth again as his hands dropped to the buttons of her nightgown. It was going to be a long night...

**

* * *

A/N: Next? SMUT! And fluff....**


	21. Everything

**A/N: Chapter Title: "Everything" by Lifehouse (my new obsession other than The Script).**

**Warning: Puckleberry smut – Seattle edition, right ahead!**

* * *

"I tried to wait, Rach, I swear I did," Puck whispered near Rachel's ear as his hands swiftly slid each button of her shirt through the corresponding hole. "I was going to go upstairs and go to bed." Puck pushed her shirt open, his eyes raking over her breasts and glazing slightly as he watched her nipples pucker. "But then I realized that if we're starting over, _this _night needed to replace _that _night. And you and I should have been here, like _this_, for at least the last three years anyway and I figured—" he paused, bending to nip her lips with his teeth and then softly kiss her, "—that we had a lot to make up for and—" His lips moved down to her jaw, where he brushed his lips against the soft skin that he found there, "—I want you so fucking bad, Rachel. I—" His hands drifted up into her hair, tilting her head back for better access to her lips, "—love you and don't want to spend another minute just _aching_ to touch you if I can actually—" His lips pressed against hers, his tongue sweeping into her mouth and stifling the moan that escaped from low in her throat, "—touch you like this again."

Rachel shook against him. Resisting him, even if he hadn't been saying such wonderful things, was impossible. They'd barely _just_ worked things out but he was _all_ she could think about. From the moment that she'd admitted how she felt on the ferry, _this_ was all she could think about. His touch, his kiss, his words – they were like the final balm over the wounds she'd carried around for months. _Noah—I can't believe you're here…we're here… _

Puck eyes went dark, focusing to watch Rachel's face as he slid his hands over her breasts and down her belly to grasp her hips. Her head lulled back at his soft caresses, the gentle strokes of his hands sending small shivers running through her body. He tugged her to him, his shirt abrading the rigid peaks of her nipples. His head dipped and he took her lips forcefully, claiming them over and over again as his fingertips flitted along her hips, stroking and massaging in small circles. Rachel felt languid in his arms. He was taking the lead and she wanted to simply go with it and give herself over to the feeling of him and her body's reaction to him.

Pulling her against him, Puck maneuvered the two of them around to the plush couch, where just a few months ago, Rachel had kissed him, igniting a fire that had lasting repercussions. Swooping his hands up her arms to settle on her shoulders, he gently pushed her onto the cushions. Rachel leaned back, her chest heaving slightly as her breath hitched in her throat. She had no idea what was coming next and she nearly trembled with anticipation. Puck scrutinized her body as she sat, legs slightly splayed, breathing irregular. The need he'd felt for her for months coursed through his veins, multiplying with every moment that his eyes caressed her. Dropping down next to her, his hand stroked her cheek and she met his eyes.

"That night, I should have been honest and told you that I was there because of how much I was missing you," Puck saw Rachel's eyes turn watery, liquid collecting on her lashes, as he spoke. "I should have told you that I felt like something was missing in my life without you in it." He flicked his tongue out and ran it along the rim of her lips, groaning when she shuddered and reached for his arms. "So I'm telling you now – my life sucks without you. The worst day we ever had together was still better than my very best day without you."

Rachel closed her eyes as she felt a tear slip down her cheek. Puck watched it fall curiously, his eyes settling for a brief moment on her swollen lips before his brow furrowed in concern.

"Why the tears, babe?" His hand slid up and brushed a tear away, slowly rubbing his thumb back and forth over the soft skin of her face.

Rachel smiled at him, the heat and intimacy of his touch scrambling her brain. "Because I never imagined that we'd be here, again, like this."

Puck watched another tear fall. "This is a good thing, right?"

Nodding, Rachel reached up and kissed him. "Of course it is. I've just missed you so much, Noah…"

Puck groaned in relief, reaching for her. "Tell me…"

Pulling her to him, he dipped his head and suckled at her breast, grabbing the nipple between his teeth so hard that Rachel's body instinctively arched toward his mouth. "I'm waiting," he prodded, lips still surrounding her nipple.

Rachel gasped when he latched onto her breast again, forcing herself to concentrate on speaking even as his tongue lashed against her peak. "I missed your voice…and your laugh…and the fact that you never let me take myself too seriously. And without you, as hurt as I was, there was still this huge hole in my heart that nobody could fill but you." As she remembered, another tear dropped from her eyes. "But most of all, I missed the way you smelled. Your scent meant that you were nearby. It was a sign that everything was safe and comfortable and okay…but you were nowhere...and that meant that _nothing_ was okay. But you were everywhere, Noah…everywhere. My thoughts were never far from memories of you." She met his eyes and noticed that they seemed to shine, reflecting the small light above the front door. He quickly took her face in his hands and pulled her into a fiery kiss, emotion threatening to run away with him.

When she shuddered and pulled away to gasp for a breath, Puck leaned his forehead against hers. "I saw you everywhere, Rach. _Every-fucking-where._ It's like you were haunting me. And you were somewhere - I didn't know where - but you're the _only_ thing I wanted… Fuck, Rach, you're the _only thing I need._"

Rachel choked out a cry, pushing herself against him as she fought back the tears. She'd never felt like this before. She wanted him inside her head and inside her heart, even as he worked toward sinking himself inside her body. She needed it _all_. Right now. With _him. _Her hands were suddenly on him, tugging at his shirt and jerking at his belt.

Puck cocked one eyebrow at her quick, demanding movements and then chuckled, pushing himself off the couch to pull his shirt over his head. He undid his belt and shoved his jeans down, stepping out of them, as she reached for his hand. Rachel pulled him back down on the couch and he watched with a heavy gaze as she swung her leg over him, straddling his lap. He bucked his hips up to grind his hardness into her through his thin boxers and her pathetic excuse for panties. _Shit, was she preparing for this? _He smirked for a moment as he gazed at the thin, lacy yellow strip of fabric that kept him from the deepest, hottest part of her body. His mouth felt like sandpaper as his gaze focused on the patch of dark hair beneath the thin lace. _Fuck…so fucking hot. _Rachel moved her hips, rocking herself against him, and Puck pulled his eyes from her crotch and swore loudly as the heat of her passed over his length. His hands settled on the firm cheeks of her behind, kneading and squeezing. Rachel mewled, grinding herself against him again. Puck had to fight the animalistic urge to grab her by the hair and throw her down on the couch to fuck her. He'd had sex countless times in his life. Hell, he'd had sex with _this_ woman before. But this was different. This felt like nothing he'd ever experienced in all his years and all his conquests. This woman…the things she did to his heart, let alone his body, made every touch feel magnified in intensity. Groaning, Puck's hands tightened on her ass as their eyes met. Biting her lower lip in concentration, Rachel took the pads of her fingers and skimmed them along his shoulders and down his arms. Her touch was barely there – hardly a whisper of a touch, but goose bumps popped up across skin and he quaked as a sliver of fire ran through him. Flattening her hands and applying more pressure, she dragged her palms across his shoulders and down his chest. She writhed in his lap, the sensual act of caressing his hard muscles against the skin of her palms causing her to nearly cry out. Touching him, merely running her hands over his body, was enough to light her ablaze. Her body's uncontrolled reaction would scare her if he'd been anyone else. But he was _Noah_, so the desire she had to please him made sense. Puck watched, his mouth agape, as she leaned forward and swiped her tongue across his nipple.

"Fuck, Rachel," he rasped, threading his fingers into her hair along the back of her head. Rachel grinned against his body, sticking her tongue out to flick at his nipple again. Puck tilted her head up to kiss her, pressing her hips down at the same time so that his erection burned into her. Rachel ground herself against him in response, pushing her breasts at him.

"You're a tease," he murmured against her lips. She shook her head from side to side as to disagree with him but then pulled away to resume running her hands over his body.

"You know," she met his eyes as her fingers trailed over the defined muscles of his abdomen, "that I tried to memorize the feel of our body that night. The way it felt under my hands…" Rachel's voice was smooth as her palms slid up and tightened on his biceps. "…and against my skin," Rachel swiped her tongue along his collarbone, inhaling the scent of his that she loved. She slid her tongue up his neck to his jaw, where she gently laid a single kiss. "But I really tried to memorize the way you felt inside me." Puck exhaled loudly at her words, his hands roaming across her back.

"So you remember how fucking amazing it felt?" Puck's hand slid down slowing and settled on her flat stomach. "The way you seemed to fit so perfectly around my cock, like you were fucking _made _just for me?"

Desire violently skittered through Rachel's body, the warmth of his palm, coupled with his erotic words, nearly causing her to fly apart. She quivered in his lap, leaning in to moan into his ear, "Noah, I want you."

Puck throbbed inside his boxers. He felt like he was going to explode from the pressure and aching inside his body. Nudging her off his lap, he pressed her down onto the couch. When she was lying back, he straddled her legs with his and snaked his hand down between her thighs, rubbing his index finger against her fabric-covered clit. Rachel rolled her head to one side, bowing her hips slightly toward his hand.

Leaning down so that Puck's eyes could settle on hers, he muttered, "Fuck, baby, the way you spread yourself open for me and begged me to fuck you? I can't get that image out of my head." He pressed his finger harder against her clit, teasing and circling but never delving below the thin barrier of fabric. "Do you have any idea_ how many fucking times_ I've gotten off to the memory of that?"

"Oh…God…_Noah_," Rachel moaned, the visual imagery of him pleasuring himself to the memories of that night making her skin flaming and feverish.

Puck slowly, torturously, moved his head down toward Rachel as he ground himself against her, pushing her deeper into the couch cushions. "Do you know how many times since I moved here that I've had to stroke myself as I heard you below me in the shower? And I always fucking pictured you _right_ then, pushing yourself against my hand, begging to be fucked." When his mouth was hovering just inches above her lips, he asked, "Do you ever think about it, Rachel?"

Rachel nodded silently, eyes wide and pleading even as her body shuddered at the seduction of his words. _He's trying to kill me_, she thought. She'd never heard him talk like this…never knew how seductive just the very memory of their one night together could be until the heated words slipped from his lips. She bit her lip and arched against his body, eliciting a moan from deep in his throat she rubbed against him.

"What do you think about?" His voice was barely above a whisper as his lips skated over her shoulders and down to nip at her breasts again.

"Fingers…your fingers," she panted. He pressed his finger against her clit again and she whimpered.

"Oh yeah?" He loved the way she trembled when his voice was low and throaty. It made him fucking _insane_ how responsive she was. His hand slid down a few inches farther and he slipped the tip of his pinky finger under the elastic of her panties. "I think about that too…my fingers inside you…how much I fucking wanted you."

Rachel squeaked when she felt his pinky slide through her folds and slip inside her core. _Oh God, Noah…I'm going to explode. _She thrashed her head, the teasing only making her skin burn hotter. She needed _him. _"More," she barked, hips rising off the couch to force even this _tiny_ part of his body inside her deeper. She was going to burst; her skin was going to come apart if he didn't assuage this need _soon._

Puck sat up on his haunches between her spread legs on the couch and watched her curve her body against the teasing of his pinky. _She is so fucking stunning_. She'd always been beautiful…but with her chest flushed, body naked and wanting him, she was the most breathtaking thing he'd ever seen. He slid his hand from her body and she winced, missing even the slightest bit of penetration that his finger had offered. _I can't wait anymore. _He hooked his fingers over the top of her panties and slid them down in one motion. Tossing them on the floor, he stood up and kicked off his boxers. Rachel opened her eyes, allowing them to rake over the muscles of his body and settling on his erection. She shivered, the memory of the slip, the slide, and the pressure of him inside her those few months ago racing through her brain.

"_Noah_," she moaned, eyes closing as she angled her hips off the couch and up towards him in a silent but desperate plea for relief.

"Rachel?" He whispered her name softly, forcing her to open her eyes and look up at him. When her eyes met his, he slid his hand back down between her thighs. Her eyes locked on him, he spread her open, fingers easy gliding through her wetness as he sunk two fingers deep inside her. She bucked violently, crying out. As he stroked her, he lowered himself toward her again and put his mouth back by her ear. "I've thought about this, too, babe. A hundred times. How tight you were around my fingers and how fucking _drenched_ you were because you wanted me." His fingers slowed their exploration, barely moving inside her to the rhythm of some unheard song. "Why, Rachel? Why'd you want me so bad?"

She gazed up at him with wide, lust-filled eyes as she focused solely on the sensation between her legs.

"Tell me, Rachel…why?" He increased his tempo just slightly as her hips bucked against his hand. His fingers curled slightly, teasing and taunting as they barely brushed against the magical spot inside her before pulling away.

"Why, Rach?" He bit his lip. His cock twitched, throbbing to get inside her. _Concentrate, Puckerman…make this worth it for her._ he wanted to hear the words again.

"Rach?" He angled his fingers up, roughly jabbing at her sweet spot. Her knees jerked together and she jumped, nearly screaming from the intensity of his onslaught. _Noah…I want—I need…Please. _

Rachel cried out, pushing herself against his hand over and over again in futile effort to ease the pressure building deep inside her. "Because I loved you…" she bit out, rolling her hips and squeezing around his fingers.

Puck let out a low growl as her words sent a throbbing beat throughout his entire body. Smirking satisfactorily because she'd given the right answer, he shoved his fingers deep and curled them against her G-spot. "Fuck…_yes_ you did…and you still _do_." Dropping his head to her neck, he focused on pistoning his fingers inside her. Puck swore against her skin as she started to tighten around his fingers. His lips brushed against her cheek before settling against her mouth while his fingers continued their expert dance deep inside her, pressing, curling, and prodding. Puck watched her face as she bucked one last time and then came apart, her shoulders and back arching up the couch as she clenched tight around him. She cried out his name and he saw tears leak from her eyes. Rachel fell back against the couch, shaking, as her orgasm shuddered through her.

Quickly, Puck pulled his fingers from her body and roughly spread her legs. Her body still trembling from the orgasm that had rocked it, he pressed his length inside her.

"Fuck, _Rachel_!" he shouted as he felt her ripple around him. She was _impossibly _fucking tight. He gritted his teeth, pressing deeper into her. His hand traveled down her body, grabbing her ankle and lifting her leg up from where it was dangling off the couch. Throwing it over his shoulder, he pushed himself all the way in. Rachel was mewling and rocking into him over and over again. She clenched around him, still coming down off her orgasm, and Puck thought he was going to lose it right then. Closing his eyes and thinking about anything other than the fact that he was buried inside Rachel, he took a deep breath. _Focus, Puckerman. This is your girl. Don't fuck it up and look like an idiot! _With determination, he dropped his eyes to her breasts and began pistoning his hips slowly, drawing himself out until just the head remained inside her before pushing back in. Rachel trembled below him, her hands thrown behind her head as she curved her body up toward him on a down stroke.

"_Goddamn_," he gritted, his eyes fluttering closed at the sensation of her wet core sliding around him. "You are insanely fucking tight…_Rachel,_" he groaned, thrusting inside her roughly. She arched and he let out a low grumble. Shoving in hard again, her eyes popped open and she looked at him. He leered at her, thrusting as deep as he could go with a guttural grunt.

Rachel pushed herself up on her arms, bowing her hips up to him in an invitation to go even deeper still. "_Noah, please, _" she moaned, their eyes still connected.

"Fuck, Rachel…this is…_shit_," Puck wanted to say something amazingly romantic. He wanted to lean down and whisper poetry in her ear. Instead, he could only look at her in amazement and swear in response as she begged for more below him. Puck felt like the breath was being sucked from his lungs as he looked at her. _Finally. _Fucking _finally, she's mine. _They moved together, sliding in tandem, in a rhythm that was slow at first. Rachel's head rolled back and forth as her hands slid up and over his chest, relishing the slickness of his sweaty skin. She was making tiny little squeaky noises in time with his thrusts and he groaned, trying to ignore the hot little sounds coming from her throat. When Rachel slid her leg off his shoulder and down his back, raising her other leg to wrap around his waist, she pulled him down on top of her and thrust herself upwards, her nipples brushing against his chest. He groaned, feeling his balls start to tighten, and picked up the pace of his thrusting. He snaked his hands between them, his finger massaging the spot just above and to the left of her clit. He felt her tighten and grow even wetter around his shaft and knew she was about to come again. He'd wanted to make love to her for hours but knew he only had seconds left. _I'll make it up to her later_, he thought as he thrust himself all the way inside her core. He held it there just for a second, focusing solely on the fiery heat surrounding him, and Rachel let out a moan of complaint. Looking down, he saw her brow furrowed in frustration at the lack of friction. When her eyes were on him, he slid slowly back out before jerking his hips hard, slamming back in to her.

"Noah…almost…._ohhhh,_" she cried, pressure building inside her quickly.

"Rachel…_baby_…_fucking cum_, Rachel," he pleaded, his orgasm beginning its race through his body.

She shuddered, his words the final push to send her spiraling towards bliss. Rocking against him one last time, she flooded him with wetness as she convulsed around him. Her inner walls caressing and squeezing him, Puck gave up the fight, emptying himself inside her with a final thrust.

Dropping down against her, he licked the sweat from her collarbone and then slid his mouth up to kiss her. She was panting, her heart racing, at the incredible feeling of him still throbbing inside her.

They lay on the couch, a tangle of sweaty limbs, panting quietly for a few minutes. When Rachel felt like she could move even the smallest of her muscles again, she whispered, "Noah?" Her hands slid around to lock behind his neck as she waited for his response.

"Yeah, babe?" He answered quietly against her shoulder.

"I love you…and that was _fabulous._"

Puck chuckled, sliding his arms around her waist and pulling her against him while trying not to crush her with his weight. "I love you, too…and that was fucking _incredible_."

He held her for a moment, inhaling the scent of her hair, before he realized how weak and tired he was from the long trip around Seattle, the emotional drama that had played out on Elliott Bay, and the unbelievable sex that topped off the day. Unfolding himself from her grasp, he carefully slid himself out of her. Bending to pick her up, he carried her into her dark bedroom like she weighed nothing at all. He sat her down on the floor and yanked back the covers, then picked her up again before depositing her damp body against the sheets.

Once Rachel crawled into her spot on the bed, Puck crawled in after her and flipped the covers over both of them, pulling her flush against him. His arm around her shoulders, she rested her head in the crook of his arm, sighing comfortably. Her hand snaked down to his belly, where she laced their fingers together.

They lay silently for a few minutes and then he turned his head to kiss her softly. Pulling away, he said, "This is how that night _shoulda_ went, had I had my head on straight."

Rachel nodded. "We've got to put it in the past, Noah. I've held on to anger and hurt long enough. And really, if you love me and I love you, why are we apart? I'm tired of fighting against the one thing I want in this world." Meeting his eyes, she added, "And that's _you_, by the way."

Puck grinned, pressing his lips against her forehead. "I don't deserve your forgiveness but I'm gonna take it. I'm one lucky bastard, Rach."

Rachel yawned, her body sinking further into the bed as her muscles eased. With a sleepy laugh, she said, "I know you are."

They were quiet for a few more minutes. Puck's hand stroked up and down Rachel's side, his fingertips leaving a trail of goose bumps in their wake. _She feels so fucking great in my arms…like she should have been here all along. _

"Rach?" His voice was a whisper because he knew she was slipping into sleep.

"Yes?" She murmured.

"You know this is it, don't you?" He turned his head to speak to her, his lips just centimeters from the top of her head.

"It?" She questioned softly.

"Yeah…you and me. _It._ As in no one else…ever again."

Rachel nodded against his arm, her face turning towards his. Opening her eyes wide despite the fact that she was exhausted, she met his gaze and felt tears forming again. "Do you know how long I've wanted to hear that?"

Puck sighed, rolling to press his lips to her savagely, emotion sparking through him. _This is it. She is it. No one else. Ever. Everything right here._ "Too fucking long, and I'm sorry," he murmured as they parted.

"I told you, Noah. No more apologies." She pushed herself up and brushed her lips against his. Sighing, she dropped her head back down and yawned again. _He's really mine now. No more pretending _not _to care and no more sharing. No more anger and no more hurt. He's mine. Mine._

"G'night, Rach. I'll wake you up in two hours for…more."

Rachel snorted softly, not opening her eyes, and pulled the blanket up to their chins. "I only need an hour."

Puck watched her drift to sleep, a smile on her lips. He pulled her tighter to him and inhaled the scent of her hair. Rachel shifted, rolling on her side and throwing an arm across his abdomen. Her hand settling over his heart as her breath evened out in slumber, he finally closed his eyes. _I took the long, winding road but I'm finally exactly where I'm supposed to be._

**

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A/N: Last chapter, comin' up next!**


	22. All That I'm Asking For

**A/N: Chapter title - "All That I'm Asking For" by Lifehouse. It's off the deluxe edition of their new Smoke & Mirrors CD. Seriously, go listen to this song. Like, do it **_**now**_**. It's **_**so **_**beautiful and it's my absolute favorite song right now (it's been on continuous loop while I wrote the last couple chapters of this story because it fits the story so freakin' perfectly that it's scary.)**

_**

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EPILOGUE**_

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The wind blew past Puck as he walked along the beach, swirling the smell of the ocean around him and lifting his shirt up slightly. The sun was beginning to set but the shallow parts of the ocean were still full of swimmers and snorkelers trying to get in the last bit of recreation before night fell. Puck strolled for a few minutes, glancing between the water and the sand as he looked for a particular spot on the beach. He paused momentarily to watch two small children fight over a sandcastle before chuckling and moving on toward his destination. The dilapidated awning of one hotel jogged Puck's memory and he realized that it was the one he'd stayed in the last time he was there. _So I'm getting close_. The sand squished up between his toes, sticking to his bare feet and ankles, as he continued to walk. Finally finding the familiar spot he'd been seeking out, he dropped down and sat in the sand. Pulling one leg up, he propped his arm over the knee, leaning back with his weight on the other arm. As his hand sunk into the warm sand, he closed his eyes and turned his face toward the waning sunlight.

_Where the fuck is Rachel?_

He reclined slightly, eyes still closed, and thought about his need to return to this _exact_ spot on the beach. This is where he'd made the decision to find Rachel. It was where he first really realized that life without her was not possible. He liked to think that this spot represented the ending of his _old_ life.

Puck opened one eye at the sound of a bird cawing nearby. Closing his eyes again, he smirked at the fact that just fourteen months ago, he'd been sitting there feeling exhausted. _Kinda like now_. And he'd been wondering where Rachel was _then_, too.

As the sun sank further, Puck stretched out completely, flipped to one side, and propped his head up. He dragged his finger through the sand, making indiscriminate designs with the pad of his index finger over and over again.

_Seriously, where the hell is Rachel?_

Down the beach, Puck saw one of the hotel workers walking along the edge of the sand, lighting tiki torches for those who wanted to spend the evening along the beach. It sounded like a fucking great idea to him – watching the darkness settle over Cozumel in the sand.

"Noah?"

Puck turned his head and grinned at Rachel's voice.

"Hey, babe…took you long enough. C'mere." Puck motioned for her and she walked around him, dropping down beside him in the sand. She settled her flowing, summery pink dress around her legs as he sat up, dropping his arm across her shoulder.

They sat in pleasant silence for a few minutes, watching as the last rays of the sun disappeared and darkness overtook them.

Rachel sighed dreamily, laying her head on Puck's shoulder. "It's really gorgeous here. I think I could stay here forever."

Puck quickly popped a kiss to the crown of hear head and pulled her closer to him as he watched wave after wave crash into the beach.

"It's much better this time around. The last time I was here fuckin' sucked. I think that's the main reason I wanted to come back…to make it right. Can't live my whole life thinking Cozumel is a total shithole."

Turning to look at him, Rachel presented him with the Puckerman trademark of one raised eyebrow. "How could you _possibly_ think this place was bad? It's breathtaking."

Puck shrugged. "Last time I was here was under _very _different circumstances, you know. I'd just jilted _her_ and _you_ were nowhere to be found. The only parts of Cozumel I ever saw were the liquor store, the hotel restaurant, my room, and this very spot on the beach."

Rachel looked down at the sand, as if searching for some sign that he'd been there before. "Why'd you come to this spot?"

Puck let out a small, throaty laugh. "It was right before I left to go back to Cincinnati. I'd decided I was going to find you, somehow, while I was here. I hadn't figured _shit_ out yet except for the fact that you were gone and I wasn't sure I could live without you."

Rachel shivered, more from his words than from the cooling breezes blowing in from over the ocean. Stretching her neck, she gently laid a kiss upon his jawline.

"I love you," she whispered to him before dropping her head back onto his shoulder.

"I love you, too, babe." Puck slid his hand down into the sand and laid it atop Rachel's, intertwining their sandy fingers.

For a few minutes, they watched the beachgoers. Families with children, couples like themselves, and a few lone wolves here or there all scurried back towards their respective hotels as nightfall totally overtook Cozumel.

"So did you get all the phone calls made?"

Rachel sighed, nodding against his shoulder.

"I thought your mother would _never_ let me off the phone. She wanted to know about the flight and Customs and the hotel and the food and if we'd had painful gastric explosions from drinking the water yet. She asked me if I'd met any exotic men since our arrival. I informed her that we'd only been in Mexico twelve hours and had spent most of that time sleeping, so we hadn't really seen much of it yet."

Puck snickered at her choice of words. _Sleeping. Riiiiiiiight._

"Anyway, I assured her we would only drink bottled water. And I had to promise to bring something back for her and your sister. Oh, and to take as many pictures as possible. Oh, and if we could grab her some seashells because she'd love to have a few for her coffee table."

A rumbling laugh left Puck's throat. "Did she request anything else?"

Rachel thought for a moment, cocking her head and biting her lip. "Not yet, but I'm sure she will. And that's why _you're _making the next call. I've done my job for this trip!"

Puck smiled into Rachel's hair. "You're right. I'll make the next call. It's only fair. Did you talk to your dad?"

"Yes. He's back in Ohio now. Glad to be home, I think. He flew back with your mom, as you know, so I think he was more than a little exhausted. According to him, she…uhh…had a "disagreement" with the stewardess and sent most of the flight glaring at the woman whenever she walked past."

"Poor guy." Puck had sympathy. A flight of any length with his mother was painful. But from Cleveland to Seattle with a layover in between? Fred deserved a fucking medal. Or may a cash prize.

"Talk to anybody else? You were gone long enough."

"I called Tina. She's _still _in Seattle!" Puck looked down at Rachel quizzically, considering Tina had explicitly told both of them that she could only stay for two days. Rachel caught Puck's look and agreed. "I know, right? Well, she called the school and requested a few extra days off. Apparently, her plans changed."

Puck watched a smile play across Rachel's lips. "A_nnnnn_d?" he prodded.

"You know how I pointed out how flirty she and Nick were being at the reception?"

Puck nodded, thinking back to Tina's short silver dress and sexy heels. She'd looked hotter than he'd ever seen her and he'd known her for half his life. So he wasn't surprised when he'd noticed Nick checking her out several times over the course of the evening. He was even less surprised when he caught them dancing and Nick's hand was on her ass.

"Nick looked like he was into her that night," Puck offered.

Rachel snickered at his choice of words. "Well apparently, he's been _into _her in the biblical sense for nearly the past day…like the _minute_ we left the reception, she hopped in the sack with him."

Puck's eyes widened, meeting Rachel's gaze, and then let out a belly laugh that mixed in the Cozumel breeze with Rachel's giggle. He watched the twinkle in her eye and could tell she was happy with the developments between their friends. Moving his hand to cup Rachel's face, he turned it towards her and brushed his lips against hers gently at first before kissing her more deeply. Pulling away, she put her head back on his shoulder as they stared out at the now-black ocean.

"I'm glad they hit off," Puck offered. "Re-introducing them was the least we could do after what all they did for us."

Rachel nodded her head in agreement. "Don't I know it? If it wasn't for first Tina and then Nick, I'm not sure we'd be here now."

"Fuck, babe, as stubborn as you are? If it weren't for the two of them, I'd probably be a homeless drunk in Cincinnati by now, still wondering where the fuck you were. Because, honestly, without Tina, I'd _never_ have figured out you were in _fucking_ Seattle!"

"And I'd still be angry and pretending that I didn't love you," Rachel thought, remembering the sadness that had ruled both their lives for months. "But that's why people who saw that we were being difficult stepped in and helped make a difference."

"That's what awesome friends are for," Puck said, thinking about the friendship that had developed between Nick and him in the past year. Once Puck realized that Nick was no threat to his relationship with Rachel, he'd actually found a great friend in him. They played basketball a couple times a week and went out for a beer every once in a while. And Tina, even from Ohio, had proven to be a wonderful friend to Rachel. She never hesitated to call Rachel out on her shit (which came in handy the first time Rachel and Puck got into a huge fight after officially getting together. He still owed Tina for _that_ help she'd given him.) They'd be lost without the two of them.

Another breeze rolled across the ocean waves and Rachel shivered again.

"C'mon, babe. Let's go back to the hotel, grab some dinner, and try out that hot tub."

Puck stood up, pulling Rachel up after him, and yanked her toward him. His arms snaked around her waist and he pressed his lower body against hers, grinding into her.

Rachel swatted at him. "Noah, don't be lewd! We're in public!"

Pressing himself against her again, he whispered, "Nobody's around, babe." Rachel shot him a withering glare so he relented, letting her go. Throwing an arm around her shoulder, they strolled back the way they'd come. "I'm glad you're here with me this time," he said softly. "Cozumel is a helluva lot better with my wife as a companion instead of Jack Daniels."

Rachel stopped walking to push up on her toes and press a kiss against his neck. "Let's go try out that hot tub first, Noah. Room service can feed us any time."

Puck growled, nipping her lip with his teeth. "I _fucking_ love the way that brain of yours works." Grabbing her hand, the two continued their retreat from the beach. Rachel locked her fingers with Noah's as they walked. She could feel his wedding band pressing into her fingers and it made that mega-watt smile take over her face. They'd been married for two days now. They'd had a very tiny wedding on the ferry in Elliott Bay. They'd both agreed that the ferry was the most fitting place because it was, after all, where everything had come out and where they finally admitted that they needed each other. Puck's mom and sister, Rachel's father, and Tina and Nick were in attendance. Later that evening, they'd held a small reception with many of Puck's co-workers, Rachel's cast mates from her current production, and Mrs. Bernbaum all in attendance. Mrs. Bernbaum spent the evening telling anyone who would listen that she set Rachel and Puck up, completely ignoring the fact that they'd known each other for years. They both had a soft spot for their batty old neighbor, even if she did drive them crazy and had interrupted some hot sex on more than one occasion by knocking on the door.

Once they made it back to the Honeymoon Cottage, which sat on a secluded spot of beach near the main hotel, Puck unlocked the door and pushed it open to let Rachel walk in first. Snagging her around the waist again, he kissed her shoulder and stealthily reached behind her to untie the back of her dress, sending it plummeting to the ground. Rachel shrieked, jumping away from the door to hide her nakedness. With an audible groan, Puck realized Rachel had been sans panties and was now walking toward the hot tub naked. Puck quickly locked the door, pulling his shirt over his head as his eyes tracked her every movement. Rachel glanced over her shoulder, batting her eyelashes at him, and Puck felt himself instantly get hard. _I fucking_ worship_ that woman. _Walking up behind her, he slid his hands around her and palmed her breasts in his hands. Flicking her nipples with the tips of his fingers, he peppered her neck and shoulder with kisses. Rachel moaned, leaning back into his broad chest, melting in to his embrace.

When the jets of the tub were going, Puck let go of Rachel and pushed boxers down before turning to look at Rachel. His eyes roved over her naked body, then he quickly captured her lips, suppressing her moan in his mouth. He guided her body toward the tub and stepped in, pulling her in after him. Settling her on his lap, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her forehead to his.

"Thank you for bringing me here, Noah," Rachel whispered. "It's amazing." Puck nodded at her and licked a drop of water from her collarbone, his hands sliding down into the water between them. When his thumb pressed against her clit, Rachel whimpered against him. His thumb made soft, sweeping circles around her sensitized bud until she trembled against him. He chuckled at her heated response as his hands settled on her hips, lifting her up just enough to slide himself inside her. Groaning, he pushed her down on him and they both shuddered when he was sheathed fully inside her.

Puck guided Rachel's hips up and down, sliding his length in and out of her with lazy, unhurried strokes as his lips and tongue stroked her neck, her shoulders, the tops of her breasts – everywhere he could reach. They had all the time in the world and he intended to enjoy every moment. Her hips rose and fell at an achingly slow pace. Rachel's hands were in Noah's hair, her arms resting on his shoulders, as she closed her eyes and concentrated on the exquisite feeling of him moving inside her. Wet fingertips danced up and down her spine, leaving cold trails of water across her body.

Puck's sopping hands slid up into Rachel's hair, where he fisted her tresses and pulled her lips down to his. Rachel cried out as his fierce kiss assaulted her already heated senses and she ground herself against him. The water from his hands and arms dripped down onto her body, running over her puckered nipples. As her movements became quicker and more frantic, Puck locked his eyes with Rachel's.

"Love you," he whispered, his lips slipping to bite down her nipple, erect and dripping from the water. Mewling loudly, Rachel's eyes fell closed as the familiar burn or desire that only _he_ could cause began to race through her.

"Love you, too," she whimpered as her core pulsed around him. As he felt her throbbing muscles squeezing and caressing him, Puck arched his hips up, driving himself deep inside her, and let himself go with a grunt as his release sucked the wind from his lungs.

Both shaking, the couple leaned against one another as the warm jets continued to swirl around their fulfilled bodies. Puck gently kissed Rachel's lips again and then slowly slid himself out of her. Standing up, he hopped out of the tub and toweled himself off. Rachel watched appreciatively as he rubbed the towel over his naked body. She _never _got tired of looking at the body he worked so hard to keep in excellent physical shape. Puck motioned for her to come to him so she stood up next and he helped her out and then tenderly, almost reverently, toweled her body dry. Her eyes drifted closed and her head lulled back at his light, soft touches. With a quick dip of his head to nip at her breast with his lips, he grabbed a big fluffy robe, holding it open so that Rachel could slip into it.

They walked over to the table together and Puck pulled out the room service menu. As they perused it, Rachel slid her hand into his. Puck's eyes never looked up from the paper as he squeezed her hand in his.

"Noah, your mother _did _ask for us to bring her back one more thing."

"Oh yeah?" What else did she want?" Puck's eyes zeroed in on the T-bone steak. He was _starved. _Sexing up his wife _three _times already today had totally drained him, he thought with a satisfied leer.

"To quote her exactly, 'A cute, dark haired, green-eyed Jewish grandbaby.' Oh, and it must have my talent and your cheekbones."

Puck sputtered at her words, the menu fluttering from his grip as his head swiveled toward Rachel. "Wh…what'd you tell her?"

Rachel laughed, smacking him in the arm. "I told her I'd just refilled my birth control pills and to ask us again on our third anniversary."

Puck closed his eyes, exhaling loudly. "Thank _fuck. _I knew from the second I proposed that she'd be hounding for grandkids but seriously? We're on our fucking honeymoon!" Puck reached for Rachel, his hand settling on her ass and squeezing the firm globe roughly in his hand. Rachel's eyes widened as he pulled her to him and bent his head down toward her ear. "And honeymoon sex _ain't_ about baby-makin'," he said with a lecherous grin.

Rachel laughed, lifting her head to kiss him. When he withdrew, she raised their joined hands to kiss his ring finger. Puck watched her lips move smoothly over his ring and felt his heart clench at the gentle, intimate act. The love she had for him, even all those months after everything between them was finally out in the open, never ceased to amaze him. He still felt like he didn't deserve it half the time but she was _his_ and that? That made his life _fucking perfect. _

Pealing his eyes from his bride and turning back to the menu, he asked, "So what do you want to eat, Rach? Seriously, pick something."

Rachel's eyes skimmed over the menu. "I don't know, Noah. Nothing really looks good."

Puck's stomach chose that moment to growl. "_Fuck_, we gotta eat. We can't do stuff like _that _again," he nodded his head toward the hot tub, "until I get some food in my stomach. Keeping you satisfied takes energy, ya know. Pick something, _please_."

Rachel rolled her eyes at his dramatic plea because they both knew that _he_ was the one with an infinite sexual appetite. Sighing, she pointed at an item on the menu and Puck picked up the phone. Rachel went to stretch out on the chaise while she waited for him to order. As she reclined against the big, plush chair, she looked over at him. He mouthed that he was "on hold" and rolled his eyes. She blew him a kiss before settling into the cushions of the plush couch and sighing contently. If she were any happier, she was afraid she would burst. She fell in love with Noah years ago but at _that_ moment, she'd never loved him more. And she knew that, ten minutes from now, she'd love him even more still. That's just the way it seemed to work for her. Even when he was an asshole – which was quite frequently because he _was_ Noah, after all, and a leopard can't change its spots – she still loved him so much that she felt breathless. For a moment, she wondered what everyone from the their days back at William McKinley High School would say if they knew that Miss Priss future starlet Rachel Berry had married badass manwhore jock Noah Puckerman. _They'd definitely be surprised, that's for sure._

Once Puck was finally done ordering, he hung up the phone and joined her on the chaise. Pulling her into his lap, he kissed her slowly, coaxing her lips open to allow his tongue inside. His hand slid inside her robe, his fingers gliding and plucking their way over her breasts. She shivered at the warmth of his touch and pulled he mouth away to kiss his neck. He pulled her tight to him and they both stared out the glass patio door towards the ocean. As they watched the moonlight dance over the waves, Puck's stomach rumbled again and she giggled into his shoulder.

"Hey, babe?" He asked softly.

"Yes, Noah?"

"You think they have an Applebee's here in Cozumel? If they do, we can totally cancel the room service and get dressed."

Rachel rolled her eyes at the mention of his beloved restaurant that _still_ made her stomach revolt. "I hate you, Noah Puckerman," she whispered.

Puck laughed, looping his arms tightly around her and interlocking his fingers. Tucking his head against her shoulder, he spoke into her hair. "Yeah, uh huh, babe, su_rrrr_e. You've loved me for _years_ and you know it."

Rachel nodded her head, unable to disagree with him, as they watched a moonlit Cozumel night play out from their vantage point inside the darkened honeymoon cottage.

Puck sighed in mock defeat. "I guess we have the rest of our lives to eat at Applebee's. So I'll give you this as a freebie. But as soon as we get back to Seattle, we're going."

Rachel lifted her head and looked him in the eye. "Deal. We'll go there as soon as we land." If she had to eat Applebee's every day for the rest of her life, at least he'd be by her side while she did, she'd decided. And that made even the _worst _crap Applebee's could throw at her completely worth it. _Well, that and my huge stockpile of Rolaids,_ she thought wryly with a silent laugh.

He seemed content with her answer and went back to watching the foamy tops of the white waves as they crashed against the beach, his index finger stroking gentle, nonsensical patterns against the back of her hand.

Rachel shifted against Puck, her backside unintentionally rubbing against him. Puck let out an involuntary moan at the contact. With an evil grin, Rachel "accidentally" rubbed against him again, her butt coming into contact with his rapidly hardening shaft.

Puck grabbed Rachel around the waist, flipping them so that he was on top of her. She laughed when he growled, "You're gonna pay for that," and flipped open the bottom of her robe. Glancing up at the clock, he realized that they still had 15 minutes before room service would be there.

He looked down at Rachel, whose lips were already swollen from the events of the day, and then back up at the clock. Groaning, his lips descended on hers for a rough, insistent kiss.

_Totally time for a quickie. _

**

* * *

Final Author's Notes: Thanks to EVERYONE who went on this crazy journey with me. Thanks for all the comments/reviews, story alerts, and favorites. It means a lot to get such an amazing response to a story! And a special thanks to those of you who helped along the way. You know who you are!**

**So usually, at the end of one story, I talk about my next story. I can't do that this time because I don't have one. I'm taking a break from fanfiction to work on an original novel idea that's in my head and won't leave. I will probably do some Puckleberry one-shots/two-shots here or there to help appease my insane love for Noah Puckerman but this is my last multi-chapter fic - at least for a while! **

**On that note – watch my LJ account because I WILL be posting a one-shot in the next few weeks. It was the ORIGINAL sex scene intended for Chapter 21 but it turned out _entirely_ too raunchy for what I was going for so it got scrapped. I saved it, though, and am turning it into a one-shot since Puckleberry smut helps save the whales…or something like that!**


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